You win some you lose some! That's the way it goes! There's so much going on in this world that we don't know about, then we look back on and realize that we were hypocrites. I bet you're saying "I've never been a hypocrite before!" well I m telling you to go fuck your self. A typical type of hypocrisy stems from role reversals. When a victim become a bully. It happen when there is a shift in energy or power, one person becomes more aware of reality then another.
I'm thinking about the way I bitch at my dad! He's trying. Just that he's old and slow. I bet I was young and stupid when I was a kid so I should treat em good. But I just want to rush him. Throw him in his place.
I'm trying to make more connection then ever before. I'm doing another readathone.... 24hrs of Shakespeare. I'm also connecting the municipality with ways they can make the nurturing of story telling more accessible to the common Edmontonian!
It's funny that I need to goo to bed!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
tsap ypoc
It's easy to forget that you're probably lonely and weird. The problem with forgetting is that when you finally come to terms with not being lonely, you get stuck somewhere alone and you don't know what to do cause you set yourself up to succeed with the help of someone else. There are people that come with you all the way to the point where you're about to get to the other side and that's when they ditch you. They always try to blame you too. They say things like "You're just and ambitious fuck" or "Why do you think you're entitled to that!" When you hear people like that, people who don't understand why they should be entitled to everything you know that they're not entitled to anything.
I'm entitled to being weird and lonely. Everyone one is except people that aren't. you don't question, you don't expose anything unless it tries to diminish you for being yourself. All that is is bullying, and there is a shit load of it. It's everywhere, people are scared of everything and they think they need to reach out to every other resource to get the answer, outside of them selves.
We're creatures of habit. Lots of people are stuck in the past, they don't write blogs and they don't know how important it is to be transparent.Another thing about this habit bullshit is when you're trying to develop a concept you must be repetitive and good. Finding a way to bring old form back is a very highly prized skill in our society
I'm entitled to being weird and lonely. Everyone one is except people that aren't. you don't question, you don't expose anything unless it tries to diminish you for being yourself. All that is is bullying, and there is a shit load of it. It's everywhere, people are scared of everything and they think they need to reach out to every other resource to get the answer, outside of them selves.
We're creatures of habit. Lots of people are stuck in the past, they don't write blogs and they don't know how important it is to be transparent.Another thing about this habit bullshit is when you're trying to develop a concept you must be repetitive and good. Finding a way to bring old form back is a very highly prized skill in our society
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Jenna Marbles is a role model to hookers without self esteem
I need a new pair of skate shoes and I can do it. Today I shot a birthday party. I was at a location I never really shoot at, it was a private party. We drove a limo around the city, the guy having the party was gay and the ride was filled with women. They were all very sexual.
I've been having this problem for years, writing about reality like it was taxitalk. taxitalk was so much easier!
What am I doing now, I have goals. I've found that there is no way to make a living working for others you have to do it working for yourself. School has burdened me with an immense debt, it has done so while also allowing me to better conceptualize where it is we live in the universe.
How do you work for yourself, you meld with you society and begin to introduce what it is you can offer. I can communicate very well and I'm learning to prostitute my way up the food chain. you want to be in a position where you can leverage yourself over the leaders in the industry to make sure you're set to win. Winning is a predictable thing. It's easy to see how to win, conceptualize the perfect scenario where you couldn't lose. Then put the pieces together. Finding talent is hard but it's key. Most people aren't following their dreams. They're trying to harmonize with what society has to offer them by doing exactly the opposite ....
The Strategy comes naturally when you're letting go of yourself for the right reason! Our world is suspiciously hard to talk about honestly! It's because
I've been having this problem for years, writing about reality like it was taxitalk. taxitalk was so much easier!
What am I doing now, I have goals. I've found that there is no way to make a living working for others you have to do it working for yourself. School has burdened me with an immense debt, it has done so while also allowing me to better conceptualize where it is we live in the universe.
How do you work for yourself, you meld with you society and begin to introduce what it is you can offer. I can communicate very well and I'm learning to prostitute my way up the food chain. you want to be in a position where you can leverage yourself over the leaders in the industry to make sure you're set to win. Winning is a predictable thing. It's easy to see how to win, conceptualize the perfect scenario where you couldn't lose. Then put the pieces together. Finding talent is hard but it's key. Most people aren't following their dreams. They're trying to harmonize with what society has to offer them by doing exactly the opposite ....
The Strategy comes naturally when you're letting go of yourself for the right reason! Our world is suspiciously hard to talk about honestly! It's because
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Krist I 'm times #3 + 1
Spending too much time in the waste paper basket can change your life! Like smelling the essence of a woman a lover that just left you on your pillow or on your blanket as you're going to bed. Not a bid deal once you've had a few right? The essence is the same, it's about you're familiarity with your own essence and how its consistency that changes. You get used to it. You know what it is. Forty year old women want to cum a dozen times, and if they're not in the marriage that ruined them they usually are out taking care of business. I shouldn't be their business. I'm not sure who to meet! I know that sounds funny, but who to focus on. I've never had that. I find each one of them remarkable. I remember there was this one.
I was twelve. We had just left the house I grew up in to my dad, while my mom and I moved to this ghetto apartment building in downtown St Albert. I walked to school from there. That walk was a real mind opening experience. For most of the year it was boring but toward the end I found a partner. Melony was my age, she had been in my class, and I had the biggest crush on her. I walked her home for the latter half of the sixth grade. She had me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her.
We started a band! She got drums! I played the guitar..... we never jammed.
That year I moved to Europe and we lost contact.
Seven months later, I was a thirteen year old boy coming back from a day of school in Poland when my grand mother handed over a letter. We were in the dusty old, open windowed kitchen, my grandma was making chicken soup on the wood stove. I was only just a teenager. I opened the Letter!
Dear Jacob!
It was from Melony, she wanted to inform me that she had been missing me, that she wished she could walk home with me because she liked me the whole time.
I was smitten, I lost the letter and never got back to her again, shit moved on at that point, I was in Europe.
I was twelve. We had just left the house I grew up in to my dad, while my mom and I moved to this ghetto apartment building in downtown St Albert. I walked to school from there. That walk was a real mind opening experience. For most of the year it was boring but toward the end I found a partner. Melony was my age, she had been in my class, and I had the biggest crush on her. I walked her home for the latter half of the sixth grade. She had me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her.
We started a band! She got drums! I played the guitar..... we never jammed.
That year I moved to Europe and we lost contact.
Seven months later, I was a thirteen year old boy coming back from a day of school in Poland when my grand mother handed over a letter. We were in the dusty old, open windowed kitchen, my grandma was making chicken soup on the wood stove. I was only just a teenager. I opened the Letter!
Dear Jacob!
It was from Melony, she wanted to inform me that she had been missing me, that she wished she could walk home with me because she liked me the whole time.
I was smitten, I lost the letter and never got back to her again, shit moved on at that point, I was in Europe.
Friday, September 7, 2012
I love everyone who's stroked my ego in all its stature
Who the fuck does is concern. "My family hates me" I remember thinking that shit about my family, remember being 13-22! Yeah They all think the same. About themselves. I remember having a 22 year old lover. She was beautiful and spoiled. I loved her and still do. There was this moment when she was needy and picking at me for being a weak poor lover. She hated being called my lover, she wanted to be my girlfriend, I had just finished getting fucked over by a cougar, a woman that was 14 years my senior. The Cougar was a psychotic mess, and she broke my heart. She smashed my camera at a concert she took me too for my birthday. She was jealous always, she was rich too, she bought me and I let her. I sold her my soul, I even almost let her convince me that I was all hers. The young woman I was seeing after the cougar was never jealous, but she was young and she was angry and she cheated on me.
When she told me she had slept with another man I left her at a bus stop, latter she told me "I never slept with him." She was lying, I took her back. She was beautiful, she probably slept with him because he took her on a date. He spent money on her so she sucked his dick, then lied to me and sucked mine. She was young when I was seeing her, and she was always so angry... she was also 6.2 feet tall and perfect. When she realized that I was used to having a woman that fed me, did my laundry and gave me money for sex she stopped bitching about how crappy I was about at being a shitty boyfriend. I was a lover, I never asked for her soul or for her to sell herself. I always nurtured her, I wanted her to outgrow that anger.
My brother is angry like that, he hates and blames everyone but himself. He's in his 30s. One of my old friends came to visit his family here in Edmonton, he lives in Van and hangs with my brother now. They're friends. He used to be my best friend, but this guy was a drag he is also gorgeous. When I was an unhappy spoiled 13-22 year old I hung out with people who were drags, fucking downers. Downers are angry because they can't see outside of themselves. They don't have to but they should. They don't realize that they're attitude fuels the defeat of everything around them. Always pessimistic. Their attitude draws them together to mutually adore each other and each others bad asshole soul sucking attitude. Those people loved to have me hanging around them, they still do. I bring optimism to all those around me. I don't cheat, I don't lie about being something I'm not! Life sucks and that's ok. If you love me I love you too!
When she told me she had slept with another man I left her at a bus stop, latter she told me "I never slept with him." She was lying, I took her back. She was beautiful, she probably slept with him because he took her on a date. He spent money on her so she sucked his dick, then lied to me and sucked mine. She was young when I was seeing her, and she was always so angry... she was also 6.2 feet tall and perfect. When she realized that I was used to having a woman that fed me, did my laundry and gave me money for sex she stopped bitching about how crappy I was about at being a shitty boyfriend. I was a lover, I never asked for her soul or for her to sell herself. I always nurtured her, I wanted her to outgrow that anger.
My brother is angry like that, he hates and blames everyone but himself. He's in his 30s. One of my old friends came to visit his family here in Edmonton, he lives in Van and hangs with my brother now. They're friends. He used to be my best friend, but this guy was a drag he is also gorgeous. When I was an unhappy spoiled 13-22 year old I hung out with people who were drags, fucking downers. Downers are angry because they can't see outside of themselves. They don't have to but they should. They don't realize that they're attitude fuels the defeat of everything around them. Always pessimistic. Their attitude draws them together to mutually adore each other and each others bad asshole soul sucking attitude. Those people loved to have me hanging around them, they still do. I bring optimism to all those around me. I don't cheat, I don't lie about being something I'm not! Life sucks and that's ok. If you love me I love you too!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Home(More)Less Center of.....
How many homeless people can read, I wanna do a read athone at the homeless shelter. See how long we can get people to read without stopping. There would be a bunch of very cool moments in time. Bringing people out to read. I think it would be a difficult task to accomplish, unless of course you found a way to enlighten society with it.
Don't you hate it when someone tries to pull a chump card on you. I'm a chump. I've been assigned this project that I'm kind of excited about, I'm going to make klips that help kids learn basic grammar skills. My goal through the process is to master the basic skills myself. I've got it covered, left the notes in the car.
Schools reaching a peak. I've over come many obstacles and I hope to conquer many more in the next semester. I'm doing another readathone. A fucking Shakespeare a thone. It'll be an event, 24hr of unadulterated college kids reading 17th century work that'll be broadcasted to the entire world. Who cares, not the teachers, well not all of them. There is the few diamonds, the gems you collect over the years of falling into debt. I love school! I love society and people and women and men! I think I find myself the most intriguing thing though, it's because almost no can write a legitimate blog around here. Any one with any clout is too fucking scared to lose their position. Corporation treat people like puppets, schools train kids to be puppets, teachers turn kids into puppets. We're fucked, a God damn little sphere philled with this awful species. We're stuck behaving like insects, except we're here to devour life so that it doesn't succeed, it's like our behavior is to kill ourselves. We're the bottom of the barrels. Maybe we're Life gone wild who the fuck knows..... SOmething does! Easy, 100%. We are a corrupted race of innocent creatures. I just don't think that it's people that are to blame. I think that it's something else. It might be an illness! Then maybe we could find a cure. But it seems like we've just stoked the fire, so that's why I figure I should do a read a thone at the
Don't you hate it when someone tries to pull a chump card on you. I'm a chump. I've been assigned this project that I'm kind of excited about, I'm going to make klips that help kids learn basic grammar skills. My goal through the process is to master the basic skills myself. I've got it covered, left the notes in the car.
Schools reaching a peak. I've over come many obstacles and I hope to conquer many more in the next semester. I'm doing another readathone. A fucking Shakespeare a thone. It'll be an event, 24hr of unadulterated college kids reading 17th century work that'll be broadcasted to the entire world. Who cares, not the teachers, well not all of them. There is the few diamonds, the gems you collect over the years of falling into debt. I love school! I love society and people and women and men! I think I find myself the most intriguing thing though, it's because almost no can write a legitimate blog around here. Any one with any clout is too fucking scared to lose their position. Corporation treat people like puppets, schools train kids to be puppets, teachers turn kids into puppets. We're fucked, a God damn little sphere philled with this awful species. We're stuck behaving like insects, except we're here to devour life so that it doesn't succeed, it's like our behavior is to kill ourselves. We're the bottom of the barrels. Maybe we're Life gone wild who the fuck knows..... SOmething does! Easy, 100%. We are a corrupted race of innocent creatures. I just don't think that it's people that are to blame. I think that it's something else. It might be an illness! Then maybe we could find a cure. But it seems like we've just stoked the fire, so that's why I figure I should do a read a thone at the
Monday, September 3, 2012
Days away from A-273 Room #346 and it actually starts at home idiot
First day of school for all the kids, remember when you where a kid, remember your first grade teacher? Mine was a demon, she thought I was retarded. She was mean to me and I'm sure I was weird. I never settled down, I always stood out and tried to have things done my own way. My son's going to french school and it's great. I'm going to make sure he's gonna be there on time. That makes me laugh, cause I'm so scared I won't be able to catch up. That's also the most reassuring thing knowing, you're always trying to be at your best. School is a biggie but I've been reading to him. Lot's! Today I tried to keep up with him on my skateboard he was on his bike and my ankle hurt. Fuck! I can only be so aggressive, he's gonna have an endless mountain of energy. He's just this little packed ball of life. It's immense, he'll stare you down and get what he wants. He just wants to be six. It's not fare. It not fare being six and seeing such a perfect world in front of you, it's not fare having your world stolen from you. He's gonna want to have what's his.
I wonder what my grandsons first day of school will consist of. There is a lot of butchers out there, cutting their way engraving their version of Lowood into our society. It's o.k though, he's going to be loved. Love is how we get to know the intricacies of the design.
Love hurts, it gives people tension, causes muscles to bend and grab at one another. It's exciting and gorgeous. First days of school are exciting.
He's gonna come back someone else, someone built to fit in, to survive the machinery of our culture, our sick dirty mill of corruption. It starts at school.
I wonder what my grandsons first day of school will consist of. There is a lot of butchers out there, cutting their way engraving their version of Lowood into our society. It's o.k though, he's going to be loved. Love is how we get to know the intricacies of the design.
Love hurts, it gives people tension, causes muscles to bend and grab at one another. It's exciting and gorgeous. First days of school are exciting.
He's gonna come back someone else, someone built to fit in, to survive the machinery of our culture, our sick dirty mill of corruption. It starts at school.
So cum ready to FLASH!
Being experimented on isn't always the worst but it sucks nine times atta ten. We should all know that we're all getting experimented on day in and day out! We let it happen because each of us is aware that no one knows anything. I had to have an escort walk me to the port-a-poty, it kicked ass. She was beautiful. There wasn't many media people at the event. It was a weary place, yet in fact it was the ultimate VIP section.
Most of the media teams do half the work I do. And they look at me funny.
I caught one of them hustling around my tent. He was setting up some people for a shot. I Jumped in on the action, when "BANG" he snapped "Let me get my shot!" he yelled, I laughed moving up toward the two thousand people in line standing. They were waiting for a piece of merchandise. I moved a herd of about a half a dozen of em toward him. He saw there was people coming for photos! He tried to set them up. I came up behind him with a bunch more people and said "This is my photo dude! but you can have it!" Then I turned around and took the photo. He took that one shot, I took three hundred. My concert sets suffered today. I wasn't into it. I wasn't versatile, I watched the promoters and met some people. Talked my ass off. The VIP was empty, the people that were there were lame, broken and barren. You wanna say "It's always like that" but I don't think it is! Things have been better in times. things can always be better, but things aren't always getting better. I can feel the VIP changing, and I'm a factor, this little demon that creeps into the board rooms through the back door of a bar. Our world is unforgiving when it comes to abuse. In the span of one human life our race has started to experiment with the life of the planet. We gotta know something, I'm almost positive it happens in the moon light.
Most of the media teams do half the work I do. And they look at me funny.
I caught one of them hustling around my tent. He was setting up some people for a shot. I Jumped in on the action, when "BANG" he snapped "Let me get my shot!" he yelled, I laughed moving up toward the two thousand people in line standing. They were waiting for a piece of merchandise. I moved a herd of about a half a dozen of em toward him. He saw there was people coming for photos! He tried to set them up. I came up behind him with a bunch more people and said "This is my photo dude! but you can have it!" Then I turned around and took the photo. He took that one shot, I took three hundred. My concert sets suffered today. I wasn't into it. I wasn't versatile, I watched the promoters and met some people. Talked my ass off. The VIP was empty, the people that were there were lame, broken and barren. You wanna say "It's always like that" but I don't think it is! Things have been better in times. things can always be better, but things aren't always getting better. I can feel the VIP changing, and I'm a factor, this little demon that creeps into the board rooms through the back door of a bar. Our world is unforgiving when it comes to abuse. In the span of one human life our race has started to experiment with the life of the planet. We gotta know something, I'm almost positive it happens in the moon light.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Marilyn Manson said it's "an astray" but he's an asshole he can suck my dick
You don't deserve the good shit you have in your life, you're just lucky to fucking have it. It's like that. The higher you go the further you are allowed to scrutinize everything, the perfect things. We destroy our own self esteem when we do that, building impossible walls to overcome. The best is to look at yourself and reflect what you want in others. That's easier said then done, everyone has a fucking busy day to deal with. Yeah that's true, but most people have a busy day doing shit they hate so they break there soul to pieces on the weakend.
So tonight I had someone tell me they read all my blogs, they were like "I read everything" That shit makes my day. Makes me feel superior, not that I'm writing this but that the writing is securing me uniquely in the eyes of others.
Who the Fuck cares?
I keep living in love with myself! I miss having someone, but I'm empty in so many ways to others because of my own self absorption. But my body is sweet, I fucking dig myself, everything. I have a few dirty flaws and they're fucking beautiful! Sure ego is a possible coprolite but fuck I haven't had sex in months! Who is this for, I'm sick of talking to myself! I have it too good, and I'm always trying to make it better.
I flew a kite today! It was ugly outside but I'm imaging having to live in Afghanistan.
The world is a taxi. Sweet dreams come to people who sleep.
So tonight I had someone tell me they read all my blogs, they were like "I read everything" That shit makes my day. Makes me feel superior, not that I'm writing this but that the writing is securing me uniquely in the eyes of others.
Who the Fuck cares?
I keep living in love with myself! I miss having someone, but I'm empty in so many ways to others because of my own self absorption. But my body is sweet, I fucking dig myself, everything. I have a few dirty flaws and they're fucking beautiful! Sure ego is a possible coprolite but fuck I haven't had sex in months! Who is this for, I'm sick of talking to myself! I have it too good, and I'm always trying to make it better.
I flew a kite today! It was ugly outside but I'm imaging having to live in Afghanistan.
The world is a taxi. Sweet dreams come to people who sleep.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
you re a victim and you know it.
"I liked him but he didn't like me!" That's the story of my life. Why is it that people who don't give respect can sometimes lure us into handing over the respect they don't deserve. Sensitive people don't like change. They prefer to associate what they got to what they know.
I don't think my philling is fixed! There is this discomfort. My dentist said "toughen up." I think dental hygienists are weird. They participate in some weird shit. Teeth Nurses. Pain.
Feeling the zest of life has its limits. There are those days when things just are. Schools going to be scary, and the government is going to bill me. I'm going to change the world form my dining room table.
There is so much traffic lately, everywhere. All the time. I don't hate it! I love it. Just like I love the pain in my tooth, form the fucking chipped filling. I Play with it. Make noises with my tongue trying to get the pain sensation out of it. Always wanting more and more...... Fuck.
I was in a meeting with my student body government. Everyone knew me. I was so alone. It was like I was never there. There was one girl there everyone was paying attention to. They all knew me. Even the girly. I was offensive. Not on purpose. I had a headache. They all wanted to avoid me and get to know one another. A guy there wanted to start a pro life club. Showed me a real gruesome picture of an aborted fetus. It was powerful. He Told me that "Canada has no abortion laws!" I told him I'd help him with a documentary. It'd be cool. Cause I go to a Christian school.
The homeless chap I've been shooting with has left the city for Northern Parts. He's hopefully keeping safe. The program I'm developing is definitely in development. It takes time. All of it takes time. the most Important thing is to ditch the people that leave you hurting, you don't want to be stuck licking your wounds, unless of course
I don't think my philling is fixed! There is this discomfort. My dentist said "toughen up." I think dental hygienists are weird. They participate in some weird shit. Teeth Nurses. Pain.
Feeling the zest of life has its limits. There are those days when things just are. Schools going to be scary, and the government is going to bill me. I'm going to change the world form my dining room table.
There is so much traffic lately, everywhere. All the time. I don't hate it! I love it. Just like I love the pain in my tooth, form the fucking chipped filling. I Play with it. Make noises with my tongue trying to get the pain sensation out of it. Always wanting more and more...... Fuck.
I was in a meeting with my student body government. Everyone knew me. I was so alone. It was like I was never there. There was one girl there everyone was paying attention to. They all knew me. Even the girly. I was offensive. Not on purpose. I had a headache. They all wanted to avoid me and get to know one another. A guy there wanted to start a pro life club. Showed me a real gruesome picture of an aborted fetus. It was powerful. He Told me that "Canada has no abortion laws!" I told him I'd help him with a documentary. It'd be cool. Cause I go to a Christian school.
The homeless chap I've been shooting with has left the city for Northern Parts. He's hopefully keeping safe. The program I'm developing is definitely in development. It takes time. All of it takes time. the most Important thing is to ditch the people that leave you hurting, you don't want to be stuck licking your wounds, unless of course
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