Burgalor

Last night the kids were cool. I got the kid that was all high on mushrooms. He ate an eighth of an ounce. Then his friends dared him to drink a mickey of Captain Morgan spiced rum in an hour. They told me he came close but did not finish. He was done in the back seat, as soon as we stopped he ran away. Pent up I guess. I had one cabby steal my fare. There were 6 of them, I said "I can only take 4." I told them "take a couple of taxis cause no car is gonna take 6 people." He said "Yeah right!" and they all piled in to the other taxi. The other taxi driver let them in and made me look like a fool. So I took a pic. Looking at it, I won't publish it. The people that piled into the taxi look like they belong to a prominent powerful gang. Actually I feel like that photo was not the best decision. Last night had some good driving. No one was too out of hand. I think it's all the check stops the cops are starting to put up. I see one at least once a week. It might not make a big difference on a nightly basis but it changes Edomotonians state of mind about drinking and driving in general. Context Baby! I did not get enough rest today. I just want to sleep the day away. Oh yeah......I did I gotta go to work. Write you later kids. Don't fucking drink and drive. Get High and walk.

Miss Wild I loved you

Finals. Exams. University is on hiatus for a while. Finals mean sex in the car. Passions thrown at loved ones, or just someone else. Anything to forget about the stress. I never stressed over university. Multiple choice is a JOKE. I hope all you kids out there feel educated. They got drunk. Oh I got drunk at Gob you guys. I even gave the lead singer Tom the URL. After the show we took a taxi to my buddies house. We stopped at the Tops Liquor store to get some beer. I was to drunk so I sat outside the store trying to purge some of the booze I had consumed with absolutely no thought of the consequences. So I'm out there when the clerk (I knew it was a tops clerk cause only brown dudes work there) is being thrown around by another guy. The two were fighting over a bottle. The clerk was getting robbed. I was loaded and trying to puke on the corner of the building (to no avail). The perp got away. The bottle of Crown was stolen. The clerk sat on his stoop and stared up at the sky. My friends said they would be witnesses, but Mr.Clerk said "it's all on camera." He went back inside. This morning when I woke up I heard on the news that someone killed a man working at a Spa, then robbed a liquor store. When trying to run away he noticed police and blew his brains out. Weird. The guy that robbed the tops liquor man was a white guy. The murder suicide guy was black. That's what I heard. There were drugs and alcohol involved. Tonight was fun. Kids where finished finals so they where getting loaded. I had fun with everyone. I drove my gangster girl. It's been a while since I saw her. To tell you the truth I thought she was dead. Well she's going to jail for at least five years according to her. She was high tonight. She thought the police helicopter was following me. I never saw it but hey. She said she might make it onto Edmonton's most wanted. That would be cool. Good thing I paid no attention to where I dropped her off.

Gob Rocked my world

God someone got paid to produce this

I still Remember

A man in Jeopardy from taxitruth on Vimeo.
This too
I was there and wrote about it. Learn to swim!

Globally renowned

After coming home last night I washed my hands. I remember feeling like I just washed the night away. The three grungy drug addicts. The women who just returned to Edmonton from Vietnam. The two men, one a Polish guy I could communicate with and his friend a man that was raised in South America. None of them had anything in common other then I shook all their hands. The first fare was Robin and his crew. The three of them were obviously using drugs and alcohol. No! they weren't children or young people these guys were veterans. Three suicides. Robin had the money on his bank card (I've driven him before, he always withdraws his daily limit and is forced to find a store that gives cash back, like Safeway or Walmart) he was in charge. His crew consisted of a "what looked like"a fifty year old prostitute and a big Indian dude. They were chugging beer. They were working up a massive fare, one they couldn't pay for unless Robin found a store that would give him cash back. It was already past eleven pm on a Sunday so those stores were all closed. I was getting the feeling that they were going to try to skip the bill. They were to old to run, so the prostitute offered herself as collateral. I wasn't having any of it. The boys in the back seat laughed when I turned down her offer of love. She was used to it. I drove them around until midnight. The cards withdraw limit is reset at the beginning of a new day. I got paid and they got home safely. I had fun with the old drunks, they were honest people. I could tell they had given up on life. I had to wash my hands after shaking theirs. The women from Vietnam had just returned to North America. She had a baby with a Vietnamese man and never married him. Asians marry people they have children with. She had a hard time assimilating into the Vietnamese culture without having a husband and with a child. She said that if she married the man he would have ended up on the birth certificate and that would have cut her freedom in half. Her husband would have custody of the child and without his permission she could never bring her child back to Canada. She was a strong independent women and global citizen with really nice hands. I wasn't compelled to go wash my hands after shaking hers. My last fare was a man and his ex brother in law. The ex brother in law was a Polish guy who spoke Polish with me. A language I rarely speak in the Taxi. He was cool. The two were best friends even though the Polish guy divorced the other guys sister. You could tell they were best friends. The other guy was raised in South America. He told me he was shot in Venesuala when he was fourteen. The guy who shot him used a 12 gauge. He said after it happened he woke up at a Shamans house and she healed him. He had the scares to prove it. I asked if I could take a picture but he said "no." The weird thing was that the dude did not believe in God. He told me the Shaw Women saved his life. I respected his opinion and looked up at the stars and thanked the Almighty that no ones ever shot at me yet.

Crash your car then fuck, Kronenberg style

So I got pulled over on my way home from work. My registration had expired last month. I got a 230 dollar ticket. I'm happy to see the cops are doing something. I wish I could have had an allergic reaction to PIG. I'm sad to say that's it's not pulling over crack dealers. Last night I drove a social worker, can you imagine having to try to re integrate a 13 year old gang member that already killed someone. They do that kind of stuff and sometimes succeed. Last night I kept getting kinky text messages from someone. I called them up and it was a guy. I told him that I'm a cabby and the girl that gave him my number was playing him. He kept sending messages. Dirty ones.I had a good night last night. There was one time that I got kind of frightened. I was sent to a north side address and five huge rig pigs came running out. I told them I can't take 5. They all got in. Rig Pigs are big and they are bullies. On the way to their hotel they wanted to listen to the bounce and they would not take no for an answer. They asked me how much a whore goes for in Edmonton, I said "25$" and that's a good one. They said since the economy changed Fort Mac Murry girls have lowered the price to 125$ a fuck. Rig Pigs have sex with prostitutes. If you have a husband up there. Suck him off good or he'll bring home Gonorrhea. I'm happy I still have no respect for the law enforcement in this city, stay safe and have fun. Oh I have a funny one. This guy gets in and gives me his address, I write it in my taxi log. The guy watches me write it then looks at me ans says "Ukrainian GPS" I fucking busted a gut laughing. OH oh there was also a guy who sky dives he was tripping on some shrooms he told me he was going to jump out of a plane in 7 hours. Tubular.

.....and you guys think I'm Bad.

Hairdressers smoke weed that stinks (like fish)

If only every night could be as decent as tonight. It took me back to the beginning of the boom, there was sex, drugs and rock and roll. My first fare came right out of the Stollery Children's Hospital. The women had three kids with her. Two of them should have had a car seat but you know cabs don't use car seats with kids. She didn't even strap them in she just threw them in the back. Well her 17 year old son was upstairs with his new child. The women I was driving was a grand mother, her teenage son was the proud father of a premature baby boy. The babies mother is 16. She tried to take him out of the Preemie unit, the nurses said that she couldn't take the child because the baby was still recovering so the 16 year old mother abandoned it. The boy watching the new born upstairs right now isn't 100% certain that the baby is his, the Grand Ma told me that they were still waiting on the DNA test. The possible other father is the Mothers new boyfriend. After she abandoned her premature child in the hospital she went and smoked meth with her man. This girl has already had three abortions. The women I drove was so proud that her 17 year old son stepped up to the plate of fatherhood without question and judging by the circumstances I was proud of the teen too. If all men could be so stoic. Tonight was awesome, all my personals blew me away, they treated me so well. My last fare was good too. She was a married women who is in the proses of a separation. I asked "why?" She told me she that her and her husband got pregnant but then she miscarried and she was devastated and the husband was happy. He has two children from a previous marriage so it was no skin off his back. His current wife on the other hand had an abortion when she was 17 so this lose hit her close to her heart. Her husband an ex Jehovah's witness did nothing to comfort her so she slept with his best friend to find some solase. No one knew until she broke down and told her husband (a man who renounced his religion , wife and children) that she cheated on him. Hence the separation. I dropped her off back at their place. It was 4:30 in the morning, what do you guys think happened? O.k now it's time for rock and roll. I saw a women walking up Whyte ave, I asked her if she needed a taxi. She said "I'm looking to make a couple bucks." I wondered what she meant. Sorry now it's time for the Rock and Roll Jake Ian folky, and the Old Wives Club the dude I drove has a wife that's a lesbian and she is hot as hell. And this guy was with Greater than giants, Everyone Everywhere. Fucking Right, Peace!

Block Parent

Why would anyone sit in a line this long? Come on it's not like we're Communists!

I had three calls last night. It was officially a lifeless night. DEAD. Dozens of taxi drivers were ready to cut their wrists. Well my last fare was this autistic bar tender from small town Alberta. She was interesting because she had been smoking pot since she was a seven year old. I asked "How?"She said " Small town Alberta, lots of grow-ops and because I was autistic and my dad was a teacher he was ashamed of me so I was pretty much allowed to do whatever I wanted." Smoking dope at seven, that's a new one for me. She also told me about a blind man that sits in Galaxy land in West Edmonton Mall. She said "he once came up to me on the bus and told me he was arrested for being a peeping tom. But he's blind right? Wrong it's a dirty charade." I thought that was a cool story, so if you ever see a blind guy in the women's washroom in West Ed remember that you can never underestimate a greasy peeping Tom. Hey guess what? There was a murder at the Klondiker. Where's that? you ask. It's the Jasper place Hotel. Yep you heard it here first. Oh and there is going to be a new taxi company soon. The taxis are gonna be red. The owner of airport taxi wasn't making any money since the airport driver started a union. Those sneaky people trying to feed their families. Well the airport taxi contract is up in a year so the owners gonna get rid of that company and start a new one that's more lucrative. I hope that he does well, unless he mistreats people then he can rot in shit. The company I work for is the oldest in the city, we are King. Guess that makes me .........