Friday, November 30, 2007

Might As Well Go For A Pop Nobody Dies

Thursday night, a cold Thursday night, it was bad if it comes to money, but there is a story to be told. I met a local celebrity, mmmm his name was John Rockner,(John if you read this you know your real name), he is a modern rocker. I recognized him because he has a distinct voice, and his friends were nice so I'm shouting out to you.
O.k. you guys, tonight no crazy fares. I only made a hundred and some dollars so there wasn't many people partying in the cold. Good for them. The people who did party drove drunk, I only say this because I saw several car accidents. The worst one was on Calgary trail. The car was sitting atop a fire hydrant. Everyone made it out except some poor girl. Her drunken boyfriend was cradling her in his arms while she tried desperately to breath. I stopped to help. I wanted to take a picture of the smashed up car, but like a dumb ass I forgot my camera tonight fuck. The cops weren't there yet. One of the girls was on the phone with 911, the only problem was that none of them knew where they were (Drunk fucks). So I had to speak to 911 dispatch again. I told the man the address , gave the girl back her phone and left them. I have little sympathy for drunk drivers. I think it's o.k to kill yourself, but if you put others at risk, you should go to jail. If you get in a car with a drunk asshole you are asking to be killed. You girls with dudes who drink and drive, one day you won't make it home, and it will be your own fault. And lets say you don't die in the accident but some poor by standard does, then the victims family should be allowed run over you while the police hold you down, what a world it would be.
I also saw a girl getting man handled by the police at Union. I could see she was an attractive girl and that's what made it so unusual. She was trying to put her shoes on and the cop just kept crushing her head into the police cruisers hood. It looked funny, seeing a hot chick in a skirt, handcuffed, and bent over a cop car getting her face smashed into the metal, fiddling with her feet trying to put her heels on. The cop just kept kicking the shoes around trying to help her but she kept bucking him and making it more difficult. Police brutality? no mouthy cunt. I laughed and left.
One last thing, driving west on Jasper, I pull up to a red light. The guy idling in the lane next to me was passed the fuck out. At first I thought he was writing a text message but as I looked closer I realized he was sleeping. When the light turned green I got out and knocked on his window. Still there was no movement. I knocked again and again nothing, then a co-op taxi pulled up and laughed at him with me, the dude was driving a brand new BMW. Then the co-op driver called the cops. Ha, all the money in the world won't let get him get behind the wheel of that car any time soon. Unless ofcourse the dude was a narcoleptic.
Not the craziest night but still thought provoking, somewhat.
I cut my shift short tonight because I got sleepy, I tried to buy an energy drink to help me, but it made me feel fucked up, so I went home early. Fatigue puts others in danger, because of a lack of concentration and all that shit, it's better to stay off the road. So to all those mother fucks who don't realize that driving drunk is dangerous, go fuck yourselves. To all you people who call Taxis Thank you.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Anti Social, No Reason

So tonight was a Saturday, a good Saturday. I made money so thanks all of you good tippers out there. It snowed a little bit, during rush hour (1pm-3pm) the cold and the snow are good for business. On Saturday nights you see a lot if stupid shit. Drunks fighting girls who should go home going to become whores, it's sad but you know what I'm talking about. Tonight was no different, fights slobs everywhere. All my were very good though. All of them except one, I picked her up at the Shaw Conference Center, a Christmas party animal. She was over fifty, and she was wearing a skimpy dress that showed off her curves, a little to much. Whatever. She gets in and tells me an address that's off of a hundred and eighteen ave, bad neighbourhood, whatever she did not look like a prostitute. So we move. On the way she wanted to stop and get money from the bank machine at the husky. This husky is dirty, lots of bums and crack dealers hang out there. When she steps out of my car I notice she is not wearing shoes. So in she goes bare foot. Comes back and still has no money. She promises she will have it. I don't care, she doesn't look like someone that would run so we continue. I drive her to the 711 on fiftieth street. She goes inside. While she is in there I spot a fancy red truck park next to me. There is a very young girl smoking an leaning against the 711 wall, outside. The dirty rig pig int the red truck solicit her for sex. I call the whore hot line and report them, only because the girl was about fifteen years old. Those men should die. I would like to tell you their license plate number but I gave it to the police, they should do something with it, we all hope. The old half naked lady comes back. No money, she throws out all the possessions in her purse, makeup and a flask. This bitch is loaded. She tells me she broke up with her old man tonight. I drive her to her address, again she leaves her shoes in the car along with her purse and flask. Barefoot she tries to get into her locked house. When she finally makes it back, she mentions that her son took her keys, we have to drive to St. Albert to the ex boyfriends house for me to get paid. I drive there, she almost falls asleep on the way, but I don't let her, we all know how that can turn out. So we get to the boyfriends house, he is not home, she offers me a hundred bucks to brake in, I say no. Then she jumps out of the car bare foot and goes to his neighbours house to ask for the fifty dollars she owes me. She gets it, even gives me a five dollar tip, I throw her shoes and back to Edmonton I go. She was a strange half naked old lady to say the least.
That was it for fares but there is more. Tonight I picked up a couple of kids at the Y after hours dance club, its a dirty place but its open all night, and people always go there for the late night drug party's. They live on the north side so I move in that direction. I'm on Jasper ave moving east past ninety fifth street when I see a women laying in front of a Black jeep. The diver and the Jeeps passengers are out there looking at the women. They hit her. I had never seen a pedestrian accident until tonight. The three people from inside the car were trying to move the women, she was hurt bad. They should not have been touching her. I asked my fare if I could go back to make sure everything was O.K. Even though the people who hit her were still there I thought we should check it out. Right as I pull up to the jeep the three people (a black man driving, a white dude sitting shotgun and a girl in the back) jump back into their car and leave the scene. The women is almost unconscious, and breathing very shallow. She looks homeless. I call 911. There is two other witnesses both bums and prostitutes. They know the license plate number. I report the jeep and the cops send an ambulance. I wish I had followed that car. Those bastards left that women for dead. When the rescue crew arrived they told me they might have a broken neck. I saved her life, but the criminals got away, for now. I over heard one of the witnesses say that the men in the car told them not to say a word, and I heard the witness say that the assholes kicked her after moving her to make sure she wasn't kidding around. Poor women. I gave my statement to the police, me and my fare watched in horror as the women was lifted into the ambulance. My fare was happy I turned around, so was I. We saved her life, every other cab just kept going, fuck that bullshit. On the way to my fares house we all talked about how fucked up seeing them leave was. Sad world, but we helped save her life. The 911 dispatch guy even said I did a good job, but all can think of is those bastards in the jeep. I wish I took a picture of their faces, fuck them.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Pissed, right off your walker

Not much to say about this Friday. No whores, no junkies. I got pulled over by the police though. I was leaving fort Saskatchewan, there was a red light, I came to a rolling stop, and then made a safe right turn onto a high way. Driving along talking on the phone when the red and blue lights came at me, fast. Fuck he pulled me over, for the rolling stop. fuck. He gave me a warning, o thank God.
My first fare was a guy who stank like urine. He had a walker and he moved slowly very slowly. To the liquor store and back was his game. So I pack up the walker and we go, I get to the liquor store, take the walker out and wait. He takes forever, comes back, I packed the walker up and drive him home. When we got there he has booze but no more money, he used a credit card and paid. Then I got him his walker he got out slowly and it was over right, no the fucker left a little wet spot, fuck the whole night the taxi smelled like pee, even though I bought febreez, Fuck.
There was also this guy who just kept crying about how controlling his sister is. He actually cried tears. He was obviously depressed, I told him not to smoke crack, and to see someone professional about that depression. What's wrong with a little Zoloft, Paxil, or any of those anti depressants.
My last fare was in the military, he was young, he just finished nailing a chick that he did not know, score. He is going to Afghanistan soon. I asked him if he was scared, he said no. He said that he'll see when he gets there. He said he believes in the war. I don't. the United States dragged us into it. Fuck them. Let them fight and die in vein. I liked the kid though , he was young I hope he comes back.
O there was also some chick who put her hand on my crotch while she paid. I think she was on the coke. What can you do?
Run don't walk, or call a taxi.

Accidents

Happen So Remember Pay Attention To The Road

Friday, November 23, 2007

D.U.I

A good old Thursday, tonight was awful in the beginning, but toward the end, it got decent. In the beginning there was a whore. I picked her up at the Johns house. He prepaid for the ride, he over paid for the ride, thirty five dollars for a twenty two dollar fare. Awesome. While he was paying with credit, asshole, he mentioned to me that he did not have sex with her. She was getting ready, she was still in the house while he paid. The dude also told me that women are fucked up, I thought sure, if you look for them using a 1-800 number. She gets in.
"South side" she tells me the exact address. The dude gets left behind. We start driving. I ask the women how old she is, she looks nineteen. She says twenty four. O.k sure, my next question was what do you do?, already knowing the answer. There is no response for a few long seconds, then she tells me "I'm a escort, except I don't use an agency ." I tell her that's dangerous, she doesn't care. Then I asked if she had any crazy stories, she did. She told me that in her seven years of being a working girl she has only had five bad Dates. Number one, the dude was psychotic, she had to jump out of a moving car while some crazy mother fucker dove into a wall and killed himself. That's probably not the whole story , but this young girl was a hooker but she wasn't a junkie , she was sober. I believed her, to an extent. The second bad date, according to her was a guy who paid half up front a half after, except after they finished he pulled a gun on her and told her to get out. She was having a bad day that day and she told the fucker to shoot her, he asked her out on a date. She told me she went, but she had to pay for the coffee.
The third was a guy also trying to get his money back, she used a cigarette to burn one of his eyes. Aaaaaaa., The last one I can remember her telling me about was some guy who tried to rip her off, so she slashed at his throat and ran away. She told me she did not know what happened to the guy, She didn't care. When we got to the motel she asked me for the change, the dude paid me well, but I guess I had to pay for her stories.
After that I drove two more whores. One was an ugly dirty junkie the other a young girl who did rub and tugs. They both loved their jobs. Fuck them, hahahaha for money.
There was also this girl that got in the car with this BC mother fucker. He was a coke addict rig pig. The girl was strange. She had just broken her back. She could walk. When we started moving the dude snorted some blow, whatever I didn't look. Then she did one, I could tell, she was unable to bend over it was funny. What was even more funny was the guy tried to force the women down to his crouch fora blow job, but she screamed in pain to stop him. Almost all Rig Pigs are going to hell I hope.
Last but not least, this Chicky, young, hot and under arrest for drinking and driving. I picked her up at the cop shop. When she got in I immediately accused her of drinking and driving,But she said no, that the guy in front of her backed into her, while she was driving drunk. Her breathalyzer read over 2.0. She was drunk, I could tell she stank, but I was nice, she was crying. I would too, if I hit some fucker, totalled my new car, lost my license and had five thousand dollars in fines. I drove her home, the only problem was that the cops kept her car keys, and her home keys . We drove back to the cop shop, they towed the car across the city, her keys were in it. We drove to the impound lot it was closed. Hahahahahah, she could not believe that she had gotten caught, her parents were in Mexico, she had no choice but to go and spend the night with her ex cheating boyfriend. Let that be a lesson to us all DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Dude looks like a lady

I've picked up my share of transvestites, But there was this one manly gal who was really out there. I was on white ave and a hundred and first street looking for a fare. In the corner of my eye I saw a flag, on the other side of the street. I also saw some massive chick sporting serious cleavage,and a small young girl. I did a U-turn or I flipped a bitch and picked them up.
The two took a minute to get in, and the car behind us starred to honk, incessantly. I never care about what other drivers do to try to piss me off. The big girl in the back wasn't having any of it though. The car that was honking started to follow us, and it kept honking. The girls in the back seat gave me an address just off of whyte ave, they told me they would be going to a party after that. No problem. I looked back at the two. The big chick with the big tits was actually a guy. A dude with boobs and big ones at that. The car behind us was still following us and honking. The trany was getting agitated, I began to think maybe the people behind me saw that she was really a he and were being rude. Well at the next red light this trany steped out of the car and walked up to the car full of honking girls and kicked a hole in the door with her man heels. I though she was great, she jumped back in and the light turned green, we took off. The carload of girls , angry that the women kicked a hole in their precious door followed us to the tranys home address. We tried to loose them, but since I don't break the law while driving they kept up. When we pulled up to her house she got out and stood in front of their car. The girls must have been scared, I would have been, this chick had a dick and some massive tits. They drove away.
On the way to the party they stopped at the drug store for some backing soda. Hint,hint.
Later that night I got a call from dispatch about the he she, I told them I didn't see a thing, but I did drive a women who was once a man. Weird world when a trany kicks a hole through a door of a car filled with jealous penis envied dyke's.

Warning!

When Going to the Bar, Women and some Men Watch Your Drinks
for no reason

Saturday, November 17, 2007

what's your fuel?

Tonight some fucked up chick passed out completely, I picked her up at a place where you gamble, this was a big place, this couple jumped and flaged me down and stuck their really drunk friend in the back of my car. I asked if she knew her address she said riverbend, I said ok and got the fuck out of that casino parking lot, she told me to take the Anthony hendey I did . when we were on the high way I asked for her exact address she was passed the fuck out. She was a fucking blank. Druged, the money the dude gave me to drive her home, forty bucks, stank like a mother fucker like cocaine. Fuck! mother fucker, this chick pucked into her purse , I think cause the car was clean I had to wake her up to ask her her exact address at a red light , I had to inform dispatch that I had a women that I might have to jerk to get her to be conscious, at a red light I got out and opened the back door, her head fell out of the car she had rested it on the arm rest, I told her that unless she gave me an address she was going to a hospital or the closest police station. she murmured a river bend address. she pucked in her purse some more when we got there she wouldn't get out so I went to the door of the home and rang the doorbell at three in the morning no one answered fuck. I opened her door, her head fell out, we were in an affluent area, this bitch was rich, she kept pucking, I wanted to help her she flipped me the bird, I wanted to help her she did not want it I repeated the address to her so she knew for sure where she was. I got her out by saying that if she doesn't want my help and this is were she lives then she should get the fuck out, she got out with puke all over her and ran away, it was a cold night tonight it kind of worried me but fuck what ever. I Radioed it all in there there was little more I could do.
Looking back It could have been GHB. Girl watch your drinks.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

money don't talk,

Yawn, is the word that best describes my Saturday night. O and five hundred bucks, yes. It was a lucrative night but boring again. There were plenty of drunken boogers, but not one was interesting. Except the mooners. The two gorgeous mooners. So I was on the west end of the city when the computer rang me up at trip to the strip bar. The name was Vinnie, I was totally expecting a man, but when two good looking women came out I was pleasantly surprised . The two did not look familiar at all. I asked for the address, it wasn't far a block or two off of Stony Plain road. No problem, it never is. When a fare enters my taxi I write down the destination in my log book. This can take up to thirty seconds or so. While I'm writing, the car behind me started honking and reving it's engine. I don't care, my hazards are on, and the fucking honker can go around or wait. He waited, impatiently, honking and reving. The two girls in the back were crazy though, they stood up in the back seat and mooned the men in the car behind up us. Now if your a guy and two good looking girls show you their rears what do you do. They screamed and holard with glee. Thank God that's how you stop dudes from honking and reving their engines behind you.
I started driving, then remembered that the girls have used my car to moon others before. I did not recognize them because the last time I saw their asses was Halloween. I had pulled over for a couple in costumes, a cop and a Indian. It was after a concert at the Shaw Conference Center, hundreds of people were looking for a ride home. I picked the young attractive safe looking ladies out of the crowd of frantic flagers. As soon as they got in they loved me, because I chose them. I like gratitude, so told them that I was happy to pick them up. We drove toward their house up Jasper ave, the girl dressed as an Native Canadian asked me if I would let her smoke a joint in the car I said no, she was cool with that. I looked in the rear view mirror next, the girl dressed as a cop was in the back seat, except she was sticking her ass out the window, she was showing it off to a Superman in the car next to us. Lets just say super man was pretty excited. The Native Canadian cheered on her friend in the back seat, then she stuck her ass out the front passenger window. The man next to us did not even realize it and drove off , but the girl did not even care she mooned every car up Jasper ave. It was strange but what do you do. I gave them my number and told them to call if they ever need a taxi ride. Fucking mooners are awesome.
Another weird thing happened tonight, There is some filthy bars on Stony Plain road, and calls from most them are drunken whores and dirty dudes who live close by but are to drunk to walk. I got a call to one of these bars, when I pulled up, I could see there was a buffet set up, that was different. When the women I was sent for came into my car they were vicious, and mean, telling me that I should already know where the fuck they were going. One was worse then the others, she was sad and angry. The scuzzy bar I picked them up at was the place that their friend was having his wake. They were sad because the did not think he should have died. I sympathized, and told the three crying women they could smoke cigarettes in the car, well you wouldn't believe it but all three cheered the fuck up, they even laughed some of the way. And that was it. other then the stinky lady from fort mac the night made me money but wrote me a shitty blog.
peace

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Dead and dumb

Friday night in the big city of Shitmonton, sorry you guys no one was really crazy. Not like last night, which (I just want to let you guys know) is not allowed to happen in my cab. The only rules I have while in control of my Taxi are no sex, no drugs. Cigarettes are allowed though. O.k my Friday was bad I drove 340 Km and made three hundred and twenty dollars. That is no fucking good, but whatever lets never mind that and give out some shout outs. Shout out to the boys I picked up at west ed, you know who you are, five of you crammed in, one of you is my oldest client so far, he dose tattoos. I'm gonna give them a shout out especially, because the first time I picked the tattoo gun Slinger up, he threw up. No, not in the cab. We were making a sharp left turn, when he flung the passenger side door open and hurled. I think it was his birthday but I don't know, but a guy that risks his neck to help me keep my car clean is a good man.
I also drove these two waitresses, bar hostesses. beer girls, you know what I mean. It was their first night working in this bar. They were both bitching about how they barley made any money in tips witch surprised me, because good looking women usually make good money in tips. I told them not to worry, it was a slow night due to the long weekend. They told me that it was lingerer night at the bar, I looked at them and they definitely weren't wearing anything risk a. Then I asked what they made (cash wise), one said twenty three bucks the other said thirteen bucks. I told them maybe it had something to do with their Conservative clothing. They both laughed, and said that they thought they could do just as well dressed conservatively as slutty, obviously in dirty red neck Edmonton Alberta, that is not the case. I told them that culture and class are not one of Edmontons strong points, you would think that two girls that grew up in this city would have known that, but no they wore nice elegant cloths that got dirty, and of course no tips. Ha.
Most of my money was tips tonight, so thank you all you good folks. At the end of the night as I was driving home a good friend of mine, we were close to whyte ave and 99 st there was about five fire trucks and four ambulances, and ten cops cars, I thought it would be a good time for a photo op, but as we got close to the situation we realized someone was killed by a drunk driver. I'm sorry I got no pictures of it, but the dead guy on the street deserved some respect, well I don't know if he was dead but he was sure close to God laying on that pavement, At least that's what I felt. And that is all I have to say about this shitty poor Friday night of driving, except I forgot to do a shout out to the hot personal trainer who was all fucked up on special K, she made me laugh. Peace, o and the radio even sucked tonight, cursed fucking Friday.