Friday, December 4, 2015

Can't stay up late enough yet

As I was driving home last night from my night job i was so impressed by the lack of traffic that I actually took a breath and smiled.

I'm a road rage fanatic! And unfortunately, my little boy rarely gets to see coming home from work, he''s often forced to witness, the monster, while I'm driving him to school in the mornings.

Poor guy doesn't get the fact that I love driving. 

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Not the worst

Just when you think you know everything....  you realize that you know nothing. The worst part is that you have to find out how small you really are if you actually want to get anywhere. This is awful. Not knowing who or what I am over and over again is driving me crazy.

I do know that there is people out there that are aware of different things then I am,

I kind of realized that the way Im living is really different then other people. Because of that I don't really fit in well.

And not just in the good ways. I'm starting to segregate myself and it's not in the right way. It's in the I'm an idiot kind of way.
It's rough... being an idiot. Or at least finding out that you are one. It's the worst.

Monday, November 30, 2015

heater noises

Back at it. and that's that.

Need to write it out I guess, i've done it once I can do it again.

What really sparked this post was a desire to tell you that, " Hey maybe we shouldn't have met. That maybe the thing that I've been defending is the reason things never went well for me."

Like what's my past about anyway. Is it meant to be?
Am I doing what's meant for me.

Probably not. I want so much more. I can see the whole world and it leads me back to the past. To my youth, my desires.

I can deal with today, I can say that I'll have more of exactly what I want. I can tell that little pissed off kid from high school that life is better then you can imagine.

Can I get him to listen? Well that's the art. That's what I've been destined to do. Find myself over and over,  I'm so full of shit.

It's not forever, and it's over all the time, before it starts.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Brothering me

Neurotic wasted energy, gallops around me while I think of you. this is my past. this is my past.

Wasted energy isn't always bad, I mean if it's bad energy that's getting wasted then it's good. We need to burn that shit out.

I saw this guy that I knew in university. I didn't think he recognized me, I'm wearing clothes that are much more fashionable now days, I noticed he looked great, he was fashionable since I met him.

It's good to change, to start new things and forget about the past. Like lovers you abandoned that didn't abandon you, till you just thought about them and you realize that actually yes, they've let you go too.

Time is the key, the teller of it, the ticker of the truth. It's relentless and it drives us toward what we're meant for.

The faster if goes the faster we miss out on many things we thought we were going to be focused on.

My family, has changed, grown and gotten smaller. My family is really what I make of it. It's not like there is a lot of us being born.

Wasted energy is fine if we waste it on what it needs to be wasted on, cause it's all wasted anyway. and recycled, over and over again

You think that sometime in the near future it'll cycle into me...

Run me through.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

the hat you wanna wear

Following your gut is one thing, being a glutton is another. My life's been so good I don't want to give anything up.

One thing I don't want to stop doing is finding ways of getting to know people.. I want to get to know as many people as possible. Like in real life, not just through social media. You have to just do it. Or you die. Most people might push you away, and that's ok but it's important to do what you want.

I want to full fill my fantasies while I'm still old enough to do it.

I've been definitely moving in the right direction, and it feels good.

The worst part about getting what you want most of the time is what happens when you don't get what you want...

Then you realize you're probably an addict and you should chill out.

Monday, October 13, 2014

the art of this is bullshit

SHooting the shit over and over again. Looking for anyway to getting out into the world and back inside my mom... strange how we see ourselves as adults, when we're not.

I've been thinking about discipline and I think that it has something to do with success. Now we're disciplined in our own way. We've all let ourselves choose our evils that keep us moving forward. Hens shooting the shit over and over again.
I've been getting everything I want out of life in the last few years, I've learned my self worth. I haven't earned it, but I've learned it.
This is a feeble world run on some pretty thin and miserable set of rules.
Every time I set myself up to see what's next I make sure that it's between another womans legs.

I use my face though, with confidence, makes me feel a little less feeble in a world where a woman can be seduced by a poor artist in less than three sentences.

But that's just the way it is. The artist has that kind of foresight into the world. Being able to taste the sweetness that comes form that art of seduction has everything to do with being an adult.

Saturday, September 27, 2014


What I've wanted to tell you for so long is that you were right! Yeah! you were right! I'm actually completely indebted to you. If if was not for you I'd be sleeping in the streets.

I'm going to be sleeping on the streets is I don't decide to change. The world is turning into something not everyone understands and I'm sitting here thinking about what others are thinking. I don't want to deal with drunk of speed freaks. They don't have any minds.

 So many people are mimes... just stuck. 

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Scene 2 act 1

He's woken up by a harsh ray of sunshine. His eyes open. We pan out to see him sleeping on a busy city street's bus bench. He's down town. There's people passing him. In Both directions. He makes his way into a sitting position. He yawns.... pats his hands around. And when he can't find what he's looking for his eye widen and he begins to panic...

He imidietly reaches into his bag thats stashed under the bench... his eyes widen again as he gets a grip on his camera.

"You ain't much! but you're all I got" Right as he say's this he hears his stomach growling... he looks both way thinking of something to eat.

"You're all I got... we have to finish this project together. Before we're allowed to eat."

He takes out a cigarette and a prescription bottle full of pills.. The smile he had staring into the lens of his own camera is over come with the face of a desperate addict. he takes two pills before he stands up and starts his day...

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Scene 1 act 1

It was something I needed to do... It was something I needed to do. I needed to do everything. This is so overwhelming.
You gotta start writing more. It'll help with the spelling.


The scene should start off with him walking home....
It's still night out, dawn in coming. He walks through the streets. He watches the cleaning cars clean the streets. Everything is dirty, he's dirty too.

He keeps walking, mean while he drinks a mickey of cheap bourbon.

"Pussy" The scream comes from behind the dumpster. It scares him, but in his drunken stupor he decides to take out his trusty old camera. An old lil relbel with a 50 mm on it. He sneaks behind the dumpster and snaps a photo.

It's dark... the image is blurry, but it's perfect. It's exacly what he needed to finish his work.
The subject an elderly lunatic looking for cans that can talk back to her continues her search without even noticing.
He keeps moving. The day is just beginning to break as he gets to his special place. The Sun is just starting to show his face in the horizon as he sets up the tripod ....

He takes the pictures of the sunrise...

"What'er you doing you bum?"  she asked him. The same woman from the dumpster.

"How's you find me?" he asks. He knows what she's going to say...

"Shut up you fuck face!"

They both just stand there in the sunset and stare. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

sex on a north sask beach ...

What the characters are thinking is easy. We're preset. It's fate. Imagine eating your favorite meal every time for the first time. Dream about having that all the time.

What are the characters thinking, it depends on the them of the story. The story has it's sweet spot. It's not a big deal .... at first. You need to entice the reader. Essentially you have to make them want to hear the story. Suspense, patients helps. ....

Wanna give someone something?  Give them a long drawn out blow job ....