Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Gottaa love the past

Sean, I had a Kid. I gots me a a little Sun shine. My mother raised me right. I don't run from real responsibility. I imagined my women having an abortion, when I was psychotic, coming down off drugs. You knew me then remember. I Imagined her killing my kid, and thinking I'd have a lot more in common with one of my best friends. Except she didn't do that. I didn't really want that, because I was bigger then that. I was not raised to be weak, and follow. I followed you for a reason, you'll understand it one day. If anything fate brought us together because we needed each other. SOunds like you still need me a bit. Well I'm available for comment, and I don't delete. You know you should read the rest of the blog. Throughout the entire thing there is posts about you.
They are spread out, so you might have to buckle down and do some reading, but it might open your mind a bit. Kiss my brother out there on the End of the World.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Check it out, Thats what happense with the Grace of a three letter word

What did I learn in school this semester. Well, #1 Drugs and alcohol are a common reason for failure. I noticed that now as a mature student that I was much more focused. School is not really all that important to me. Actually, the only part of school that I like is, well, the people. I love movin and shakin around a campus. Talking up a storm and socializing. This semester I was lucky enough to create a business that gave me part time work. It's been growing steadily and my income is growing. And I love what I'm doing. I also love Psychology. No not studying it, using it. Seeing it. School is about jumping through hopes. Social ques that the corporations around us require for...I don't know. For them to appear a better looking monster (the corporations that hire us Graduates). I have a kid I have to jump through the hoops. Concordias religion class was fun. My teacher was someone who knew why she was teaching the class. It had nothing to do with becoming a Christian it was about us. The students, to see what that type of faith is about. I, like most religious individuals, look at life and analyze it using metaphores. There are people out there that put it together like a puzzle. I'm done putting the pieces of the puzzle together, I live my life seeing the big picture. The puzzles already put together, now I just get to be happy bout it. I learned that I'm on the right track this semester. I learned that there are haters out there, but that's because they are stuck on the piece of the puzzle, that one piece, that's all it is. I learned that I keep finding it over and over again without anyone but myself. Oh and of course a great conversation with an Incredible Profesore.
oh and Karen please watch this

Friday, November 20, 2009

My almost sacrafice

(Personal Reflection) Think of a time you stood up for something you believed in. What were you willing to risk? What was the outcome?

Thinking of a time I stood up for myself. Growing up, coming from a broken home was awful on my self-esteem. I was always trying to fit in after that. Throughout my life I moved around the world with my single mother. I lived in several different country's and cultures. I remember in Saudi, I was fifteen, I attended Sais-r Saudi Arabian international American school Riyadh. I remember how much different I was from all the other kids. I was the only kid in a school of a couple thousand that lived with a single mother. I'm really not sure what she did to get me into the country but she got prince Abdullah Bin Abdul Aziz to sign my visa. I was the only western child who lived without a father in Riyadh. I came from a tougher background, because I was fifteen and coming from Edmonton I had already been exposed to lots of things like drugs and alcohol. Then showing up in one of the worlds best private schools, I was different. The peer pressure was to do well in school, not to smoke the weed, or to get drunk and have sex. I wasn't the very best student. One thing that separated me from the others was that I had long hair. I was the only boy in the entire school with hair down to his shoulders. I loved it but I was often told that the culture there does not accept it and I should cut it. Well, that wasn't happening. I was of course a hard core Cobainist. lol. I only spent one year going to SAISA-R. After the 9th grade all Western children have to leave the country to finish their education. Most of the kids ended up moving to Switzerland and getting hooked on drugs because there were never exposed to anything aversive in Saudi. It was an artificial situation. Rich kids getting good grades, never really being exposed to actual Western cultural diversities. I remember sitting on the bleachers, actually I slept on the bleachers during the ressess. The main reason being, because my mother was a women who got me into the country without a man (Husband) I was to be kept on a workers compound. Saudi is built on social class. Saudies being on top and then American workers, then Canadian and British people, so on and so forth until you get to the working class. My home compound was called K3. It was on the out skirt of the dessert that surrounded Ryhad. My mother was forced to live there because the other women and western people were not suppose to see a single women raising her child on the western Compounds. I spent 16 months on that compound. I slept on the bleacher because I had to take 3 buses to school. My journey to school began at 5:45 am every morning. I woke up to the Prayer call. At my buss stop I would often watch my bus driver finish his morning prayer and I would start my day moving to school. By lunch I was exhausted. The school was tough. I went almost every day. Again because my mother was a women the king fahd national guard hospital would not pay the enormous bill the school sent home once a month. I think it was like 13 thousand American dollars a year. Not bad. Any man (who made more because of his sex) would also have the tuition paid by the Hospital, but my mom paid. Looking back she made some enormous sacrifices to have me there with her. So I slept on the bleachers almost everyday. I was a a renegade, I went to school with kids that were really naive to the real world that they were going to be put in. I remember how unhappy I thought I was at the time. I blamed my mother. I was such a blind little fuck, but I did sacrifice my old lifestyle to expose myself to a new culture. Well by the end of the year I was a stress case. I had transitioned from a rebellious little kid who never got good grades into an honor student who hated living in Saudi. Looking back on that time puts a smile on my face. I appreciate the sacrifices my mother made and the risks I took. Both me and my mother grew. Honestly if it was not for my mom who had to deal with a 15 year old boy who was trapped on a Filipino compound in the middle of nowhere, I would have gone back home, probably to fail school and end up like all the other kids who are only exposed to the same old same old. Now with the way the world is turning Im happy to have lived in the middle east. Im happy I was exposed and forced to deal with cultural differences in a way that no one else was. I was one of the most unique prospectives on the world as we know it that Im actually aware of. Its always hard having that knowledge that I have,and the prospective that I have because know I have to sacrifice myself my offering information that often is not typical in western cultures. I have that knowledge though, and I know the truth in my mind. Living in Saudi was one of the best experiences of my life.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I can recongnize it too

I see that everywhere
Genesis 3

The assignment is to recognize religion outside of its typical context. I personally see religion everywhere. I live and breath God these days. My life is going so well. I have so much to do I can't actually do it all, at least that's what I think. Until I just give up and do the best I can and put my trust in God. God isn't Jesus to me. I'm Jesus to me. To me Jesus was a man that could make others understand that they are themselves "God". Understanding that there is more to life then what’s visible, tangible, believable. Jesus it that to me. I recognize that if you look around us there is no way in hell that we would have such a great world to live in. I recognize that because God teaches us through our lives. That is if we can keep our minds open.
The other day I was up working my ass off trying to get my school work finished and my photos uploaded. After counting all the dates I did photo shoots I realized I was working my ass off for a very small sum of money. I got discouraged because the whole time I've been working I had this feeling like I was on the right path. That feeling comes from my inside. That feeling has nothing to do with money, but it has to do with my happiness. God wants me to be happy right? Well then why was I not making enough cash to feel comfortable as a father that contributes enough to his child's life. I was upset, but literally in that instant, the minute my thoughts were going astray I received a phone call, "Is this Itsyourphoto?" a voice with a unique accent asked on the other line, I said "yes". Then the voice asked "do you do head shots?" I said "yes". I got work the instant I asked for it. Now it might have been coincidence but I think God knows what I'm doing. I think he knows I'm trying to follow my own path that was created for me by him or her whatever. Yeah it's just a coincidence right. Well that picture is being published as a poster. That does it for me "thanks God".
Now I have another story, when I started driving the cab I lived in Banff, I was a drug addict and I loved to want to die (I thought). Well I drove hundred of fares in Banff. Many became regulars. Lots of the locals (really just transients living in Banff for the fun of it) liked to call me up special because I was one of the best drivers in the universe. Well one used me as an Alibi. On a Saturday morning I was called up by a RCMP officer who asked if he could come talk to me about a ride I was reported to have given. Right away I knew that whoever said I drove them, lied. I wasn't working that night. I asked the RCMP officer who it was, Matt ....... I knew the guy, I asked him what he was accused of. The officer took a deep breath and said "break and enter and Rape." I gasped. I remember the kid vividly, he was from St. Albert, we actually talked several times about people we grew up with.(I was raised in ST. Albert.) Well I thought that sucked, the rape was talked about all around town, I guess the women was severely beaten and was also very traumatized. Scary! Well my girlfriend got pregnant a few weeks later and I moved back to Edmonton and became a cabby here. I cleaned up my act to be a father. I was ridding the streets in a different state of mind. I was not just a neutral force in the world I was a good guy. I was here to raise a sun. Two months into the Edmonton taxi career I had a flag, 107 ave and 115st. Bad hood. Lots of hookers, but I was still new. I was still very open minded about all people. I had just sobered up, I was a fearless good guy who believed in God. Well I pulled over for the two. They both got in, I could smell the prostitute. I could smell pimp and crack head too. I let them in and asked "where to?" the greasy women said "turn around." I looked back at the two and recognized Matt. the guy who used me as an Alibi. I found him before anyone else. I found a rapist with a prostitute high on drugs in the worst neighbourhood in the city. That was God showing me how powerful he is, how he can cross my path with whatever he wants. The rapist recognized me, the two got out of the taxi. I was still new at the good guy game and I did not do anything about what had happened. The reason I believe it happened was because that's how God shows himself to people. (Intimate knowledge of good and evil) He answers our questions, he shows us who we are as long as we are open. Recognizing religion is really about recognizing when God is exposing himself to you. If your lucky you'll get to understand what's happening, if not it's because he doesn't want you too. I believe in God. I believe I believe in God just like Jesus did. I love my neighbours. I follow my heart and move in the direction I believe to be righteous and good. God is everything.
The reason I wanted to start a blog in the first place was to talk about what I was seeing on the streets of Edmonton. I often found myself in situation that I never expected to be in. I found myself exposed to situation that almost non of the people my age who lived in the same city as me had ever been exposed to. I did this looking for answers. I started writing about my life as a taxi cab driver because I was willing to dive into the real heart of my city. I had faith in a higher power that I could really dive in without fear.
I remember my first night as a blogger, it was slow. I was so excited to have a medium to write about my adventures and non were happening. I was just driving around guzzling up gas. The whole night was almost over and my heart never skipped a beat. It sucked. I was already thinking about what I wanted to say. I was talking smack to the allmighty for not offering me anything good. I got a call after that, not far from the shopping complex off of 170th and Stony plain Rd. It was a 19 year old kid, he wanted a prostitute. I had done that kind of thing before. I had a method. If they wanted a girl they would have to get out of the car to solicit her. He found a 54year old women outside of the 711. She was able to service the young gentlemen in the back seat in about the time it took to drive three or four blocks. The situation overwhelmed me. I was asking God for adventure and that's what I got. Now the most interesting part of the story is that after was all said and done the prostitute needed a ride back to the 711. I drove her back. I asked her questions, I probed for answers. I found out she had 3 kids, and that she was just addicted to crack. We stopped at a red light. I was in shock from the ordeal, but it was a situation I created. I exposed my self to it. I asked God to put me there. I was obviously there to record that event in my blog. Now here is when fate jumps in, kind of the grace of God. It involved the radio. "lake of fire" by Nirvana started playing, the main lyrics in the choros of "lake of fire" are "Where do bad folks go when they die, they don't got to heaven where the angels fly they go to a lake of fire and fry." The song relaxed me. I started singing it to the women sitting behind me. She was a prostitute and I was looking for a good story. The words to one of my favorite songs did nothing for her. The moment I looked back at her singing those lyrics she jumped out of my car and into the back seat of the blue car beside me. The car had been following us the whole time. They were all bad folks to me. They were all already dead. They couldn't even hear the words to the song. That song reminds me of that moment, it reminds me that those people are not to be judged by me but by someone else, something else. A figure that not only has the power to judge them but bring them back to life. And that can be anyone, anytime. I see religion everywhere.
I also have a close relationship with good and evil, it’s a relationship I created. It’s a relationship that can be fixed. Just remember to love the person next to you, because something out there is always watching us, eating those tasty fruits of the forbidden tree.
check out the movie

Friday, October 23, 2009

I kept the book for some reason

These day's I make my own hope. I cling to my idea of freedom and happiness. I hope that the path I've chosen is the correct one because I have devoted myself to it. I focus my life on my own hope. The hope that I know in my heart is mine and mine alone. Others try to give me hope but that's just not the way for me to actually achieve whatever I'm hoping for. God gives me hope, but God is a part of me. Gods will for me is mine and that gives me hope that I'm on the right path. In 2005 after the drugs lead me to the psych ward I was given a little book of hope. The women that gave it to me was a person who had a few years on me. She was a sever case of borderline personality. She was often found wondering the streets looking to get high. Looking back I'm sure she was a prostitute. She was in the psych ward. I remember telling her my drug of choice (Dexedrine) a potent pharmaceutical stimulant. She knew the drug. She talked about how she used to use it with her boyfriend. She told me that he has a big prescription too. Well anyway one afternoon while I was doing my craft assignment she came up to me and handed me a book "A little book of hope". I talked a lot about about God and Jesus when I was high. She must have sensed that, because the book is about become a Christian. I read that tiny little book and the last thing it did was give me hope. I wasn't allowed out side, Hope was the last thing that I possessed. I was truly dead at that point in my life. The doctors threw me out of the hospital when their treatment was found to be futile for me. I just was not willing to trade one powerful prescription drug (that I loved) for another one. The new drugs they insisted I take where mood stabilizers. Tegratol, Lithium, that kind of stuff. The type of drug that makes you settle for hope you don't even really like. The type of drug that makes you sit down and eat. The type of drug, that to me, killed my hopes and dreams. They kicked me out and diagnosed me as anti social. Funny, I got thrown in the dungeon for being in a severe drug induced psychosis and within a week everything was different.
How do I get my hope, where can I find it. I find hope in every step I take in my direction. When I see my Sun is living, and growing happily I know my hope is taking me in the right direction. The other day I was putting my Sun to bed with me and he found this little book it was called "A little book of Hope.' We read it together as his bed time story.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Suck it!

The writing seems to be taking a step back since I started school. i failed a soccer exam today. Rough, that just threw my grade point average out the door. The test wasn't hard. my terminology was just off. Instead of swerve kick its a swivel. Whatever Nevermind. I love that class and I always try my damnedest to play hard and have fun. I failed for whatever reason. School has been rocking. I have been falling for it for sure. Faculty are great, I even have a few teachers who like me. I also Have a few who don't understand me. That's life AI guess. Its probably one of the better parts of it. Diversity! I was plagiarized a while back. The Joyce essay, yep some person straight up stole the whole thing. They changed it up but the quotes had spelling mistakes, the other essay had the same quotes and the same mistakes. I don't think the person who stole the piece realized I was a student in the same class. The teacher asked me into her office. She was upset that because of the offense she had to do lots of extra work ensuring that I did not plagiarize either. The best part of this story is, right before we were suppose to hand in the essay I read this girls introduction paragraph. It looked like mine. I was even overheard saying "wow that sounds just like mine." I thought I was just a typical thinker. Because of that I thought my ideas weren't unique. When the teacher called me in to review the situation she mentioned that the ideas presented by me were unique. That put a smile on my face. The person being looked at for plagiarism probably thinks I ratted her out. That's not the case. The teacher saw the work was stolen. I'm not sure if the plagiarist is in any real trouble, but I hope she is. Just because she's a thief. She seems to be telling the rest of class mates that she was falsely accused. Yeah right! I hope she comes back to my blog to read this post. "the only reason I know who you are is because you let me read my introduction in your essay. I don't think you knew that you stole from me. It was an idiotic move. I hope you stay in school, but I hope you've learned your lesson. I have nothing to be ashamed of, you do."

Friday, October 16, 2009

Screw your hero!

I do have a hero. Growing up in suburban St.Albert was a great time in my life. I had it all, a big house, my family, friends and all the amenities that are part of a normal North American upbringing. Unfortunately on my 12Th birthday I was smacked in the face with reality. My mother left my father. She took me and my older brother out of our home and moved us out to the low income neighbourhood in St. Albert. We lived in a massive apartment complex. Not what I was used too. It happened on my birthday so the separation had a tremendous impact on my view of life and how thing seem to work out. I remember listening to the bare naked ladies as a child growing up in the house my father built. I remember singing songs like "If I had a million dollars" and thinking what I would do with that million bucks.
After the separation my life changed and life wasn't filled with the same happiness it was before. I got jaded and I remember looking for answers. This was about a year after Kurt Cobain killed himself. His music was still very much a part of main stream society. Before moving to the massive housing complex I was never exposed to cable TV, but after the separation Much music became a part of my existence. I lived for it. It was the 90's. Cobain was dead but his influence seemed to have stayed. The man was my hero and he blew his head off before I even knew who he was.
Curt Cobain was an addict. He shot heroin and did drugs. Unfortunately being so heavily influenced by him I desensitized myself to those types of things. I moved in the direction of substance abuse. On my 22ND birthday I decided to actually move forward and try to do what I wanted. I totally started to indulge in indulgences I wanted to. Just like i decided to love Nirvana when I was twelve. I was devoted to living my life like a punk start who just doesn't care, because that's what I actually wanted.
I found myself on prescription drugs locked up in a psych ward in Calgary a year later. I had dropped out of university of Wisconsin Green Bay and traveled to Florida and then all the way up to Banff where my car broke down. I tried to get my prescription refilled but the doctor had told me I was psychotic and needed help. I was trapped in a hospital against my will and still I was a devout Cobainist. I remember when I got out of the hospital what I wanted. The doctors took my drugs away and really forced me to look for different way to satisfy my needs. My girlfriend was with me at the time of release. She got pregnant.
Since then I realized what a coward Kurt Cobain was. He had a child, and for whatever reason he committed himself to an escape lifestyle, which is OK but he had a daughter and he abounded her. Even though I idolized the king of grunge I just could not abandon my child. I wasn't ready for what was coming but almost t immediately changed who I was. My child was a way out of the broken home. The best thing I learned from Kurt Cobain was to follow my heart to the death if I have to. Now I know my heart lies with my child. He is my new hero. Now my favorite part about growing up addicted to Nirvana is that I can rip a solid punk riff on my guitar.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Joyce isangry because Joyce Knows Love

James Joyce uses geographic, religious, and political metaphors to draw the reader through his dark perception of Ireland’s true reality. Ireland specific geographical position plays a role in the manner in which Joyce presents the story of "Araby". Religious undertones are used bring to light negative ideas that imply that the Catholic Church is losing its stronghold over the religious Irish people. Political ideals disguised by the immature nature of the main character help Joyce sculpt a dark and dreary picture of Ireland in its current state of nationalistic leadership. The author carefully takes the reader into the world of his innocence and describes how his perception of clarity turns day into night.
Joyce uses the house at the end of his street to portray the country of Ireland. It's a symbol, a representation of Ireland. "An uninhabited house of two stories stood at the blind end, detached from its neighbours." (Joyce 1000). Ireland is found on the western coast of Europe, detached, isolated from the rest of the continent. Ireland is pushed up against the Atlantic ocean, a country removed from its peers, a global dead end. An island who's citizens have been split into two different religions, layering society like the two stories of the house. The reformers called the English Protestants, and the Irish Catholics. Joyce uses dark imagery to define not only the house on the dead end (Ireland) but all of Europe. "The other houses of the street, conscious of decent within them, gazed at one another with brown imperturbable faces." (Joyce 1000). This type of imagery can be construed as anti-Irish.
Joyce sees religion as the force that had possessed Ireland, but has died. Leaving Ireland a vacant run down house, open to exploration, and exploitation. "The former tenant of our house, a priest, had died in the back."(Joyce 1000). This leaves the children of the neighbourhood as the new possessors of the home. The narrorator inherits the house in an illegitimate way. Joyce connects the main character to the house, giving us the impression that the child is the new heart of Ireland. An illegitimate heart, that is still too young to understand what it holds. The narrator’s experiences and their outcomes define what the narrator feels. The narrator is Ireland in the story, now that the old priest has died. The boy uses the house, the room which the priest died in to express his desires. " I went into the back drawing room in which the priest had died ... pressed my hands together until they trembled, murmuring O love! O love! many times. (Joyce 1001). The narrorator has a longing to be accepted and to be loved . Organized religion is set on the backburner to love in the story. This would have been viewed as anti Catholic meaning anti Irish.
The main character is exposed to a certain view on life politically. "We walked through the flaring streets....the nasal chanting of the singers who sang a come-all-you about O'Donovan Rossa or a ballad about the troubles in our native land. The noises converged in a single sensation of life for me." (Joyce 1001). Joyce is implying that the new keepers of Ireland (keepers of the house at the end of the street) primary outlook on life was a sensation of revolution. In other words instability and chaos were prevalent giving the impression that Ireland is on shaky ground. This could also be interpreted as anti-Irish.
Ireland is a house on a dead end road. The old Catholic soul that had been taking care of it has died. A young boy has replaced the Catholic priest as the head of the house, but the boy isn't ready. He inherited the house illegitimately. The boy’s goal is to be accepted, and to love. Joyce finished the story, "Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and derived by vanity and my eyes burned with anguish and anger" (Joyce 1004), leaving the reader with the impression that Joyce feels Ireland is an immature child with high hopes that are destined to fail. "Araby" was written by Joyce to show the audience, the masses how he felt about the nation from which he came. Although he may have ultimately had loyalty towards his native land, his distain for Catholicism and the political, religious and socioeconomic status of Ireland is clearly evident in much of his work. "Araby" is no exception to this, even as it looks at alternate themes of love, innocence, and his character's epiphany of the futility of his idealism. This might have been seen as anti Irish.



Works Cited:

Joyce, J. “Araby”. The Harbrace Anthology of Literature 4th ed. Ed. Jon C.
Stott, Raymond E. Jones, and Rick Bowers. Toronto: Thomson
Nelson, 2006. 1000-1004.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Covenant talk

Israel can be defined by a few thing, there's Jacob, then the is the nation, and there are the Israelis. Why does the nation of Israel need a covenant? Well because the people of Israel believe in the God of Abraham, they understand all the relationships between God the earth and people were broken. To live life without constant fear of death God needed to create a relationship with is folk, one that would allow them to live life with order. The ten commandments are the basics to living in any community. At the time of the Exodus the Israelis needed a promise from god that he wouldn't kill them for breaking rules. So God allowed them a sacrifice. More or less a nice Goat or some grain for the poor people. This system allowed most people to live in somewhat of a harmony with God and the people around them. Except the rich abused this sacrifice stuff, but God sees through that. He doesn't send these rich abusers of sacrifice to hell though, God that is. Because Hell hasn't been invented yet, but its coming I can feel it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

doesn't always suck.

Why Life Sucks
Life starts to suck in Geniuses 3. The serpent, the cheat, the spineless little twister of words, convinces Eve to eat the apple from the tree of knowledge. The fruit screws her up, bad. Then she hooks up Adam, the fruit mess's the two up, bad. After eating the fruit they feel guilt, and fear, the basics to true knowledge of good and evil. A little vanity maybe.
The Enuma Elish is the Babylonian creation myth. Its all about how people are rotten bags of dirt sent here to slave for the Gods. Who I bet had a bunch of rich king friends. We were made of a Chaos monster and blood. Life is crappy. This myth totally goes with today. But there is no way out. there is no reason for living in this myth. Humans have knowledge, our intimate knowledge with life is pushing us to grow. Humans are reaching for God. Humans are innately sinful, bad, naughty, whatever. They are also good. Life doesn't always suck.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Ushers House

It's in me, the House of Usher. We've been possessed by them all, the Ushers, for centuries now. Roderick, holds what's left of me in his faint and poor pounding heart- there, if you haven't guessed, is where you'll find our pain, what gives us our smarts our gain. Through the corridors, through the veins, you'll find my eyes are closed windows that still let in the rain. A family, a house, I was built here to stay. Now is much later, the years have become endless, and there is apathy, and I have began wasting away. My lady is dying, she is my phantasm, with her I hold my fear, I can now watch her until she disappears. It is now autumn, and the rain is going to be followed by the snow. Our trees are all dying and the swamps stink has started to grow, and it's starting to create an insufferable low. The tarn is showing us each other a reflection that molds. And the fungus has overgrown our Kingdom the hierarchy the thrown. My dreams are getting shorter, I'm becoming uninhabitable. There is that deficiency, that dishonesty inborn to serve the family. The lie that never really allowed me to show my instability, it has grown. The cracks, the rat, the insects, the weeds, all of them sent here to fester and breed. That boy has his twin sister, she is here to remind him of that indecision, that incoherent inconsistency. It's me the house of Usher, I stand together because together me and thee fall. Over centuries we've collected evil into a heart that can no longer even crawl. That's us the house of Usher, we’ve been crushed by one another, we are so small.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wet

What drives us? Remember what drove me. It was you. What ever I meant by that at the time. My fares, Fuck! what is my fare now. The photo gig is growing for sure. My student loans are coming and I've officially acquired a dept. My own massive dept. School is cool and fun but it's expensive. I'm not worried about the cash issue right now or am I? The ground I'm walking on seems to feel like water. Maybe I'm standing on ice right now, speaking from a metaphoric stand point. I could break through and sink, fail all my classes. Get in dept. I returned to yellow taxi today, to cash some of my old Visa slips I had, about a hundred bucks worth. The cashier told me I was accumulating interest. The accident I was in where I was falsely accused of running a yellow. The insurance companies want their money, so i got to pay the deductible, even though I'm innocent till proven guilty. I think I'm going to be found innocent. The girl that hit me paid her ticket. She was guilty. I can't afford to pay the massive deductible. It's over a thousand dollars. Greedy company. Interest. Screw them. I'm not falling through. I'm sliding across. the foundation which I chose to drive myself on is going to hold me. Support me because I chose the right path. I am .........

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Bombs Away

The days move on and on. Rapidly changing my life my circumstance. I have a court date coming up soon. The left turn incident, it all happened so fast. Unbelievable that the asshole cop wrote me a ticket too. We all know it was the young women out to buy stimulants who hit me. She did, She hit me. It all happened so fast. October 29Th is my night to be there or be square.
So school, is acceptable. It's beyond that, it incredible. My psych teacher puts his whole course online. So we don't even need to come to class. I said "Professor we're all social animals. We need to connect to each other. We need to be in the presence of others to satisfy our enormous appetite for attention from others." He told me "well while your online listening to my lecture why don't you log onto your facebook account and have a chat with a friend." The whole class laughed. Made me kind of sad. I like being involved with my peers. I like to know the people who are interested in the same subjects I am. Unfortunately my chance to talk to my fellow class mates is going to be limited to test dates and exam review days. Oh well.
The best part of my time at Concordia so far has been the Media man. the schools presidents right hand man. He's a the guy who is creating Concordias public image. Given us the shine. The school is immaculate. The only thing wrong with it is that I don't make money being here. Otherwise this is a school any parent should send his kid too. I haven't even met any kids on drugs yet. Drunk maybe, but not one on drugs. Not even any rich coke heads here to appease their nagging rich father. I'm keeping my eye wide open though for a flaw. It could be like that green screen I was using while taping the next Concordia ad campaign, what I'm seeing could all be an illusion.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Inferno Bucket

As long as she can ride in the Porch, she doesn't care about the other women. That's what I think women really want. They want access to a really nice car. Young women don't want a solid guy(if you get my drift) they want a man that fits into their princessy world of shiny shoes, and jewelry. I never want to be part of that fantasy, But I do hope I have a nice ride. Sweet wheels, that get me from a to b, my Mazda 323 is falling apart. I love that it get 800km to a tank of gas though. It needs work and I can't afford it. Hope my girlfriend likes an old, little, green ride.
Totally waiting for my student loans, I even bought my book with my own money. I have a feeling I'm going to go hungry before I get that check from the government. A check that I have to pay back. So you all know , I'm not getting a hand out like I did with guru. I'm getting a student loan. I don't even know how much their gonna give me. Not too much, I'm a psych major what are the chances I'm actually gonna get a job that makes me any money. Fucking psychology, God damn why? Why do I like such cheesy shit? Why can't I just love driving truck, or construction work. God why didn't you make me into the rest of the world. Big and dumb and ugly. Fuck God I feel dumb and ugly and small. Hey God, I'm looking for work and I'm babbling cause I'm hungry.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

KissKiss

Writing is keeping in you touch with your moment. Whats been groovin in my part of the movin. Concordia. Great school. Great, Great, Great, school so far. The same professors as the UofA, smaller class sizes. Awesome kids. So far. I played soccer. It's actually a class geared toward "How to Coach" a soccer team. I like soccer. I ran my heart out. In touch with my physical self? No, but I'm gonna be. My heart was pounding, I could breath though. I stopped smoking almost three years ago I think. Man I've changed. I've adapted my life to fit adulthood.
Psychology, my major. Well I'm almost finished any classes that involve anything psychology. I do have a Learning and Behavior class and it rocks. Behaviorists? We are a product of our environment. John Lock mother fuckers. There is no conscience. We are just reacting to life. I want to go further then my environment is telling me. I want to succeed because there is something inside of me that wants me to live my life. I'll achieve self actualization. Move beyond the norm. Make a difference. My environment told me to write that. My reaction to the world around me. I bought text books. 250$ and that was at half price. Love ya Bye.

Monday, September 7, 2009

I'm Rich, and wealthy. Attractive?

It's your photo. com was officially started as of this weekend. People were happy as pie to have their pictures taken by yours truly. Yet still I only have three clubs to shoot next weekend. I need more people to let me take photo at their clubs. I'm not going to go broke trying, I'm gonna get rich working my ass off and marketing the web site. Hits are coming in. People are making their way to the site to see themselves. Not sure if they are uploading the pics though. I wounder if the flicker account tells you that you've had people actually upload the photos. I love those photos. I love that style of work. Someone just asked me if I could shoot a fundraiser next week. I can make a little on the side and also promotionalize myself with itsyourphoto.com. This would be a cooler idea if I could get people from all over the world to the site. If I could have actual international events on my list. I would love to be flown around the world to take photos. God are you listening.
I recently received a comment from a reader. I stab at Christianity. Man that was a malicious attack on a religion. Good for you. I like honesty. Jesus likes honest people too. So recently I had the opportunity to sign myself up to hang out with a disabled student. Not sure what his physical problems are but I know that they are hard core. Dealing with disability is something I'm going to have to learn to do in my job. I would like to learn how he communicates. Does he have the same style of thinking as me? Is he angry. All that stuff, I need to know.
Concordia is opening up lots of doors for me. I can tell. The school is obviously committed to creating a learning environment and gearing the students who are willing to a productive pace. I am so proud of myself for deciding to come to school. It's more then I deserve. Living in my own house. Taking care of myself and my sun, independently. Wow, now all I need is the part time photography biz to pucker up and make me some money. Rock on.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Baaaa BOOOM

It's raining cats and dogs out there today. Well off and on. I had my first official lecture in Intro to Christian faith. I asked the age old question, does God exist? I was told that we were going to learn about that. God is real in my mind, but I can see how he's not really understood by everyone. Maybe I'm full of shit who knows? I like going to school it's awesome. The kids are straight out of high school. You can tell there is some seriously pretentious rich assholes. I even saw an adolescent driving a Hummer. It was a cheap H2 or whatever, but I'm circling the outskirts of the campus looking for free parking for my Mazda 323. I am so broke, I know this photo stuff is going to pan out. It's gonna be close though. Rough and poor at first. I got 1000 cards printed. That's one of a couple of things I'm looking forward to do this weekend other then study of course. I hope the rain stops falling in time for the photo shoots. I need another battery for my camera bad! It's an expense I might have to risk today. last week my battery ran out while I was in the clubs. I got the shots I needed but still I was so fucking worried about it throughout the nigh I probably compromised a few shots. Whatever! I'll be on the ball this week. I mean this Friday, I'm going to sonic BOOM tomorrow. Yeeee Haw!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

fucking looney toons

Behavioral change is the topic of my psych class. I love psych. It's why I entered into the program. I was trying to figure out what I was doing in university, then I remembered I'm going to destroy any psych competitor. Whatever the fuck that means.
I'm inherently good at it. From Freud to Skinner, I understand the concepts before they arise. What I really want to do is build my own psych theory. A model that focuses on diagnosing problematic behaviors before they even happen. I want to create a theory that works, one that finds the real dangers to society before they even become a danger. One that stops people from committing suicide before they even think about killing themselves. Am I manic probably, but I also drank a phat cup of coffee. So who know if I'm bipolar or strung out? A good psychologist I suppose. Unfortunately they are few and far between. I think it's been a while since I've seen a doctor or shrink of any sort. Why I've been sober for over four years. On my own accord. Psychology starts with the person. You can't fix people that are not aware of their problems, can you. I'll figure it out and get Pfizer to build me a new drug, one that prevents craziness. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Grand Pa go jerk off cause I gave myself a second chance

Ok so I've simmered down. Man she must have pissed me off pretty bad for me to have written a blog about her. Even though my ex totally threw me a curve ball she actually left me an excellent child. God my sun is so bright. A star that's for sure. Makes me think about my dad. My dad is officially a dead beat father and grand father. If he still reads the blogs that'll stab the bastard in the rib. My father lives on the south side of Edmonton. In the past year I bet my dads seen my sun once, and that was at SouthGate. I don't care though. I'm trucking along I'm lucky that I have a kid. My life would suck without him. He is why I get up in the morning. Not my pa. Tonight I had to put him to bed and because of the recession and the job lose and the move into my new apartment I don't have a little baby bed for my little guy. He sleeps with me. It's often in those moments when you're putting this little three year old monkey to bed that you realize how good life is. When you can cradle your child to sleep in a big warm bed. It makes you smile, even though your always thinking about the next week and the cash you need to survive. That feeling of being able to give your child security. That's so far in my life the biggest pay off. My father raised me kinda. He was there most of the time. He never cradled me and he definitely never showed me any affection. Encouragement was given with a belt. I'm not like my father and it's his fault. Watching my parent fight my whole childhood taught me something, "don't fight in front of your kids and love and kiss them." Families are the fundamental part of a quality existence. To build a family and maintain it is to build and empire. My family is new to Canada, I have a Polish passport. I was born in Canada but my first language was Polish. My kid on the other hand is pure 100% Canada. Maybe now we can start building a lasting family because the one that parents hoped to build here in Canada died until my sweet ray of sunshine bounced into the planet.

x's suck

The hunger strikes. O.k so today I have my first class and I can't wait. Intro to Christian faith. All right!!! For real I can't wait to meet the kids. I'm hungry though. That's what I get for living by myself. My ex girlfriend is making my transition to becoming a successful student a difficult task. She just decided to take her unemployed ass to Calgary. I thought that because she was out of a job we could share the responsibilities of parenthood. I thought that because it's my first week of school she could help me arrange a comfortable schedule for me and my sun. Not a chance. My ex is as selfish as it comes. Hasn't worked in almost a year. Just had a flood hit her house, now she is spending insurance money for a living. She never made any transitions easy for me. From becoming a father to dealing with drug addiction. I'm a selfish ass too, but I' aware of it. Not her, she could rear end you and drive away, and if you confronted her about it she is the type that would say it wasn't her. She knows how to change the truth. It's actually kinda psycho, but don't tell her that cause she'll never admit to it. So now I'm going to my first class. I'm gonna keep you guys updated.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

In the name of Concordia

Concordia has arrived. Thanks to the assertivness of my assistant Dean to admissions I'm logged on to my computer through my campuss access pass. I'm a fucking twenty seven year old student. Plus I got a kid. Wow! I can already tell this is going to be a joy ride through hell and back.
This is a religious campus. That's new for me. I've even met someone looking to become a Pastor. Holy SHit. I have very little to do right now other then describe to you what I want out of this experience. I want a good story. I want an ending that keeps moving toward a positive goal. The campus is young and I know that I'm so fucking excentric that they might have a hard time understanding me. I guess there has to be an adaption. I have to change, not who I am, but how I interact with the delicate souls here in Concordia. Thats what I really want out of this Psych Degree.
I don't want to talk shit about the school, so far everyone here has been great. the staff I hear is conservitiv. The soon to be Pastor guy I met was sporting a conservitive t-shirt. Dealing with conservitive thinkers is a chalange for me but again learnign to deal with other styles of thinking is what I really want out of my education. I want to be part of a community. A comunity that's seen in the sun light. No more darkness, unless of course I'm out shooting those night club photos. That's a whole other web page.

Orientation day is sweet. Hords of young kids learning that university is like an unsupervised high school. Concordia has a gorgeous campus, it over looks the river valley. there is a Chappell, a church and it's a focal point. Unsupervised campus my ass, Gods out there, watching. I'm hungry, Gotta go.

this is where you should find me

www.taxitruth.com

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Taxitruth.com

Over the past several months I've been agonizing over FTP protocol. What an asshole? When I lost my hard drive all my web site stuff went up in smoke. The web site was in my servers memory though. The site was visible for months without me being able to modify it. I've properly connected to my server and the customer service I received from my web host rocked. I'm going to start using the system. Well I just want to show you people what I'm working on. My own web sit. taxitruth.com. Tell me what you think.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Loosing yesterday

Terwilligar is an area in south Edmonton that sprung up during the boom. Like most "boom" things the neighborhood is falling apart. Yesterday my sun was spending the night in my freshly moved into apartment. My ex girlfriend, the babies mama stayed the night as well. His mom and I are never going to be lovers again but we sure seem to stick together when it comes to raising our child. Well anyway she spent the night in my apartment and left her new Terwiligar home alone for the night. This morning she was awkwardly awaken with a telephone call from her rental suits property manager. "There has been an accident and your apartment has been flooded."
It being my morning to take my sun to daycare, I drove to the deep south end with him. My ex drove to her Terwiligar apartment complex. A series of building designed to accumulate excessive wealth for the contractor during the boom. To bad the developer hadn't finished fully developing the project when the economic bubble burst here in Alberta. The massive undertaking was brought to a slow down. No one could afford the skyrocketing prices of the housing unites. The prices fell and the already second rate work that was being done during the boom turned into third class trash. Last night my ex girlfriends entire life was drown by a water main break in her suit. She lost so many material possessions of her life. Form photographs, computer, cloths, babies first everything.
The flooding wasn't noticed till someone in the parkade stumbled upon a river of water accumulating in the concrete underworld. The best part about that is that my ex, yeah she lived on the third floor. Every suit under her was completely drenched. Non of the other residence notices the water level rise in there homes. Not until it was too late and a few million dollars in damages was done. Unbelievable, I've never seen what can happen when water attacks a house. The water was also steaming hot, very destructive. Imagine your apartment was leaking and no one noticed till the water drained into the deepest crevice in the joint.
All I want to say is Terwilligar is not Riverbend. IF you bought anything to live in south of 23rd ave you should probably be aware that you're living in a leaky house. You should also be aware that the neighborhood was designed by sheep for sheep. One more thing, Riverbend is still the best community in the dirty dank city of Edmonton.

Guitarist have nicer facial features then pianists

Summers up. Teachers are back to school cleaning out old class rooms, kids are getting ready for another shiny new year. The nights are so much shorter. Chilly too. The end of summer means my birthday is looming. I'm getting older. Years just seem to wizz by these days. Having a sun in my life makes living move at the speed of light. Just like this summer. This kick ass summer. I took this summer in. I sucked it up. Business spite me out. Life showed me love from all sides of the spectrum. I had a great summer.
My birth day always meant back to school. Since my twelfth birthday it meant great change. I was born on the 29th of august, end of the month. The year I turned 12 in 1994, that night I moved out of my childhood residence. The night the light shattered. My family broke apart for good. My parents divorced. Since then I've tried to change my existence dramatically every year. I'm going back to school this year. After four years of driving hack I'm going back to school. Shocking.....yes! I'm going back as a mature student, unemployed and a single father with rent to pay. Oh and don't forget student loans. Things sure were easy back in 2005 when on my 23rd birthday I jumped behind the wheel of a Banff Taxi Cab for the first time. It was an adventure. But I'm sure that at the time the transition from hard core prescription drug addict to fully capable working, loving father was a scary, daunting and hard task too. Change is a good thing I'm going to do while I'm in school. Schools all about learning to reflect all that you already know. I am so excited.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Phormaly known as Phank

My unemployment issues are being dulled out of my mind by my new job. It's not really a job....yet. So in the very beginning of the summer I was hired as a club Zone photographer. Cool gig. I got to go to the night clubs and photograph the patrons. Initially I sucked. Club Zone only had six paying gigs for me to shoot. I did them. Over those six shoots I did some mild upgrading to my camera stuff and I got better. One of the club owners liked my style and asked me to come back and I did.
I've been back about a dozen times now. I don't get paid much but I am getting exposure. Lots of it. I've done at least 400 pictures all involving 1 to 20 people. I'm learning to get them looking good. Well there is only so much I can do. My flash has become an extension of my arm. Lighting sucks in night clubs. Everyone looks good in the dark. That's something I learned in the Taxi.
The Taxi, I don't miss driving, I miss how I did it. I miss what I did. I'm doing it in other ways. I just got to get cash, make money doing what you want to do. Being who you want to be. The taxi was my medium. My stage. I was in control of more then just the car, I was in control of my where I was going. Taking people to where they wanted to be was a delightful burden to bear as long as I got to put on my show. A fare getting in my car meant a curtain was lifted off of me and when my top light was switched off, a spot light shined down on yours truly.
Taking photographs is sweet. Just the thrill of approaching someone to ask if they want their picture published on a clubs web sit. Most females want it. They pose for me before I even ask if I can take a picture. Club owners recognize that. That I'm actually getting them thrilled. That excitement is also translated into a photograph that is posted on a clubs site, the photograph becomes a marketing weapon. So I guess that taking photographs is beyond sweet, it's dangerous. That means that maybe there is potential for an explosive career ahead of me. Don't worry kids I got Ideas baby I got Ideas. Like common how many people do you know that can get the T.V stations to do stories on them.

Friday, August 21, 2009

This was a really unexpected day.

Global Edmonton is officially the Sponcer of www.myfares.blogspot.com. Not! but they did totally do a great story and they used every minute of the footage I produced, Rock and fucken role. Here is the link Cab coasts going down.
Here is the RSS feed. I just couldn't make a living. Here is the CBC link it's not my story it's the whole wed episode watch it then you can maneuver the video controls.
I got a cool shoe cord for my camera so and the clubs are waiting for me to shot their patron. I'm excited to try the new device, it lets me play with light by giving freedom with my flash. You guys tell me what you think of my exposure, I thought the Global part was great, Linda Nguyen was awesome and nice. Her camera man was on the ball too. He made sure my dirty house was out of the shot. You guys I must be one of the most powerful Barrel driver to ever exist, just wait it's my turn to bite the bullet. Oh and the CBC, Man I'm too flustered.

Texttual, talk. Take it easy baby!

How is taxitalk going to work without the taxi? Well I'll be the judge of that. Concordia. My new school has handed me my schedule. A miserable timetable filled with courses like "Brain Behavior change, Social psychology, Intro to Christ, Soccer and English lit. To top it off I have an Applied Music class. The price of the fifty minute lesson, 420$. The teacher smokes dope. No he doesn't! Yes he does! Fuck what a night without the taxi, broke and unemployed. I feel wealthy. I'm following a dream. I'm going to be a rock star. I mean psych asshole. I want a vehicle to dive my life, my story.
I'm getting a student loan. Right now the government is thinking about how much money they should give me. You see I'm a single father, but my babies mama is awesome(most of the time). So our relationship is civil and she claims him as her dependent. I toss her cash to even out anything financially uneven. I also take him in two or three nights a week. Well now that the money's all gone and I'm unemployed, I need the government to look at me as a provider and ease up on the student loan activity. I'm not worried, loans are a method the federalies use to bring in a profit. The banks and their interest payments? I've had three hundred bucks in the bank for almost one year now. I wish it collected five thousand dollars in tuition payments.
School is going to do it for me. Break me out of this box I've stuck myself in, this car, that container, my life, taxitalk. Brain Behavior Change, that's what I actually need. I'm not one of the young students anymore. I'm an oldy. Sagging, stinking, I've already reproduced. I'm not the youngest cabby anymore. That might give me an edge though, an "Intro to Christ" is class I have to take, I met Jesus in the back seat sober. Religion! Now that's gonna be new for me in School. I mean in post secondary, even though UWGB was totally a Bible thumping place. Who cares? God is a great thing to talk about, read about and think about. School is going to do it for me, the taxi isn't the social psych experiment, class is. The blogs gonna need to take part in all this stuff. The school is totally a part of my dream, the dream, I just have to make sure I stay on track. I mean keep the ball on the field cause it's Soccer ever Tuesday Thursday. Crazy!
I am my own way home. I'm the one who's going to pay his rent at the end of the month. I'm the one who's going to play out a great life for myself. Grammar and punctuation are going to be a part of that, so is this blog. No there won't be a new one. I'm the taxi, cause I'm the talk. I'm still going to go through life drilling the reality of life into the minds of others. Come on you don't think I can use an English lit class to bust out my way of seeing it. My story is awesome. If you turn back the pages nine months you'd read a killer story in my book. Peace the fuck out!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Eastern Prance, i'm a narcissist

La Shish: You're Girlfriend is Crying. from Sandy Phimester on Vimeo.

Unemployment without the insurance is a scary thang! Since I stopped cabbing my immune system has fallen apart and I've attracted a virus. I think I have a cold. FUck. Lovin every minute of it. I do feel like scurrying back to the job. You know running back with my tail in between my legs. Only to work like a dog for 1100 bucks a month. Fuck it. I might feel like I got diarrhea and the shits gonna hit the fan but I ain't running back to the good old bucket seat. The crown Vic is dead to me. From now on I'm a Boz. No, no there is so much going on around me. I'm going to finish my degree. I wish it was in photography but it's gonna be psychology. I'm actually pretty far along. I have a year left. It's a bastard though, going to school isn't like booting around downtown in a boat lifting people back to their pad. I'm going back thought, I've already invested some money to go. Money I can't get back. Money I wish I had. Unemployment is new to me. It's hard to get a job. I'll get it, along with an education, and ill start a band and raise a child. No problem. I'm the fucking man right! Right! Yeah this blog means to much to me. 'm going to have to update it all the time.
Peace with ignorance.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Blah blah blah

Tonight's done, finished, I'm moving on with my life. I washed the car tonight at 107 and 107, I was with two friends. Sandy was one of them, we did some photo shooting. Kinda crusified myself on the cab. Cool shots. I worked for several hours tonight, and even thought there was a folk fest there were no calls. It was my last night and I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to pay for gas. I got two calls, two eight dollar fares. One of them was a couple of girls that worked at Luck 13, a local night club. I asked them if they knew what a blog was, they both said "no". Then I asked them if they could read they both said "no." But there were hot, so I'm sure they'll do fine in the future. So I'm no longer a cabby. I gave myself up tonight. I hung myself out. I gave my boss back the keys to my car, a piece of my life. Fuck, I wonder how I'm going to do in the ordinairy world. I'm going to keep this bastard blog updated and I plan on starting a new one soon. I love writing, even though I'm sloppy. So the rat race, what's that like? Is there more money out there? Are you allowed to do whatever you want, like hold your hand in the wind and sing your favorite song on the radio as loud you can, whenever you want? Is there freedom out there in average land? I know there is. The best is yet to come, but I can't help feeling sad about leaving a job I adored. I fucking loved this job even when it became an expensive hobby. This is it though, for now!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

long time no look

Remember the girl who was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago and I drove her to the hospital, well I saw her again. She's doing much better, she looked way different. She told me that she has been going through the recovery process using professional help. Good for her. I'm happy she's moving on with stuff. Not me, I'm still so aggravated by my cities lack of attention to the drinking and driving problem. Edmonton should be ashamed at itself. The EPS should be replaced with gun yielding, cocaine selling, drunk and angry gang bangers. At least when the city is all chaotic and stuff we won't have an organization like the EPS lie to us saying "we're doing the best we can." If our police department did try to prevent drinking and driving I would probably still have a decent job. I can't do it anymore. Watch my life fall apart because of the recession, try to be optimistic about a city of mostly red neck nothings with only hell in their futures. This city is disgusting. Edmonton settles with mediocre everything. From public transport to the police service, it's all second rate. You know I'm right. God knows that this is a province of crap. I wonder if our mayor knows how bad the city is becoming. Fuck I wonder if he cares, on TV he always seems so caring, so understanding. Mayor please pay attention to the police, please do something to protect the city from being eaten by the ignorant monsters who are terrorizing our citizens. Please don't turn a blind eye to the night because one day you'll wake up and someone you knew will be dead, hit by a drunk driver. A driver that could have been stopped by preventative tactics that the EPS never use. 911 curb the danger is not working. Edmonton needs help. SOS mayor Mandel please look into it, please don't let me loose faith in humanity, I've already lost my income and my ability to provide for my family doing the job I love. Please Edmonton open your eyes and do something to make this shit hole a decent place to raise your children. Oh and on a happier note there was this women, totally a little fire ball, well she told me my voice was so sexy I should record myself reading erotic novels and sell that when I'm unemployed. lol. Imagine me saying with my deep voice "and she grabs the long, solid shaft and begins to stroke....."
Now back to the pain. lets all remember this before we get in our cars and drive anywhere loaded

A man in Jeopardy from taxitruth on Vimeo.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

I'm loosing it, MY MIND

Our day is not what it used to be. The season change quickly here. The nights are getting longer and colder. Remember when you were a kid and you realized the sun stays out late in the summer. I remember the instant it happened to me. Today I drove someone that told me a childhood friend of mine past away. I drove a person that knows everyone I grew up with and moved away from, this guy knows them now. You think about stuff when you remember the past. Tonight was almost a good night. It's funny how it happens, how sometimes things work out in you favor. You drop someone off at a house where someone else needs a ride. I call that a "Bingo" and lately scoring any money is like a prize. God knows that if I did this job for the money, I would've split in January. Schools coming. September is almost here. I'm still waiting to find out about my student loans. Fuck I'm off topic. K. tonight was a great night to drink and drive. It was intense, impaired driving at the max. I saw several serious collisions. I took no pictures, and I ignored every drunk son of a bitch I saw. The nights are getting chilly already, I had great summer, my body is tanned from head to toe. A fare of mine, an army guy, young, is going to Afghanistan. Such a cool Kat. Unique. He told people in training camp about me and my blog. Totally a strait edge, cool guy. He's my friend and he's going to War. I'll see him soon. I also drove this little guy, called himself a midget, Davy. He wasn't a midget, he withdrew 500$ from the Scotia Bank to smoke crack all night in the South Bend Motel on Calgary Trail. The worst part about it was that it was his wife that drove him to it by trying to prevent him from indulging. Angry little fellow, bald a and punchy. There were also these musicians, a couple guitar players and a girl from the band great lake swimmers they were really cool. I think their band is bigger then I realized. Their Folk style. Deep. I think I drove most of the band. One of them even gave me a pick. Watch you guys I'm gonna rip it up like nobodies business, thanks great lake swimmers.

Great Lake Swimmers - Stealing Tomorrow (Legion Sessions) from nettwerkmusic on Vimeo.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Taking its toll


Photo by Sandy Phimester
Fuck! I know I'm back again. This job is hard to ditch. All you kids out there who've been driven by me know, they know I love my job, it's a big part of my life. Tonight I drove an academic. When he told me that he was an academic I wasn't sure what he meant. Then he said " I teach Political Science at the University." I asked him "Teach me something." He kinda laughed then said "with the rise of the middle class all over the world, especially in the heavily populated areas there is going to be an increase of need for protein." Then he looked me in the eyes from the back seat through the rear view and said "Saskatchewan is gonna be huge." He also said something about the Internet. If you would like to learn more go to the University of Alberta. The early evening was good. A few fares, theses two crack dealer whose bro just got out of the Remand Center. Actually they just called me like a minute ago, had to tell them that I only work till five am. Pretty sure they were watching the candle burn from both ends. METH. I had a few weird things happen to me, things I felt happened on purpose. The first was, at eleven as all the people were leaving the Folk Fest I decided to try to avoid any long line-ups and traffic back ups and stay clear of the venue. Well I caught a flag. I was very lucky. Some people had decided to walk to Downtown but as they got further away from the Folk Fest the more they realized it was late and cold and they needed a taxi. They flagged me down. They gave me their address. " Stony Plain Rd and 130 something street. I looked up at them and told them "I know that address." Then I heard a voice in the back seat say "Jacob." That put a smile on my face. I knew them and we met up by coincidence, what are the chances? That fare was beyond generous. Then as I was driving up Whyte ave I spotted a dude, a fare from the past, someone who had read the blog and commented. I poked my head through the window and silently screamed "Mickey." He looked at me and said "Jacob." I waved him in right away. We started talking, then out of nowhere he said " I owe you 40$ for driving me that time." I didn't know what he was talking about. I guess I had given him a ride and he didn't have the cash to pay. Then he lost my number and never was able to repay me. I forgot. All I remembered was that he had left an excellent comment on the blog. I remember thinking about him a few times, and why he stopped calling. Then there was this friend of mine who I met on the street next to 711 just out of the blue. He said "I knew you drove a Taxi. I think I saw you over there a few hours ago." He pointed toward the school close to where I dropped off the Political Scientist a few hours earlier. That was weird. He had already seen me. I also drove this rigger. Travels the world working in places like Syria and Iran. Well he was pissed with immigration Canada and he told me to tell you guys to read this about immigration. After looking at it I realized the guy was very radical and a little extreme, but hey who knows. He paid me very well. Then later I parked next to New City and well wouldn't you know Bryan Birtles from the Vue Weekly was chatting it up with some of the clubs patrons. He looked over and at the cab and then I heard him say "Jacob, is that you?" Again a smile came to my face. We chatted and then I continued into the night.I made no money, but toward the very end of the night I saw a guy walking up Jasper I took a second glance. It was Mickey, I did a U turn and caught up to the him. He had walked himself home form the bar. He said " I should have called you." All I could think was "you already gave me 40$ for nothing, I bet I was the last thing on your mind" I drove him the last block to his house, then I delivered a stool sample to Dyna Care.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

T.A.X....I Screw you You screw me

Photo By Bryan Birtles
My first fare was from the Ramada. Next to the Indy Race track. She was one of those women that liked to hang around the track watching all the guys strut their stuff without their shirts on. She was a hot chick. Tipped really well. After that nothing. Well I got a delivery from a continuing care center. Nutrient or something for older folks that can't chew. When I got to the Nursing home the delivery turned sour. I went Voice to try to get the number of the center to call because there was no one who answered the door bell. I rang it a few times then realized that it was late enough to possibly be disturbing an older persons sleep. I went back to the car. Still no answer from dispatch. I got frustrated about five minutes into the wait. I called Barrel, I was put on hold for another four or five minutes. The Nutrient was sitting in front of the door next to the door bell. A call taker answered my call. I asked her what was going on. I interrogated her. I wanted her to tell me why the dispatch unit isn't answering my voice requests, why I couldn't hear them over the Radio. I wanted to know why I was put on hold for five minutes but I'm averaging six or seven calls a Night. I wanted her to answer. If I was up in that office I'd fucking know everything. No one there "knows" anything about the fact that money is non existent. She hung up on me. Two minutes later a Continuing care lady took the Nutrient in through the doors. I ran up to meet her. I'd been there for a long time. Right as I got through the door though I got a call from the dispatcher. He was pissed with me. Said I was hassling the call taker, he was right. The guy yelling at me was my favorite dispatcher. They fucked up tonight. Not the call taker. Tonight I had a ride along. A dude from the View Magazine. We more or less drove around trying to find a flag. They were non existent. The Indy wasn't what it was panned out to be but there was definitely some cool shit. Unfortunately no one needed a taxi. I bitched about my Love for the taxi and how I was having trouble giving it up. I'm addicted you know. FUck! We found a few fares. Three I think and I made 60$ in those three hours. Last night was one of the busiest nights of the year and it died before it was born. What a bastard. We did have this one fare. A bunch of Quebecois. Crazy. They were with this chick. Well Nirvana started playing on the radio and we all had a crazy sing along. It was spectacular. I've kinda of given up hope of continuing driving, but like I said I'm addicted.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Happy to have had a few good Fares

The night was eventful. Not financially but it was a fantastic night. Warm and all that junk. I miss making a living. I can't support myself as a cabby. I don't make enough cash to pay rent anymore. I'm using my savings this month. There goes the Camera I've been saving for. Who cares? I can do anything I want with the equipment I got. The fares? oh yeah. Tonight I had this bitchy teacher. She teaches kindergarten kids in Hobbema. Hard core hey? She was mean, I liked her. You could tell she was a good teacher. There was a few guys who liked me so much they said "You should manage my brothers band, he lives in Calgary." They were serious. I told them to give me a call. The drunk drivers were out in full force. One after another just cruising around not a cop in site to stop them. Oh I did see a bunch off EPS investigating a crash where a tiny car hit a Grey Hound. Everyone lived. I drove a band The Apresnos, they were the nicest kids I could have had in the Taxi. God bless you bastard musicians. I only say this because I also trapped a member of Ten Second Epic in the back of the cab. I locked him in and tried to close the window but the mother fucker was to strong and he clawed his way through the window. The only way I was able to stop him was through his stomach. I threw a box of Taquitos at him and by the time he was done we were at his house. Where he got out and announced to the world "it's my twenty fifth birthday." Getting a rock star at the end of a slow night is exhilarating. God Bless that animal. God Bless the world, man we need it.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Blow it bitch.


I work in an industry that involves sex. Yes Sex! Last night as I was dutifully making my awful rounds around the dead city of Edmonton I stumbled upon a group of two. They were a couple, the girl was wearing a bra and the guy looked like the average thug rig pig. The girls clothing was provocative but she looked kept. Like she wasn't a street walker. She was actually very attractive. When they got in the car I mentioned how lucky I was to get the half naked woman. The guy wasn't in the mood to chat he said "Sherwood Park, take Baseline!" and then the two started humping. Dry at first but it progressed into intercourse I'm pretty sure. I was trying to keep to myself even though the cab ride was gonna last at least 20minutes. The girl was already half naked when she got in. The two went at it hard, I just kept the music loud. At a certain point (Baseline and 17st) I believe the girl went down on the guy for a good skull fucking. Couldn't see anything because of the shield but I could tell because of the repetitive knocking against the metal wall that stands between me and the fare. When we entered Sherwood Park I asked for a more specific address. I got no answer so I just kept going , until Sherwood Park ran out. Then the guy told me where to go. I asked "did you guys make a mess." The girl said "we didn't even do anything. Got a lighter?" I had matches. They both sat there and smoked. I made 60$ off that ride whatever they did in the back seat was worth it cause 60$ is a very good rate in these times. One of my last fares was this girl, 18. Young and dumb. About half way through the ride she realized I'm a cool guy and she doesn't want to run on me but she has no money. She was going to party with some guys . I said "the guys will give you cash, you're the only girl at the party right?" She said " I am the only girl at the party, do you think they'll give me cash." I said "Yes." I also thought to myself "you're gonna have to suck some cock for it." She was kind of that type of person. The type that ends up on the curb at the end of the night because she sucked the guys off to keep her at the party, not for the cash to go home. Harsh....

Monday, July 20, 2009

Law Enforcement at it's best

Law Enforcment at it's best

Fuckmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!Smash

The designer is ready to move the fuck on. Just get his shit together and eat lunch. La Shish did it. 118st and Jasper ave. Try it. I picked up a couple of people. Four fares. Two were Philipinos, Great fares. Chilling night, literally cold. Yeah the high light was Lebanese food, rice, chicken, humus, garlic dip, pitas Salad and HotPepers for a reasonable price. I treated myself, I shouldn't have. The job isn't letting me. I'm so broke ass. I did it to myself, I fell in love with Taxi. A dead beat job in a bunk economy, but fuck when times were good the machine could bring in the income. Nothing Glamorise, but it was a flexible job. You're your own boss. I'm going back to school. School is awesome. I can't wait. I wonder if it's going to rejuvenate my appreciation of existence. I know it's all about jumping through hoops. Like a dog. I hear the Fashion industry feels a lot like... Fashion photography would be cool. All you need is a massive flash. Life is good though, real nice, you know like when you can put your hand outside the window of you speeding car. The feeling of the wind through your finger wind running up your arm and onto your face and shoulders. Nice. Edmonton is great right now. God gave this city a little slap in the face with that storm. Yes sir, but the city is great, the trees ah. Music and all that shit. Nothing beats it. Oh other then the open highway. Who dosen't love the highway.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Baseball talk is cheap. lets talk Sex


Last night there was an incredible storm. A storm like I've never seen in Edmonton. Tornado style but without the tornado. Almost the entire city was blacked out. The whole east side was black. Creepy but cool. At a certain point during the storm the taxi was being pelted by hail so big I thought the widows were going to burst. The night was filled with spectacularly massive lightning bolts ripping through the air. Trees were smashing to the ground all over the place. No joke. Trees were breaking in half. Bus stops were thrown into the middle of the street. People were forced to seek cover, people managed to get into my taxi. I managed to make a few bucks last night. Nothing incredible but enough to at least pay rent for another week of taxi driving. Sonic 102.9 has been playing the 90's weekend so all the music on the radio is awesome. I had a couple of dudes in my car that were ticketed for jay walking. They said "oil city was starting to get violent. We needed to move away from the chaos. So we crossed the road." the guy told me that the female officers stole everything in his wallet while looking for his ID. The storm kinda screwed up one of my photo shoots. All of Whyte ave was blacked out for the whole night. Police were forced to control traffic. They were pretty good at it. They had their hands full with lutters. The night went by fast, I think it's because I really like taking the photos. I had to go to a huge club in West ed. The place was big. The decor was very nice, but the patrons were snobs. Many of the boys in that club were jealous I was taking pictures of hot chicks. Next week is going to be good I think, there are so many fucking festivals going on. Oh and next Wednesday a reporter from View magazine is going to interview me. I can't wait to speak my mind. Rock on kids.
Wardrobe provided by

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Mark. has hit his spot HARD

O.k guys I don't have the job yet because the company hasn't created the position. I wish I had the job. I need it. I made 105$ tonight. So thus far I've made 305$ since Wednesday. Meaning that I still have 65$ left to make before I break even. Remember I need 370$ just to rent the cab. So tomorrow if I make 100$ I'll be up 30$ for myself. Making 30$ in four days of work is like being a slave. I might as well be unemployed. Last night I got a call to Riverbend. A very rich area. The house was so hard to find, when I found it no one was home. I called dispatch to bitch. The dispatcher said he just spoke with the girl and she accidentally gave the company her old address. I told the dispatcher to black list her. He told me to go pick her up at her new address. You know kids with money don't care about much. They certainly didn't care that wasting my time like that kept me from making a living. Nether did the dispatcher. No one cares. I witnessed drama tonight I don't even want to talk about. It scared me and it wasted my time. None of the cabbies made any money last night. Who cares? Fuck I'm gonna eat shit and die. Poor. Oh but I did get to take some photos for a local bar. It rocked because I began to experiment with human subjects. Even though I don't have the best equipment, I'm going to become the best photographer in the city. People are gonna pay me to do what I love. I just know it. I just fucking know it.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I might have a new job

So I went to see the boss about the deactivation of my account. The boss took a look at my file and said "your record is clean. No client has ever complained, but dispatch has asked me to tell you to stop telling them how you feel about their work" I went nuts. I couldn't believe that I was called into the office because I speak my mind to the dispatchers. I tell them what's going on on the streets. If I get a call to a public place I tell them that I won't even try to get the person unless the call taker included the clients phone number. "No number then I'm not going" I say. The boss liked what I was saying. I told him bout the blog. I even mentioned the CBC bit I produced with Scott Fralik. The boss was happy to hear I was so passionate about the job. Then I told him about the speech and the Vehicle for hire commission. I told him about how I use my camera to protect myself. I told him about the cops and how they jerk off. I told him all this in a frenzy. I went to visit him yesterday morning. Right after I came back from the hospital. I told him about the girl I drove on Thursday morning. He had no idea about most of my issues. He had no Idea that the drivers at night can's survive. He listened to me. Then he offered me a new position. A position that would let me use all my angry revenge talents. He told me that the company is trying to put eight more positions in the budget. He said "we want supervisors, we want someone like you."

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I might get fired

So what happened. Well as I tried to log onto the system in the taxi I got a message saying this ID is inactive. I thought for sure I wasn't going to work. Right as I was going to drive my own car home the owner of the taxi pulled up. I told him "if I don't work tonight, I won't pay rent." He called management and Bam! I was back. The night was empty. Rotten, slow, awful. I resent life on these recession streets. I'm broke. I have no money. I have been paying to drive a taxi. I work to work. My life is as of right now officially over. Well I love to drive so I keep it up. I kept it up until 3:30 am. that's when I got a flag. My third fare of the night. As she got closer I saw the tears flowing down her face. She was scared, she was beaten, and as she sat down in the seat next to me I knew she had been raped. I asked "were you assaulted?" She just kept crying. She cried and cried. Her face was a mess. Tears, snot spite and pain were all I could see. She was raped. I'd seen this before. She kept saying it was her fault, she's twenty five she should know better. I knew how she was going to react to my next question but I asked anyway "we going to the hospital?" She just put her head in her lap and cried harder. She said "take me home, I have money, please just take me home." I said I would. On the way to her place I stopped and bought her a pack of smokes. She wanted to smoke. Even though I'm flat broke I took care of her. I wanted her to go to the hospital. She was raped. She insisted I drive her home. I knew from past experience that the police weren't even an option. Victims in her position never want to be violated by pigs. Somehow I convinced her to go to the hospital. She said"I'll go but come with me." I promised her I would stay as long as she wanted me to stay. I sat in the waiting room with her. The nurses thought it was strange. We talked about our lives in that room. She calmed down in that room. She kept insisting there was nothing that could be done. I just stared at her. I knew this would make both of us feel better. The first time a girl got in my cab after being raped I fucked up I said "lets go to the police, lets get the predator." She said "take me home.' The police are intimidating the hospital is safe. When the special nurse came to preform the "Rape kit" I stepped out. The girl wanted me to stay in the waiting room. I stayed. Security thought that was strange, the guards even asked me to leave. I told them i promised her I'd stay, they said "It's gonna take hours, you should go home." I told them I was going to stay. When they finished the tests and stuff she was given pills and sent on her marry way. The police were not called. She decided that it wasn't worth it. She was scared and I bet she felt guilty. Scary. There is a rapist sleeping in the Days Inn downtown drunk and ready to rape tomorrow. I hope he dies. After the hospital I took her to McDonald's to get some liquid to swallow the pills. They were big. I bought her breakfast and drove her home. She gave me her number I gave her the blog URL. I hope we see each other again because we had a strange connection, and we both lived through some serious trauma together. I was scared too. I don't want to drive cab anymore.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Staby staby

Tonight was crazy. While sitting outside the 711 on Stony plain road and 154st I watched a man jump over my hood. The man had just run across the street, he had been stabbed by a group of gang members that were hot on his trail. The victim ran into the 711. The gangsters followed him inside and stabbed him. On security camera I guess. I called 911 because as I watched the incident unfold the clerk in the 711 just kept cashing. Customers service is more important to the Filipino clerk then a man dying on his stores floor. As I talked to 911 I explained where the gangsters were going, I tried to give the dispatcher a description of the assailant but the guy on the other end of the line hung up on me. The cops showed up about 10minutes later. There were several women cops and I noticed lots of pettign and giggling betweent the the boy cops and the girl cops while they waited for the wounded mans ambulance. I don't think female cops can do what a man can do. Just like I don't think a women could drive a cab in Edmonton at night. There isin't any women driving cab at night in Edmonton because it's just something that a man should do. Jesus knows how dangerous these jobs are. I also had a young woman offer to smoke a joint with me. I said "no" but sure did appreciate the offer she paid me way to well. Here is a video about hating the corporate pig.


and here is the link to the photos I shot this weekend ClubZone

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Bigger then it should be on me

Tonight was another photo night. I drove the taxi from 7pm till 9pm. In those two hours I made 20$. Jack shit. After that I drove myself down to Woolly Bullies. There I shot the party. UFC was on pay per view. Everyone in the city was interested in it. I don't like watching the fights, it's just not my thing. After that I proceeded to two other clubs, also to shot photos. It was great. As soon as I got back in my taxi I got a call from an old regular. She lives on the north side. I'm not sure why, but she gave me a tremendous tip. The type of tip you thank God for, but this girl is kind of a Satanist. Cool chick. She knows who she is and she know I owe her. Doing the photo shoots is risky. I might be loosing out on business. Well thanks to the huge tip I didn't have to worry. Thank you Vicky you are a very awesome human being. Then I had a flag, this Mexican woman. I pulled over for her cause she was gorgeous and her husband looked alright. Well as soon as they got in they called over two other couples. I told them "No". That's just too many. the guys kept pressing. I said "No" then pointed at the ten cops standing around jerking off while watching the road. The three couples were saying "don't worry they don't care, we'll give you an extra 20$." I said "No." Then they offered 40$ extra. I still said "no." Then they offered an extra 60$ on top of the fare. I was seduced by the cash. I let all six in. The big tip was nice but it wasn't enough to feed the family forever. I got the three couples home, it was a risk but it paid of. I got 100$ from the six people in the car. If I was caught doing that I would have lost my job. I don't care anymore I need to take some risks to survive in this economy. The vehicle for hire commission can suck my dick. They don't know about the blog. If they did they wouldn't have the heart to read it anyway. They're probably spending all the money they get from bribes, those asshole politicians. My last fare was a guy I think was gay. Maybe still in the closet. He told me about his old roommate. His roommate was 5.2ft, my fare said "I used to make fun of his tiny ass. Until one day he came out of the shower with this huge erection. His dick was massive. So big I wasn't able to wrap my hand around it." Then the fare showed me the size of his hand. The conversation started because the fare realized I was short. He said "you're the smallest cabbie I've ever had." I said "But I ain't scared of shit." Then he told me bout his old roommate and said "never underestimate someone who isn't so tall cause you never know how big they really are." I agreed.