He would find himself sitting there, thinking about it, and it bothered him. He never even saw it coming, he didn't even feel it. It was funny that way, the way things just crept along, how everything moved forward, whether he liked it or not. He sat there, it was a hot summers day. Watching the kids was the best part, he could hear them playing. "The swing set was worth every penny" he thought, "and in the long run so was the backyard". The thought of her kept bothering him though.
"What if she knew?" he said out loud. The thought itself jerked him out of his relaxed position, he was sitting on the lawn chair, legs up, wife beater, shades. He held a cold beer in his hand. He was bald and happy sometimes. He liked his life when he could just sit, watching the kid was ok, but only as long as they were far enough away for him to be able to catch those extra zzzz's. The thought kept circling in his mind. The kids were playing in the back yard and the sun just kept beating down that radiant shine.
It was getting hot, the kids were complaining of being thirsty so he got up to give them a drink, it was thirty six degrees in the sun. They all sat in the house to drink some lemonade. "Daddy" the voice brought him back to reality. "What it is son?" he asked solemnly, red eyed half cut. He even laced his lemonade with a little Silent Sam. He did anything to turn off the thought of her. "Daddy?" the five year old repeated, again he was shoved back into the reality, fatherhood. "Daddy, do you know where mommy is?" asked the little boy, eyes wide, all three children were lined up together, each drinking back a glass of organic freshly squeezed lemon aid. He drank back what was left in his cup. His mind couldn't focus on anything except her. The kids went back outside. It was too hot for them out there, he wasn't worried about it though he was getting too drunk. He went back outside to sit in the sun. His glass of lemon aid was again filled to the brim with mostly vodka.
The kids were cooling themselves off with their water pistols. "Andrew" he yelled, the smallest of the three cam running up to him. "Yes'm dad" answered Andrew obediently, he was only four years old. His father laughed at him and said "Boy, get that older brother of yours." Andrew ran off curiously. All of them played while their father thought about her.