Friday, December 4, 2015

Can't stay up late enough yet

As I was driving home last night from my night job i was so impressed by the lack of traffic that I actually took a breath and smiled.

I'm a road rage fanatic! And unfortunately, my little boy rarely gets to see coming home from work, he''s often forced to witness, the monster, while I'm driving him to school in the mornings.

Poor guy doesn't get the fact that I love driving. 

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Not the worst

Just when you think you know everything....  you realize that you know nothing. The worst part is that you have to find out how small you really are if you actually want to get anywhere. This is awful. Not knowing who or what I am over and over again is driving me crazy.

I do know that there is people out there that are aware of different things then I am,

I kind of realized that the way Im living is really different then other people. Because of that I don't really fit in well.

And not just in the good ways. I'm starting to segregate myself and it's not in the right way. It's in the I'm an idiot kind of way.
It's rough... being an idiot. Or at least finding out that you are one. It's the worst.

Monday, November 30, 2015

heater noises

Back at it. and that's that.

Need to write it out I guess, i've done it once I can do it again.

What really sparked this post was a desire to tell you that, " Hey maybe we shouldn't have met. That maybe the thing that I've been defending is the reason things never went well for me."

Like what's my past about anyway. Is it meant to be?
Am I doing what's meant for me.

Probably not. I want so much more. I can see the whole world and it leads me back to the past. To my youth, my desires.

I can deal with today, I can say that I'll have more of exactly what I want. I can tell that little pissed off kid from high school that life is better then you can imagine.

Can I get him to listen? Well that's the art. That's what I've been destined to do. Find myself over and over,  I'm so full of shit.

It's not forever, and it's over all the time, before it starts.