Friday, December 31, 2010

To another one

is important!

I don't trust you!

I filled you 98% of the time with an emptiness
filling your head up with selfishness
drowning you in the sound of
my life
you played house
you played something you always
and you were good at it 98% of the time
but that 2% has roots
in the truth you see
your love for me and my house
I opened Like no ever will again
You don't need to trust me anymore
but you still do
reason is

WOw jesus Mr.Bum you're above and beyond

Yes I am Psychotic and a very small piece of this Universe
but I contain dozens of smaller universes
I am actually dense as hell

so not so above
but beyond

Because I was an excellent lover

all those whore moans
keep me awake late at night
your taste
your chemical waste
what pill when?
Chaos is typically a boxing match!
for you
with me
the fact is sultry
poultry is gorgeous
that ass
that plumage
I miss the beach when I realized I was in heaven 
I am not dead yet
and and and
I toss
the tantrum today because
and and and
inner thighs in trucks
Kissing a fucking Cunt
I'm blunt
but since i'm no longer with
the whore moaner
I can appriciate
My control over her  

Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Years constitution

New Year Resolution
is to never cut anything off
everything is already dead
so don't wast space
and be afraid 
I lived in to much fear this year
I'll never erase me
or prostitute myself
and you thought your were special
let's bring in 2011
with a fucking

A caicature of a man

The director of a psych ward must find himself feeling strange about himself after he retires

decides he told to many kids what they were going to do

how they were going to die

why of why

do people

remove themselves from...

that incredible portrait of themselves

that does not exist

I keep old memories around

some people keep their stuff

some have a life they hold

in a place

in our face

That director was ugly

WHo is the HERO NOW

admit it 

I always win

Chilldren shit

I never visit!

who doesn't want more

than they can fucking handle

I want more
I want a hand in the burning
I want to hang in Babylon
I want to overdoes
I want
to destroy myself
for more
who doesn'T?

Wish I could too...stop this Myocardial infarction!

I'd be mean to you!
cause I'm bad newzzz
and a junkie beyond your wildest dreams
and the others? Good!! Punk asses.
Xcept... I Finish every drop
and that won't happen ever again!
I know
you can't make them
but I can.
pulsate and push through you
till it reaches me and I snap
and there is an attack
and it hurts
for a taste
I eat it all

Ionic, something to copy....slut...whore....bitch.

Scissor Sisters - Invisible Light from CANADA on Vimeo.

I am gay for you baby
suck me off please!
Kisses and LOVE!

tak a shit grin Ta-tham ducyks

eat a beak

LEt it Roll and rock sometimes works! Only if it rains!

I've been there before
blamed for something that means nothing to me
who is she
who cares
Who are you
hopefully happy
gotta keep moving if you wanna make a mark
lets go
down the high way!
on the fucking Highway !
I've driven through the south.
and the southwest
it was hot
and it was cold
I wanna be set on fire
nothin seems to be slowin my
engine down
ah it's turboBody time
Lord have Mercy and don't tax me in love
but you can rip out my heart for the ignorant
pigs in this conversation oh
no no no
I got some new source in the works,
no no no
you going home?
only if you wanna let me die young!
but dude... Your an asshole
we ain't gonna live together!

A lesson in fucking or not fuckinG!

So down shifting
gearing down
teaches you how to feel the mechanics
exceling forces you to let go
off camera flashing
not then same as on camera flashing
gearing up and down
flashing on and off
Go Fuck yourself 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

the filth interests me dearly

I would have never messed that up on purpose.


Mother mother
you failed too
that's why I love you
I failed because I did not discard you
It's hard to die
so I'll wait for spring and flower
I'm from downtown
I have made the grade
your administration is almost over
the girls you're refering to were children
innocent children
and now I shoot alone
please do not grow up
then I would be left all


Who the fuck is from South Korea?

South Koreans!


Welcome !

Brandy fucking Grapes, Go where they grow!

there has been progression,
 I had no choice I removed the
outer layer to reach at the source
there is a growth
sore and swollen
not so sickening anymore
just stiff and annoying
It's toying with me
what's left of it
I stick to it
with acid
with sex
We still wear gloves when
we discuss the pain and the puss
but it's becoming irrelevant
with the progression of the
removal of the outer layer
protecting the growth
now just a dieing
drilling souls
have a tendency to...
hate their kicked kisses
well the weak do!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

...........................................................women love!

Hey dude do you understand?

..........................................I shutter at high speeds!

Do we really need the minimum
well men do 
but women 
they can just inherit it
with good looks 
Go Find my generation a mask 
passion and control over 
I have an equation 
die and come back
then you'll be mine 
imagine not being able to imagine 
that would suck
you can read 
so we really do not need any more 
men do 
but women?

Monday, December 27, 2010

my scares haven't healed yet, I tore myself apart a bit recently, childishly

Don't you hate the days you
 think you gotta go out
and jump off a bridge
it's what's gonna happen
One day, Yes!
but no! not today
Cause the high level
is the high road
getting on the cover
drowning in the deep
I am a robber
The cause! rolling is for wheels
but I my dear am not dead no no
I was put in a square!
sorry a Box
 love the Box
and it


Obsession and rage 
like drinks
a Rum and Coke
a screwdriver
I delivered the goods the other day
and lost my biggest fan
and I'm enraged at how
obsessed I'm getting about
why I should care
I don't care
But I'm obsessed
with the how it was meant to be
I was obsessed
now I just kinda hate myself
but I'm not gonna do anything about it
I can't
so I fester
but it keeps me movin
and we all know I gotta go
spiraling into obsession
and rage
takes effort!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Not so minor

an offense that is unforgettable!

I can't seem to go

it's a choice I don't understand
it's gonna cause issues
with what?

Your Gut!

the moon

how hard it is going to be for me to find someone I can find to take a shit in front of.
I think so!
Farts and all!
In the car, after drinking punch made from boiled dried fruits
like apricots and pears,
dizzy for sure
in a car
on your way to....

Gotta fill this medium

I imagine taking a chain saw to it and cutting it off. It is constantly on my mind, I would do anything to remove it. I wish I could put a nail through it, pierce the fabric of its nature. I can't it's my soul. The roots run deep, cutting the head off would just make it stronger, I know I tried. The roots run deep eh, what do you do? Dig deep, or dry it up and pull it up. It hurts and it's obvious patience is going to be an obligation, cause it'll only spread, and trust me you don't want that. You're going to have to find the right therapy too. Writing is good, (not necessarily the writing to certain audiences, my only audience:), I'm trying to broaden out again, with the poetry and the psychotic posts. Yes! yes you are. THat's good. Cool. See writing works and it allows you to creatively vomit out your insides. I guess I'm going to expose this every inch of the way,  with my CONTEXT. Yes, but writing is also as powerful as a chainsaw, and you're an idiot with a chainsaw attached to the internet. You're sick. Yeah I know. Hey let's go pick at it......k. With a tack, yeah cause if the devil doesn't like it he can step on a TACK. Whatever, just try not to destroy anything, you might fuck something up. Yeah, but it feels God.

this is a space ship, we are going somewhere!

Imagine landing here,
finding light and night
just the way you like
bonding with the moon
finding the stars
looking through what it is we long for
imagine being in search of it
and finding our spinning ball
next to the light
our sun
imagine holding on to it
creating a heart for it
falling in love to grow through it
evolve and revolve around the
path taken to be there
be right here
landing here

Saturday, December 25, 2010

the CAN

I have to go to the bathroom so bad
I'm always in a hurry
I'm not that important anyway
I'm not the only one who knows
good! this feeling is so inappropriate since
I can't do what i want
I can't cause I don't want it
it's not what it is
it's how it's done

I'm sorry I did not understand

If she would have seen him she would have snapped
                                                                        I reacted so badly
I did not understand who it was 
that held the door for you
that he was capable of a smile for you
I would have let her meet him
I would have done it for me
If I was her playing in me
I would have
was he with his family
I would have
            him for...
cause he cut the feeling off
and turned it angry
                or unhappy
                                                                       wow that's crazy

I think about that shit!
for this I am sorry!
I reacted incorrectly

Friday, December 24, 2010

Baby Jesus

Is the only person who knows!

who knows what?

Who's going to hell!

It's his birthday!


I don't know!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Santa is Satan too.

I've been placing myself in the back of the room since I was a child. I remember siting back there and looking around and searching for answers. Life was grand. I always knew that somewhere there would be answers to my questions, usually on the sheet of paper of one of my peers. I figured if someone is sitting next to you they could share their knowledge. this world does not agree with my Idea about sharing knowledge, my concept is not acceptable in this world. My first grad teacher taught me that and that's all. Teachers are monsters lots of the time. Withered unhappy souls with no remorse, they live in a world of contempt and they put it out on the children they teach. Really we don't need educators in our society, well! We need them but let's be honest they are really suppose to be called....Manipulative government pawns who are going to hell for forcing garbage down the throats of our future.

Loto Clap

So my lungs are shallow
and the drinks are gorgeous
meanwhile the trucks grow wild
and the roads are Trojan
then I exhale
and look at my wife
she's driving me home
and we have wild sex there
the usual
at home
I breath
Put down the child
I have accepted this
my fortune

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Rising Sun

catching that time of day
when my life no longer matters cause
I've procreated
with his mother
of all people
He's perfect
and it's the best
he hates egg nog
I actually want to spike it
haven't thought like that in a while
I won't though
I'm spoiled enough as it is
I've had gallons of good cheer
good cheer this year
for sure
Thank God
and thank that

Got some good news about stats

I get to do them again!

she has way more notches then you

they all do
an ugly woman can out notch a rock star by like 21.

again it gets me up in the morning

sign me up for a new one!

I was like fuck him!

I remember when I went back to graphic design school I was like "my taxi blog is so good." and the director of the school looked at me and said "THere is a woman who wrote a blog about dieing of cancer and loosing her three kids, she wrote a Good Blog."

Not sure what it is, I think it's a wart

So there is a hole in my soul
I put it there
I dug it out
I was trying to figure out how to clean it out
There is a hole in my sole
I pushed the bug back further
and broke it apart
it's a war now
an open wound
a whole
I thought I'd clean it out
I started a fight
it was ugly
and it hurt
It might be dead
but it's too early to tell
Ill keep feeding it

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I Just like this

Does Jesus help

those love sick bastards?

takin care of baby

Telephone calls from friends you can't see,
they call you because they are lonely
lonely is a species
an animal
you can't feed
it feeds
Alienation is so correct
and music videos are a dime a dozen
you call them back and tell them you're
busy when you're not
you're busy getting a coffee
it would be nice to have a family
a man a woman and their baby
lieing together awake
watching the  child play
one goes about their day
that's the phone call you wanna make
not just the 'hey what you doing today?"
more like the
wanna be "together forever"
imagine having things work out like in the movies
not a phone call away
why do they want so much from that conversation
best friends
are happy to hear you're
at home

so dirty

It has to do with blood and the calm before the storm
the swaying of the surface
the pleasent repetition
then the realization that
the state is over
there was an eclipse
the moon
another cycle
a red light
burnt into me
the statue is admired by a child
who still dosen't know the rules
out of place
I am

innocence is recyclable in heaven and hell

It certainly gets late
all the time
it certainly feels
those times
It certainly reminds me
I hate you
It's certainly acceptable to
Because they weren't put in harms way by you
and you can't see them

you're the devil
always talking yourself out of riddles
you hate
you idiot
and sure you don't know they are there
but you know not to stand up swinging
you're an adult
innocence isn't just something you throw around

i wanna

marry a powerful woman
I wanna
fall so far in love

Monday, December 20, 2010

it made me cry

so it's bigger than me!
It's comin
behind you
the noise
the same feeling
the same man
your skirt
your high heels
the bar
the distance
the fear
he breaks in
past everyone
through what you had
your protection
the boys are gone
you're alone with him
there is no room
he looks so happy
you can't yell
you stop
and he is there
no one comes

Why do you work in a Bar?

The Money is great!

close your eyes

if you can see what s in the light your not special
it you can see your own vision in the dark
then maybe a bit
if you can build it with a blind fold
that s cool; you're cool
let go!

If you can see in the dark!

You stay back in the night
to help those who can't
find the light!
SOmetimes when you try real hard
the day light burns your
leaving little

Horses are scary! and I have no one to protect me.. so I''m gonna fight! there is always the Kings Iron

Wanna survive!
drop all your shit and run, the days of slack off have run out
Christmas "is" the world is ending
the days of dogging around have fallen apart
find your family cause we're over here
the fan has hit the shit and it's all over you community
their lawn
no more dragging around we have found the machine
and it's going to force you to work
dog boy
cause the big boys are here to take over!
happiness hit her and took him
hide! whats she coming for
good think about it!
the sink's clogged

can't hold on to anything!
gotta survive
is almost here
fuck it
get the GUNS
shoot her in the head


Existence is a pleasure
the green tea I made, the laptop I Stroke
the noodles she made
the baby I bath
this life is a measure
of how long you can live with it empty
and still remain certain it's full
Existence is forever
if you ruin what is left
you return to the fall
the gathering is certain
the language is flawed
the same old situation
the brave and old simulation
some have never been given a razor to stall.
Existence is forgiven
the pain isn't an equivalent
the knowledge is golden
we are to be given a signing to give permission
to authorize our existence
statisticians, magicians,  teeth,
to be what is

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dieing trying to stop you

empty heads
have money
and they will do anything!
For you!
wants us all
he got it
empty heads
running slow in heels
the problem is on their soles
no control
lets fight
take it away from him
get what you deserve.
Has cash
asked for you to get on your knees
you did for money
they won't give it to  YOU
You'll have to fight for it.
You deserve it cause you

Saturday, December 18, 2010


is so cool
So eat shit everyone!
and smile:)

Who would havher thought Im such a dog!

POMERANIAN! speak eloquently
the bark
at dishwashers and trucks
they run into the streets to get plowed
they are attackers of bigger dogs
they get mauled
they mispell shit
fucking idiot dogs
fucking dogs
So what?  I eat shit! so what if I am such
a fucking best friend
the bark and the vacuum
that's right

Friday, December 17, 2010



Can't blame me for what she did and is doing to you!

I would never leave you high and dry!

Alice is in Jail, no no he ain't gonna die!

There are tolls you have to pay, when taking the road you choose. No matter what road you're stuck paying your dues. Everyone is. The fact is most of us either end up paying dues on a road we never intended on staying on, or we turn around and head back home to plan another route. What's better? Some people end up at home never leaving the safety of their dwellings. Bound and chained to their spot. I remember paying unexpected tolls. Never bad though. There was never a troll under the bridge waiting to rob my ass.(I'm Lucky[I've crossed some sketchy bridges]) I've had such a good life. the price to pay for it is small compared to what I'm getting out of this existence. I comprehend that. "Here comes the rooster Yeahhhhhhhhh, he ain't gonna die"....who was that?
The best part about what's happening to me lately is that it's doesn't get easier  as I go, and there is more and more decisions for me to make. I can't lie around and jerk off, I have to keep the momentum going, it's not about a girl, until it's about a girl.  Snuff that shitttttttt!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

dip shit

Sitting at naked
bright eyed and lip sick
with a forgotten bus pass in a world gone mad
finally finished
signed and stamped
myself i am included in a process that can't stop
the man sitting next to me is
another man
and the men I see the people surrounding Johnny Cash
and a radio are in circles and blast off into the new year
 in a way that can be explained as mechanical
like we're in a video game
stuck in this body
run by ourselves

i was so good

last night!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


not me
not Mexico!

hearts don't matter! bank acounts do! and cafes! in Paris.

Picture this...

looking through an open door. From the dark into the light
A man in a Bennie
taking a shit!

Jesus had fun!...Jesus

would not have been Jesus without temptation.
Do you think he gave in ....
all those years before he was Jesus
not that old yet.
What happens when I'm at the top of the moutain
I should Jump!

Fuck I already hit the ground!

who here

has ever been a mock family?
they fall apart!
like the twin towers! yeaaaaaaH!
you can't mock that up!
only hurts the kids.  lol.
well unless they're too young to remember!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I din't mean to do it!

but it's better then anonymity! Or scarier!

New blogs and long logs

sad thoughts
and happy ones
I'll take a shower
and cut it open
then I'll add the poison
it came with an applicater stick
so you can jam it
I used it once when I was younger
it killed it
I remember I had it in Europe
and my grandma had it!
then my buddy wanted some
but my grandma used it all up
I freaked out
like an asshole
like a child.
black ash
I'm using it again
got myself a whole new bottle
gotta take a shower
soften up!

kill me!

cause I was the only one who cared! about ......


only cum out at night
to do magic
but we play in the day!

what to do with

Run, and if you don't walk.
Watch, listen and enjoy.
You can not control, if you do...make sure to hit the target.
If you know
if you don't
it is what it is, there is more then one way to get there
and that's what cheapens the whole experience
so run, and if you don't walk
and don't judge
you end up a crazy freak

the worst part is

it gets me up in the morning!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

a painful pimple made me write this!

I have had so many fuck ups
I have a pimple the size of ..
I have not showered '
because I have forgotten
for real
a final at
after Im done Im ..
gonna pick up the baby

at 1:24am u.

yes u.
should check your out box

So hungry!!!

Ever really! Hear the voice of GOd and think..isn't that???

Think about who your best friends really are. A best friend is a person you can really trust. But there isn't anyone in this world like that, sure you might trust them, but sooner or later the shit will hit the fan. You know most people fail at their responsibilities as a friend.I don't have friends anymore, they are just to disposable. I only have loved ones, the ones that I know will fail me but I can't get rid of because I love them. The worst part about loving people, is that even when they desert you and leave you to be yourself, and they are no longer around to physically tell you stuff, they stay in your mind. The people you let into your life stay with you. By letting someone into your everyday way, makes you vulnerable to hearing their opinion in your mind even when you are not in the mood to hear them. I hear people from all over the planet, people I'll never see again, people I let in, people who I got to keep. Some make me strong, other make me weak. The people we let in are those whose voices we cater to. Sucks but it's true.


I hope
it's nice

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Drugs didn't hurt ass Bad

Ass Bad
Really? Ass ...Yes ASS!
Yeah, do you know why?
Cause you knew you could trust them to be what they were...No lies, no Lies.
A mg dose
a an endless amount, but calculable.
Not like this, not like this
This doesn't add up
this is worse, this is real I guess
grown up
listening to a voice I don't have to hear
But I will
Till it's gone
that's the way it works
who's voice?
I don't know
but it makes me feel like the drugs, but it hurts much more. Like If I were to calculate the dose, the number would be infinite
This is my fault
I got addicted
To what?
Fuck. Jesus weren't you listening!
hey don't talk to the Sun of God Like that.
Sorry GOD.

Shit a final! 20 min!

Tough Job!

Sometimes I think

sometimes I don't

Friday, December 10, 2010

An insurance company called me about the hit and run,theoffchance

I saw three years ago,
the agent was on the wrong side
I wrote it all down
the title of it was

Anti Social, No Reason

I am so small in big letters!

Who doesn't love a BLOG

Another day another ...

The text editor is broken, I know that, I wrote the exam and I hauled ass through university, or whatever you wanna call this thing. Student loan, life time guarantee. wouln't want to screw too much up in school. THis was a sensitive and busy semester,  and I'm still alive. Obviously I'm not serious enough about risky business.  Time to get crazy. Step things up a notch. Start things on fire, but there is so much snow.  Good, it'll add contrast .. next to the flames. Shitty Q and A, Sweaty deceased work of the world.

you choose

Sunrises and sunsets are just like ...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

English Final.....

A Goiter
feels like it's been hurtin forever
dirty throat infection!
Burn it out with something
burn it out with a chemical
or vitamin
salt water contained it
but that's it
I must kill it!
it hurts

I like it my own way!

Ginger tea
Ginger Tea

Peel the Ginger, boil the water, allow it to cool. Fuck you can burn GREEN TEA. Most of the people I know don't know what good tea even tastes like. I'm not saying I buy better tea, because I don't. I just know how to make it. You gotta brew that shit right, and they all like to be done their own way. We all like it our own way.

The Young know it all

the old fall fall fall

This is just funny! take off for the sky!

Oh my God this is such a great song

Harry I never knew you drove taxi TOO

No more of that shit!

It's for the best, from now on only real fruit juice, non of this ...from concentrate shit!
The radio reminds me of the taxi

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

At least you can see, a lucky man once said. The best part of life is that we know what it is, how it works and what it does but we can't predict where it's going to take us. I adore looking ahead and dreaming up what we have coming. The best part is I can see such pleasures and I can't wait to get there. I can see it, I want to imagine myself on assignment somewhere glamorous, but then I think of a war, and then I think safari, jungle, Haiti. Anywhere but a back alley. I need to move out. I'm moving out, school's still lingering though. WHat an awesome event "school" I am lucky to have it. I am lucky. Even though I'm not in the Jungle I'm lucky and thankful for having what I have. "I have so much opportunity right now. I love it. I have to hold on though, it's happening organically, but it's moving in a it's own direction, I can see ahead, I understand and agree with what's up ahead. I'm perusing it!
it's not worth what I'm risking!

I'm sure this is sick

www.thissisick............oh yeah dot com

Screw Polacks

in the ....

Running after you!

If you have a question make sure to leave something behind other then anonymity, I enjoy the chase!

I liked it

I wish you left it,
you're not thinking
what was he thinking
is that what you were thinking?
you know how i feel

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

that was random! I might Now have claws!

I'm haunted and worthless! I am so weak!
I boil and fester, I control and I speak
I would want to be you alone
so alone though
still  far to go. 
Payment for a service
that ends in Wastlands
faith lands
my path and plans.
rock bands like oassis ooooaaaah!
and under bridge like spaces!
scared of the consequences
in ....


oh yeah
God it's nice to not have to worry about that
that was the worst!


and a swollen goiter! No school! Me and the boy are happy eating cereal, I have a swollen neck, maybe all this has something to do with stress. Ahh just toss a few grams of salt water back and you'll be fine buddy!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Exploration is so exciting!

i won't go back then

but this is still mine, and you ruined it because i let you.

 You know why he felt it was ok to blow his brain out even though he had a child
he had a "Girl"
She didn't kill him, his daughter did


My happiness is something that I embraced when I found myself. I am chasing who I want to be, that's what attracts them to me. They want to stop me, I break them. They Crucify themselves on....

I think!

This is how you find yourself in this day and age. by being alone in front of everyone!

Hey asshole can you see me standing here naked
Cause if you can't I don't care
eat a ...
God I seem to want to always be so vulgar

Talk so dirty
My essay was 800 words short
I Passed
and yes it did suck
thanks for the support you lieing bitches
relax mom I love you
I passed
got three finals left and
Fuck Yeah!!!

I think!

This is how you find yourself in this day and age.

I have such a cool future

Now I just sit in the hallway and watch him sleep. today after I tucked him in and read him a few pages from a book... I yelled 'thank God for you" and then he rolled over and asked me "How did God Build me". I told him that God smashed together all the most important metals and then threw in some Rock Star a whack load of smarts and Mixed it up with a whole lot of love and heart, and to top it all off right before he threw it all into his mom I said God  threw in my little man, and that's how God built my future.

hold it! hold right on to it boy!

She stays out late, she can always find a patron to deliver a free drink or two. She can hang on to her own dieing breath so that he can supply another mouthful of mourning. She is constantly on the look out to find the next hot spot, she'll use you to get there and she'll ditch you to stay there. She loves a nice ride, and she was also born to drive. She listens to them for me, and tells me what they say. She makes me wait for her. She is always right, even when she is wrong. She thinks she is the most important. She is the most important, she will steal from you. She can steal you. SHe is a ghost, she is psychotic. She is gracious and she poised to survive this. She knows the city, she is from several countries, she is cultural. She will use you till you make her a sandwich, she will cum all over you. She can have road rage. She is from so much more then him. She can handle herself. She can get you there, and she has and she has. She is a great cook. She is one of us, sure you might not see her, but she is here and it's nice to know that I'm right. I know. I am reaching toward something that rips me up. Makes me brave and faithful and scared. I want to.

You're a Curly!

reading about mentally handicapped people I realize the lessons we learn about life, when they are concerned are lessons that don't stick.

Getting calls from Cali?

Not sure who to blame about this one..... I know Im right about someone.
I feel so strange this morning. Ahh. I just want to.....Pop!

Finally understood this one!

No ah ehhh no ah ah not really
Im a, a......weaker than that. cryptic
Lost a fan....Fag! hahha for real.

you have a new and improved lover

Sunday, December 5, 2010

It's about finding someone else to visit because you want to!


It isn't all understood, things change
things stay the same
I was so willing to offer something that I don't want to give,
we are both so complacent, and she is such a joy
I don't really know why I have no one around who is my peer
the ones who should be my peers are either way ahead
or staggering
I'm not last. but I ain't in first either

I'm casting, and calling
who else is there to be...
1.2.3 I am so ....

Saturday, December 4, 2010

It's like trying to convince a hooker

to try and be classy!

We can make it worse!

Just add a little honesty to the truth! and voi-la you got it BAD

How to Breed Contempt.....FOr yourself ....I think.

The Young are so naive right. Recently there was this kid, in the beginning of the semester he was a Virgin, a proud one. Well I think he got it on this semester, but not with the girl he loves and has wanted, but with a girl the he knew wanted him. She probably did some pretty dirty things to him, things he couldn't say "No" to. He changed in the last three months, this girl has trapped him though, he can't hate her because, she was diagnosed with cancer and she is getting a hysterectomy at 21. He feels guilty because she swallowed his cum. She was the first, and for now the only. He buys her ice cream and delivers it with a fake smile. She just looks at him with her absent eyes.

Not sure how to act with the KAT!

that is hanging round my room, fuck
I bet it wants a litter box

liquor Box said slowly is

Give it up to me and so will I

xcept the girl doesn't know why
she insists it's what she wants
but it isn't
she can see the story unfold to the end
a happy ending
that doesn't exist
unless ...who lets it?
I am  a good Boy
that might makeme an angry man
but I am a good boy
and the truth is so awful
that good boy should go jump off a bridge!
cause that girl will never understand that she is our future!
we never met...
because I was a good boy
not a monster!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Thin ice!

In Edmonton!

How wonderful life is when I can't get no satisfaction!

"satisfy the need in me baby, mmmhmm. Don't leave me this way baby don't leave"

AnD I try!

Useless information, that's what I'll say!

Wanna smoke with me!!!!!HHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHE thats what she said!
MEn don't know what they want!

XXX Whimps!


I failed stats!

There is no way!

I am not all there anymore!

Im not sure what to do!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

When I am GOD EVERYONE ..swims in honey!

Ill do everything for money!

Im unaffected, cause i'm already dead, God lets watch them die! From our HOT SEAT!

Went to God Remember! Crawling!

No tattle zone!

I'm sure it was dirty!

Jesus Mr.Dude you make good media..
Well thanks there GUY I agree.
To bad nothing really matters eh.
Yeah it's all pointless!
i'll keep trying to do it good though!
But for no one right,
No, not even myself!
It's like being dead right!
No, i feel alive!  It's for those who feel dead and are alive!
I can do it!
I can I can!
Shoot mother fucker shoot!

the world ain'TTTTT getting any bigger

a song you might like

Who am I in that picture, who are you????

None of that was my doing!

Are we like this?

You people?

What do you mean?


Nothin like a cream Pie!


TOTALLY GIVING IN TO IT, THERE SEEMS TO BE A much more potent pull in a specific direction, Should I be that, should I do it that way? Yes of course, SO mush to do it hurts, Fuck The shit is getting tricky, and it's staying the same. I was caught recently, and I'm catching myself slipping into it, whatever it is, the whole duality of it all, the same stuff after the same stuff, Why is it that things seem to always evolve but stay the same, I know what I WANT  and I want more, I can't give up, but fuck. I can't wait till this week is done and I get to see the man again, The man again..................screw stats, I have a board of regents to shooT   .....
                              .  .
.........................................................thsi sis ssisdhjfiusidufisdjfskjckasljdfkis stheithsinsisisconfucsionssofccosncosdndkcnsisiosndndndifnidncsdnfsdjalaidnskdfoalaodnfnenfccosnfucjsisidojfduskdfksdjfiszidendtifca fcapaaishs safsteraatrrteaoa etraraefafksjfsjtrasfifjkdscidsnfvidskfkdidkdkdkdkdkdkdkdk....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Loosing it! And Im wrong!

Life and job satisfaction Pearson Correlation .296, and the significance is .011. Meaning that the relationship is weak, Your job satisfaction effects you overall life but not much, and if it does it happens to happen by chance. Meaning this???
So much to do it's hard it isn't.

ever had a kid shit everywhere?

God I wish I could trust someone!

did you see the kkkkkkat or not!

DOn't make a scene, we'll race

If you abandon us now, know...our race will... The new world order has begun and the end is near. What I do want is the two aliens. They taste like lobster. My town My Business.

King of late night stuff and

hard working! Me is awake but finished for now! What is a rabbit doing believing in a balloon?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Taxi Talkers are not Gay, I mean they are not all fags, there is some though. Thats ok

there is no way I can go out and blog with others, if anyone came back here they would laugh at me!!! What should I do to this bastard!
All is well....

My Sun has that...

sickness that left me dehydrated and vomiting, delusional with diarrhea. I'm scared, but he seems fine.
Movie and a bucket. No food, just liquids, his mom doesn't care! strange world.

SEX on the internet

I stopped officially blogging a long time ago, this is just a diary, so back off you asshole, or bring it on, don't just be a pansy ass Jerk off of a troll on the internet. Jesus I bet you're one of ......

Canada Post, Canada Post, is dumb and Canadian, Fuck this Nation of junk!

Canada Post is a scam! An awful scam!
I fucking hate bureaucracy, it is the proof that our nation is worthless.
i am ashamed to be a part of this society, and I feel that bringing a child into this world is wrong.
I must teach him to be a soldier and destroy the common belief of every simpleton around him.
Too Bad he just sent Mr.Clause a letter!
and the dude doesn't exist
fuck what a scam!

We don't have a couch!

Talked to the prof to make sure i'll survive. I might just fall of the deep end though, Who cares....I do. I don't want to fail a God Damn stats class because of bullshit. Fuck. I understood the massive computational question but the fucking multiple choice was hard as fuck. It destroyed me. Not just me, by the end of the class everyone but the dumb ass and my tutor were still sitting trying to calculate the answers. I gave up in the last 5 min. Fuck that's an hour and half of focusing. Been doing lots of stuff that forces me to be grounded for longer then a  blog post. Who the fuck wants to be grounded, I'm wondering if i'm acting manic. If I am I have been for a long time. I might be on that end of the spectrum. God the last thing I would ever want is medicine to make me like the rest of them. They are all the same, they are all worthless, even if they can pass the course and I fail it. The only thing that would get me through failing stats class is the light, who was such a darling little Cheerio this morning, I was dead. Walking around neurotic... well not really, I knew I was as ready as I would ever be. the test was a fat bitch, hard!!! That's ok it's over now i can't do anything about it except talk to good old blogger about it. I am such a case of ADHD, I wish I could pound back kilos of amphetamines like in the past sometimes, but then I remember that I would end up alone and in the dark. But just because I don't take speed doesn't mean that I still won't end up in the dark...alone. I'm not gonna ever let that happen, there is only one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning and it is not that stats class. Fuck failure is not an option so it won't happen. What a bitch of a classssssss. FUCK! I love the prof he is the same guy that taught me sociology, this little dude from India. I don't actually learn anything from him but I think that the man is so cool, I can over look the fact that I might have to take his class again. I would not blame him, even though it is his fault, I'll take responsibility and say to myself "you're a fucking adult idiot".....But I'm not I can understand the topics, I just never focused on the course........I focused on everything But.................that's the way the cookie crumbles's ok cause I also went shopping so me and the man can snack on something good tonight as we snuggle ourselves to sleeeeeeeep. Fuck I'm so tiered!

I'm a milionair, I'm sure I'm missing something, but it's worth it!

Ever see a Honey Nut Cheerio put his own pants on!
There is no pain in it! It's Great!
Hey figure your shit our already, there ain't nothing there that's real. Mirages area a  dime a dozen! But it hurts when you're thirsty, I know I'm still longing to quench this...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Everyone remember the smurfs? La la lalalala la la lalalalal.

you don't gotta be so alone!

....................................I rock rolling shit< >???ROLLING SHIT. I know that by the time I get a new ride Ill be outtta hhhhhhhere!

I've been keeping this place awfully quiet. It's for those around me who know about it all. It just so happens that everyone has access to it. That's one of the ways that someone on the other side of country can read it. There is really very few people interested in what I have to say, but there is a few interested in what is happening to me. There is the old school villains, the ex, the x ex, and ......mmmmm my mom. Fuck what an audience. Mom I wish I could write more in about you, some crazy drama. Guess you're just gonna have to come down and shoot the shit again this Christmas. The house is still such a disaster, but the dishes are usually clean and so is the bathroom. Fucking laundry, and the sheets, God Damn it, I can't seem to keep up, it's the bastard machines upstairs, I would love to have a way to wash my cloths in my apartment.  God I want to move around a bit. I'm still angry, fucking rigid. Awwful. I'm someone I should blame for that. The last two years was a strange dream. It took a while to wake form it. I needed a jolt for sure. I'm official kinda handicapped. "Thanks" Well, I have a few concepts to move on, creatively. I have to move on them and this is where I am going to find myself motivating myself to preform at a higher level. It's because I don't have to moderate this medium like the other one, but the best products, or ideas that I spawn up here will float over, taxi talk is still so mine. Ahh fuck I love it. I wounder if ill stop writing it if I fail stats. I wounder if there is a way to predict that. hahaha Fuck this shit. I totally just sit here and do this while the Light decides to fall asleep. I sit in the hallway of my little house, one that I'll never really leave because It already has so many memories. Good and Bad ones. The Hallway is a pleasant place. My life is a dream, a fucking great dream.   

i have lots...

We are eachother audiences, and we talk to things funny!!! But we can both hear those things, I guess thats why!

So you're out of it, i can tell. You have stepped into a whole new territory. One I have very little understanding of. You know me, I guess you can pretend i'm there, you'll know what I would say, just like you know what he would say, xcept I ain't dead yet. He took his jacket back, remember! You're alright! I know you are, you do have to take care of someone so remember to keep that head on straight. No you are not alone, your inbox is full....I hope that it's full of fresh stuff too. Sorry, I'm picking but only because, you put yourself here. You have no Idea how I feel about you anymore, and you're gonna be fine. Fuck I wish i Slapped you around or something, or showed you pictures of anal pirates. Remember! I believe in things to, and that post about the drownings was written by fate, not me. Crazy? Yes! I bet you he loved you and you threw a 26 year old in his face. He forgave you cause I'm sure he took advantage of more women then you could count. You included. He loved, cause you loved it, being used. You stuck around him in the worst circumstances, you taught him about friendship. Jesus knows lady...You're fine, just look after you know who, stop being so selfish and go to work.

Crazy is Crazy and Crazy is good!

What a half lazy bitch, good thing I have finals to keep me awake!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A skizzy slut!

Whos Ghost is it anyway?

Who dwells in that old house, the place that fell to such a degree that the sunlight now hits the cellar floor? Who it is the narrator of this Robert Frost piece. Is the poem being told to use coming from, the perspective of a child who frequents the broken down home of a dead barren couple? Could it possibly be the child of the buried two? An unborn spirit who knows nothing of them except that they left him or her in the cellar.  Is the character who's roaming the property an animal that feasts on sweet, sweet raspberries.  The couple is also obviously six feet under, but the being that haunts the remnants of their humble abode and often resides in their cellar, might be their love existing with mother nature. Who roams those old parts, the house, the road, who is the narrator dwelling next to where the purple steamed berries grow.

A child scurrying through the trees in his big natural back yard could be the one behind the poem. In general the piece is written in a fairly childish voice. In the poem there is six stanzas each containing five lines. By the end of the third stanza we find ourselves in the dark.  In the fourth stanza it feels like we are getting an explanation of what it is like to be stuck out in the forest after dark.  A whippoorwill, not really a frightening bird, is written out like the narrators confrontation with the bird is a terrifying experience. The type of experience a young boy might find himself in if he decided to dwell in a sunlit cellar in the middle of the forest and eat wild berries just a little to long. After the sun falls behind the horizon the child is stuck out in wild. In the fifth and sixth stanzas a more comforting situation is presented to us. The child finds refuge under the light of the stars between the gravestones of the dead couple who lived there. Unfortunately, the boy wouldn't be able to present us with the information found in the beginning of the sixth stanza. "the two are tireless folk, but slow and sad," (Frost,19). The Narrator could possibly be a child lost in the woods that finds comfort with the dead, but he would not have the understanding to be able to present us with the type of people the couple actually were.

The title of the poem is “Ghost House”, and Frost was known to  sound pleasant, he is also known to have a darker side. “Ghost House” seems to end on a good note, the narrator ends the sixth stanza, with this the last line in the poem "As sweet companions as might be had." (Frost 10) A pleasant ending to a poem that is generally dark and scary.  Well Frost is know to throw the audience off with his last lines, it's what makes "all the difference"(Frost 136) in his work. The narration could be through the voice of the couples unborn child, a miscarriage possibly! A tragic incident that was hidden in the cellar, for eternity. The couples secret, and downfall.  The reason for the explanation in the beginning of stanza six "they are tireless folk, but slow and sad, though two, close-keeping, are lass and lad,--with non among them that ever sings,"(Frost 19), is to define that the two, never had a child, but yearned for one, possibly one that was a still born, and buried in the cellar. Unfortunately the ghost of the couples still born child would not be able to undergo the trauma that the narrator goes through in the forth stanza. A ghost would not be able to present us with a fear that evokes so much drama because the ghost of an unborn child would feel no fear, never really ever being exposed to life. This was not one of Frost dark intentions.

An animal, running through the trees of the woods, all of a sudden runs into a busted down fence, makes his way through some opening, and enters the Ghost house's vicinity, the animals smells the raspberries. He makes his way to where the house stood; he jumps to the cellar floor. Now vocabulary plays a role in accepting this possible solution. A furry little squirrel doesn't speak. Animals can however be observers that Frost possibly translated for. Animals would naturally be dwelling in a busted down house, watching fences die, walls come down, lawns grow into forest.  The kicker unfortunately for the narrator being some wild animal is that the animal would not  "dwell with a strangely aching heart" (Frost 18). If animals could speak I think that this could be from the viewpoint of one of the worlds furry, little friends, except for the emotional attachment that the narrator seems to build over the house and the couple. A wild animal would not be associating those types of feeling and emotions that we tie to the subjects at hand.

Something settled on that small piece of land within that forest wall, a couple, "lass and lad,"(Frost 19). Lovers, living alone, for one another in life together. The foundation, in which they existed, was together in love on the earth. The two had no children, "With none among them that ever sings," (Frost 19) but they kept their home, they created a place purely to nurture their own souls. Love dwells in that foundation, and Frost sheds light on the nature of true love and its everlasting effects. Though the lives of the two are over, the growth of their existence is still evident. The terrors of the real world, the night, still remain, yet there is comfort in knowing that their life is a mark on a stone marred in moss, remembered by mother nature. When that something settled on that small plot, it connected its self within its forest surroundings, and together the land and the couple obtain harmony.

Who dwells on that cellar floor, well it's everything that is supposed to be in nature. What Frost does in “Ghost House” is define the relationship that humans have with nature.  Literally form start to finish, by exposing us to the end. Ghost house is an accurate portrayal of the how we live in nature, through love we humans live on this planet. The couple is defined as sad, yet their love and Mother Nature calls them "as sweet companions as might be had" (Frost 19). It is safe to say that the voice we hear when taking in Robert Frost's “Ghost House” is the voice of Love, the voice of Mother Nature.

Works Cited:

Frost,Robert. “Ghost House”. Frost Poems.
Alfred, A Knopf, and John Hollander, Toronto: Random House
Everman’s Library, 1997

Why do I have to!! we aren't there yet!

I think that it sucks that he left you, hey beautiful I'll befriend you but only cause I think I love you. Now to the dorks who think that they can control me.....I don't let anyone step on my shoes and get away with it.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

So I started using my left hand.

It's because I was listening to poetry. ANd I cried and stuff, I found a creative solution to being stupid, Thanks almighty....Hope I pass the stats class, my tutor dumped me. SHe was so Good.

It's not a shithole! There is more to it than that!

GOd gives us real distractions, i guess he gives us ones we need to really understand the real truth

I am still pristine,  I glitter in the sun,
now I'm off to coach Tim Bit Hockey!

Jesus went to Church.

Making up for lost time these days, went to the Y after hours last night, the last time I went there I was paid 100$ to party. I did not do as well, but I got paid to shoot the party and it was the Y. hard shoot, people weren't fucked up yet I guess, the place opened at 1:30am. I got home today at 3:30am, holy shit. Finished work, I bet there was some places that hit the fan out there, the football games are coming to town, I don't really care. I have to shoot a choir, a big one. I prepped the coordinators and told them that if they wanted a memorable moment they will have everyone in their attire on time and in place to be shot during rehearsal. Church, in Church a concert. Concerts rock in Church.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Over populated lawns, in and around NeWYORK, ash boy.

I took the remains of my machine gun medallion to the end of the war field. I won some prestigious award but it meant next to nothing after the death of my beloved. I was so drowned in battle that I never realized that my source of soul was dieing for love. She couldn't wait for the war to end, she jumped into his bed. the woman hurt herself to remain senseless to forget about the depth of our absence. We were fighting the war, trying to survive. She was alone and hopeless biting her nails with lies. Fascinating, the worlds look when my reasons for existence fall wrong. The sun still returns though, always visibly rising, exposing the possibility of my reassurance, without lies. After the war they passed the bill, an opportunity to go to school, a picture perfect place to re inherit the grace of my past without looking back, I have found a reason to return thought, I'll come back when I'm ready.

Did he go...did he....Yes they shot him three times!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Meat mustache, cactus, house today!

My day's are getting so fucking busy and I procrastinate so much. There is a serious problem with me. I Love it. I have so much work to do and all I can seem to do is sleep. Well it's my own doing 100%, I need to eat general and I need to get so more physical activity....don't we all. I enjoyed volley ball this semester even though it did not involve very much physicalness, it was more of an upper body thing. A weight transfer thing. Weird, I'm getting older and it took a good month of practice to get good at it. I should start doing more. I guess that would involve going out into the world and finding a means to meet the end. I need to get physical. I want to. I can feel myself growing older at this point. No I'm not saying Im some sort of old man. But I am old enough to know what it feels like to take a month to figure out how to run, jump, and accurately smash the fucking BALL, ahhhhhh , so much is going on and I'm ...

Bheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck off and smoke a reffer Joker...

The F test.... effect of the independent variable....The F the F the F Test.....what's your population asshole? Where the Hell do you the overall group of sheeeeeeeep!
State hypotheses and tell me how many fucking tails it has.......1-2. Regression is always a 2 tails test and so is the Fucking F test......Ok so what's the total sum of squares?

Ok variance and deviation is always fucking fucking F test!
DOn't worry he talks shit behind your back, we all do!


Shit there has been some tampering with some of my federally owned stuff, it's really unfortunate that even though I live in Riverbend bad things happen. Not the worst but still, it sucks to be ripped off, ha...I'm getting used to it. It always comes back ten fold.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm a saxophone blow me! I hold my heart back...Back boy!

OH no here she comes....ahh. The two boys stumble out of the darkness of the bush and find themselves in a well lite area in the park. The River Valley ran for decades. It was one of the biggest of it's kind in the world. It was where she lived. The two boys found themselves in the situation because one of them decided to stay and have another drink with her. We knew what happened after it got dark, but one of us wanted to stick around and make sure what we heard about was true. We crept deeper and deeper into the valley, until we ran into her. She was everything we had dreamed of. She glimmered in the setting sun. We stayed and watched her.....stared. Yet as the sun kept falling her hair it disappeared, she became a monster, and swallowed those boys with fear.
Her love for him was tainted, the first thing she noticed about him was his glasses, holding the eyes back form coming at her. She jumped, in the front seat "I love driving in the front seat!" she snapped.  He told her  "put on your seat-belt please we're gonna go on a crazy ride!"

God I can burn...burn the mother .........burn.



street walker

off limits




Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Go saskatchewan!!! who the fuck are they playing???

Now things are really moving when it comes to school and work. Everything seems to be smashing together, all at once. It ain't good... it's great! I'm usually running a little behind at this point. today I walked into gym class, and the teacher was pulling names out of a hat. He pulled my name, my group was first up to present. One of my little school girlfriends passed me a sheet of paper and we started teaching a drill I had never seen before. We did good though, and I participated. We passed. I also have a speech tomorrow, twelve minutes long, except I haven't even figured out what I'm gonna talk about yet. Jesus knows I can talk. But about what? a busted ticker! Fuck that, I'd get kicked off stage for swearing. no I think I'll do it about vigilantism, I'm gonna convince the kids to start fighting back against the man.

When you are so young you still live in the past!

Those are the types of people you try not to step all over, they might not forget for a while!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Crocodials been around a long fucking time!

Pauline was my type Right?

Exposing myself to the decadence was a necessary evil. There are careless people out there, and they usually have money. Don't you wounder what it would be like to have access to whatever you want. I don't mean be all you can be but get everything you can get your hands on. We all want to know what it is like to sleep in the penthouse, to ride in the big car, to drink from the golden fountain. Those are things that everyone should feel, I think. It's too bad that by feeling them in the wrong context changes occur inside of you. I have been changed in recent years, I have been influenced in strange ways. Not good either, I sold myself short for love though, not just anything. I loved someone who gave me more then I should have ever taken, I did love though. What a deal, a piece of the soul, to change myself for someone who tried to buy my attention, when I loved her for her soul. I really did, no it was not her body, which was mine, her car or her house, I loved her for her. Because of the way she loved. I changed myself to accommodate her, this was the bad thing, but it was the proof of my love. I let her influence my drive, she had two sides. I loved them both. Unfortunately she only loved the one, and I think that she has embraced that sad side of herself.
You gotta swing your hips now!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hate is a sickness!

I'm not a morning person. I was always a night owl. When something goes wrong in the morning I am rarely capable of dealing with it. This sickness has surrounded me in so many ways. It's taught me a lot about health in general. Like if you're not healthy all the opportunity in the world walks right by you. That goes for mental soundness too. Fuck imagine having a really active thyroid, or schizophrenia. Fuck that would suck! Most of us are sick because we inflict it on ourselves. We are all self destructive. Why? Pleasure is pain. I guess in the most part, self destruction is just shitty attempts at self medicating. I bet this is true for all. Those shitty attempts become daily habits and voilĂ , your stuck with a kokanee in your hand 15 of the 24hr of the day. I can't imagine what it would be like to drink a case of beer everyday and then wake up to be at work for 7am. I need to find a way to maintain a healthy diet without breaking the bank. Being sick sucks! When I drove the taxi I'm pretty sure I was immune to everything. That job was a gateway to God you know. I swear on my life. Well I think that the job also introduced me to my blog, I guess life is just a gateway to itself...Fuck Im Hungry!

I might have to take that last one back!

Seems that I am human, and there is hope!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Fly off the deep end, and marry a rich girl

imagine being one of the families who paid an outrageous amount for their home at the peak of the boom and then the crash came. Imagine being stuck in a home that you paid double its worth for! Shit that would suck. Banks would love you. Imagine making a decision to buy a house when homes were worth three times more then their actual value. I would never pay more then it's worth. Remember the Boom guys. It happened right before the rescission. I wounder if there is still a recession, school seems to delete the though of the outside world. Which is good because I can peruse my goals. My goal in real life is to pay off my modest home and make my way back to being global, except I have this little Gigolo that I'm gonna bring with me. That's my goal to travel the world with a little gigolo. Teach him the do's and don't of "The World." Do... have fun with the ladies, but he'll know that he's a Gigolo. Don't... mess with Gangsters in Thailand. You know that Kind of thing. But Imagine owning 250,000$ on a house that's worth 50,000$, holy shit! Do... be careful during booms, don't ..

to those who can't feel...the roses, and will never be strong.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I was raised in the mid west, I went to Harvard. I love NewYork and I have a moral character. I am not a neutral character. I hate ......white supremacists and anti acid chalk tablets.
So imagine coming back to class with a paper written by a genuine genius.

at the tone eat shit.....Beep..

Rejection, ejection, whatever, it's an automated system, they respond to everyone like that, everyone does. Can't seem to sleep today because I'm so fucking sick, I have a presentation today and I was imagining barfing all over the stage. That would be really cool, I thought. So work is around I'm starting to have the Sunday shoots down to an art, not that it's art yet, I've recently started dabbling with some tools I've never used before it's changing thing's. Actually it's commercializing them.Making them legitimate, they don't respond to sales tactics like they do to artsy approaches, not that anyone reading really gives a shit, I've been all abstract lately. That's not a bad thing either, this is not somewhere I have to come to make sense of it all. We all know that the world is a chaotic pile of festering ....... rose peddles. God how I love rose peddles, and poodles. Nothing like a tea cup poodle menstruating on your bed eh . Eh! SO I hear it's cold outside, well I'll be there in a few hours. Haven't been reading my English assignments, and I should because one of them is about ............I'm still delusional, from this sickness, too bad I have to present or I'll fail, the teacher wants me to do the drama departments head-shots, and the media director needs me to shoot the board of regents, they are coming from all over the country. I think I can do it alone now but I'll still have my assistant come down. Just in case I need the creative edge, you know that cuts through the automated system. I know it's hard to understand when your an answering machine, but try to be something .........that isn't like everyone else.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fall into it and you'll be fine! It's the other side of the Sun!

Ever think about those things people hide from you. Even the people that you don't know. Everyone has the things they do in their shadows. There is that two sided thing about being human. Well most people! I try to be transparent, but why? It's better to be .......? Mel Gibson! Drunk and hating on everyone. But he has been around so don't hate on the guy to much. Yeah Booze gives transparency, alcohol really lets the honest to God person shine through. I don't drink. I think I should sometime, when I'm alone. Seems that any writer that was classified as a good writer liked to chill himself at the bottom of glass. I get beat up when I get drunk. No joke almost every time I pull a couple back someone throws me around. Seems I don't fight back to hard. I hate physical violence, and I miss the taxi. I'm so random and hungry. Hence the immense transparency, it's an impulsion. Because my shadow is just my reflection. ANd that's only scary to the people who are invisible.

O.k ok

I am rehabilitated
I adore fat people!

Im in a rehabilitation program!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I have a gift form GOd!

Oh my God I have never been so sick in my life! Sure I've projectile vomited across a room, but the nurse what squeezing in a gallon of charcoal solution. This was different, I've had food poisoning once, diarrhea, vomiting. Thought it might be food poisoning but the boy ate the same batch of tacos as I did he was fine. It hit me around 4am this morning, I was asleep when all of a sudden I was on my knees prying to the porcelain throne, for several hours this continued. I remember thinking that I was still going to go to school, I had another speech that I have been practicing. Guess not, but that wasn't the worst part, the worst part was that I had my four year old with me, and after 6 hr of vomiting I became kinda .....done. I couldn't stand, cold sweats, head ache, and there was not chance I was even able to keep an ounce of water in my gut. Before the man woke up I called his mom, I told her I could handle it, looking back now I realize that I was delusional. Then I called my mom, I was all fucked up, I needed some instruction on how I was going to survive one of the sickest days of my life while taking care of a tiny little dude. Oh did I mention that it was also the first day of winter in this God forsaken city. When he got up I waddled into the kitchen, my head throbbing, at of nowhere I threw up several times into the sink and made the boy toast. He enjoyed his morning meal with juice. I somehow made it to lunch, he sat next to me the whole time watching his movies, we got a new one about aliens. I was so sick and shaking, at lunch I made him tomato soup and I drank some beef broth from a can, it was the only thing I knew I could stomach. The day went on and after watching about a million movies together the man is in bed, and I'm able to look at the screen, sitting outside his bedroom in the hallway making him feel better, because without him I would have died today. But judging by the sounds my innards are making right now there is still a chance of ...................

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

There are things I can't forget about!

Ever hear me criticize fat people. I hate them, they are all fat and stuff!

I can't let go of it!

Monday, November 15, 2010

God help me I'm blind

God help! Help me. Please Jesus help me! I've been blinded! Blinded by ass!!!

I'm afraid I'll never be the same.

Turn your back on that! and look at the big questions!

TOgether we stood in relation
facing each other, revealing our lives, we prayed!
We lost our connections,
our endless lust profound, corrupt and unsound.

Traveling the horizon
the car breaks down, Collapse!
a gasoline leak, a solution absorbed!
a reflection of power... outsourced

The prayer is uncertain,
the truth was aware,
the limits are within reason
but the lust sucks at us in seasons

We can not be in detention
prying and singing out devotion
we can only inherit
the reasoning of our relations!

Fucking a fare!

In your house was I in? I think I know it, I think.
You're not from there though!
You did not know me then, you never saw me there!
I watched the windows flare with light then disappear!

My little car, stops there, it is sincere
a taxi, a life...your fear.
Between my lips, the skin, cheer!
I see a flower falling still!

I honk my horn!
Why is it the man is in this funny position!
A relationship with myself, sounds slight!
the all-oneness is great, it's my fate, what a fate! My mate!

The house is lovely, light and awful!
I promised my Sunset sweet!
To wish the world to us
to become a world of us!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Treading Water.

I talked to Tony today, it was nice. He was waiting for a flag on Whyte and Gateway. Just sitting there. He's been in the same cab since the attack, he say's the weekends are getting good. Recessions suck, but if the cabbies are starting to break even then maybe things are looking up in the world. That wasn't what we talked about. I talked about myself. I want to ask Tony to let me take his photo. I can see him in it now. He is in the taxi and I am looking in. I told him about the medical and the expense of it, he too did not know about the increase of price. "It's to make money!" He said. It's so fucking true. "Weekends are looking good" he said. I miss the taxi and the knowledge it fed me day in and day out. the stories that could be told with such transparency that everyone could indulge in a witnesses rendition of someone getting his dick sucked in the back seat, or a picture perfect paragraph that defined what it felt like to watch a man drive himself to the hospital with a slashed throat. With the 15 year old assailant still in the back seat. I talked to Tony today and I miss driving the taxi, and I think about keeping my license. Things are no longer able to be as transparent as I want them to be. I can't seem to find myself in the position of a fly on the wall anymore. I miss that, because I would always buzz into the conversation and put in my own two cents. A portrait of Tony would mean a lot to me. It is a goal that I have set for myself, for a long time I've wanted to do it, but whenever the possibility arises I chicken out and talk about myself. FUck, I miss driving the taxi, the open road and the late night. The late late night. Fuck I'm beginning to feel like the 9 to fiver, I'm not though, but I get sleepy late at night, and I like to got to bed early sometimes now........haha yeah right, The weekends are getting good and life is getting better and better, and yeah I'll miss the taxi, but that's a good part of life. I can see him in that picture, I can see right through, and one day I'll give it plain and simply to you!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Cause I have a set of booster cables for a truck!

Taking care of business and working over time. the Fights were a success, the haters were trampled, but yet the fight continues, the dance between my black and white, blue and red, green and ..... i don't know is still vibrant in my eye's. I didn't go to work after the fights. No I was hanging with the official sponsor so I got to be help in high regard at all the after party's. Got to hang with fighters, the dude from North Carolina winked at me during his fight. He was strangling his competition, smashing his head in when he took a moment of of his busy schedule and gave me a little smile and wink. Ahhh those fucking massive bastards. There was this after party in the North side, it called to me. I usually don't go to clubs to party but I've been feeling a little out of place wherever I go so I went to the North side. Fuck what a sketchy place Edmontons north side is. At least they let people do drugs in the bars. Right! Whatever. So, the fighter that smiled at m, he was at the after party looking just as out of place as I was, except neither of us cared. He won, and I shot it. We were both were we wanted to be, no not out of place, but were we wanted to be in life. I know I'm gonna find things uncomfortable but that's ok, I am not one of those others, sure I yurn for that stuff but I'm not one of them. I'm happy bout that. And that is pivotal, that fighter smiled at me while some guy was legally trying to bust his head in. Wow what a night, well it was all worth it, there were lots of distractions from the every day, and i didn't take them, I'm gonna deal with the everyday with the biggest fucking smile you've ever seen, and I won't lower myself to the sheep standard. I'm gonna truck along!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I can't believe there is a wart on my soul!

Bombs away...

SO today is another monster, I am hoping this is going to be the day I have a really good time, I wanna laugh, I wanna play,I wanna work hard. There is many events happening this weekend. I'm officially a photographer for a big sponsorship. If I can get some cool pics of the fight I'll do well. There is also the boys acac national soccer game, then our girls, who won nationals last year. Then there is me going to shoot it all. Weigh ins are today at west ed. I've already shot at west ed. Killer. I have the telephoto, there is also this wide angle in the bag.....ha haha. It'll probably be used for some of the fights, I rented another speedy zoomer too. I'll be fine. But wait you guys this is just the start of the corporate sponsorships, there is going to be more and more, and no this is not to sell my soul, this is to send my Sun to a private school, so I don't feel like a white trash chump. Fuck we all know that I've had enough exposure to good old white trash and I emphasis the words old white trash... There is opportunity out there, and it is hard to find, or you have to undertake hours of painful something to get it. But that's life, I worked hard to get what I have, especially things like the wide lenses and the lap top computers, I want out, I'll do whatever it takes. Except kill anyone's dream, well unless their dreams involve my destruction, then fuck them, I'm on top of it. I'm going to make it.Ok. here we go....

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The days are getting shorter, the nights are growing longer. Sometimes I miss driving the cab, the nights the sunsets and rises. The streets the road the people. I renewed my license a couple of months ago and I was told i needed a medical to have the class4 stamped on my piece of ID. The medical is pretty expensive these days. Funny how 5 years ago when I first got the license my doctor just gave me the medical for free. Not no more, I decided I didn't want it, I don't think I'm going to be a professional driver right now, well till I have officially given up on what really matters to my soul. Speaking of souls, while I was at the ............

Friday, November 5, 2010

You can harvest it! But if you don't .........

So I picked a rotten apple and ate it!
I chose it, it was mine to eat!
I could not see that it was that tree, I could not see
her tree deceived me!
She asked me to taste it, I embarrassed it, I felt it.
I ate it and I fell for it, it's the state of it.
What's in for me, she still stands there picking at his tree.
The apple he has presented is still hanging waiting for me,
forsaken me.
I laid wide eyed the other night, remembering the snake-like awakening
you raised in me. Why wasn't there any forgiveness, because you
ran form yourself, in fear of the creature you honor.
So now you scrape your belly, along the new wall,
rereading media that excepts you in your nasty fall.
You were alone together, you are alone forever.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Friday, October 15, 2010

400 pounds, dreaming of you!

The seasons are changing. My mind is different every once in a while. Still drudging through school. (Not True) School is cool. I am having a few problems, but once they are done I just slip into english class and listen to my Prof read the waste land by eliot. Fragments on life that represent the non believer, the empty. What the world is to those who don't "know". My life is what it is and I'm lucky to have it. I've won some and I've lost lots. I tried and I always play hard. I've had the sun in the palm of my hands and I've watched him grow. I've been in Love and felt the pain of it put me in my place. I hate being alone. I need to be alone. I am alone. I have what I know, I have my family to help nourish me and grow. I wish I could tell stories about my life again. Without taxitalk there is very little real blurred mean content available to me. Fuck late night record shops......Stop your surrounded! Im a conditioned dog who wants you to ring the bell. What to think about. Man music inspires. I should go back to bed and let all those hatters win. Fuck that, I have the dream, but where the hell has all the love gone. Who cares...... Funnnnnnn.

My mom is over... she cooked fish for supper the other day.
I guess when I went to school yesterday My jacket smelled like fish. I stunk. But I found a tutor. Even though i stunk like ffffffish, Fuck! Moms never change you know!

Friday, October 8, 2010


Now I understand that situations like this might not cause you to go out and get a Job driving taxi. But I'm not here to persuade you to drive taxi, I wanna reveal to you the Joys of Blogging online. Introduce you to a world that is ultimately created controlled and manipulated by you.

I know, I understand, it's hard to expose yourself in front of the world. But the purpose of the blog is to expose others to your ideas, ideals, and views. The difficulty of a blog is creating quality content consistently.

But if you can produce work that has the ability to captivate an audience online, and you intend on excelling in your field, a blog is a must. Being on the cutting edge is key to succeeding in any industry, creating content that is exposed to people forces the author to optimize and perfect the process, Exposing your work allows others to point out your weaknesses and praise your strengths. THe internet has a tendency to first offer a lot of criticism, so as a blogger be prepared to get a thick skin.

things can always move in a direction that's positive!

I enjoy being out there. And I enjoyed being a part of something real.
The cool thing about the taxi was it was a consistent source of new content. The key to success of any blog is the authors diligence to putting him or herself out there and actually devoting themselves to ensuring that there is another post every morning for his or her audience. The best part of writing the blog was the drive it gave me to get up and go to work. It was a productive cycle that changed the way I thought about what I want to do with my life.

So which one of you has something to say?
Who here already writes a blog, how big is your presence online. How do you want to influence the world?



Mean streets

first night

Monday, October 4, 2010


SO there is things you just don't get over. You learn to cope with, to get better at, to overcome. You don't just drop into this world ready to kick ass, we're all dropped here naked, scared, cold and wet. I miss something........ but that's ok I'm moving along. I talked to Tony, the cabbie I followed after that fifteen year old cut his throat in the taxi. He's still driving. What a guy, cool as fuck, still behind the wheel of a Hack. I also talked to on of my Polish day cabby buddies, he said business is slow. As usual. Day drivers can never catch a break. Who knows maybe one day the whole world with have a bus schedule and cabbies will be obsolete. I'll never forget being a driver, I can't wait to do it for fun when I'm rich and famous. That is if I ever find the time..... The world is so

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Scotch tape in the sink for your on sake!

Now things are running so smoothly, I have a felling I'm gonna trip over something big. Good or Bad, I guess we'll see. For now I have to keep focused. Get over the jealousy and that kind of stuff. Life is more then i'll ever be able to define. I have things so good they could not be better. We could always use more money. I'm sure this rings true for most people. So materialistic greed is something that I just inherently feel. It's a sin! It causes strange things to happen. Sometimes it feels like you're being carried which is cool right? Well sometimes life ain't lifting you up it's taking you down... and you don't even know it. The joys of all this....learning. Use pirated software if you have to an try not to make your computer crash. Get sleep! and imagine life on this world without "who you are".

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fear consumes us with a standard glass eye!

Im so lucky to be in school right now. I have a back up plane.i guess I'm lucky I could be in my parents basement, a gang member and incapable of passing the upgrading courses required to go to school. So I have something to fall back on. But I really dislike sitting through a stats class it's suicidal. Fucking standard deviations! haha to those readers that only got far enough in school to read taxitalk, it's a mathematical way of defining where you are at. Mean median and mode mother fuckers. Man I am happy, fuck it would suck being a drug dealer or something cause in real life they are runnin scared. but they do have lots of.......crappy back up.

Monday, September 27, 2010

SOme Jager Brand. Concerts Rock!

There is an endless amount of work in the world. I am beyond happy about that. Seems likes I might not be able to get away from scenery for too long. Pimples.. I also have a bunch of pimples. Well one. So there is a concert a Rexall tomorrow. WIll CALL you any time brother.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

What a weekend!!!

Now that certain things seem to be so good, and within that there is all these little fuck up's that really seem to be the the end of the world but they are not. Life is beyond good. Things seem to be on track.Lookin at the big picture is getting more and more direct. Focusing on it and being greatfull. Now Im going to bed. Cause I have work tomorrow bright and early.!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Bheee...You mean very little more then a busted nut! and that goes to anyone!

So here is a Random attack!! Check out this link and you'll know that what you put in does come back at you! The Apresnos Rocked my world after another few nasty blows. But my Mom is doing really good so I'm actually beaming with Joy. God Bless!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

So thank you!

You know even if your a hatter you are a fan if you read the posts.
So I win! as usual. go back to Asshole week! Your one of the true sheep, faceless fuck!
I Love you too.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

SOmeone really close to me

There is someone I love very much going through surgery today. I am on my knees. God keep an eye out for "you know who" please. Love!

Monday, September 20, 2010

You are the only person that can make you happy in this world!

Throughout the last few weeks I've been getting over a really bad bust up with my lover. We were lovers for almost two years. The strange thing about our relationship was that lust played a massive role in it. Neither of us ran out of want for each other, but we did run out of respect for one another. This X lover of mine was someone I was willing to spend my life with, no joke....except she was married. Well she was separated for over ten years. Another thing about this women was that she was over a decade older then me. We made a great match at first. She totally helped me stay optimistic about this shit hole of a world we live in. I met her in the taxi, which I know was one of the big no no's for anyone out there that enjoyed taxitalk....No sex! no drugs! (Don't worry there was non of that)but, well toward the end of the career things changed. I met a women, a fare, she invited me into her house to type in the URL to my blog .... That night I could tell she was lonely. I didn't take advantage of it. Even though I was lonely too. She eventually contacted me on the blog. There is a comment somewhere back there. We started to email each other and a Romance followed. We corresponded together for a month or two before we met again, and it was love at first sight...or lust. (I'm just starting to go over the figure out why I didn't leave earlier) There were several issues I over looked time and time again to try to protect our Love or lust or whatever it has ended being. Over looking ones self if the worst mistake I ever made when it comes to love.

Rotten anonymous Rat...............

The truth is that This is my domain not yours you asshole. Eatshit and fight a bull for all I care. My sun still rises and I don't go wasting my time on your shit, so you are welcome to come back but remember I control the content...not you. You can control shit in your anonymous bullshit trap of a world. You are a nobody, you are nothing. I make you.. which is sad since I don't know you. So stroke it buddy, you're a worthless piece of shit. A jerk off. Hahahaha...haha ha.