Friday night came and went. No money no problems. Fucking boring. I got some decent stories. First there was the women I picked up earlier in the evening. She flagged me down on a 109st and Jasper ave. When she got in she told me to get her to the west end on the double. I asked what the problem was. "Well I just got a phone call from my seventeen year old son, he told me that there is ambulance outside" she answered. My first though was that the womens husband had a heart attack or something. So I asked "where is your husband?" She said " o well I guess he is at home." I asked if he was alright. She said "yes he's fine. It's my seventeen year old, he has friends that are probably to blame." I started to paint a picture of the situation. I figured that the teenager might have some issues with some nasty types. So I asked her "does your boy do drugs?" She was an honest lady and she told me the truth "I think so, his head hasn't been screwed on too tight lately" she paused took a breath and sighed then said "we tried to tell him those other boys were no good, but he just wouldn't listen. Now there is and ambulance and some police cars waiting for me to get home. Fuck I was at my companies Christmas party. This was the first Friday night I had left the house in years." I felt bad for her for a second then realized that the reason that the kid was in trouble was that the parents did not want to keep the bad apple on a tight leash. Just let the kids do as they please and things well work out for the best. Well she now knows that's bullshit. I told her that the city is filled with young punk gang member who don't give a shit because they don't have to, their parents don't care and give them way to much freedom. She said " I know you're right" I told her to get the kid to take a drug test if it's positive for drugs (weed is not a drug) then give him the option to throw the habit, or live the street life on Stony Plain road. She told me "I already tried to get him to take a drug test but the little bastard ran off". I said that the cops are at your house for a bad reason maybe a drug test will be a good thing that comes out of it, she agreed. She got to her house the cops were everywhere she tipped me ten bucks and went in to her home to face the music. If you the reader have any kids don't let them run loose in the big city or else you know what will happen.
As I was writing this blog I got a phone call it's 6:30 am some dude at a west end address called me looking for a half for sixty, I told him I'm done work and that I drive a taxi I don't push blow. He said that his name is Chris and that I can trust him because I know him, He sounded fucked up. You Guys life is fucked up in many ways so fuck doing blow and live life, but if you need chemical help ask your doctor, he'll fuck you good I promise.
There was also this girl she is under eighteen and already has two kids and a third on the way, when I dropped her off she said she did not want to pay, then she got away but fuck I'm to tiered to write her story today so come back tomorrow and I'll write you the rest OK. O I got a good picture of a bad ass taxi accident.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Stupid, No No, Ignorant Yeah
Another Thursday, sweet sweet Thursday night, what to write what to write. First off I need to get this off of my chest, Edmonton is a viciously violent city. To those of you who do not agree I'm right you are Ignorant. There is this line in a Puddle of Mud song, "Ignorance spreads lies how much can money buy?". MMmmmmmm in this economically booming city lots, fuck lets just say way to much. I just hope that all the high school teachers out there in this fine shit hole of a city know that. Saying that Edmonton is not dangerous is like saying that having unprotected sex with someone you know nothing about is safe. Saying that Edmonton is a safe place to live because some cop told you that it is, is like saying that crack is good for you cause some pimp told me that its good for me. Fuck I had an ignorant women in my car tonight. She made me angry because aaaa fuck it forget her she is going to learn sooner or later, I really just hope she is not a teacher or anyone important. Ignorant aahh.
Tonight was good other then that. I had a young mom in my car, she was a brand new mom. She was having problems though. Her father was forcing her out of the house which she shared with him and her newborn baby boy. That sucks, she was a cool young girl. I asked about the father, she told me he was an abusive asshole and she had to leave him because he was beating her while she was pregnant. I asked her if he was paying child support, she said no. I of course asked why, she told me that he had moved back to the east coast. I told her to get a lawyer and get the piece of shit, and make him legally responsible for his kid. She said that she tried legal aid but they told her that there is a cost involved and it would have to come out of her pocket. Fuck, that's not a big deal I told her that there is a place at the University that deals with cases for free. As long as you have a solid case they will help her. She got excited, actually so did I, her littler baby deserves a decent home. He dose not need an abusive man out there knocking other girls up while not dealing with the consequences of his past, fucking bastard. We live in Canada one of the wealthiest countries in the world why does this shit happen? Lady if you are reading my blog make sure your babies daddy is faced with the law, it can't do very much if you don't help it.
And all you high school teachers try not to spread backward bullshit ideology you heard from an old policeman neighbour or something to our young generation, if they are taught to think the way a women in the back of my car was thinking, girls might not ever realize that whether they like it or not they are ticking time bombs, shaped like hour glasses dropping little pieces of themselves once a month until of course nature take its course and a new little person is meant to be, you guessed it in this world for a long time.
Tonight was good other then that. I had a young mom in my car, she was a brand new mom. She was having problems though. Her father was forcing her out of the house which she shared with him and her newborn baby boy. That sucks, she was a cool young girl. I asked about the father, she told me he was an abusive asshole and she had to leave him because he was beating her while she was pregnant. I asked her if he was paying child support, she said no. I of course asked why, she told me that he had moved back to the east coast. I told her to get a lawyer and get the piece of shit, and make him legally responsible for his kid. She said that she tried legal aid but they told her that there is a cost involved and it would have to come out of her pocket. Fuck, that's not a big deal I told her that there is a place at the University that deals with cases for free. As long as you have a solid case they will help her. She got excited, actually so did I, her littler baby deserves a decent home. He dose not need an abusive man out there knocking other girls up while not dealing with the consequences of his past, fucking bastard. We live in Canada one of the wealthiest countries in the world why does this shit happen? Lady if you are reading my blog make sure your babies daddy is faced with the law, it can't do very much if you don't help it.
And all you high school teachers try not to spread backward bullshit ideology you heard from an old policeman neighbour or something to our young generation, if they are taught to think the way a women in the back of my car was thinking, girls might not ever realize that whether they like it or not they are ticking time bombs, shaped like hour glasses dropping little pieces of themselves once a month until of course nature take its course and a new little person is meant to be, you guessed it in this world for a long time.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Learn to Swim
Saturday night was fantastic for me in the beginning. I drove a lot of my personal clients I love them all they all keep me safe , they are all safe in general. So many nice people. I even picked up four homeless people, I've seen all of them before. There was two guys one of them was ex military, he was originally from Newfoundland. He told me he has been homeless for seven years. He talked a lot. He said things like I'm an alcoholic, I've traveled across the country seventeen times. I believed him. I asked why he doesn't get a real job, get a house. He took offence to that, panhandling in -20 weather is work ya know, that's true. I told him I meant like get a real job and get a wife have some kids. He then told me that his wife was killed in a car accident eight years ago, she was careering his child, hence the life change. Good reason. He was thirty four.
There were two girls in the back seat with a guy, all their homeless gear was so bulky I could hardly see their faces. One of the girls was sixteen the other was seventeen, they to were chronic boozers, even though they weren't old enough to buy booze. The sixteen year old girl tripped me out, her parents lived in Edmonton, her dad was living in a trailer and mom had a basement suit somewhere. She did not want to live with them. I'm guessing they were heavily sedated people. This sixteen year old girl is someone that is visible in the downtown core of E- town, Remember that shit when you see homeless people. The twenty seven year old in the back only talked about how cool I was that I picked them up and let them smoke cigarettes in the car. I drove the four of them to an isolated place south of 23rd ave. It was -20 and the four were going to drink ten beers and half a bottle of wine in a tent in the middle of nowhere. That's is insane, I cut their fare in half cause they were cool and homeless. Sixteen years old, can you imagine, if not take a look outside.
That stuff is nothing compared to what happened to me and my last fare. Nothing I've ever experienced in my life is like what happened to me tonight. I picked a girl up around 118th ave and 124st. As soon as she told me the address I turned up Smells like teen spirit by Nirvana, I was rude to the girl I didn't even ask if she minded , I didn't care it's one of my favorite songs. When it ended I said I was sorry I just had to listen to it loud. She laughed and told me about her night . Bob Marley was on the radio Jammin, I was commenting on how I liked that song too when a fellow cab driver pulled up next to me, he looked distraught. As I was moving I opened the window, the other driver had his hand on his neck, he started yelling I've been stabbed, I've been stabbed. Then he took his hand off his neck and I saw the blood. Fuck for real, this was bad. He still had someone in the taxi, I guessed it was the stabber. I told my fare we have to follow him, she agreed. He ran red lights and he was moving at dangerous speeds I could not keep up with him without putting the girl in the back seat in danger. Fuck I lost him. While I was trying to keep up wit him I was trying to radio in to dispatch. O, this other taxi driver worked for the same company I do. He is actually the only other cab driver that ever acknowledged me as a taxi driver, he's my friend and I lost him, dispatch never answered me, that's bad, very bad for our safety. I had to phone 911 for the third time in two weeks . When was the last time you phoned 911? Its scary every time , who cares though 911 put me on hold, fuck the police. So my dispatch would not answer me 911 had me on hold and I had a fare in the back seat while I was yelling into the radio microphone for help, and waiting for 911 to help. What would you do? Scary for real. I drove around downtown looking for where he went, Then 911 answered I told them the story over the phone while driving around like a maniac looking for my buddy who just got stabbed and was nowhere to be found, Then dispatch came back from smoking a fat ass joint probably and asked whats up, 911 was still on the phone and the chick that was in the back wanted me to drive her somewhere else, I kicked her out on Jasper ave. ""can I change where I wanna go" fuck you bitch a dude just got stabbed you saw him bleeding and you wanna pick up some coke somewhere else, catch another cab.Fuck off. I kicked her out next to another taxi a least, she got in. I kept on looking. 911 got a hold of dispatch and no longer needed me, phew. I screamed at dispatch for being assholes and not doing their job, Its true what happened was wrong, they should be there to help all the time. Fuck them. Five more minutes went by when they told me that the cops found the driver he was with the girl at the Royal Alex hospital. I drove their as fast as I could. I was scared, this was one of the worst situations I had ever been a part of. Scared for my friend, all I could think about was all the blood, his face his neck, the hand that he waved at me. aaaa, and no one to help him, but he made it to the hospital with the culprit. When I showed up there the girl was handcuffed next to my friends running taxi, he was in emergency, what happened no one could tell me. The girl in handcuffs was like fifteen , I heard part of her story, she said there were others that did it. Fuck her I saw her eye's she was on drugs she wasn't even bothered by what happened, Fuck that she is shit, even if it was not her she knew it was coming. Little twat. I wrote down my statement for the Police, who were nonchalant. Fuck them, If you don't care about that shit then you shouldn't be a Cop. One of the cops said its our fault because we don't have a 500$ barrier in the car. Like that's my choice, some dude makes a lot of money off me every week, he owns the car not me I have no choice, it's not actually my car, it's a millionaires car. And he did not become a millionaire by protecting the drivers he did it by watching his fucking budget, so coper eat a dick. Later I was having a smoke outside and I was watching the cops park my friends taxi, it was a crime scene so it was suppose to be done right. The cop just ran it up the curb, bottomed it out and almost blew a tire. Then while he was trying to turn the computer off, a bum who just left the hospital jumped in and told the cop his address, The cop just looked at him the dude wanted to go home, he jumped in the first cab he saw. That made me laugh, the dude destroyed evidence for sure. Contamination. The cop then told him to get the fuck out of his crime scene, the drunken man finally realized that the guy in the front seat was a police officer. Holy shit. Tonight was so rough that I wanted to pray for so much rain it washes humanity away, except those that I love and the good people of course, they are all welcome in my magic boat when that happens, but until then take some swimming lessons.
There were two girls in the back seat with a guy, all their homeless gear was so bulky I could hardly see their faces. One of the girls was sixteen the other was seventeen, they to were chronic boozers, even though they weren't old enough to buy booze. The sixteen year old girl tripped me out, her parents lived in Edmonton, her dad was living in a trailer and mom had a basement suit somewhere. She did not want to live with them. I'm guessing they were heavily sedated people. This sixteen year old girl is someone that is visible in the downtown core of E- town, Remember that shit when you see homeless people. The twenty seven year old in the back only talked about how cool I was that I picked them up and let them smoke cigarettes in the car. I drove the four of them to an isolated place south of 23rd ave. It was -20 and the four were going to drink ten beers and half a bottle of wine in a tent in the middle of nowhere. That's is insane, I cut their fare in half cause they were cool and homeless. Sixteen years old, can you imagine, if not take a look outside.
That stuff is nothing compared to what happened to me and my last fare. Nothing I've ever experienced in my life is like what happened to me tonight. I picked a girl up around 118th ave and 124st. As soon as she told me the address I turned up Smells like teen spirit by Nirvana, I was rude to the girl I didn't even ask if she minded , I didn't care it's one of my favorite songs. When it ended I said I was sorry I just had to listen to it loud. She laughed and told me about her night . Bob Marley was on the radio Jammin, I was commenting on how I liked that song too when a fellow cab driver pulled up next to me, he looked distraught. As I was moving I opened the window, the other driver had his hand on his neck, he started yelling I've been stabbed, I've been stabbed. Then he took his hand off his neck and I saw the blood. Fuck for real, this was bad. He still had someone in the taxi, I guessed it was the stabber. I told my fare we have to follow him, she agreed. He ran red lights and he was moving at dangerous speeds I could not keep up with him without putting the girl in the back seat in danger. Fuck I lost him. While I was trying to keep up wit him I was trying to radio in to dispatch. O, this other taxi driver worked for the same company I do. He is actually the only other cab driver that ever acknowledged me as a taxi driver, he's my friend and I lost him, dispatch never answered me, that's bad, very bad for our safety. I had to phone 911 for the third time in two weeks . When was the last time you phoned 911? Its scary every time , who cares though 911 put me on hold, fuck the police. So my dispatch would not answer me 911 had me on hold and I had a fare in the back seat while I was yelling into the radio microphone for help, and waiting for 911 to help. What would you do? Scary for real. I drove around downtown looking for where he went, Then 911 answered I told them the story over the phone while driving around like a maniac looking for my buddy who just got stabbed and was nowhere to be found, Then dispatch came back from smoking a fat ass joint probably and asked whats up, 911 was still on the phone and the chick that was in the back wanted me to drive her somewhere else, I kicked her out on Jasper ave. ""can I change where I wanna go" fuck you bitch a dude just got stabbed you saw him bleeding and you wanna pick up some coke somewhere else, catch another cab.Fuck off. I kicked her out next to another taxi a least, she got in. I kept on looking. 911 got a hold of dispatch and no longer needed me, phew. I screamed at dispatch for being assholes and not doing their job, Its true what happened was wrong, they should be there to help all the time. Fuck them. Five more minutes went by when they told me that the cops found the driver he was with the girl at the Royal Alex hospital. I drove their as fast as I could. I was scared, this was one of the worst situations I had ever been a part of. Scared for my friend, all I could think about was all the blood, his face his neck, the hand that he waved at me. aaaa, and no one to help him, but he made it to the hospital with the culprit. When I showed up there the girl was handcuffed next to my friends running taxi, he was in emergency, what happened no one could tell me. The girl in handcuffs was like fifteen , I heard part of her story, she said there were others that did it. Fuck her I saw her eye's she was on drugs she wasn't even bothered by what happened, Fuck that she is shit, even if it was not her she knew it was coming. Little twat. I wrote down my statement for the Police, who were nonchalant. Fuck them, If you don't care about that shit then you shouldn't be a Cop. One of the cops said its our fault because we don't have a 500$ barrier in the car. Like that's my choice, some dude makes a lot of money off me every week, he owns the car not me I have no choice, it's not actually my car, it's a millionaires car. And he did not become a millionaire by protecting the drivers he did it by watching his fucking budget, so coper eat a dick. Later I was having a smoke outside and I was watching the cops park my friends taxi, it was a crime scene so it was suppose to be done right. The cop just ran it up the curb, bottomed it out and almost blew a tire. Then while he was trying to turn the computer off, a bum who just left the hospital jumped in and told the cop his address, The cop just looked at him the dude wanted to go home, he jumped in the first cab he saw. That made me laugh, the dude destroyed evidence for sure. Contamination. The cop then told him to get the fuck out of his crime scene, the drunken man finally realized that the guy in the front seat was a police officer. Holy shit. Tonight was so rough that I wanted to pray for so much rain it washes humanity away, except those that I love and the good people of course, they are all welcome in my magic boat when that happens, but until then take some swimming lessons.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Green Eyed Monster
Tonight was miserable for most of the night. It's so cold in Edmonton, -20 not including the wind chill. Fuck. I drove a lot of people, that's a lie tonight consisted of about fifteen fares, 400km. Most of the mileage was wasted looking for my next customer. The University kids are all studying for their finals. I miss school. I did drive some regulars, Gigglers I love you, You took good care of me. Bank girls I love you to, and I'm sorry I couldn't pick you guys up from the bar, get some sleep though or you'll end up in jail or worse. I drove to the military base with a couple of twins. The strange thing about the twins was that one was in the army and the other hated it and did not understand why his brother joined. They both got a Baconator at Wendy's,the same thing hmmmm. They were good people either way.
The shooting last night, was some girl, not my gas station attendant friend. Thank God or don't. We all know God doesn't care till we die. Then who knows, o ya he does. Hahahahah.
My last fare was a doctor, smart lady, I could tell, even though I did most of the talking. I picked her up at the hospital at four thirty am and she was going to the the airport. That's a first for me.(From hospital to airport different) I started talking about how sometimes I get jealous of all the people who get to party and play while I work. I work to support my family, I got a family I'm only twenty five but I support my peps. Then the doctor lady told me that her father is in the hospital with many serious health problems. None of his children live in Edmonton, they all just fly in to see him all the time, like its no big deal. She told me that he tells her that having children was the best decision he ever made. That made me feel less jealous. I can see where he is coming from, every time my little man looks at me with his sixteen month old eyes, I am so proud. I also realized that the people that go out and party like there is no tomorrow do it because they don't have those loving eye's at home reassuring them that there is another day so you better be there sober, not hung over and smiling like you just found a four leaf clover. Sorry kids I got sentimental on you asses, If you don't like it go fuck yourself. Kidding. No I'm not.
The shooting last night, was some girl, not my gas station attendant friend. Thank God or don't. We all know God doesn't care till we die. Then who knows, o ya he does. Hahahahah.
My last fare was a doctor, smart lady, I could tell, even though I did most of the talking. I picked her up at the hospital at four thirty am and she was going to the the airport. That's a first for me.(From hospital to airport different) I started talking about how sometimes I get jealous of all the people who get to party and play while I work. I work to support my family, I got a family I'm only twenty five but I support my peps. Then the doctor lady told me that her father is in the hospital with many serious health problems. None of his children live in Edmonton, they all just fly in to see him all the time, like its no big deal. She told me that he tells her that having children was the best decision he ever made. That made me feel less jealous. I can see where he is coming from, every time my little man looks at me with his sixteen month old eyes, I am so proud. I also realized that the people that go out and party like there is no tomorrow do it because they don't have those loving eye's at home reassuring them that there is another day so you better be there sober, not hung over and smiling like you just found a four leaf clover. Sorry kids I got sentimental on you asses, If you don't like it go fuck yourself. Kidding. No I'm not.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Lights Out
Gang members killed a women, she was shot to death outside of a Gas station. I just heard the news on T.V. O boy. They blew her head off in a car. Yon know the rest.
Red Tape
Thursday, sweet sweet Thursday. What can I say? Tonight I made two hundred and sixty bucks, not much, but nothing to complain about, for eight hours of work on a Thursday. You know tonight I wanted to write about delivering hot club girls high on blow to the Bank and back, or a bum women who lives in an abandoned taxi at the lot where I work. Sure the girls over paid me handsomely (thank you ladies, you know who you are) and sure sleeping in a car in the dead of winter in Edmonton is deadly, but tonight I have something different to say. Love your gas station attendants, tip them and never disrespect them, unless their assholes. The reason I'm talking about gas station attendants is because tonight as I was cruising toward my favorite Petro Can I was startled to see a few cop cars in the parking lot and several on the road blocking traffic from all directions. I had no way to get in. You see the people that sell me gas are usually like me , they work the night shift, and we like to shoot the shit about our night. Well all those cop cars scared me, and the fact that I couldn't get in there to see what happened annoyed me. I wanted to see my gas station lady. She is a little older but tough and funny, someone I like to see at the end of my night. I drove around for a while, non of the cops would give me answers about the situation. So I fueled up somewhere else, somewhere were I fill up sometimes, I like the lady and dude that work there too, it's just a little out of my way. There I told them that I think that one of the clerks at the Petro Can might be hurt. The people who heard my story were intrigued, I thought they might have more information about what happened, but they had nothing. I drove the car back to the lot at the end of my shift, I parked my cab next door to the homeless lady. I was worried about my friend, when another Taxi driver pulled up, I asked him if he knew what was going on on a hundred and fifty sixth street and ninety fifth ave, He told me it was a gang shooting. It was over drugs, people were hurt, not only at that location, the gun fight moved around. Thank God I'm pretty sure my friend survived, I hope. Gangstas quite that God awful lifestyle and start driving a cab it's great fun, its exciting and all the money you make is yours. No one will ever shoot at you, well you never know. Maybe do what you want, because like Freddie Mercury sang "It doesn't really matter to me......any way the wind blows". Stay safe out there people.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
A Rookies Welcome
Another cold night in the city of Edmonton, but tonight is a Wednesday night. I don't work the hump day. In my opinion only the rotten apples have to come out in the middle of the week, the good ones stay at home with their families. Tonight does have a certain chill in the air and snow, fuck the snow, but it dose remind me of a crazy fare I had on a Wednesday night. This Wednesday in particular was two years ago, it was during one of the biggest snow storms of the year. Scary! Ya. I was a dumb ass rookie. I was just begging to understand the laws of physics of taxi driving. Like think about this? who goes out during a big snow storm. Mmmmmmm, you got the addicts, their looking for a fix. You got the boozers jonzing for a drink. Whores looking to keep warm and dogs needing to take a shit.
So I'm out their getting use through the inch and a half of snow falling every half hour, trying to make a living. Fuck, I was having fun. Until, of course the Hump day Bump came along. I was driving up Calgary Trail south of eighty second avenue. There is a pretty well known club there, I was looking for a flag, it was closing time. Then I saw a women flag me down through all the falling snow. I slam on the brakes, slide, and stop. I then see this girl get a right jab, bang straight in the face. Fuck, I'm a rookie I watch as she starts stumbling toward my car, but right as her bloody face becomes clearly visible through the snow and foggy windows she turns around. "Don't go back" I yell through the slowly opening window. She doesn't hear me. The man starts to pummel her. I get out of the car, I yell for him to stop. The two drag themselves toward the entrance of the bar, I want to pursue but I can see two mother fuckers jumping into my car. Fuck. It's parked in the middle of Calgary Trail. I jump back in. There is a Big fat Native man sitting in the front seat and a little white dude in the back. I tell them I need to help this women, that man is kicking her ass. I watched these to assholes run right by them I knew they didn't give a flying fuck. As I start to back up, the native dude says " ya o.k I got a knife" then proceeds to pull out his weapon. "Fuck, put that shit away and get out of the cab" I scream. Then the native dudes pulls out five or six hundred bucks. "O.k then where are we going?" I ask, I'm back in business. I was also a dumb ass newbie. " Speaking of money" the native dude says turning to the man in the back seat. The man says nothing. He is awesome looking. He's dressing in a spring denim Jacket and jeans. Its cold in Edmonton, it was cold that night. Also he was wearing a pair of sunglasses late at night, and the best part about them was they were missing a lens. He looked priceless. "Money?" the native man said again, then turned back to the dude and slapped his spaced out face with the four hundred dollars he was holding. The man all of a sudden reached into his pocket and pulled out a ATM card. "Stop at the next gas station" the oversize stinky native man demanded. I did as I was told, I was a little bit frightened and a little bit intrigued. The two entered the Gas station. Only the Native dude came back, he had the bank card. I always wounder what happened to the other guy, it was an awful night. The Native dude and me moved on. He stunk, bad. He told me a Millwoods address, fuck, Millwoods difficult to navigate in on a bright sunny day. Now cold and snowing like a sun of a bitch we looked for that address. On the way there the Native man confessed to me that he is a Spiritual leader, a shaman of sorts. To this day I believe him. We get to the address. Two new people get in the car, a girl and her dirty old big bent nose pimp. I could tell she was a hooker, a street walker, they have a distinct smell. USED UP. fuck. She was fucked up on something. They sat in the back and the stinky shaman got up front with me. The two do a drug deal, my fare, the spiritual leader hands the pimp over all his money. I mention something about saving some for me, I get ignored. I was still new I wanted to make a good impression to all my clients, even the garbage ones. I kept quiet.
It was around this time that the young princess in the back started convulsing in the back. She started yelling that her head was going to explode. The way she was twitching I was getting read to duck and cover while maneuvering a Ford Crown Vic through a freshly snow covered street. "Stop immediately, I'm a shaman, I can fix her just stop the car" the shaman cried out with a crack haze conviction. Then she started yelling "no fuck off, it was those mushrooms you gave me they did this. Its been happening all night." I stop the car, the Shaman makes his way to to the passenger side door. He opens it and tells the girl to lie down on the seat and stick her head out the door. She listens like he's her Shaman. I imagine him slamming the door on her head. He's crazy, but he doesn't he grabs her chin and her forehead and he twists, actually he jerked hard. I gasped because I thought he broke her neck, so did the pimp. She got up though, good as new. Phewwwwwww. Scared me half to death, good thing he did not slip on the snow, it was still coming down hard, we were leaving fresh tracks. The pimp and his head broken whore got out on the south side, me and the magical crack smoking, mushroom Shaman kept going. He gave me an address downtown off of a hundred and seventh avenue. I had no Idea how bad of a neighborhood it was yet, remember I was still new. Then he kept asking me if I did dope, I said "nope." When we got to the apartment complex where he was going to, the snow subsided, I could see a few feet in front of me. This made me happy and so did getting this guy home. Except upon arrival the at least two hundred pound man told me he had no money. The fare was fifty five dollars, it was made driving in the worst snow storm ever. Then he pulled out a huge hand full of dried up mushrooms, presumably the ones that got that crack twat sick. "No I don't want that I want my money" I told him. Then he tried to bribe me with one more hand full telling me I told him I do dope. Lies all lies, this fucker used me like an asshole and he was going to get away without paying. Remember I was still stupid and naive. The shaman left me that night with a good story , a bunch of fungus crumbs that messed up the floorof my car and a shit stink that I couldn't cover up because I think he actually took a dump while he was in the car, Fucker. As I watched him waddle his fat ass away, I thought how cool it would be if he tripped and fell, and then he did, no just joking but that would have been great, no he overdosed on a couple of eight balls of crack later that nigh. Well maybe. Fuck. Maybe he thought about me and cleaned up. AaAwwWww. Who Knows?
So I'm out their getting use through the inch and a half of snow falling every half hour, trying to make a living. Fuck, I was having fun. Until, of course the Hump day Bump came along. I was driving up Calgary Trail south of eighty second avenue. There is a pretty well known club there, I was looking for a flag, it was closing time. Then I saw a women flag me down through all the falling snow. I slam on the brakes, slide, and stop. I then see this girl get a right jab, bang straight in the face. Fuck, I'm a rookie I watch as she starts stumbling toward my car, but right as her bloody face becomes clearly visible through the snow and foggy windows she turns around. "Don't go back" I yell through the slowly opening window. She doesn't hear me. The man starts to pummel her. I get out of the car, I yell for him to stop. The two drag themselves toward the entrance of the bar, I want to pursue but I can see two mother fuckers jumping into my car. Fuck. It's parked in the middle of Calgary Trail. I jump back in. There is a Big fat Native man sitting in the front seat and a little white dude in the back. I tell them I need to help this women, that man is kicking her ass. I watched these to assholes run right by them I knew they didn't give a flying fuck. As I start to back up, the native dude says " ya o.k I got a knife" then proceeds to pull out his weapon. "Fuck, put that shit away and get out of the cab" I scream. Then the native dudes pulls out five or six hundred bucks. "O.k then where are we going?" I ask, I'm back in business. I was also a dumb ass newbie. " Speaking of money" the native dude says turning to the man in the back seat. The man says nothing. He is awesome looking. He's dressing in a spring denim Jacket and jeans. Its cold in Edmonton, it was cold that night. Also he was wearing a pair of sunglasses late at night, and the best part about them was they were missing a lens. He looked priceless. "Money?" the native man said again, then turned back to the dude and slapped his spaced out face with the four hundred dollars he was holding. The man all of a sudden reached into his pocket and pulled out a ATM card. "Stop at the next gas station" the oversize stinky native man demanded. I did as I was told, I was a little bit frightened and a little bit intrigued. The two entered the Gas station. Only the Native dude came back, he had the bank card. I always wounder what happened to the other guy, it was an awful night. The Native dude and me moved on. He stunk, bad. He told me a Millwoods address, fuck, Millwoods difficult to navigate in on a bright sunny day. Now cold and snowing like a sun of a bitch we looked for that address. On the way there the Native man confessed to me that he is a Spiritual leader, a shaman of sorts. To this day I believe him. We get to the address. Two new people get in the car, a girl and her dirty old big bent nose pimp. I could tell she was a hooker, a street walker, they have a distinct smell. USED UP. fuck. She was fucked up on something. They sat in the back and the stinky shaman got up front with me. The two do a drug deal, my fare, the spiritual leader hands the pimp over all his money. I mention something about saving some for me, I get ignored. I was still new I wanted to make a good impression to all my clients, even the garbage ones. I kept quiet.
It was around this time that the young princess in the back started convulsing in the back. She started yelling that her head was going to explode. The way she was twitching I was getting read to duck and cover while maneuvering a Ford Crown Vic through a freshly snow covered street. "Stop immediately, I'm a shaman, I can fix her just stop the car" the shaman cried out with a crack haze conviction. Then she started yelling "no fuck off, it was those mushrooms you gave me they did this. Its been happening all night." I stop the car, the Shaman makes his way to to the passenger side door. He opens it and tells the girl to lie down on the seat and stick her head out the door. She listens like he's her Shaman. I imagine him slamming the door on her head. He's crazy, but he doesn't he grabs her chin and her forehead and he twists, actually he jerked hard. I gasped because I thought he broke her neck, so did the pimp. She got up though, good as new. Phewwwwwww. Scared me half to death, good thing he did not slip on the snow, it was still coming down hard, we were leaving fresh tracks. The pimp and his head broken whore got out on the south side, me and the magical crack smoking, mushroom Shaman kept going. He gave me an address downtown off of a hundred and seventh avenue. I had no Idea how bad of a neighborhood it was yet, remember I was still new. Then he kept asking me if I did dope, I said "nope." When we got to the apartment complex where he was going to, the snow subsided, I could see a few feet in front of me. This made me happy and so did getting this guy home. Except upon arrival the at least two hundred pound man told me he had no money. The fare was fifty five dollars, it was made driving in the worst snow storm ever. Then he pulled out a huge hand full of dried up mushrooms, presumably the ones that got that crack twat sick. "No I don't want that I want my money" I told him. Then he tried to bribe me with one more hand full telling me I told him I do dope. Lies all lies, this fucker used me like an asshole and he was going to get away without paying. Remember I was still stupid and naive. The shaman left me that night with a good story , a bunch of fungus crumbs that messed up the floorof my car and a shit stink that I couldn't cover up because I think he actually took a dump while he was in the car, Fucker. As I watched him waddle his fat ass away, I thought how cool it would be if he tripped and fell, and then he did, no just joking but that would have been great, no he overdosed on a couple of eight balls of crack later that nigh. Well maybe. Fuck. Maybe he thought about me and cleaned up. AaAwwWww. Who Knows?
Monday, December 3, 2007
Rape Me Why Don't Ya?
I've been driving a taxi for almost two and a half years. I am currently driving in Edmonton, but I started driving in the Rocky Mountains. Banff was where I started. The small tourist community has lot of crazy stories, here is one. One day after a long night of partying I woke up to a telephone call. The man behind my sleep interruption was a Constable. He asked if he could see me at my house. I agreed. This was the law I was talking to. So when the man showed up I met him outside. We started to talk in the cop cruiser. He asked me if I had driven a man named Rick (not his real name) on Saturday night. I said no. Saturdays was my day off in Banff. The Taxi company I worked for had me working shift work. I knew the man he was asking me about, he was a drug addict. Cocaine and crack. I asked what he did. The officer told me he used me as an alibi, that I drove him home late that Saturday evening. This was a lie. I did no such thing, like I said it was my day off. The cop then told me the boy was accused of breaking into a young womens house and brutally raping her. Fuck this is awful I thought, and the fucking rapist used me as his alibi, and now he is missing. Fuck. The cop gave me his number. I lost the card.
A month later my girlfriend got pregnant and I moved from the beautiful Rockys to evil, dark, old, and ugly Edmonton. This is were my girlfriend lived. I started driving a taxi in Edmonton, were I am known as the youngest driver in the city. Yes I am also a young father, but a good one. So I'm driving a cab in this shit hole of as city when, on my way home from a long night shift I drive by a couple of people. Even though I had just refueled, and I was on 107 ave (prostitute haven) I stopped for the two, it was very cold. When the two got in I asked were they were going, The guy told me to drive east, I asked for a exact address. He just told me to keep moving. The women he was with was a crack whore. They both appeared to be sketched out. Them the guy asked me if I ever lied in Banff. I said yes and turned to have a better look at this guy who knew me. It was him the dirty Rapist mother fucker. I was shocked, and a little frightened, he was with another women. Then I remembered you can't rape a crack whore. ahhahahahaahah. Jokes aside this guy was wanted for raping a girl brutally. I told him he was in big trouble, and he asked me why. I said you know why. Then the whore started yelling " you' re going the wrong way you're going the wrong way" I don't think she knew that this guy was sought after by the police, whores don't care. I wasn't going the wrong way I was moving toward the cop shop, I wanted to get this fucker. But the whore kept yelling and yelling, like only a crack hooker can. She asked to be let out I stopped the two both got out. The rapist got away . Fuck. How is it that I found the mother fucker on the streets by accident before the cops? That higher power works in mysterious ways.
A month later my girlfriend got pregnant and I moved from the beautiful Rockys to evil, dark, old, and ugly Edmonton. This is were my girlfriend lived. I started driving a taxi in Edmonton, were I am known as the youngest driver in the city. Yes I am also a young father, but a good one. So I'm driving a cab in this shit hole of as city when, on my way home from a long night shift I drive by a couple of people. Even though I had just refueled, and I was on 107 ave (prostitute haven) I stopped for the two, it was very cold. When the two got in I asked were they were going, The guy told me to drive east, I asked for a exact address. He just told me to keep moving. The women he was with was a crack whore. They both appeared to be sketched out. Them the guy asked me if I ever lied in Banff. I said yes and turned to have a better look at this guy who knew me. It was him the dirty Rapist mother fucker. I was shocked, and a little frightened, he was with another women. Then I remembered you can't rape a crack whore. ahhahahahaahah. Jokes aside this guy was wanted for raping a girl brutally. I told him he was in big trouble, and he asked me why. I said you know why. Then the whore started yelling " you' re going the wrong way you're going the wrong way" I don't think she knew that this guy was sought after by the police, whores don't care. I wasn't going the wrong way I was moving toward the cop shop, I wanted to get this fucker. But the whore kept yelling and yelling, like only a crack hooker can. She asked to be let out I stopped the two both got out. The rapist got away . Fuck. How is it that I found the mother fucker on the streets by accident before the cops? That higher power works in mysterious ways.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
In The Palm of Your Hands
What a cold night it was in the bitter sweet city of Edmonton. There is little to talk about what happened in the cab tonight so I am going to resort to writing about other people stories. These people shared their stories with me and I thank them, they know who they are.
First there was this nice little lady named Briana, she is a bartender. She works in a bar on Stony Plain road so you know its a dirty story. She told me that there is this weirdo who hangs around the bar, well the other night he was looking for some attention. He went outside and jerked off behind a van. That's pretty strange but he used his phone to video tape it and then ran around showing to all the waitresses. Gross. The worst part is (other then the whole thing) I bet you I've driven him. Aaaaaa.
Then there was Lanky and Danko, these two are a couple of buddy's I picked up on white ave. They were cool, so I started sharing some Taxi cab events with them. I told them about the whore who sucked some dudes dick in the back seat. Its a rough story. Then they told me their taxi sex secrets. Danko was in the back of a Yellow Taxi, when the girl he was with said she could not go over to his house. Well, Danko couldn't go home without a happy ending, so he asked her to jerk him off in the cab. The Chicky had no problems giving him a hand job in the back seat of some cab, but she was left with a hand full of cum. He told me that she held it in the palm of her hand the whole way home. Good Girl. O but Lankys story was dirtier, He got a blow job in the back of a Capital taxi, the girl got the kid off, but she didn't swallow, o no, Lankys cum is probably on the back of your pants, well, that is if you ever took any taxi. After the girl got out lanky stayed in the car, the cab driver who according to lanky was an out of towner applauded our young hero. Some Taxi drivers enjoy a live sex show. I don't think that their customers enjoy rubbing their asses on a seat covered in seamen though. So next time you take taxi ask the driver if the seats are clean, or better yet take a bus. I'm kidding These are other kids horror stories bare with me. They had others and most people do.
Tonight there was one weird guy in the back of my cab, he was with this bad ass little lady who just could not get over the fact that the man in the back seat was Jesus, yes ladies and gentle men I drove Jesus tonight, he was from Rio In Brazil, and yes he was amazing. The only problem with Jesus was that the girl that loved him so much she paid me to drive him home instead of letting him stay the night, that's why Jesus was a virgin until he died.
I also drove a women who said she did not believe in God, I asked why. She told me her friend was murdered. The murderer was the victims family member, my fare could not understand how God could let something like that happen, who knows if God is real, but if he or she or whatever it is real it just doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. Especially humanity, at least on earth. But maybe one day whatever it is will. All you can really do is wait and see.
First there was this nice little lady named Briana, she is a bartender. She works in a bar on Stony Plain road so you know its a dirty story. She told me that there is this weirdo who hangs around the bar, well the other night he was looking for some attention. He went outside and jerked off behind a van. That's pretty strange but he used his phone to video tape it and then ran around showing to all the waitresses. Gross. The worst part is (other then the whole thing) I bet you I've driven him. Aaaaaa.
Then there was Lanky and Danko, these two are a couple of buddy's I picked up on white ave. They were cool, so I started sharing some Taxi cab events with them. I told them about the whore who sucked some dudes dick in the back seat. Its a rough story. Then they told me their taxi sex secrets. Danko was in the back of a Yellow Taxi, when the girl he was with said she could not go over to his house. Well, Danko couldn't go home without a happy ending, so he asked her to jerk him off in the cab. The Chicky had no problems giving him a hand job in the back seat of some cab, but she was left with a hand full of cum. He told me that she held it in the palm of her hand the whole way home. Good Girl. O but Lankys story was dirtier, He got a blow job in the back of a Capital taxi, the girl got the kid off, but she didn't swallow, o no, Lankys cum is probably on the back of your pants, well, that is if you ever took any taxi. After the girl got out lanky stayed in the car, the cab driver who according to lanky was an out of towner applauded our young hero. Some Taxi drivers enjoy a live sex show. I don't think that their customers enjoy rubbing their asses on a seat covered in seamen though. So next time you take taxi ask the driver if the seats are clean, or better yet take a bus. I'm kidding These are other kids horror stories bare with me. They had others and most people do.
Tonight there was one weird guy in the back of my cab, he was with this bad ass little lady who just could not get over the fact that the man in the back seat was Jesus, yes ladies and gentle men I drove Jesus tonight, he was from Rio In Brazil, and yes he was amazing. The only problem with Jesus was that the girl that loved him so much she paid me to drive him home instead of letting him stay the night, that's why Jesus was a virgin until he died.
I also drove a women who said she did not believe in God, I asked why. She told me her friend was murdered. The murderer was the victims family member, my fare could not understand how God could let something like that happen, who knows if God is real, but if he or she or whatever it is real it just doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. Especially humanity, at least on earth. But maybe one day whatever it is will. All you can really do is wait and see.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Blow The Pain Away
Saturday night is tomorrow, tonight was Friday. Aaaa what a shit show, the money was reasonable, but the tips were shit, not from everyone but lots of people sucked. The few that did tip me are all going to heaven.
Quite night in the cab, and out to tell you kids the truth. There was one women she was insane. I picked her up not far from the Transit Hotel, bad area, but what do you do? She needed a ride to Fort Saskatchewan, a decent sized trip. So we are on our way, we hit the Yellow Head and start moving east. When we reached Victoria Trail the women debated weather we should turn toward 118ave so she could score some crack. It's her decision to make not mine so I listen. She asks me if she could use my cell phone I say yes. She dials the bastard Crack dealer, he says no. Fuck. The old bitch starts to go haywire, she needs to find some Crack. She asks me if I know anyone, and the truth is I drive hundreds of drug dealers every night. Some leave me their digits and some don't. I trow them all away. The only numbers I take are those of friends, not children killers. She needs the crack bad. She asks for the phone again. who you calling ? I ask. She tells me its a guy who tried to burn down her house, but he can hook her up with the Crack. I give her the phone. She call. Its good. The dude lives in Fort Saskatchewan. On are way she tells me to avoid the exit and keep going , she knows a short cut. So we drive on. Then she realizes there is no short cut so we have to back track to the Fort. Her fare came to around eighty dollars, she starts to bitch that it's too much. I don't care it was her short cut that caused her the financial distress. She says she won't pay. So I radio dispatch and ask for the address of the closest police station. In my mind I know the bitch has Cash for the Crack dealer why shouldn't I get paid for doing my job, and some Crack dealer mother fucker gets more then his fare share. Fuck that we start moving toward the police station. She gets scared. Then she takes out eighty bucks and pays me. She also calls me some fucked up names, but I don't care, I even kind of like her a little more, come on she gave me eighty bucks, she can call me anything she wants as long as she doesn't touch me. I drop her off at the dealers. She gets out angry. Who cares Crack face.
Later on I pick up these two wealthy looking men. They direct me to a 711 on 91st and 82ave. When a SUV pulls up, I get the clue. The two dudes are buying blow. Throughout a night I see lots of drugs, too many in fact. The crack dealers are lucky that I don't report them to crime stoppers. I don't though, I'm not a rat, but I will tell on Johns and drunk drivers. Dealers get away with a lot in Edmonton, the cops allow them to roll around pretty freely. They would rather pull over a taxi, less paper work. Drug dealers are easy to spot. They are sober, talking on a cell phone in a Asian import car. They are always cocky those dealers, but fuck them let them go to hell for all I care. So the two dudes pick up some blow, They snorted it on the way to their house, I could tell, cause if your fare is high they tip decently.
My last fare was a dealer, but not cocaine , this guy sold X, PCP, special K all those cheesy party drugs. He asked if I was a cop as soon as he got in my car, at that point I knew he was a dealer. Whatever.
O and there was a group of good people that enjoyed my ride so much that the guys said I turned them gay. Wow, I'm good and strait what an accomplishment.
Quite night in the cab, and out to tell you kids the truth. There was one women she was insane. I picked her up not far from the Transit Hotel, bad area, but what do you do? She needed a ride to Fort Saskatchewan, a decent sized trip. So we are on our way, we hit the Yellow Head and start moving east. When we reached Victoria Trail the women debated weather we should turn toward 118ave so she could score some crack. It's her decision to make not mine so I listen. She asks me if she could use my cell phone I say yes. She dials the bastard Crack dealer, he says no. Fuck. The old bitch starts to go haywire, she needs to find some Crack. She asks me if I know anyone, and the truth is I drive hundreds of drug dealers every night. Some leave me their digits and some don't. I trow them all away. The only numbers I take are those of friends, not children killers. She needs the crack bad. She asks for the phone again. who you calling ? I ask. She tells me its a guy who tried to burn down her house, but he can hook her up with the Crack. I give her the phone. She call. Its good. The dude lives in Fort Saskatchewan. On are way she tells me to avoid the exit and keep going , she knows a short cut. So we drive on. Then she realizes there is no short cut so we have to back track to the Fort. Her fare came to around eighty dollars, she starts to bitch that it's too much. I don't care it was her short cut that caused her the financial distress. She says she won't pay. So I radio dispatch and ask for the address of the closest police station. In my mind I know the bitch has Cash for the Crack dealer why shouldn't I get paid for doing my job, and some Crack dealer mother fucker gets more then his fare share. Fuck that we start moving toward the police station. She gets scared. Then she takes out eighty bucks and pays me. She also calls me some fucked up names, but I don't care, I even kind of like her a little more, come on she gave me eighty bucks, she can call me anything she wants as long as she doesn't touch me. I drop her off at the dealers. She gets out angry. Who cares Crack face.
Later on I pick up these two wealthy looking men. They direct me to a 711 on 91st and 82ave. When a SUV pulls up, I get the clue. The two dudes are buying blow. Throughout a night I see lots of drugs, too many in fact. The crack dealers are lucky that I don't report them to crime stoppers. I don't though, I'm not a rat, but I will tell on Johns and drunk drivers. Dealers get away with a lot in Edmonton, the cops allow them to roll around pretty freely. They would rather pull over a taxi, less paper work. Drug dealers are easy to spot. They are sober, talking on a cell phone in a Asian import car. They are always cocky those dealers, but fuck them let them go to hell for all I care. So the two dudes pick up some blow, They snorted it on the way to their house, I could tell, cause if your fare is high they tip decently.
My last fare was a dealer, but not cocaine , this guy sold X, PCP, special K all those cheesy party drugs. He asked if I was a cop as soon as he got in my car, at that point I knew he was a dealer. Whatever.
O and there was a group of good people that enjoyed my ride so much that the guys said I turned them gay. Wow, I'm good and strait what an accomplishment.
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