her just fucked hair, no sex and essays

 Reflections in the mirror don't look right
see myself smiling everything is quiet
I forget about her absence, The'Whore
I bow down before my master, my Moor
I'm his Desdemona,  on Iago's note
I mean, I'm clarifying, I chocked
there was someone there behind me, "Who's there?"
I called n' heard her, listening scared 

her complexion is modest and so is
her face holding my lips still to a kiss

Opening my eyes lets me come to terms
 A Father without a set of sermons 

She's the daughter of secrets that'er set in stone
Leaves me kissing my mirror alone
it's not that she doesn't want my freedoom
she's on the other side of their kingdome
This looks funny here baby, "you can tell right?"
 she can't she's restless and unable to fight

Fuck faces!

Sit up straight, don't let anyone see you fall
you're growing up soundly, in a parking stall
you know I'll never leave you, I have a car
new Ride beside you is'a soulless scar.
Delivering me from evil to die
to a lifetime of days to defile, sigh!  
such a drunken morning, not noble
a careless adventure that snowballed
she rested and sat up and fell so hard
so hard, on her back, clumsy, pull that card! 
It's a a gamble being classy these days
no one really cares about your patient ways
you're sickly and old, decrepit with mold. 
Siblings are unworthy and lonely and old.
sit up straight and don't let anyone see you fall!

newfoundland! Fisher men!

this is how we do it, I'm bait
I'm sitting around standing up straight
there is the confidence, the poise
there is no one around me, just noise
I have this cousin who hates me'k'
ause I have broken myself on my flaws
There is so much here to strip off
when I'm sick I'm dying, I coughed.
she's aware of my insinuations,
Her indignation, my stain, her cons
I'm ready for justice, I'been wronged
Cause I'm wrong, right? not strong

the worm, on her hatchet, the hook
standing around naked, nothing but look.
Ill drive around wondering,  pulling
The bow is broken quaking, mistaken
I'll have another drink at the bar alone
I'll have another call on my phone.
Fucking bastards are soulless and cold
Her breath mistaken, eyes set in gold
I declare an autopsy to watch the bait unfold.

la go la jela go la! sinnuye hm?

I need to see you coming over before I can put the broiler on high. We're having pizza and I want to have the cheese melted just right. I have an old Pomeranian I want to serve as the main course.
"People don't think that's funny!"
I don't fucking care what people think.
"Well you should, just last night on the evening news they were talking about your work"
What do you mean.
"They were saying that the people you shoot matter!"
Oh! I know that.
"Well maybe you would be worth more if you stepped up to a higher rolling plate?"
Well how do you suggest I do that?
"First thing's first! You have to start fucking some high class bitches"
Oh that sounds like I'm the right guy for the job! Where do I find these high class bitches?
"You look for men with lots of money!"
Fuck, that's horrible.
"What!"
What you just said!
"What? That rich old assholes can't keep it up.
No, that that's where a young man should start.
"There is no where else!"
What do you mean.
"The world isn't getting any bigger, what's out there is almost gone and unless people change this is it!"
Shit! You mean that if I don't fuck some rich bitch right now I won't ever fuck a rich bitch cause ther'll only be like two on the earth and they'll be married to one of the boss' of the planet? 
"You're right on the ball, plus those married bitches who haven't had anything solid in them since high school are awesome...... unless you're looking to fall in love."
Well what if I was?
"Well then you're screwed, you're gonna have to be poor and raise kids in the ditch, unless you got a rich dad. So fucking a loaded cougar is kinda the only option.k?"
k

Radical Itch

I can't imagine traveling across the country in a rickety old car chasing down lightning on prescription speed. But who could? Who cares? How many people do you know have actually tried drugs? How many people deny everything they ever do? Life is filled with flawed individuals. Cocaine is a prominent drug on our municipal campus along with booze, and weed.
We're the new New York these days, everyone is starting to get the hang of it. I've met so many people. There have been so many parties. There is so much to fall into. The best part is I don't have a a date with cocaine. I'm not gonna get high or dunk. I'm going to take off.

This country is the type of place storms end up dropping you off in.  

Verbs! Subjects

It's better that you don't have sex with anyone ever again. It's just better that way. I didn't think that it was this big of a deal till now. Why is that? It's because I have these assignments to do. There is stuff that's just more important. Then sex? Yes.
I am throwing myself into a fire. There is nothing but pain and suffering there. I want to use the hot air like a hot air balloon. I have wings that can act as a balloon like thing.
It's better to stay there then to fall in. The truth is that being human means you're in the flames. We're a unique entity. Our relationship with our goals is driven by a heart of .........
Again the night seems to end with everything I need. The world is connecting possibility all the time. Existence is not futile. The world is an amazing experience. We can see things happening for miles away.

Mad Gash

The nights are always getting a little colder! People are always avoiding what they are suppose to be doing. Just trying to pass the time as idly as possible. We all reach out.

 "I want to talk to you" she quoted herself on his Facebook status.
"Was that about me?" he asked non nonchalantly as he was bending over to scratch his ankle. 
"Fuck Jason you need to go to Yogo!" she noticed as he made his way up from the exercise. "When was the last time you worked out?"
"I don't know." He said scratching his head. She looked at him and rubbed his belly. "I kind of liked it when we were just facebok friends." He knew the comment was going to make her recoil.
"What do you mean? What's wrong!' What the hell baby?" She panicked. 
"I feel overwhelmed, you're all over me!" the words fell out of his mouth. She' couldn't believe it!
"What are you saying? Why are you doing this, we just met. I want to do everything you want me to!" The fear was setting inside her. She knew she'd made another mistake.
"I don't know. Not sure if I can do this. I gotta play some video games with Jeff tonight, I really think it's important." The video games made him smile more then she did. She knew that.
"I hate this, you're a fucking liar Joseph!" The slip was a surprise to both of them. He knew him. She just looked at him. The smile on his face made her angry. He could see her face grow white. He became colder. She wanted him so bad. They stood there looking at each other, in the waste land of their union.

He was holding an axe to her, again she let it in.

Queen

I've been in the military for over six years now and there is much I think I could do to make the world a better place. I just have to change perspective, switch sides. I'm a twenty seven year old women that understands how to shoot a gun. I know what I want from life and I'm willing to risk everything to get it.

What is it? What is it that you have? What would it be that you're risking?

Risking? Everything. I have nothing to lose. I've spent most of my adult life attacking the enemies of my nation. I've given myself to my higher ranking officers. I have become nothing.

So you're not risking anything?

No.

So do you think that what you're doing is worth your life?

Yes.

So you think you're going to die?

Yes.

Do you want to die?

No.

Are you willing to kill yourself if you don't succeed?

Yes.

Why?

Because nothing really matters anymore.

You 're right!

Blow my head off.

They get more intimate with each other by the end of the night. It's an obeservation I've made over the years. Watching people. I'm never going to be one of them, not sure if I've come to terms with that but it's a fact. I'm nothing like the people around me. I'm somewhere most of them will never reach. I realized they are more willing to accept what I'm throwing their way if they're not expecting it. They don't expect anything flying at them at the end of a night of drinking, twenty minutes before last call, and an hour and a half before she becomes just another one night stand. I'm always jealous seeing the girls night out crowd. They're the loneliest set of women. Women who go out in groups to be oogled are whorish. They want to get eye fucked and gawked at by random men, then go home to men that don't offer them anything but a dick in the ass and a truck to dive their four little demons into pool of institutionalized crap.
Alberta is going to be my home for some time and I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I'm going to be raising a small person into an adult alone. And in the wild west. There won't be anyone around me that'll be any good to have latched on full time. Least not yet. Hopefully if there ever is, it'll be someone I can have some more kids with. They'll love the little guy I already made with someone else too. 
It's getting latter in my life. I don't feel like it though, but I look older. It sucks cause I'm short, so I can pass for a young adult in lots of situations too, especially when I'm on my skateboard. But that's what's keeping me from getting to the latter part of my evening. The latter part of my life.
I sat an watched a group of these women who go out in groups. They were nurses, I could tell because of the way they talked about their job. They were all so confident, one of them was like "Jonny is such a good guy! Now that I'm twenty nine he's ready to ......

Electric Extra

I always thought she was ugly. I remember sitting around with the other kids on the block talking about ours. Certain kids thought theirs was pretty, "Not mine" I'd say. I didn't really ever feel bad about it. As I grew older the feeling seemed to fade, coming to terms that most kids moms were ugly. Mine wasn't an exception. She came home form work angry and she made me sandwiches and suppers always looking pissed off . My dad just chumped around. Relaxing and never really engaging in anything.
Some of my friends parents fucked. I could tell by watching them. Some of my friends parents kissed. I never saw my parents appear intimate.
 I always wondered why I picked the women that I pick to fall in love with. I'm a fast runner. I'm aggressive and assertive. I'm fit. But my women rarely are. 
"Not mine!" I'd say when someone asks me if my partner is pretty. She isn't I'd have to say. She's sexy. She's a women, of whom you know she reminds me!

a new camera and my old life back

I yelled at him, I was wanting him to buy me a camera. He is suppose to buy me a camera. He didn't though.
"You'll never get yourself out of this rut!" he told me, I just nodded my head and aggreed.
"Yeah! I'll never amount to anything more then you!" I told him, head down and obnoxious. All I could think about was mom watching The Hulk by herself and my son. "Dad! I'm as bad a father as you are. You know why?"
He Looked at me, bewildered. And answered "I wasn't a bad father."
"You were the worst!" I erupted finishing his sentence. "You were the weakest, most worthless mother fucker on our low income block dad!"
"How can you say that?" He demanded, shifting the car back into third, the weather was getting bad.
"Fuck!" I said breathing heavy. "I hate you! You should just let us crash, I just want to hit a poll!" I grabed the wheel of the the 4by4 and pulled us over into another lane, there is no one there.
"What the fuck are you doing" he yelled, terrified.
"I'd fucking kill you dad! You're so God Damn blind man! You're killing yourself anyway! And you're setting the par so low!"
"What do you want form me son!" he asked, pulling the car back into control. "What do you want form me?"

  

re-member

Nothing like having a gigantic brother. My brother is huge and he's smart too. He's been able to fix everything I've ever broke, except Fanny's leash. We've been close most of my life. he's older then me. He' always looking over me, making sure I don't fuck up. The other day we were in my car together, it was snowing so hard. We were cruising up toward down town. It was magnificent. We drove by  a couple of people that had just found themselves in an accident. "We should see if  they're all right!" He told me. "You're such a decent human being brotha!" I shouted

I wished he was just a dream

I could feel myself slipping when I looked at him. He was exactly what I wanted him not to be. It sucked. Everything in my world was changing and he was staying the same. "God you fucking suck!" I yelled, he just looked over at me. We'd been together so long that we were starting to look alike. "I don't understand how you can't see that everything you do can be so much better if you did it for the right reasons. "What?" he asked, that was it. "Is that all you can say? We're here and nothing's changed" I said,  feeling so angry. "I want to help!" He said. "That's what you've said since day one, but you've never done anything" My voice always broke when I tried to confront him in the past, now all I do is yell. "I can't speak to you anymore, I think you're awful." I could tell I hurt him but you know what? I didn't fuckign care. He just kept driving.
We were half way to the mountains when he smirked laughing."We're no where close to where we're going! We still have at least another three hours! Relax, either way!"

"that you love me....."

I want her to be my friend so bad. I can see her next to me. Breathing. "Dude" she say's to me, "What's up? Why you staring at me like that?" I realized I'm gawking. She likes it. I know. I have this thing that she likes. I make her feel beautiful from the inside out. It's because she's gorgeous.  It has nothing to do with her mind either. It's her face. I love her and I want her in my life.
"What?" she screams, making me realize that yet again I'm staring at her. She's gorgeous.  I gather up enough courage to ask her "how long have we known each other?" She didn't have to think long. "Pfft! honey, we met that night, while you were working. You came home and wrote about me!" I was surprised to hear that she read back to that post. "What'd I say about you?"
The fact is I was with someone else that night we first met. I was in love with another girl while we were together. I still love her now, except I don't love her like I loved you. She wasn't good for me. Well, neither were you. That's why we're just going to be friends. I'm good for you though.
"Stop it!" she say's sour facing me, looking miserable. "I know what you're thinking!" she tells me, looking at me innocently. "You're thinking you love me!" it's a taunt. "You know' I love you." I tell her, "and yes baby I am thinking about how much I love you." I didn't want you to know that I was thinking about someone else. 
I knew you were seeing him. I read through your texts. I looked over your messages while you were in the bathroom one of the first days I felt the urge. I didn't care about you after that. "You're face is beautiful baby, I love your legs." I remember telling you that, I just wished I could have liked your feet. I got over the fact that you were cheating on me easily. "i don't want to ever lose you!" was the first thing I said to you after I read those messages. You had sent him pictures of yourself naked. You slept with him, than you slept with me. I didn't want to lose you. I was so alone and in love with a woman that crushed me. You were just right.

Im starting a new blog.

What a demonstrative effort squatting down toward the toilet trying not to piss all over the seat. Fuck. The world is beginning to end and I'm still writing this shitty fucking ball of text that'll erase when the world runs out of power, the data will rot and some other dirty insect race will come eat our remains.
I fall in love everyday. Then I jerk off. I don't drink, or do drugs. But I can still barely stand on my own two feet. Topsy fucking turvy. "That's what she said" people say that shit. It's like trying not to piss on the seat.

I've been eating mini wheats. Eating them straight atta the box. I had this woman who was hooking  me up with unpasteurized milk. It was sweet. Now I'm thinking about the big time, the new west coast. Well at least the one that ends up sticking around after Van falls in the Ocean. There was a storm in New York. Things are getting all climaty. "Hey you mother fuckers out there in Fort Mac and Northern Alberta , try to protect our land." Fuck did you guys notice I was being nice to them. Big oil is going to make our lives better.
I'm pretty sure the mini wheats are genetically engineered. I try not to yell at my dad any more. 

Don't buy into it. What are we being asked to accept?

Fucking buckling down, anchoring. Fuck! Fuck. There is this shit happening all over the planet. But not here. It fucking snowed here. There is so much not happening here. There is so much to thank God for. Fuck. There is so many people who'll stop reading at that.
Who cares. We're all on this drop of water. I bet there'll be more and more earth quacks and It's not because I willed it. Fucking buckling down and anchoring. Is the government gonna outlast me? Probably. I'm not sure if academia will though.  Buckling down in a world just filled with deviance. Mankind is fucked.
The planet's gonna have a ball with us, she's going to throw the human race a party of environmental disasters we'll marvel in from over here on the prairies, where we'll just feel a touch of vibration as the whole west cost falls into the ocean.
They're already talking about it on the news, so when it happens, no one will really care.
There is so much to look at inside the city. We're here to look at it. And we have to grow with it. It's been changing and accommodating itself with the growth and prosperity. it might have accidentally  avoided maintaining it's history..... Kinda. And I don't even really want to talk about it anymore I just want to find a solution. A way to give myself a heritage, so that I can raise my kid in a place he can raise his kid, and so on and so forth.
The world is running out it's visible, schools suck. It's easy to see what we're being asked to accept.   

Embrace that cause it's a fact

The Later it gets the worse I find my head hurts. It's so good tho. The streets are sick. We can fix them. I have a crew and I think I'm ready to let them help me take over the world. Everyone has a vice, now all you need to do is give them that as an advantage. There is so many people in this world that think they are superior. That's good then. What makes someone superior. It's his ability to raise everyone around them up. We're all lucky to sometimes benefit from knowing someone. Sometimes there is people who are suppose to offer so much that don't amount to nothing. Parents, loves, siblings, children, mothers, all that shit. God is' something tho, that definitely lets you down!

Sintax

The computer is so cold for a companion, but we're going to have to get used to it. There hasn't  been much change in my social situation. I thought I had changed, but I haven't. Life is going well. I haven't been writing much, but I should be. The computer is just kind of a virus. I failed an essay. I'm thinking there might be more of that to come. I gotta read one of these books. I've been slacking. Haven't been reading. To lonely, to focused on work. School sucks. I learned a lot.
The laptop gets warmer. It heats up and then this fan comes on. And then it always seems to stay hot and the fan just keeps blasting. There isn't any drugs for that. But I'm sure it's nothing serious. So mac's have viruses? Steve Jobs would love that shit. How many good leadership situations are we being presented with. Computers are nice to use to publish things onto the internet.

bonner

We're not suppose to think about our pleasure. Our pleasure cause's us pain. It's what it is. I think we try to train ourselves to avoid pleasure. I speak to it, "cum snake!" I call. Snakes dwell here, we are on this planet as a vicious but basic serpent.
We're set here to strike out at the heat. But most of us are chocked, forced to strike out and leave. we're vulnerable beggars.  Fucking colder blooded then before. So many people left in frost.
Noble! To die there cold. Most of us do. We're trapped, eating our lives away at a shitty job we hate.
I'm sick of talking to people who tip toe around, "No" they say! "No fighting!" Fuck that. Fight. Debate! Talk smack. This world is a bullied ball of crap. Nature, is a slut, she lets the dirtiest fucker smash. She's a dirty bitch like that.
Fuck! here navy will over throw us tho. She knows we'll blow it before she's done. We're a good ride and the planet earth is a dirty cougar. She invited the dirty devil down, to bang the monkeys and make us. We're portraits of a universal stud, we're here to fuck life. Lol. Life's been around, she's horny.
She can handle shit I guess. She wants it up the ass and in her face. She's roman. She's a Venus, she's a Cleopatra.
But we're married to Octavia, fuck blasting and lusting to burn our hearts out for an Egyptian ..... mmmm! Goddess, a princess that fucks. Lust and Love is so calculated and human. Mark Anthony is a

gets a bad rap! For being a slut!

You know what they really want to do in the long run? They are looking to satisfy his desires so that he settles with them. He picks her over the rest. She needs to be able to drain him to top herself off. Love juice. Fucking love Juice, I can't get enough of that stuff.
There is dozens and dozens of young woman out there that want to end up on top. They want to seduce the boy, then get him to fall for her, then she wants to leave him hanging. That's why that satisfaction is so important. You know the only problem with that is that Shakespeare doesn't agree with this. I mean all the dudes in his plays say that women are sluts. Well I mean lots of male characters hate on chick. Yet honestly there isn't many sluts in his work. I think Shakespeare thinks that chicks are getting a bad rap. So what do they want in the long run? They want a fantasy, a man and a friend. When they're young they want him to support her. Then when she's forty she wants him to ......... be seduced by her.
It's funny the fact that this is a post written for a man, to tell him the same old shit. I wanted to tell you that if I love you like a woman, except if we don't fuck, we might get somewhere, but the chances are that unlike the women in Shakespeare, you might actually be in it to win it. Meaning! I end up looking like the bitch, and lets remember, she  ' 

EPS Swallo's a bad load

A lot of people live their lives pretending they give a shit about the world and that they are doing the best they can for mankind when really they're just a fucking bunch of monkeys. We live on a planet of animals. Man is an incredible thing, when he's not acting like a fucking dog. Now I don't want you to think that I'm writing about you, unless of course you're a stinking pig, or a banker. What the fuck does a banker do? So last night I watched this bum get his ass kicked by these three teenage Edmontonian types, you know ..... stupid, probably fans of hockey. They just fought this bum, the Bums hooker girlfriend backed him up. It was cool to see her jump in the moment one of the other boys decided to stomp on the bums head unfairly. The worst part was the cops caught up to the kids to pat them on the back. They even went as far as to offer the vicious monster, monkey individuals a fast track to Cop school, where you can learn "how to be a burden to society 101". I watched these two cops today, there were ticketing jay walkers since the long weekend was cold and dead. I watched as they reprimanded and fined a homeless guy for stumbling across the street. While the Sasquatch look a like female officer proceeded in making the mans life miserable, I watched as dozens of affluent people also ran across the street. I was reminded about how nasty our society is tonight, when I was stopped at a red light next to a Cadillac SUV. After several seconds waiting for the light to change the driver, a cop look alike, ran the red.

fantasy, lies and the tax breaks for rookies

One of the worst headaches I've had in a long time but one of the best nights in a while. My flashes were acting up. I was using something different then usual.. It annoyed me. Pictures were inconsistent! think it might be something to do with the receivers. It was awful out there. People were fighting. People were acting up. Long week end. I saw this check stop, on 98th ave, it was massive. All you could see was the skyline and 30 patrol cars flashing in front of a "Check stop van" that sat on the bridge. What a shit show. This city is coming back to life. The Boom is coming. I got a text, it was funny I got it as I got home. It was a girl from school. She's someone I've been infatuated with. And she likes me. She is much younger then me, but she's also a single mom with a daughter. Kinda forces me to imagine raising a girl. I can imagine how quickly I would change my attitude about women. This Girl that texted me asked me if I was still on the ave. I told her "yes". I was there as fast as any hack can beat the street to bake pancakes. Eight minutes passed. I was there, and so were they. It was such a dangerous night. They left a group of people that knew me, that saw me pick the most beautiful girls up, to take them home. It quickly became a fantasy. They took me to their house. A home with nothing to fill it but college girl problems. It was a perfect home. Downtown. Fucking prime. One of the girls had just finished fucking a basket ball player in the backyard. She looked beautiful. The one that liked me squeezed every ounce of story out of her. I heard all of it. It wasn't very erotic, it ended quickly. There was another girl there. She was a virgin, innocent, she liked one of the other basket ball players. Form the sounds of it, he was as new to the scene as she was. Fingers were involved, nothing pleasant. They talked about fucking, I was entrenched while the girl that liked me kept drinking. She looked gorgeous. She's hot as hell. She could have any basket ball player. I can't drink with them. We can hear a third roommate fucking downstairs. It's a house filled with women not one older then 22. I couldn't have been able to pursue her, drunk and magnificent, I heard her scold another one of the girls. They all needed attention. I wanted them to talk amongst one another, together, like men. They talked about fucking. I was intimidating, it was cold outside. Their place was a fortress and their sex made me feel as though I am insignificant. I've always been here. Head in flashes.

The Dic Pic a Cultural Phenomena

You thinking they all wanted to find love?... is a joke ha; fuck that they wanted to write about their crazy dates. They all do that shit, it's like bullshit gossip. Fucking blogasphere is trying to put me into it. Hey young hot Christian chick!! You know what there is so much more to life then organized cult religion. I'm fucking Jesus, he fucks chicks in the ass! Laugh out fucking loud. This world is a date! we're all on line. I'm getting five stars!! So now that it's settled nations are going to be built on chicks that met there guy through a dick pick. And fucking Jeanna Marbles, and her fucking dogs. there is more to this, there is something beyond the dick pic. It's a Shakespearean comedy! It appears broken and all the characters are confused on the opposite end, but the connection, the actual intercourse that comes form the machinery of it is destiny. It's beyond us. But it caters to us, because we fulfill a purpose we probably don't or can't yet understand. Being human is so cool, we're a parasite. What happens when a parasite finishes its incubation state..... It fucking grows wings. Canada will be were people grow wings, it'll be a mutation that changes everything. We'll eventually become an insect that can travel through space and as we move forward through time. Out ability to do that really depends if this morsel of a planet has the resources to nurture us to the stat. We are devilish little fucker. Our bitches want to blog about their dates instead of fucking evolving. Get a job, write a blog about saving the fucking planet from the pesticide monarchs we've become. God damn, Dating blogger, I got you fucking pinned! But I'm down with church and shit. and sex on the first date. It has been affirmed, the internet is a taxiride. So on line fucking dating has become a common way of baring the burden of being a fallen fucking human being. So it seems like I alone was the only one that didn't join the site to write about the size of the next guys dick. So far I've been applauded and so has my cultural phenomena

Wild Rose Alberta Porn campaign

Ever been to a party were you didn't belong. yeah! Most of us have and we liked it. We usually want to over stay our welcome, or we want to jet as soon as we've had a couple little complimentary sandwiches and a drink from the free bar. What the fuck is happening to us! Why do we do that to ourselves? Usually, I think it's to make money! I like stepping outside of my boundaries and visiting new places. That's actually my life's goal. To grow every day. Sometimes though, when you get yourself stuck in a world where you don't want to see yourself, what do you do? You leave. You can't grow unless you root somewhere. I think that our race of people has rooted into the planet, we're like this thing and we're sucking the world dry. To have fun. We suck at it. Most of us do it to let a certain few live it the fuck up. I want to live it up. I want to go to all the parties. Then my only problem is going to be that as soon as I have the chance to do it, I'm gonna resent every fucking instant of it. Cause that's the way it works. Humans found a way to evolve their way to the top of the food chain, only to wish they were still monkeys. We suck. I live in the wealthiest community on the planet, I'm going to figure out a way to nurture up my own community of people who believe that they can effect the rest of the world because we are from one of the most powerful areas left on the planet. Canada is the new world leader. It's time for Canadians to realize that, Albertans especially.

Joseph B!

In a world gone wrong JosephBurben has found a way to come straight. There is so many things that seem to be spinning out of control all over the world. Aren't you glad you're from Edmonton! Alberta has a lot going for it. We're the Economic capital of the world, we're driving our National economy forward. What better place to give birth to the new Renaissance, we're born again. The Image reflected to us here represents the gateway to the north, a look toward the vast horizon the holds our great prairies. The world is coming to respect the community I was born into. I want to share my experience with the world. Our city has more to offer the future then any other municipality for decades to come. Edmonton is going to be home of a cultural revolution, I think it's started but the ball needs to get rolling. The Photograph and the reaction it received over the internet has proven that our city is a sight for sore eyes. Our social landscapes are changing and our culture is making a shift, leadership is on the rise. A fundamental thing our community is striving for is sustainability. Alberta is going to put Edmonton on the map as one of the most sustainable cities in the world ....."How?" You might be asking! Well.... With pieces like this picture. The Copy you're staring at is a one of a kind signed print of Edmonton Alberta on July sixth 2011. It want viral almost exactly a year after it was taken. Everyone from Economic development Edmonton to Lululemon were looking to sport it on their front covers. We shared it! No strings attached, well kinda... It's been offered to the world as a piece not for sale but for show, this picture of Edmonton is being "Paid Forward" ... shared, passed around from local business to business gaining the the reputation it deserves. I want it to end up in city hall. My goal for this image that proved to me that Edmonton is one of the most beautiful cities in the world is to auction the work off to big business; it's that business that drives the success of or city. The proceeds are going to go to the Old Strathcona Youth Society! A small non profit organization that tries to create a nurturing environment for kids that may have just spent the night sleeping in our river valley, or who are having a hard time studying for finals because their parents are addicted to meth. I want to buy them cameras! I am dedicated to introducing them to the medium and giving them the opportunity to succeed by reflecting their point of you. I'll start with showing them techniques that'll reflect what's in front of them professionally. I want to nurture my community, I want to see what it is others see in my world. Edmonton is going to be one of the most influential cities on the planet in the future. Let's all join together and change the world.

she snuk me into the club!

SHe was this girl with big tits on the ave. I was sixteen, we where in the Chapters parking lot. One of the doors was always left ajar, it was winter, I had five roast beef sandwiches, we were alone and smoking weed. It was warm in the stair well, it smelt like piss, the dope was good. I was sixteen. I thought her body was going to feel different, I though we'd fit together more easily. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. It felt good when she put me in her mouth, she was older then me. None of this had ever happened to me. "You're a virgin!"she asked her mouth half open her eyes looking up at me. "Yeah," I waited "You're not!" She smiled and went on. "You like it?" I asked, half expecting her to say "No". I didn't know what to expect. She stood up after a while. I was standing there pants round my ankles. She had this black hair, it was long and this red underwear. She was slim and beautiful, heavy chested. "How old are you?" I asked, I wasn't expecting an answer. She took out a condom. "Put it on!" the way she told me to do it kinda scared me. I thought about getting aids. I stood there holding the package, it was good. The fear had scared a little of the life out of me, but I was sixteen and she was a temptress. When her efforts paid off, I put on the condom. She stood up again, I can almost taste the stale smell of smoke in the room. Then she pushed herself against me. My hands reach form behind wrapping around her chest. She reached back behind her and grabbed me. I jumped. she laughed and played with me before she put me inside her. We got dunk after, we drank a 2/6 and ate the Arby's, it kicked ass!

leaky faucet

Over the past several years I've developed a style that I hate. I feel that I haven't really been contributing to myself very much. It's my fault, I though I had something to lose. The fact is I think life is like masturbation, When it's over you fall asleep till the next time. I don't want to fall back asleep. I physically want to, but I would rather not. Lately the thing that bothers me is that everyone falls asleep. No one gets back up to write a blog about why they would rather overcome their desire for slumber and tell the world, "I've gotten off, but I think I'm still on!" Make sense. I met this woman online, she's my age. She asked me to define how I would read her if she were a book. I texted her this, ---How Id read you? Well with my eyes and my hands id open you and have you share yourself with me! I would listen to your voice; I already know you have a good plot, because you ve picked me up!How was I? Cause you re smoking! ..... Will you write me poems too? Poems aren't easy! I d have to flip through your pages carefully reading, running my fingers along the words inside you. I guess I would like to understand you--- I met her online, she texted me. I've never used the internet to meet people, but i'm going to start. Well I've already started. I've already met a woman. Fuck I'm already so in love, except it's with something I can never have. Fucking life is genius. You can't let love hold you down! The girl I texed my sweet verse too didn't get back at me right away! But then I got another text from someone! I shared my picture with her, She's kind. We all are... fucked. The truth is, even though I don't want to say it, we all want to have someone. We all want to touch someone. I would like to be close to a woman! I just got to get rid of this

I'm going to find someone I love by 35

I have a thing for older women, I like them. It's not that I don't like younger chicks it's that older women aren't creepy. I had a girl friend that was twenty two. She was hot and tight, she had this red hair. I loved her but she didn't make me feel masculine. I'm not sure that I am. I don't have a clear understanding of reality other then the fact that everything on the planet is being run by monkey fuckers. I mean monkey fuckers because there is a race of monkeys on earth that look human and woman have their babies. Women set the par..... and they set it low. Fuck ladies there has to be way more abortions going on in the next twenty years. this world is grotesque with troll people monkey fuckers who look human but are just parasites here to consume.

Good men raised by great mothers bleed after becoming fathers

So another night goes by, another fight with you're lover. Life sux! Tell them to eat a dick, tell them that they aren't anything without you. Go snuggle yourself to sleep alone! It's not like you're out there alone at recess. It's not like you got to start all over again. Like you were a rock start in one place and you're just a kid in another. Life flips underneath us and never gives us what we thought we were here to get. The earth gives us more. Nights give us days. Lovers make us hate. Sucking at life is friendly. Losing your loved ones is easy, you just give up and say "I don't care" you gotta say things like, "Fuck, I'd rather be in Hawaii then be a Dad" then ditch the kids and fly away. Most of us are going to do that. Most of us do. Except as we fly away we're able to convince ourselves that it's the best thing for the kids.
Kids have to adjust so much, to shitty schools and crappy teachers, lifeless mothers and non existent God Fathers. I can't imaging having my grand parents here raising me. You're lucky if you can.
Don't judge though.
We gotta keep our selves fit to survive. Except we're being convinced to focus on ourselves to be the best we can be for the future by consuming like a fleet of Mercury locusts. We're disgusting if you really bother to look at us closely, our love is corrosive. I can deal with that though. As long as I can come close and lay next to you. Fuck being alone is simple. It happens when you decided your heart is made of fire and it's vulnerable so you blow it out yourself. then you can judge everyone. All those who're burning up inside and stinking up this world with the stench of tragedy.

Jerk off in front of his Nurse but when does she stop watching!

Penelope do we have to fight about this I want you to write so I can remember who you are not just who you were. And Kourtney, you're never gonna die!
I can remember all my past lovers all the time. Everyone I know seems to let go, not me though. Fuck that Letting go is for losers. I want to feel my hold break with the thrust and the "snap" of my hand being torn off. My fingers bleeding. I shot another party tonight, a very elite bunch of people.... No one wanted to be there, life's a job. I have so many people I want to fuck it hurts. I think the people I fuck kinda like it! I'm good at it. I bet there is people out there that would like to watch me fuck someone. Fuck is such a dirty work. Imagine if fucking was illegal, a cop could walk in on you and say "stop" point "that's against the law" I'd fucking laugh at him and shoot myself.
I think that's the problem we got these days, everything we do is seen. Everything. We can watch people shitting if we want. I bet we can do it even if they don't want us to see, I think that our ability to observe every part of the way humans live their life is almost at 100%. Everyone is used to being looked at, inspected and analyzed. I don't think people know where to stop, but I also don't think that it's their job. I think that the entities looking, the law enforcement and the government, I think they should know where to draw the line. because Imagine this. Imagine getting committed at seventeen and imagine getting watched by the staff 24/7. Imagine being a boy. Imagine needing to jerk off. But they're watching you 24/7. Teenage boys naturally need to tame the dragon, and there is only one way to beat it into submission. What the fuck does that crazy adolescent son of a bitch do!

This a metaphor describing today's society! Ritalin is for children under six for sure!

Italian beauty reminds me of Venus so precious it's wrong!

You win some you lose some! That's the way it goes! There's so much going on in this world that we don't know about, then we look back on and realize that we were hypocrites. I bet you're saying "I've never been a hypocrite before!" well I m telling you to go fuck your self. A typical type of hypocrisy stems from role reversals. When a victim become a bully. It happen when there is a shift in energy or power, one person becomes more aware of reality then another.
I'm thinking about the way I bitch at my dad! He's trying. Just that he's old and slow. I bet I was young and stupid when I was a kid so I should treat em good. But I just want to rush him. Throw him in his place.
I'm trying to make more connection then ever before. I'm doing another readathone.... 24hrs of Shakespeare. I'm also connecting the municipality with ways they can make the nurturing of story telling more accessible to the common Edmontonian!

It's funny that I need to goo to bed!

tsap ypoc

It's easy to forget that you're probably lonely and weird. The problem with forgetting is that when you finally come to terms with not being lonely, you get stuck somewhere alone and you don't know what to do cause you set yourself up to succeed with the help of someone else. There are people that come with you all the way to the point where you're about to get to the other side and that's when they ditch you. They always try to blame you too. They say things like "You're just and ambitious fuck" or "Why do you think you're entitled to that!" When you hear people like that, people who don't understand why they should be entitled to everything you know that they're not entitled to anything.
I'm entitled to being weird and lonely. Everyone one is except people that aren't. you don't question, you don't expose anything unless it tries to diminish you for being yourself. All that is is bullying, and there is a shit load of it. It's everywhere, people are scared of everything and they think they need to reach out to every other resource to get the answer, outside of them selves.
We're creatures of habit. Lots of people are stuck in the past, they don't write blogs and they don't know how important it is to be transparent.Another thing about this habit bullshit is when you're trying to develop a concept you must be repetitive and good. Finding a way to bring old form back is a very highly prized skill in our society

Jenna Marbles is a role model to hookers without self esteem

I need a new pair of skate shoes and I can do it. Today I shot a birthday party. I was at a location I never really shoot at, it was a private party. We drove a limo around the city, the guy having the party was gay and the ride was filled with women. They were all very sexual.
I've been having this problem for years, writing about reality like it was taxitalk. taxitalk was so much easier!
What am I doing now, I have goals. I've found that there is no way to make a living working for others you have to do it working for yourself. School has burdened me with an immense debt, it has done so while also allowing me to better conceptualize where it is we live in the universe.
How do you work for yourself, you meld with you society and begin to introduce what it is you can offer. I can communicate very well and I'm learning to prostitute my way up the food chain. you want to be in a position where you can leverage yourself over the leaders in the industry to make sure you're set to win. Winning is a predictable thing. It's easy to see how to win, conceptualize the perfect scenario where you couldn't lose. Then put the pieces together. Finding talent is hard but it's key. Most people aren't following their dreams. They're trying to harmonize with what society has to offer them by doing exactly the opposite ....
The Strategy comes naturally when you're letting go of yourself for the right reason! Our world is suspiciously hard to talk about honestly! It's because

Krist I 'm times #3 + 1

Spending too much time in the waste paper basket can change your life! Like smelling the essence of a woman a lover that just left you on your pillow or on your blanket as you're going to bed. Not a bid deal once you've had a few right? The essence is the same, it's about you're familiarity with your own essence and how its consistency that changes. You get used to it. You know what it is. Forty year old women want to cum a dozen times, and if they're not in the marriage that ruined them they usually are out taking care of business. I shouldn't be their business. I'm not sure who to meet! I know that sounds funny, but who to focus on. I've never had that. I find each one of them remarkable. I remember there was this one.
I was twelve. We had just left the house I grew up in to my dad, while my mom and I moved to this ghetto apartment building in downtown St Albert. I walked to school from there. That walk was a real mind opening experience. For most of the year it was boring but toward the end I found a partner. Melony was my age, she had been in my class, and I had the biggest crush on her. I walked her home for the latter half of the sixth grade. She had me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her.
We started a band! She got drums! I played the guitar..... we never jammed.
That year I moved to Europe and we lost contact.
Seven months later, I was a thirteen year old boy coming back from a day of school in Poland when my grand mother handed over a letter. We were in the dusty old, open windowed kitchen, my grandma was making chicken soup on the wood stove. I was only just a teenager. I opened the Letter!
Dear Jacob!
It was from Melony, she wanted to inform me that she had been missing me, that she wished she could walk home with me because she liked me the whole time.
I was smitten, I lost the letter and never got back to her again, shit moved on at that point, I was in Europe.

I love everyone who's stroked my ego in all its stature

Who the fuck does is concern. "My family hates me" I remember thinking that shit about my family, remember being 13-22! Yeah They all think the same. About themselves. I remember having a 22 year old lover. She was beautiful and spoiled. I loved her and still do. There was this moment when she was needy and picking at me for being a weak poor lover. She hated being called my lover, she wanted to be my girlfriend, I had just finished getting fucked over by a cougar, a woman that was 14 years my senior. The Cougar was a psychotic mess, and she broke my heart. She smashed my camera at a concert she took me too for my birthday. She was jealous always, she was rich too, she bought me and I let her. I sold her my soul, I even almost let her convince me that I was all hers. The young woman I was seeing after the cougar was never jealous, but she was young and she was angry and she cheated on me.
When she told me she had slept with another man I left her at a bus stop, latter she told me "I never slept with him." She was lying, I took her back. She was beautiful, she probably slept with him because he took her on a date. He spent money on her so she sucked his dick, then lied to me and sucked mine. She was young when I was seeing her, and she was always so angry... she was also 6.2 feet tall and perfect. When she realized that I was used to having a woman that fed me, did my laundry and gave me money for sex she stopped bitching about how crappy I was about at being a shitty boyfriend. I was a lover, I never asked for her soul or for her to sell herself. I always nurtured her, I wanted her to outgrow that anger.
My brother is angry like that, he hates and blames everyone but himself. He's in his 30s. One of my old friends came to visit his family here in Edmonton, he lives in Van and hangs with my brother now. They're friends. He used to be my best friend, but this guy was a drag he is also gorgeous. When I was an unhappy spoiled 13-22 year old I hung out with people who were drags, fucking downers. Downers are angry because they can't see outside of themselves. They don't have to but they should. They don't realize that they're attitude fuels the defeat of everything around them. Always pessimistic. Their attitude draws them together to mutually adore each other and each others bad asshole soul sucking attitude. Those people loved to have me hanging around them, they still do. I bring optimism to all those around me. I don't cheat, I don't lie about being something I'm not! Life sucks and that's ok. If you love me I love you too!

Home(More)Less Center of.....

How many homeless people can read, I wanna do a read athone at the homeless shelter. See how long we can get people to read without stopping. There would be a bunch of very cool moments in time. Bringing people out to read. I think it would be a difficult task to accomplish, unless of course you found a way to enlighten society with it.
Don't you hate it when someone tries to pull a chump card on you. I'm a chump. I've been assigned this project that I'm kind of excited about, I'm going to make klips that help kids learn basic grammar skills. My goal through the process is to master the basic skills myself. I've got it covered, left the notes in the car.
Schools reaching a peak. I've over come many obstacles and I hope to conquer many more in the next semester. I'm doing another readathone. A fucking Shakespeare a thone. It'll be an event, 24hr of unadulterated college kids reading 17th century work that'll be broadcasted to the entire world. Who cares, not the teachers, well not all of them. There is the few diamonds, the gems you collect over the years of falling into debt. I love school! I love society and people and women and men! I think I find myself the most intriguing thing though, it's because almost no can write a legitimate blog around here. Any one with any clout is too fucking scared to lose their position. Corporation treat people like puppets, schools train kids to be puppets, teachers turn kids into puppets. We're fucked, a God damn little sphere philled with this awful species. We're stuck behaving like insects, except we're here to devour life so that it doesn't succeed, it's like our behavior is to kill ourselves. We're the bottom of the barrels. Maybe we're Life gone wild who the fuck knows..... SOmething does! Easy, 100%. We are a corrupted race of innocent creatures. I just don't think that it's people that are to blame. I think that it's something else. It might be an illness! Then maybe we could find a cure. But it seems like we've just stoked the fire, so that's why I figure I should do a read a thone at the

Days away from A-273 Room #346 and it actually starts at home idiot

First day of school for all the kids, remember when you where a kid, remember your first grade teacher? Mine was a demon, she thought I was retarded. She was mean to me and I'm sure I was weird. I never settled down, I always stood out and tried to have things done my own way. My son's going to french school and it's great. I'm going to make sure he's gonna be there on time. That makes me laugh, cause I'm so scared I won't be able to catch up. That's also the most reassuring thing knowing, you're always trying to be at your best. School is a biggie but I've been reading to him. Lot's! Today I tried to keep up with him on my skateboard he was on his bike and my ankle hurt. Fuck! I can only be so aggressive, he's gonna have an endless mountain of energy. He's just this little packed ball of life. It's immense, he'll stare you down and get what he wants. He just wants to be six. It's not fare. It not fare being six and seeing such a perfect world in front of you, it's not fare having your world stolen from you. He's gonna want to have what's his.
I wonder what my grandsons first day of school will consist of. There is a lot of butchers out there, cutting their way engraving their version of Lowood into our society. It's o.k though, he's going to be loved. Love is how we get to know the intricacies of the design.
Love hurts, it gives people tension, causes muscles to bend and grab at one another. It's exciting and gorgeous. First days of school are exciting.
He's gonna come back someone else, someone built to fit in, to survive the machinery of our culture, our sick dirty mill of corruption. It starts at school.

So cum ready to FLASH!

Being experimented on isn't always the worst but it sucks nine times atta ten. We should all know that we're all getting experimented on day in and day out! We let it happen because each of us is aware that no one knows anything. I had to have an escort walk me to the port-a-poty, it kicked ass. She was beautiful. There wasn't many media people at the event. It was a weary place, yet in fact it was the ultimate VIP section.
Most of the media teams do half the work I do. And they look at me funny.
I caught one of them hustling around my tent. He was setting up some people for a shot. I Jumped in on the action, when "BANG" he snapped "Let me get my shot!" he yelled, I laughed moving up toward the two thousand people in line standing. They were waiting for a piece of merchandise. I moved a herd of about a half a dozen of em toward him. He saw there was people coming for photos! He tried to set them up. I came up behind him with a bunch more people and said "This is my photo dude! but you can have it!" Then I turned around and took the photo. He took that one shot, I took three hundred. My concert sets suffered today. I wasn't into it. I wasn't versatile, I watched the promoters and met some people. Talked my ass off. The VIP was empty, the people that were there were lame, broken and barren. You wanna say "It's always like that" but I don't think it is! Things have been better in times. things can always be better, but things aren't always getting better. I can feel the VIP changing, and I'm a factor, this little demon that creeps into the board rooms through the back door of a bar. Our world is unforgiving when it comes to abuse. In the span of one human life our race has started to experiment with the life of the planet. We gotta know something, I'm almost positive it happens in the moon light.

Marilyn Manson said it's "an astray" but he's an asshole he can suck my dick

You don't deserve the good shit you have in your life, you're just lucky to fucking have it. It's like that. The higher you go the further you are allowed to scrutinize everything, the perfect things. We destroy our own self esteem when we do that, building impossible walls to overcome. The best is to look at yourself and reflect what you want in others. That's easier said then done, everyone has a fucking busy day to deal with. Yeah that's true, but most people have a busy day doing shit they hate so they break there soul to pieces on the weakend.
So tonight I had someone tell me they read all my blogs, they were like "I read everything" That shit makes my day. Makes me feel superior, not that I'm writing this but that the writing is securing me uniquely in the eyes of others.
Who the Fuck cares?
I keep living in love with myself! I miss having someone, but I'm empty in so many ways to others because of my own self absorption. But my body is sweet, I fucking dig myself, everything. I have a few dirty flaws and they're fucking beautiful! Sure ego is a possible coprolite but fuck I haven't had sex in months! Who is this for, I'm sick of talking to myself! I have it too good, and I'm always trying to make it better.
I flew a kite today! It was ugly outside but I'm imaging having to live in Afghanistan.
The world is a taxi. Sweet dreams come to people who sleep.

you re a victim and you know it.

"I liked him but he didn't like me!" That's the story of my life. Why is it that people who don't give respect can sometimes lure us into handing over the respect they don't deserve. Sensitive people don't like change. They prefer to associate what they got to what they know.
I don't think my philling is fixed! There is this discomfort. My dentist said "toughen up." I think dental hygienists are weird. They participate in some weird shit. Teeth Nurses. Pain.
Feeling the zest of life has its limits. There are those days when things just are. Schools going to be scary, and the government is going to bill me. I'm going to change the world form my dining room table.
There is so much traffic lately, everywhere. All the time. I don't hate it! I love it. Just like I love the pain in my tooth, form the fucking chipped filling. I Play with it. Make noises with my tongue trying to get the pain sensation out of it. Always wanting more and more...... Fuck.
I was in a meeting with my student body government. Everyone knew me. I was so alone. It was like I was never there. There was one girl there everyone was paying attention to. They all knew me. Even the girly. I was offensive. Not on purpose. I had a headache. They all wanted to avoid me and get to know one another. A guy there wanted to start a pro life club. Showed me a real gruesome picture of an aborted fetus. It was powerful. He Told me that "Canada has no abortion laws!" I told him I'd help him with a documentary. It'd be cool. Cause I go to a Christian school.
The homeless chap I've been shooting with has left the city for Northern Parts. He's hopefully keeping safe. The program I'm developing is definitely in development. It takes time. All of it takes time. the most Important thing is to ditch the people that leave you hurting, you don't want to be stuck licking your wounds, unless of course

Bill Gate's Money

When's the day you get out of bed to earn 600$ an hour. I think that anything worth my time is worth 600$ an hour. It's not that I'm working 100 hours a week or nothing either. No Just two hour a week of solid labor. I work harder then most people in my profession. Most individuals who have the audacity to try and work a room like I do are assholes. Most won't even take my photo. Fuck! There was this old dude this fat guy! and his wife in the VIP. He comes up to me and asked "why haven't you posted all the photos of me that you've been taking?" I looked at him and understood why the other photographers haven't posted the pictures. I took his photo and said "I work for dom perignon and I'm nothing like other photographers." He laughed and smiled. I gave him my card and told em "Email me, ill make sure you find your photo!" It's not like I can sell it to Dom or anything. Heard bout this guy that worked for labatts, he said "the photographers had to give up a CD of everything they took. Who knows why?" Do you know why? Do you know why a company would want the bad photos too? I hope so.
Working in the world I've been working in has taught me a thing or two about working in my industry.
Like that? asshole, fuck. K.
The job leaves you alone and hungry. I Interact with so many people, I'd never not take someones photo. I love taking pictures of other photographers, cause I fucking make sure that they get it.
I've been really pretty mean to my dad last little bit. Its been rough. Just telling him he was a shitty dad over and over. It's because he's been repeating the same God Damn excuses for the last fifteen years!
Also My finger hurts, I carry my camera like a dirty little renegade. No strap, just fucking tight in my hand. It's definitely not good for the hand. My middle finger's grown this lump at the knuckle. I showed it off to this Polish girl I met. She was so perfect.
Falling in love is more then 600$ an hour, it's like

Tork tork tickled pickle

So the universe is a woman, and yeah she's hot she's not, she's whatever and she's pregnant and alone. The Kicker is it's a boy! That's what's happening over and over again. So Jesus dying is no biggie, well I mean it is, but it's like the birth of the boy into the real world. the Death of the pregnancy and of being alone. It's Oedipal I'm sure of it. Whatever that means. The only thing left in cleaning out the studio is the Christmas decorations, one of the artificial trees is of the supper industrial nature. The room is going to be a learning experience. It's full of old stuff, well it was. I went through it. There is this collection of doors. All sorts of them. Big ones little one, there is a few heavy ones. I'm doing this.
What am I doing, I'm finishing university. One of my professors has an idea to teach people through video. I'm going to make clips using software that records what I'm doing on screen. It'll be exciting. Mentor ship is a tough process and I love it. Don't laugh, I like being mentored. Fuck that's worse eh. Leadership is usually a burden that everyone criticizes. Good leaders are good because they are capable of breaking up packs of bad leaders. A good leader changes the world by sacrificing everything for the one cause. Which is funny, could you imagine being in a room full of people? Then out of nowhere a psychotic paranoid schizophrenic comes at you and starts trying to kill you. Imagine he's huge and everyone in the room just sits and watches. No one moves because they know the guy, they know he's a lunatic, they know he'll try to kill them if they try to save you, so they sit and watch. He wants to hurt you, who knows why.
Quality time with the one you love, that's all you need after being put through the ringer. with an emphasis on Time ...

My roomate hates me too!

Whatever happened to just being hungry, not eating, but just being hungry. Yep, that's the solution to Pavlov s conditioning. Just Don't eat, just swallow your own spit. If you're able to smell it, it'll feed you if you let it. Contracts to succeed, not compulsions and procedures to crush us. Gravity already holds me down here when all I wanna do is fly. You know those nights when you fall in love. It's great, it's something that everyone in the neighborhood has to deal with. When you're a kid and you stay out late, latter then usual and you're hanging around with your crush it's gentle. It happens to adults too, sometimes, when they just happen to be close. I fell in love on the streets my whole life, endlessly, I love it. But it's a love that can't be satisfied, I couldn't step away from it.
I mean I could and I'd probably end up with a fat dog and I'd be living with a roommate that I hate, but I'd be satisfied with the pizza pops I'd be eating. Or the beer I'm guzzling. But really I'd probably have a fabulous wife and money, and a house and big vehicle in the Garage. Steaks and wine, and I'd tap my glass with people, and I'd sing songs about the land.
Fuck that, if today was my first day on earth, I'd fucking curse the leaders of our nations. This Planet is in shambles. Not here though, No, not here. No. Here in Alberta our Edmonton summers are beginning to look a lot more southern. Shit's almost like a jungle in here, it's humid. We're living it up on borrowed time. We're set to cook!
How the Fuck is nature going to reclaim it's prize, cause I'm pretty sure our home, our mother, this planet has been seriously downing some fucking spit. Watching the people sworn to protect her, turn here to a living ball of fire. We are gruesome and stupid, especially when we're hungry.
Don't let em tell you what to eat, cause they'll make you eat shit!

Cobain can't complain

Getting things done takes all the time you got! Getting things done doesn't end. Constipation sucks, laxatives can help! Developing products that people will buy is hard. It's hard because you have to experiment and that costs cash! Or you have to investigate and feel around to find the direction you gotta go in. It's never the direction you want to go in. Getting my filling fixed today, first thing in the morning. It's practice for the first day of school. I've got an early class, but the first grade might start before that. This whole summer has been like so many before it now, full of time with my sun. Life has been vibrant and I've been in the midst of it. No relationships outside of the immediate family though, well, not entirely. Several connections through work, with young people that want to change the world. Most of the people I see are on track, but they're scared, no one's ever encouraged them to really peruse their dreams. It's because no one in our society outside of Rockstars and hockey players can show them what the achievements of ones wishes looks like. Our culture nurtures a bleak vision for most of our society. I don't see a bright future for people outside of Alberta, I don't see a people ready to accept that kind of responsibility inside our province. What's gonna happen is we're going to have a population of people who live to work through social conditioning. A population like this is easy to manipulate, it's easy to sculpt the dreams of those who think they have it all. Only because they've never seen the world outside of the limited scope presented to them by or societies constraining leaders. They'll work hard to have it all! They'll work harder at maintaining the wall that'll keep em trapped forever, or until the world ends!
I have to make this movie, I also have to write another children's story.

I'm bitting my tongue

The week goes on and so do the seasons and the years. It's weird how when you don't have a reason to get up you just lay there and wait. You wait till you find the drive to get you up. Some people are driven to get up and go to work for a Safeway! I m on some social media site looking to meet someone! I'm out there and I realized that I'm not the only one. It's just that I can't stand anyone I'm around.
I also want to meet someone who is willing to be physically active. Fuck I am sick of being alone, but only cause I'm sick of being alone. I don't need anyone around me that doesn't want to be here.

she's beautiful and she loves me!

There ever anything you just wish for all the time, Fiend for? We all have something like that, it drives us. Our hunger to full fill our desires is crazy. I want more of something all the time. I'm not sure if everyone is like that. Or have they given into the idea that they don't all always want more. If you're a real human then you can admit you have a problem. That's the first step to human hood. But if you can't admit it and you don't realize you're just a miserable shit stain, then you'll never amount to more then some half ass pecker. Sometimes shit happens and it scares us. If the consequences don't kill us they make us stronger.
I look for what I want, except even though I often see glimpse's of it everywhere, I can't seem to find exactly what I'm looking for. Thinking about it makes me think I should become more strategic, I should lay down some law! Set some fucking traps. That's how you get satisfaction! And that's awful! It's beautiful too! I've never been particularly good at setting traps the conventional way. I try not to attack my dreams, I think more then anything I just want to know exactly what they are. What my direction is meant to be.
The homeless kid called me! "Hey!" he says. "I'm at the city Center, could you pick my friend and me up then drive us to the outskirts of the city!" I say "No." "I thought as much" he answers. We talk. He say's "We're going to Fort Mac! Ten day's in! and I'll be able to pay for an apartment!" It might be that easy I think to myself. "B's coming with me, were hitchhiking!" he tells me. "Be careful!" I say. It's a deadly high way and he knows it, he tells me "It's the deadliest highway in Canada, I'm happy I'm bringing my camera!" I'm happy he has it too.
We all want something and that's what drives us. It's not money for anyone either. The people who think it's money are wrong for sure. Money's there to confuse you! Change your mind from what it's suppose to be moving towards. Money is a tool! It's an important tool you gotta use strategically to get what you want. It's always good to get paid getting better at fulfilling your desires. It's never the money we want, it's always that something you want to spend the money on!

Philling!

It's so important to remember and reflect about your day! We all know it! Communication is super important. Communication with yourself. I started to remember how to blog. How to talk to myself here. I'm not embarrassed that I'm an adult and I still can't spell. I think that that might be some sort of disorder. Cause I can do this shit. It doesn't bother me that I'm not flawless, nothing perfect is. It's hard to define things like beauty and perfection. I bet you if there were real accurate didactic ways to pin point things like beauty it would involve violent collisions! And perfection could probably be defined as a heart attack. Fuck my chest hurts, and loving life is heavy. So many people so far away from me. It isn't that I feel segregated, I just feel like a minority that hasn't even been discovered yet. It's like I'm a part of a race of people that no one knows about! the human race is a race of people who don't see their own self worth. I'm not sure that I'm one to declare this though. I'm a lot like everyone else, but I do change when ever I see myself stepping over boundaries that are there beyond my control.
You can see yourself stepping over those boundaries in the blog posts! in my little reflection. When you read over them they translate something that you never really intend them to do! When you look back at your own reflection it's not always easy to see what you want to see, but it is always easy to see what's there. You fix everything you can in your life to have the reflection you desire stare back at you. the things you can't change are the things you must learn to love, the things which are beyond your control are what you need to hold on to to draw strength from. Finding those parts of yourself is hard, they're the parts we taught ourselves to hide from to protect ourselves from. It's hide and go seek or cops and robbers!
I chipped a piece of my filling today, feels weird and sharp in my mouth, I want to poke at it. Of course I can't fix it! Thank Goodness it hasn't hurt yet. I'm pretty sure I'll last the weekend without smashing anything through to the root till Monday! I got to trust it, or panic, but it doesn't hurt, so why?

short skirts!

Super hot ad agency! Super hot ad agents! I'm honest! They have great shoes! and most of them are women! I'm a man! I wear old skate shoes. I'm not very big but I'm all dude. I've been wearing my tight pants and skating the street like it's running out of style! Kicks ass to be fit, strong. I told her lots. I tell everyone lots about myself. too much. I tell people what I think all the time. I hope that makes me a better dad.
Most people blow the world off! They say "it's full of bad" which is ok cause it is. But Good is in Control. One thing that keeps people on their toes, especially when it comes to Good is that if everything was truly Good it would never end! That's a mistake. I think we have to realize that everything ends, and that's the best part. Fuck I'm meeting with add executives from big firms and they like my work. I'm going to have a studio down town, starting tomorrow! I just have to go get it! Clean up the concrete palace! There is a compressor in the room with me and it's a powerhouse. Also someone ordered some of my photographs! I will be selling my prints!
I've got so much going for me, and I found my homeless partner in movie making! I downloaded over 1200 clips off his camera! I also gave him sometime in front of the camera. I dropped him off at the Hope mission shelter! He's nineteen! He is very full of ambition. He's driven, and even though he has skipped out a few times he has made up for it. There is so much that can happen! all I'm able to do is try. I'm going to become my own add agency! I'm going to create a more powerful community of smart people! I need to meet more effective and creative leaders who want to share our world with the future, not just with themselves. Bad is Good! lol! For real! It's sexy and paints its nails!

Gollum's Home! and it's hot!

Shaving your pubic hair due to jock itch is cool! Except it sucks when you have no one to mention it to, except maybe your mom, cause you have no friends.
Exercising! Having a kid is a good way to get you out there. I guess, unless you got a dad who never did a fucking thing with you. I know the feeling and I was an energetic little guy. Super competitive, not much encouragement. I go skateboarding with my kid, I'm the coolest dad on the block. I wear those tight hipster pants too and look like a kid with a receding hairline but i can still olly. I haul ass behind a six year old on a bike. He fell while I was hitting the Quarter pipe. It was awesome, first time Ive ever seen em biff. He was cool with it! We got a Slurpee.
I got a hold of a film foundation in Edmonton. They have some gear they're looking to share. The motion picture about the lives of the Strathcona youth might have a chance at an XL1. Imagine interchangeable lenses on a video camera! I understand photography on my own level. I would accept anything to move forward with creating a program that develops a culture amongst youth that have a similar background to mine. I'm gonna do it. Everything is a learning experience, developing my ideas is so cool. It makes me laugh that I have a chance. I bet you that breaks people and I bet ya it breaks the people that I wish it made stronger. I'm always reaching out and through that I've found out what I can do to support myself. I can't do it with out others. No one can. Fuck it's Lightning McQueen! He thought he had his shit together, until. Fuck I've enjoyed riding it out. And the wave is fucking phat. I've been developing alliances with real people who are moving toward success. This part of the world is it! That's why we can read this God Damn blog! Cause when the power goes out here!

it s about mauniciple ideology

When your head feels like a watermelon full of snot and all you can think about is crashing into the pavement and seeing everything splatter. That's life. Head flu and snot. The Homeless guy didn't show up again. Fuck! Whatever, there is a lot to learn. Life is a program, it's the same over and over again. A struggle then something that breaks and another struggle, until Steven Harpers kill the planet. It gets re-born. This is like the meeting ground for all the God! This is fucking Greek shit. This is the last race isn't it? Hesiod said so! he said we suck too. It's true. We're the race sent here to reboot the game. Our civilization makes me feel like we're running out the course of a push of a button. We suck, and kick so much ass all at the same time. It's gonna happen again. Humans will play out their roles. So there's something bigger, What the fuck it is it? I think what's running the big picture want's all the players to have fun, but I think small individual players want to win. That seems like a natural complete process. I think that the ultimate ruler, if there is one, is a parent type figure. That darkness between everything in space is that maternal instinct that keeps reality together.

watch british tv it's worth Cash, financial head start

Nothing like sliced cheese past midnight. I Missed my partner in the documentary! He ditched me. He's young. We're meeting tomorrow. There is so many cool people rooting for us. The city is going to be a driver in innovation. Situation where you find drama will be watched and analyzed and reprocessed like never before. Sliced cheese.
When you meet people who are like you it's awesome. Alliances are the way to survive. People forget that the best way to make it and to last is to have a strong foundation.
Families mean everything. It's easy to forget about your mom and dad once you're out there and alive. But to move forward largely relies on the support you get from your loved ones. So alliances are good.
See once you start understand who it is you have to work with, they all start coming at you. Maintaining relationships with the right people is number one. One thing people forget about is how easy it is to get side tracked and to forget about the people you're suppose to be looking after. It's also important to look after people who need looking after. Usually it's good to focus on companies and people who can offer a little support back for the efforts. We live in a world where people are filtered through this material ideology. So meeting people who aren't like that is good cause you know you can cooperates for a cause outside of the capital.
There is so much extra out there, You just have to jump on it. talk shit and

Venuse maybe or .... your anus?

So there is a story or two out there, you've had your life smashed around. Life broke ya! Come on .... you know it did? Admit it. If you don't you'll live your life denying it, until it's the only part of yourself you have left. You're just the smashed piece, the part that you thought was a cancer. The crack wasn't you're fault, it happens to everyone. It's accepting it that matters. I'm not talking to everyone, I'm talking to people who's lives are full of shit. The world does not live to be alive on the weekend, but people do! That's a crack I don't want to fill. We don't have to sell ourselves short.
Living in Edmonton is getting good, everyone around the world knows it, we're gonna refine our own oil and develop the best place to live on the planet for the next hundred years. I can see it but not everyone can and that's because their lives are crushed but they don't know it. This Province in like a "Shire" of sorts, Edmonton is the capital. But as a worldly person I can see that the rest of the people inhabiting the earth, the people whom I'm talking to, might not find the culture of our hobbit folk little more then idiotic and simple. They just want to plow through us and drill us for gold. Now I still have lots to learn bout this whole I'm growing in, but it's beginning to show itself. To poke it's little stem outta the ground. Edmonton is where my child was born and is being raised. This Province is where the world will bring its leaders because our children will be raised to preserve and nurture what nature we have left. the Capital our people create will project us toward .....

Rock star statuss

Laying around alone is pretty good. It's nice to have a solitary perspective on the world. There is the social media that fills you in on all sorts of levels. There is the people out there too, I interact with so many people, I need to find someone who is as social as I am. I think that if I could get that energy twisted into something I'd have more stability. Its just gotta be with someone who's cool.
I want to have a living room I think, but one without a tv, just a couch and a desk maybe. A room I can learn yoga in. Doing the dad thing seems to be working, following your heart instead of the hate. Kids help see what the heart needs, so do parents. Sometimes there is even people whose parents never learned to understand their desires but their kids did. Taking care of your family lets you have something to stand on out in society.
Right now it seems society from inside,here in Canada is suffering culturally. Instead of thinking that we should find someone to marry, our culture wants to have lots of lovers. I met this woman today that has been having children since before she was old enough to drive. I took her picture but not without some resistance, her friend wanted one, she was reluctant. I listened to them talk and I snagged a picture while they were speaking to this homeless woman. She looked rough, but come to think of it so did the twenty six year old with that thirteen year old daughter and two other kids with two other dads.
Imagine have that!

falling assleep behind the wheel of my BMW

Not every day you get what you want. That happens so you know what you want and so you know when you have it. The reason I can shoot photographs is because I pay attention to people. I do it to make them happy in that moment. I think about things they don't. I think about what's going to happen to that photo tomorrow and the day after that. It makes my heart spin thinking about the way the future is coming on. It's nice to know that I'm paving the way. Throwing light on people. I'm having so much fun. I do this thing with the camera and it's mine. It's a culmination of everything I've learned over the years and the way people react to the work. When someone smiles after you show them their reflection, when they weren't expecting to see something they might actually find acceptable, it causes me to keep working. Getting a laugh or a cheer out of a crowd is one of the most powerful events that can happen. People laugh and smile for split seconds and then they go back to being normal. I live to elevate people, even if it is only for a second.
Not everyone can be brought up above normal because some folk find themselves lower then normal. Most people are on neutral ground but some are lower then most, I guess just like some are higher. There is a balance here on earth. Finding it isn't easy when all you have is a planet spinning around the sun to find yourself in. The power of nature created us. Humans are in their infancy and we're about to fall over. I think that's natural. Not everything survives. In the big picture we could have a better story to tell but I guess that depends on the human race as a whole. We're driving mother nature, the planet is like our car. What global culture that we know of is good at nurturing vehicle maintenance..... I think most of us have the same answer there. Whenever someone thinks they can drive the car good, they fail....

This is what we need in Canada

So what if it's all a muddle! This backward world we live in. So what if mothers leave their children in the hand of others so they can do what they want! Fathers do the same! So what if kids can't read and people don't think. What do we do then? Figure out how to communicate with them. Life is no longer complex now we make money!
Money's coming! It has to because there is a debt here!
Corporations are intoxicating. They manufacture profit by taking on risks with capital to keep the pay rolling. They bank on the people doing the work for way less then it's worth.
Hey? have you ever finished a conversation up early cause you we're about to have diarrhea? Shit, I think someone did that to me today! BAM! atta nowhere.
There's nothing wrong with ditching someone for the right reasons. Like, if they ain't happy and you are, it's ok to go meet up with some happy people. We don't do what we want anymore. Society is all unhappy. That's ok, we can make it.
There is a hard times coming to Canada, Canadians don't want stand up and really design cars that don't run on gas but go six times as fast, You know! I want a car that uses diarrhea as a fuel. To re fuel I'd just have to sit outside a Mc Donald's.
Steven fell in a ditch, it's fucking hard times~

One part fiction~

Back on the wagon again. Ever notice that when you're working with people that are young they think they know everything! You know who really knows everything? Me! That's right I'm a mother fucking genius! God only knows for how many reasons.
There is so much shit happening!




Shooting the homeless kids stories is gonna change my life. In a good way! It's the way we're assimilated to function in this world that sucks. Focusing on just scraping by! It's something I've always been told I should be able to manage. The bare minimum. That's something the system has seemed to grind into my mind. Fuck the system is a grind. Everything... well not everything, but lots of behaviors and dysfunctions are created by the crazy way our world runs its business! These kids are experiencing the same problem every big organization creates. Cracks in our culture! They're just falling in between the mind altering earthquakes the corporate world makes. You can't get a job at Wallmart without a bank account, you can't get a bank account without an ID, can't get an ID unless your Transit offensives are all cleared up! Can't do that without a JOB! Plus drugs! and sex! and BOOOOOOZE and heat! Fuck! Living on the streets has its highs and lows!
The stories so far have baffled me! And I don't want to forget them! Id's and our communities! the police don't like these kids either. I can talk to them! What's gonna happen? Our city is growing so structured! So corporate! It's like it's being sanitized! Destroying anybody that might not believe in "THE ASSEMBLY LINE" culture. I want out! The world can't use Canada as a Wallmart, or any of the kids in our communities! The job is clear, to give them the insight to look into their own hearts to find their self worth. Our people can't just be worthless whores on a market, being sold to the rest of the bullies on the planet! Let's do something!

Just be who you are!

There are those moments in the game of life when you want to just lay back and get off the board! I have a feeling most of the world does it! Why not? Right? it's a God given right! I think we're all the same, but I don't think we all lay back and give up for the same reasons! Some people lay back and relax to watch the scenery. Some people lay back and hold on for dear life! And then there is the people in between! Some people don't give up! Others drop the ball! Today I reunited with the homeless fellow I've worked so hard at creating a relationship with. At nineteen he's in full swing toward creating a documentary with me! I'm meeting with him in the late morning and we're shooting tomorrow. Officially I'm doing this without the consent of the city! because I'm not officially a volunteer till my criminal record check get s back clean! That's cool! They need to know my background! No problem!
There is going to be so much work going on! the Fringe is starting! I'm taking photographs all the time now! Making videos! It's amazing! Things are great! Except, I have to go back to school which isn't so bad! I have a showing there in the Caf! Curated and everything! I betcha I misspelled something in my bio! that's totally my style!
No School s great, I've learned so much! One of the reasons I've developed such a sense of self in the last year was my schools academic vice president! He did so much for me. I was able to connect with him on a whole new level! He gave me a lot of confidence! Lead me to believe in myself! Everything.... well many thing s i aspired to do we achieved and he was right there to honor me. Many members of the institutions I've been a part of throughout my life have seen me as an invader, a parasite or something! Teachers have been failing me since day one! I shouldn't pass school but I have been as of late. And it was my schools VPA that instilled a stronger scenes of confidence in me! I know from the moment I read his blog we'd end up connected! Well he's not coming back next year! It's a downer! cause I remember the day we first met! We were sitting in the board room and I was as always .... on fire, overtly and immensely passionate. I asked him "should I try to change? should I settle down a bit?" you know what he told me?

school tomorrow

Tradition is to settle down and forgive! people don't do that. Not sure if it's always been like this or if people aren't all the same. It'd be nice if this world was a lesson and we got to go somewhere after we die. But I think it's a place where we come to see death, stare it right in the face. Looking at it, should be easy, right? No it shouldn't. It should be fun though. Life has been moving so much more efficiently in my adult hood. You can see what's happening and try to position yourself where you need to be. The thing about our current situation is that our world has institutionalized, it's not natural. Our system is all stiff.
It's like imagine seeing a bear and staring it right in the face..... forever.
Oh check this out, I just killed a mosquito that I swear to God, just faked it's own death and came back!
I've spent so much time chasing something specific and it's becoming very sharp! So sharp it can cut me! The risks are never ending. You're always struggling, that's how you know you're going in the right direction! It's a tradition....

hold up what he can handle.

I didn't want to do anything today except find that homeless kid! I've been looking for him since we made the clip staring him. He sleeps in the valley and he has no phone. Everyday I ride down to where I met him and see if we might be able to talk about what we made. He had a clear understanding of the potential of all of this and I don't want to just give up on him. I can't. There is no one else there that knows what it is like him. I know, I've been talking to them all trying to get them to tell him I'm on the lookout. He's gonna be the director!
Non of them will want to talk to me like they talked to me! They're open, but I know the most honest way to reflect the situation will come from the mind of a nineteen year old kid who sleeps in the Riverbend River valley!
I was out skating around Starthcona, around the gazebo where I spent my adolescent days! Except today I was skating with my son, looking for a homeless kid. Things are already looking so much different for my son then they looked for me. I can't say I can see the future, but I can say that I skate behind my six year old while he's riding his bike. I'll be there for him when he falls and I'll teach him to

My community is so stuburn and weak, they look like whales!

I don't feel like a teenager anymore! I'm on a much higher plane of existence! I honestly feel that it's my job to develop this community I live in. The people around me are caught up in something I don't understand! I mean it's something I used to know but now most peoples lifestyles are just something I don't believe in. Most people say things like you gotta work to eat! I don't think so! I think you need to eat to eat! Everyone is stuck on cash! It's like how many people want to do something for the money! Not for the love of doing it! I want everyone in my life there cause they want to be there. I don't want anyone around me because they've been forced to stand at my side!
I have made several really good connection with a bunch of you adults! Kids just barely out of their teens! They're important people, they just don't know why yet, neither do I, but I know they're on their way! I'm not going to stop them.
What set s the unique people apart is their attitude! It's not that they're smarter of better looking, they're just more focused on moving forward rather then settling with the shitty answers.
When you're moving toward achieving your goals in life everyone except maybe you're mother is going to tell you, "there's no money in it, get a real job!" and we all know they're probably right! But some of us go against that grain and pursue the impossible. There isn't very many people that know of others who've achieved their goals so there is no blue print that we can follow to get the thing done. The only way we can actually get to where we're going is to follow our gut! I'm not a teenager anymore because I don't let real life stop me from making my own reality! This world, the country, this province is mine! I rule my city, and I've been in control here for a long time! I'm just letting people know now! but not that I'm the boss! (They don't need to know that) but that they are in one of the most potential filled areas on the planet Really the goal is to have everyone around you succeed! I want to have my municipality be the best neighborhood on the planet to be from!

We're really upsidedown and backward!

The world assumes you don't want to know what the fuck it is you are doing. I've been working at being good at stuff! I had been driving a taxi for two years when I first started taxi talk! That was one of the reasons it was such an accurate portrayal of the life. The Life ... the fucking life. Life fucking rules. I was out tonight and there were these kids, like six of them just toast and looking for a fight! I could sense the way they felt. I was talking to a big black dude eating a donair. He was cool, I mean he wasn't an idiot. I'm usually able to distinguish that by the fact that they can talk to me for over three minutes. I've become a regular commercial, if the person isn't turned on right away, I ditch em! It's all I can do!
The movie I made last night worked, the heads understood what it is I do! I got better at it! By realizing some of the stuff I need to do to get better! I'm going to be a teacher, it's exciting and new and no one is going to teach me how to do it except for the students and this blog. We made that clip, the institution realized that the kid had his own idea; now the reason it was such a success was they felt that what we created didn't reflect what they were trying to do accurately. He also was given something to analyze! Himself! He saw flaws in his message and just watching the clip sculpted his vision! The cameras are going to help people see themselves. There is nothing like your own reflection in the mirror to tell what you really look like!

a FUCKING (SEX) BLOG

I made the movie! Now I have to write it all out! I have to let you in on my not so secret perfect life! Yeah! I'm so happy to be so alone! I went on a date today! It was an unexpected encounter. I was hanging with the homeless kids, who're so cool! When this beautiful girl walked by! She had been one of my models many a time in the clubs! I dared her to "Friend" me on Facebook! She did, we talked, texted! and today as I was finishing my documentary she showed up! "I'm actually a journalist" she told me shy and straight faced. I took the homeless boy out for coffee and he helped me make a four minute long documentary! She got dinner, then she ditched me! I'm getting old and boring! Making movies doesn't have the luster that once came with it! I can always fall back on my guitar skills to survive though! The Homeless kid in the video has a plan and it's bang on. We're going to change the world! I should have bought him lunch!
I spent the whole night editing. There is so much extra footage, we're going to make several additional clips! All for the homeless and all for free, it's really to bad the mayor doesn't think much of me! You know what's funny? The president of Concordia, that's my school! Blocked me on Twitter! Can't talk shit about it anywhere! Thank God I figured out how to use my blog again! The world is finally becoming clear to me! I love it here! This place is so dear and there is so much to feel good about. The Kid, the one living in the Riverbend River Valley! He's so optimistic! But he's not a hot chick! He's better!
I'm breathing, thinking bout so many little individual things all the time. There is some scary shit to think about! They're the things that make you think about finding somewhere to cling to! Somewhere to call home! Being homeless is about not having a place to settle your identity, not having a place where you can reflect, dream! I haven't been able to see myself in the mirror in years! I know I'm getting older but I'm not the only one out there who can't even see that. Most of us are in the same world! Except most of us don't write

Wait to see where I come from!

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it! It was so valuable to me, to talk to those kids as honestly as possible. I can imagine having a car or a van, an economical vehicle. I can imagine the time I was their age and more fucked up then they were. They seem normal to me now. Like they don't stink or nothing! Some of them were goofs! but that was probably because I was a goof to them. I guess some of them had probably hurt people. I remember being sixteen and seeing the violence. But fuck I remember being twelve and seeing the same thing. I don't connect with the violent.
Walking up Whyte ave one night I remember I was drunk. I was twenty one! Before the drug addiction but it was definitely well on its way. We were walking up Whyte ave and there were these girls, one of them was hot, she started talking to my roommate, there was a bunch of us. We were on a excursion back home to keep getting fucked up! There was like five or six of us and these girls started chatting us up. It was a typical engagement, on like 101 st and Whyte! I remember that all of a sudden this kid popped out of nowhere! "Bang" he slammed his fat face right into our conversation. He was drunk too! He was aggressive and the funny thing was my reaction was to move along, and someone else reacted differently, someone that I was with, their reaction to the mans aggression was to punch him. I saw it, but it didn't register!I was too drunk. It had happened behind me! I didn't care, it wasn't any of my business! So I though.
"What'd you do to my brother!" his sister! I guess! came flying up to me and my roommate screaming, "what'd you do?" she kept repeating loudly, "He won't get up!" I can almost remember looking over at my roommate then back at the girl, her drunken eyes full of tears and fear because of what had just happened to her brother.
I ran! We all just ran! We weren't far from our apartment! I wasn't scared at all! I just remember knowing that I had to get out of there!
When we got inside we kept getting fucked up.
Today I met a kid that lives in Riverbend..... in the valley.... in a tent! He's a documentary film maker! Awesome, he's huge! Real nice too! So I asked him what he's done!
"....Well I do things like let the Mormons indoctrinate me and document it!" I thought that was cool. He said a few other outlandish things he had decided to experiment with! The whole time I was talking to him there was a bunch of kids listening.
WHere's your camera? I asked him, can i see the footage? He laughed. this huge fucking nineteen year old native kid laughing. "I sold it!" he said, and then I laughed. He had mentioned that he was a user earlier so I asked him if the cash went to drugs. He kept laughing, the sweetest laugh! "I don't need that much money for the drugs I do!" Everyone one else in the room understood him except for me. "I drink cough syrup!" that deep voice straining a bit as he said it! "Plain Jain over the counter Robitussin!" he was lifting his feet up onto the table! folding his hands over his stomach. You're a big dude I said, looking him over. We both just stared at each other. Then I blurted out "so you fucking sold your camera, and all you're infiltration video on the hard drive for a bottle of Robitussin?" I was smiling. So was he. He was cool! Sharp! "No" he answered bringing his eye's to mine. "I needed to buy a bus pass to get to my tent in Riverbed!" His story amazed me and I promised him I was gonna get my gear together and we were going to make a movie!