Monday, June 15, 2009


Wow I'm Vacating for two weeks. I'm gonna be flying to the Okanagan in a couple days. I'm going out to shoot the Urban Underground Life's been o.k now that driving taxi has become a very expensive habit, I mean hobby. Yeah it's a hobby. Tonight was more of a scenic ride through the city dozens of times. I had these two couple mess around a bit. It was gay pride week. I drove several homosexuals this weekend. Nice people. The weather has been spectacular in the past few days. I love life. I can't wait to board that plane. All I want to do is swing a golf club. I also wouldn't mind playing the guitar while my sun dances all around me. My mom hooked up a mansion on the lake for a family reunion. Nothing like Canadas California, nothing like life on a lake. Fuck I'm hungry. Driving a taxi I can't afford to eat but I sure can think I can. Mmmmm that's some sweet oyster pie.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Tera.....Thank you

My job is to step on the gas. My job is to stop at the red. My job is to go on the green. My job is to smile and act like I'm not really unhappy or mean. My job is to drive. My job is to keep you alive. My Job is to steer clear of bad apples. My job is to clean the streets. My job is to stroke the bad guys ego, my job is to see what happens after you go home. My job is being alone. My job is fun. My Job is dumb. My job is to watch cops not do a good job. My job is to appreciate the police. My job is to love the government. My job is to trust God. My job is to watch the sun rise. My job is to reflect what the moon says and translate all her miserable lies. My job is to watch her cry then laugh. My job is what I do. My job is to be memorable. My job is to avoid collisions. My job is to make money. My job is to be a better man. My job is to make what I want out of life. My job is to get married and have children with my wife. My job is endless. My job is friendless. My job is to drive fast. My Job is to make ends meet. My job is like yours. My job is better then yours. My job is to pick you up. My job is to drop you off. My job is over, I'm gonna lay down and die. I drove a dude that travels the world as an expedition leader a summit climber. Interesting fellow Phill Michael. Just came back to Edmonton for a few days. Right after that I drove past a man being beaten with brass knuckles,while a gang of men chased down another man with belts. I tried to catch it on camera but the lighting sucked. The EPS is at it again, not preventing crime that is but that might be their job. One of my fares had me in the past. It just so happened that she flagged me down tonight during the bar rush. Fate. She was so happy it was me. That makes my job worthwhile. That's the only part of my job that has recently given me a smile.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sorry bout the Yard sale, hope it sells out

Jesus Mary and Joseph were a nice little family. I don't think Joseph ever got the credit he deserved. Last night was hot, summer and sexy. Hard to explain but the city is getting randy. Kids want to get it on. I love watching nature take it's course. I'm a fan of watching people dress up and go out on the town. I used to work in the airport behind security in a toy store. The thing about the airport that was so appealing was that the patrons were almost always well dressed. I kinda dress like a bum. I do it because it makes me look less like the guy a criminal should rob. There are all sorts of new fashion trends happening in 2009. One of the most prominent is the super fucking high heel. I'm talking so high most girls don't have a chance in hell to look gracious in but they wear them anyway. I like the look it makes woman look kinda vulnerable hobbling around like some not so super super models. The sun has been coming out by the end of my shift now. One of my favorite perks of driving a taxi, the Sun. One of my fares last night was a 26 year old woman. She told me that when she was 19 she married a 50 year old man. She said "I like older men, they adore me. I'm the center of their universe. I like that, I need that." I asked how the marriage is going she said "oh, we divorced a few months ago, the asshole was too controlling." When I got her home she was out at least 10$ on the fare, I told her to give me a blow job. JOKING! No I said "don't worry about it." She took my name and number and promised to be one of those people who would pay me back. I wonder. Oh I also had an 18 year old fox, insurance broker tell me she drives a Subaru Impreza. She said "I would never drink and drive with my baby." I wouldn't either but for some reason my 26 year old ass has been stuck cruizin in a Mazda 323 from the early 90's or a Crown Vic ex cop car. I wish I had a WRX to pick people up with. That would give me an edge and some serious style.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The "N" bomb

I wrote about you so you are the title "Woo"

Fuck me, if you guys don't want to hear about the economy. Edmonton has been hit with some tough mother fucking times. Today I had some great clients. Yeah like 4 people. They were all really nice. One guy insisted I smoke some pot with him in his incredible steam room. He lived in Riverbend. He was also recovering from cancer. Guess what kind? That's right he lost his testicle. Just one but that's enough to ensure that you truly feel a lose. He was a great person though and I hope that cancer never comes back in his life or anybody elses. There was also this guy who was with this girl. He was all over her. She was hot. She worked for him, she was his rep. He was a sales man and she was the body that sold the stuff. Well anyway the two were getting "it" on in the car but when we arrived the woman said "you can't come in." He tried and tried to convince her that the best thing to do was to have sex but she wasn't having it. When he came back into the taxi David Bowies the Man Who Sold the World was playing on the radio. He explained the situation to me. He said "she has a dude that's in Turkey probably having sex with some other chicks. She's here but she won't fuck me cause she actually cares about him." The he said "I have a girlfriend too, I've been with her for eight years." Then I asked "am I taking you there right now? Your girlfriends?" He said "yes." All I could think was how does a guy do that. Screw around behind his womans back then just go home to her. Fuck. Oh you guys I read the speech. Spectacular, that people in the Vehicle for Hire Commissions had to listen. I also had a reporter from VUE magazine cover the story. I'm hoping he saw and heard something that would be worth publishing.

Monday, June 8, 2009

You looked like the asshole from Bush X

The worst part about the recession isn't the cash flow. It's the lack of good stories. Now that no one goes out nothing interesting is happening. At least not on a regular basis. Things are slow as fuck. The one topic that comes up is the new shield. Some people like it. They think I'm safer. I don't feel any safer. My only real danger I think is drunk drivers and the law isn't stopping them. It's cut throat out there. I've been in several fights over placement in a line up at a club. Tonight some fuck said that he was in line waiting to park where I was parked. He pointed to where he was parked and said "What's going on, this is my spot." I looked over to where he was pointing and said ' you were parked in front of another club, that's not the line, I'm sorry buddy but I ain't movin." He drove away angry. Then double parked in front of another taxi. Anger is everywhere. Money seems to be in the hands of the rich. I don't trust money or people with it. I cater to them, but people with lots of money seem crooked . Bad. Sorry bout no post last night, I went to the Rise against concert which was out of this world because I actually really went to see Rancid. Fucking Punks, they should stay in California where it's warm. I'm joking back off.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

4:19am. I am so alone

The cage makes me feel more alone. The protection achieved by the plastic shield damages the communication. Really the shield tries to deny "talk". The transaction is forced to focus on Location and cost,"Taxi." I can't hear what's happening back there. People sit in front. I don't mind that. I like it. I always did. Tonight I was waiting for the light on 156st south bound to turn green. I wanted to turn west onto Stony Plain Rd. This thug. Tweaked out. Skin, bones and bling wanted in. I told him I wasn't giving him a ride. It's slow. I realized that I could have thrown him in the back. Sealed him up in that box. No go. There was this guy, I picked em up next to New City. He asked "can you take me to the west end?" "Damn right! Get in" I said while waving him into the front seat. This was a normal dude. We talked about his shitty night. He was sad. His girlfriend ditched him with his cousin. The two took of to whore around for drugs. He was stuck getting home. Half way there he looked up and said "I only got 8$." The fare was running at around 14$ at the time. I laughed and said "don't worry you'll get home." I was happy he told me the truth. I gave him the URL to the blog, The fucking blog. Lots of drunks hitting the streets. Driving, biking, skatin DRUNK. Even though its really cold, good on you people. I drove this woman she just dropped a dude off. She was a designated driver. She was a professional. Wanna Go Home With Us , sounds dirty right?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Is it hamma time already? Get the axe baby

I drove a girl who told me that Alberta is going to loose it's social health care program. She said "It's stupid conservative Alberta." I agreed. She was a communist and she worked for our sellout government. Our Government is a whore. Not much else happened. Relaxed night. No one acted bad behind my bullet proof shield. I did have a call to an address that I ditched once. The guy took to long so I drove off. Well tonight as I drove up to the apartment building I realized that it was the same address. I was hesitant but I called them to say "I'm here, like it or not I'm here." The guy remembered my phone number. He was upset with me but still thought I was one of the best cabbies in the city. I felt bad for ditching him a few weeks ago. He called the company not me so the level of service though unmatched by any other Edmonton cabby was not what he would have had had he phoned me directly. I treat my customers like royalty. Why? because they chose me over the corporate pig. Fuck you people, is there any other job as interesting, exciting and fast as taxi. Yes, the army but not law enforcement that's for dirty rats that allow intoxicated drivers to exist. Imagine being a rookie cop.......I was going to be mean but who the fuck am I to judge. Imagine having a gun to shoot. Peoples wallets are squeezing tighter and tighter.BANG

Monday, June 1, 2009

Pump It up we are going to Mars

Patience? Tonight I was trying to discipline myself. It's slow right so you got to pick your club and sit there. I did I waited. At the Funky Booda. I was the first in line, I just sat there for a long time. Over an hour I think. I've never done that. Sat in front of a club forever. Patience is not really my thing, but I was trying to be diligent. I knew I was going to get a fare. When it finally happened the couple told me that they were just going up the street. I told them how long I was waiting. They both knew they saw me while out on their smoke breaks. They ended up going down town and tipping me ten bucks. The trip was worth it but I was expecting a bigger pay-out out of the trip due to the patience factor. Not a financial pay out an inspirational one. They were a couple in the grips of lust and passion. They were on their way to have sex. Whatever. Right as I was leaving their parking lot I got a call. The first call of the night. 112ave east side of 75st. North side. The woman gets in. Drunk. "Where we going?" I ask. She looks at me and says "the river, by those stairs." Then I asked with a confused look on my face "the river? Downtown? Where?" I could tell by the way she was looking at me this was going to be a strange ride. She was wearing a shirt, you could clearly see through. " Got money?" I asked." "I'll pay you tomorrow" she told me. I asked her where she was going. She said "lets fuck" then she got real close to me with her chest. She tried caressing my chest but got a fist full of the G10. The lady was all over me, I said "I'm not going to be with you." "DO you have a wife?" she asked I said "yes." She said " I won't tell." This was pretty intense. All I could think about was that wait outside the Funky Booda. Patience. This woman was pure evil instinct sex cumming at me like a title wave. Scary what goes through a guys head. She used the dirtiest words she was bad news. I told her "get out, I can't do that." She reluctantly stepped out of the taxi. "Come over when you're ready, I got weed and beer." That woman tried to seduce me. Why? I have no idea. The way she wanted to go to the river. What the fuck did that mean? Patience. Was it worth it? I learned a lesson tonight. Sometimes when you listen to that little voice in the back of your head. The one that says "be patient wait" even though that other voice is screaming " GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." You wait and wait until you get your fare share. If you really listen to that little voice that voice that almost doesn't exist you get more then your fare share. You are given the ability watch that instinct that animal in you and everyone else. It's a lion. If you really are patient enough to listen to that voice then when the demon throws itself at you you know what to do. I felt tested last night. I followed that voice around and it threw me to the wolves. I dealt with it. I passed the test.