Thursday, February 17, 2011
offense of an old fart
"You call that defensive driving?" he asked his wife, she had just sped through a four way without stopping. "Listen we are gonna be late for Brandies Piano recital." She felt it necessary to scream. She was a tinny women of about 5.4' behind the wheel of an Excursion. A monstrosity of a vehicle, produced purely to ooze the appearance of having enough money to be ignorant. She might have been one of the smallest but she was the meanest behind the wheel. "Slow down honey," he said to her as he clipped his seat belt over his shoulder, then reached for the handle above his head. She was driving in excess of eighty five kilometers an hour on a residential road with schools zone signs, she didn't care, this was not their neighborhood. There were speedbumbs on her roads to prevent such ludicrousness. She hammer the pedal forward though, through the suburban jungle. Until out of the corner of her eye she witnessed an old coot make his way into the single residential lane that she was so unapologeticly speeding her beast of a truck through. Her husband who just happened to open his eyes right as she slammed on the breaks to avoid destroying the back end of grandpas 1992 Buick Skylark. "Ahhh" she screamed in agony, "that little hundred year old fossilized piece of shit, how could he?" she demanded the answer from her husband, who again had closed his eyes, trying to avoid the vision of his angry wife.