Bill Gate's Money

When's the day you get out of bed to earn 600$ an hour. I think that anything worth my time is worth 600$ an hour. It's not that I'm working 100 hours a week or nothing either. No Just two hour a week of solid labor. I work harder then most people in my profession. Most individuals who have the audacity to try and work a room like I do are assholes. Most won't even take my photo. Fuck! There was this old dude this fat guy! and his wife in the VIP. He comes up to me and asked "why haven't you posted all the photos of me that you've been taking?" I looked at him and understood why the other photographers haven't posted the pictures. I took his photo and said "I work for dom perignon and I'm nothing like other photographers." He laughed and smiled. I gave him my card and told em "Email me, ill make sure you find your photo!" It's not like I can sell it to Dom or anything. Heard bout this guy that worked for labatts, he said "the photographers had to give up a CD of everything they took. Who knows why?" Do you know why? Do you know why a company would want the bad photos too? I hope so.
Working in the world I've been working in has taught me a thing or two about working in my industry.
Like that? asshole, fuck. K.
The job leaves you alone and hungry. I Interact with so many people, I'd never not take someones photo. I love taking pictures of other photographers, cause I fucking make sure that they get it.
I've been really pretty mean to my dad last little bit. Its been rough. Just telling him he was a shitty dad over and over. It's because he's been repeating the same God Damn excuses for the last fifteen years!
Also My finger hurts, I carry my camera like a dirty little renegade. No strap, just fucking tight in my hand. It's definitely not good for the hand. My middle finger's grown this lump at the knuckle. I showed it off to this Polish girl I met. She was so perfect.
Falling in love is more then 600$ an hour, it's like

Tork tork tickled pickle

So the universe is a woman, and yeah she's hot she's not, she's whatever and she's pregnant and alone. The Kicker is it's a boy! That's what's happening over and over again. So Jesus dying is no biggie, well I mean it is, but it's like the birth of the boy into the real world. the Death of the pregnancy and of being alone. It's Oedipal I'm sure of it. Whatever that means. The only thing left in cleaning out the studio is the Christmas decorations, one of the artificial trees is of the supper industrial nature. The room is going to be a learning experience. It's full of old stuff, well it was. I went through it. There is this collection of doors. All sorts of them. Big ones little one, there is a few heavy ones. I'm doing this.
What am I doing, I'm finishing university. One of my professors has an idea to teach people through video. I'm going to make clips using software that records what I'm doing on screen. It'll be exciting. Mentor ship is a tough process and I love it. Don't laugh, I like being mentored. Fuck that's worse eh. Leadership is usually a burden that everyone criticizes. Good leaders are good because they are capable of breaking up packs of bad leaders. A good leader changes the world by sacrificing everything for the one cause. Which is funny, could you imagine being in a room full of people? Then out of nowhere a psychotic paranoid schizophrenic comes at you and starts trying to kill you. Imagine he's huge and everyone in the room just sits and watches. No one moves because they know the guy, they know he's a lunatic, they know he'll try to kill them if they try to save you, so they sit and watch. He wants to hurt you, who knows why.
Quality time with the one you love, that's all you need after being put through the ringer. with an emphasis on Time ...

My roomate hates me too!

Whatever happened to just being hungry, not eating, but just being hungry. Yep, that's the solution to Pavlov s conditioning. Just Don't eat, just swallow your own spit. If you're able to smell it, it'll feed you if you let it. Contracts to succeed, not compulsions and procedures to crush us. Gravity already holds me down here when all I wanna do is fly. You know those nights when you fall in love. It's great, it's something that everyone in the neighborhood has to deal with. When you're a kid and you stay out late, latter then usual and you're hanging around with your crush it's gentle. It happens to adults too, sometimes, when they just happen to be close. I fell in love on the streets my whole life, endlessly, I love it. But it's a love that can't be satisfied, I couldn't step away from it.
I mean I could and I'd probably end up with a fat dog and I'd be living with a roommate that I hate, but I'd be satisfied with the pizza pops I'd be eating. Or the beer I'm guzzling. But really I'd probably have a fabulous wife and money, and a house and big vehicle in the Garage. Steaks and wine, and I'd tap my glass with people, and I'd sing songs about the land.
Fuck that, if today was my first day on earth, I'd fucking curse the leaders of our nations. This Planet is in shambles. Not here though, No, not here. No. Here in Alberta our Edmonton summers are beginning to look a lot more southern. Shit's almost like a jungle in here, it's humid. We're living it up on borrowed time. We're set to cook!
How the Fuck is nature going to reclaim it's prize, cause I'm pretty sure our home, our mother, this planet has been seriously downing some fucking spit. Watching the people sworn to protect her, turn here to a living ball of fire. We are gruesome and stupid, especially when we're hungry.
Don't let em tell you what to eat, cause they'll make you eat shit!

Cobain can't complain

Getting things done takes all the time you got! Getting things done doesn't end. Constipation sucks, laxatives can help! Developing products that people will buy is hard. It's hard because you have to experiment and that costs cash! Or you have to investigate and feel around to find the direction you gotta go in. It's never the direction you want to go in. Getting my filling fixed today, first thing in the morning. It's practice for the first day of school. I've got an early class, but the first grade might start before that. This whole summer has been like so many before it now, full of time with my sun. Life has been vibrant and I've been in the midst of it. No relationships outside of the immediate family though, well, not entirely. Several connections through work, with young people that want to change the world. Most of the people I see are on track, but they're scared, no one's ever encouraged them to really peruse their dreams. It's because no one in our society outside of Rockstars and hockey players can show them what the achievements of ones wishes looks like. Our culture nurtures a bleak vision for most of our society. I don't see a bright future for people outside of Alberta, I don't see a people ready to accept that kind of responsibility inside our province. What's gonna happen is we're going to have a population of people who live to work through social conditioning. A population like this is easy to manipulate, it's easy to sculpt the dreams of those who think they have it all. Only because they've never seen the world outside of the limited scope presented to them by or societies constraining leaders. They'll work hard to have it all! They'll work harder at maintaining the wall that'll keep em trapped forever, or until the world ends!
I have to make this movie, I also have to write another children's story.

I'm bitting my tongue

The week goes on and so do the seasons and the years. It's weird how when you don't have a reason to get up you just lay there and wait. You wait till you find the drive to get you up. Some people are driven to get up and go to work for a Safeway! I m on some social media site looking to meet someone! I'm out there and I realized that I'm not the only one. It's just that I can't stand anyone I'm around.
I also want to meet someone who is willing to be physically active. Fuck I am sick of being alone, but only cause I'm sick of being alone. I don't need anyone around me that doesn't want to be here.

she's beautiful and she loves me!

There ever anything you just wish for all the time, Fiend for? We all have something like that, it drives us. Our hunger to full fill our desires is crazy. I want more of something all the time. I'm not sure if everyone is like that. Or have they given into the idea that they don't all always want more. If you're a real human then you can admit you have a problem. That's the first step to human hood. But if you can't admit it and you don't realize you're just a miserable shit stain, then you'll never amount to more then some half ass pecker. Sometimes shit happens and it scares us. If the consequences don't kill us they make us stronger.
I look for what I want, except even though I often see glimpse's of it everywhere, I can't seem to find exactly what I'm looking for. Thinking about it makes me think I should become more strategic, I should lay down some law! Set some fucking traps. That's how you get satisfaction! And that's awful! It's beautiful too! I've never been particularly good at setting traps the conventional way. I try not to attack my dreams, I think more then anything I just want to know exactly what they are. What my direction is meant to be.
The homeless kid called me! "Hey!" he says. "I'm at the city Center, could you pick my friend and me up then drive us to the outskirts of the city!" I say "No." "I thought as much" he answers. We talk. He say's "We're going to Fort Mac! Ten day's in! and I'll be able to pay for an apartment!" It might be that easy I think to myself. "B's coming with me, were hitchhiking!" he tells me. "Be careful!" I say. It's a deadly high way and he knows it, he tells me "It's the deadliest highway in Canada, I'm happy I'm bringing my camera!" I'm happy he has it too.
We all want something and that's what drives us. It's not money for anyone either. The people who think it's money are wrong for sure. Money's there to confuse you! Change your mind from what it's suppose to be moving towards. Money is a tool! It's an important tool you gotta use strategically to get what you want. It's always good to get paid getting better at fulfilling your desires. It's never the money we want, it's always that something you want to spend the money on!

Philling!

It's so important to remember and reflect about your day! We all know it! Communication is super important. Communication with yourself. I started to remember how to blog. How to talk to myself here. I'm not embarrassed that I'm an adult and I still can't spell. I think that that might be some sort of disorder. Cause I can do this shit. It doesn't bother me that I'm not flawless, nothing perfect is. It's hard to define things like beauty and perfection. I bet you if there were real accurate didactic ways to pin point things like beauty it would involve violent collisions! And perfection could probably be defined as a heart attack. Fuck my chest hurts, and loving life is heavy. So many people so far away from me. It isn't that I feel segregated, I just feel like a minority that hasn't even been discovered yet. It's like I'm a part of a race of people that no one knows about! the human race is a race of people who don't see their own self worth. I'm not sure that I'm one to declare this though. I'm a lot like everyone else, but I do change when ever I see myself stepping over boundaries that are there beyond my control.
You can see yourself stepping over those boundaries in the blog posts! in my little reflection. When you read over them they translate something that you never really intend them to do! When you look back at your own reflection it's not always easy to see what you want to see, but it is always easy to see what's there. You fix everything you can in your life to have the reflection you desire stare back at you. the things you can't change are the things you must learn to love, the things which are beyond your control are what you need to hold on to to draw strength from. Finding those parts of yourself is hard, they're the parts we taught ourselves to hide from to protect ourselves from. It's hide and go seek or cops and robbers!
I chipped a piece of my filling today, feels weird and sharp in my mouth, I want to poke at it. Of course I can't fix it! Thank Goodness it hasn't hurt yet. I'm pretty sure I'll last the weekend without smashing anything through to the root till Monday! I got to trust it, or panic, but it doesn't hurt, so why?

short skirts!

Super hot ad agency! Super hot ad agents! I'm honest! They have great shoes! and most of them are women! I'm a man! I wear old skate shoes. I'm not very big but I'm all dude. I've been wearing my tight pants and skating the street like it's running out of style! Kicks ass to be fit, strong. I told her lots. I tell everyone lots about myself. too much. I tell people what I think all the time. I hope that makes me a better dad.
Most people blow the world off! They say "it's full of bad" which is ok cause it is. But Good is in Control. One thing that keeps people on their toes, especially when it comes to Good is that if everything was truly Good it would never end! That's a mistake. I think we have to realize that everything ends, and that's the best part. Fuck I'm meeting with add executives from big firms and they like my work. I'm going to have a studio down town, starting tomorrow! I just have to go get it! Clean up the concrete palace! There is a compressor in the room with me and it's a powerhouse. Also someone ordered some of my photographs! I will be selling my prints!
I've got so much going for me, and I found my homeless partner in movie making! I downloaded over 1200 clips off his camera! I also gave him sometime in front of the camera. I dropped him off at the Hope mission shelter! He's nineteen! He is very full of ambition. He's driven, and even though he has skipped out a few times he has made up for it. There is so much that can happen! all I'm able to do is try. I'm going to become my own add agency! I'm going to create a more powerful community of smart people! I need to meet more effective and creative leaders who want to share our world with the future, not just with themselves. Bad is Good! lol! For real! It's sexy and paints its nails!

Gollum's Home! and it's hot!

Shaving your pubic hair due to jock itch is cool! Except it sucks when you have no one to mention it to, except maybe your mom, cause you have no friends.
Exercising! Having a kid is a good way to get you out there. I guess, unless you got a dad who never did a fucking thing with you. I know the feeling and I was an energetic little guy. Super competitive, not much encouragement. I go skateboarding with my kid, I'm the coolest dad on the block. I wear those tight hipster pants too and look like a kid with a receding hairline but i can still olly. I haul ass behind a six year old on a bike. He fell while I was hitting the Quarter pipe. It was awesome, first time Ive ever seen em biff. He was cool with it! We got a Slurpee.
I got a hold of a film foundation in Edmonton. They have some gear they're looking to share. The motion picture about the lives of the Strathcona youth might have a chance at an XL1. Imagine interchangeable lenses on a video camera! I understand photography on my own level. I would accept anything to move forward with creating a program that develops a culture amongst youth that have a similar background to mine. I'm gonna do it. Everything is a learning experience, developing my ideas is so cool. It makes me laugh that I have a chance. I bet you that breaks people and I bet ya it breaks the people that I wish it made stronger. I'm always reaching out and through that I've found out what I can do to support myself. I can't do it with out others. No one can. Fuck it's Lightning McQueen! He thought he had his shit together, until. Fuck I've enjoyed riding it out. And the wave is fucking phat. I've been developing alliances with real people who are moving toward success. This part of the world is it! That's why we can read this God Damn blog! Cause when the power goes out here!

it s about mauniciple ideology

When your head feels like a watermelon full of snot and all you can think about is crashing into the pavement and seeing everything splatter. That's life. Head flu and snot. The Homeless guy didn't show up again. Fuck! Whatever, there is a lot to learn. Life is a program, it's the same over and over again. A struggle then something that breaks and another struggle, until Steven Harpers kill the planet. It gets re-born. This is like the meeting ground for all the God! This is fucking Greek shit. This is the last race isn't it? Hesiod said so! he said we suck too. It's true. We're the race sent here to reboot the game. Our civilization makes me feel like we're running out the course of a push of a button. We suck, and kick so much ass all at the same time. It's gonna happen again. Humans will play out their roles. So there's something bigger, What the fuck it is it? I think what's running the big picture want's all the players to have fun, but I think small individual players want to win. That seems like a natural complete process. I think that the ultimate ruler, if there is one, is a parent type figure. That darkness between everything in space is that maternal instinct that keeps reality together.

watch british tv it's worth Cash, financial head start

Nothing like sliced cheese past midnight. I Missed my partner in the documentary! He ditched me. He's young. We're meeting tomorrow. There is so many cool people rooting for us. The city is going to be a driver in innovation. Situation where you find drama will be watched and analyzed and reprocessed like never before. Sliced cheese.
When you meet people who are like you it's awesome. Alliances are the way to survive. People forget that the best way to make it and to last is to have a strong foundation.
Families mean everything. It's easy to forget about your mom and dad once you're out there and alive. But to move forward largely relies on the support you get from your loved ones. So alliances are good.
See once you start understand who it is you have to work with, they all start coming at you. Maintaining relationships with the right people is number one. One thing people forget about is how easy it is to get side tracked and to forget about the people you're suppose to be looking after. It's also important to look after people who need looking after. Usually it's good to focus on companies and people who can offer a little support back for the efforts. We live in a world where people are filtered through this material ideology. So meeting people who aren't like that is good cause you know you can cooperates for a cause outside of the capital.
There is so much extra out there, You just have to jump on it. talk shit and

Venuse maybe or .... your anus?

So there is a story or two out there, you've had your life smashed around. Life broke ya! Come on .... you know it did? Admit it. If you don't you'll live your life denying it, until it's the only part of yourself you have left. You're just the smashed piece, the part that you thought was a cancer. The crack wasn't you're fault, it happens to everyone. It's accepting it that matters. I'm not talking to everyone, I'm talking to people who's lives are full of shit. The world does not live to be alive on the weekend, but people do! That's a crack I don't want to fill. We don't have to sell ourselves short.
Living in Edmonton is getting good, everyone around the world knows it, we're gonna refine our own oil and develop the best place to live on the planet for the next hundred years. I can see it but not everyone can and that's because their lives are crushed but they don't know it. This Province in like a "Shire" of sorts, Edmonton is the capital. But as a worldly person I can see that the rest of the people inhabiting the earth, the people whom I'm talking to, might not find the culture of our hobbit folk little more then idiotic and simple. They just want to plow through us and drill us for gold. Now I still have lots to learn bout this whole I'm growing in, but it's beginning to show itself. To poke it's little stem outta the ground. Edmonton is where my child was born and is being raised. This Province is where the world will bring its leaders because our children will be raised to preserve and nurture what nature we have left. the Capital our people create will project us toward .....

Rock star statuss

Laying around alone is pretty good. It's nice to have a solitary perspective on the world. There is the social media that fills you in on all sorts of levels. There is the people out there too, I interact with so many people, I need to find someone who is as social as I am. I think that if I could get that energy twisted into something I'd have more stability. Its just gotta be with someone who's cool.
I want to have a living room I think, but one without a tv, just a couch and a desk maybe. A room I can learn yoga in. Doing the dad thing seems to be working, following your heart instead of the hate. Kids help see what the heart needs, so do parents. Sometimes there is even people whose parents never learned to understand their desires but their kids did. Taking care of your family lets you have something to stand on out in society.
Right now it seems society from inside,here in Canada is suffering culturally. Instead of thinking that we should find someone to marry, our culture wants to have lots of lovers. I met this woman today that has been having children since before she was old enough to drive. I took her picture but not without some resistance, her friend wanted one, she was reluctant. I listened to them talk and I snagged a picture while they were speaking to this homeless woman. She looked rough, but come to think of it so did the twenty six year old with that thirteen year old daughter and two other kids with two other dads.
Imagine have that!

falling assleep behind the wheel of my BMW

Not every day you get what you want. That happens so you know what you want and so you know when you have it. The reason I can shoot photographs is because I pay attention to people. I do it to make them happy in that moment. I think about things they don't. I think about what's going to happen to that photo tomorrow and the day after that. It makes my heart spin thinking about the way the future is coming on. It's nice to know that I'm paving the way. Throwing light on people. I'm having so much fun. I do this thing with the camera and it's mine. It's a culmination of everything I've learned over the years and the way people react to the work. When someone smiles after you show them their reflection, when they weren't expecting to see something they might actually find acceptable, it causes me to keep working. Getting a laugh or a cheer out of a crowd is one of the most powerful events that can happen. People laugh and smile for split seconds and then they go back to being normal. I live to elevate people, even if it is only for a second.
Not everyone can be brought up above normal because some folk find themselves lower then normal. Most people are on neutral ground but some are lower then most, I guess just like some are higher. There is a balance here on earth. Finding it isn't easy when all you have is a planet spinning around the sun to find yourself in. The power of nature created us. Humans are in their infancy and we're about to fall over. I think that's natural. Not everything survives. In the big picture we could have a better story to tell but I guess that depends on the human race as a whole. We're driving mother nature, the planet is like our car. What global culture that we know of is good at nurturing vehicle maintenance..... I think most of us have the same answer there. Whenever someone thinks they can drive the car good, they fail....

This is what we need in Canada

So what if it's all a muddle! This backward world we live in. So what if mothers leave their children in the hand of others so they can do what they want! Fathers do the same! So what if kids can't read and people don't think. What do we do then? Figure out how to communicate with them. Life is no longer complex now we make money!
Money's coming! It has to because there is a debt here!
Corporations are intoxicating. They manufacture profit by taking on risks with capital to keep the pay rolling. They bank on the people doing the work for way less then it's worth.
Hey? have you ever finished a conversation up early cause you we're about to have diarrhea? Shit, I think someone did that to me today! BAM! atta nowhere.
There's nothing wrong with ditching someone for the right reasons. Like, if they ain't happy and you are, it's ok to go meet up with some happy people. We don't do what we want anymore. Society is all unhappy. That's ok, we can make it.
There is a hard times coming to Canada, Canadians don't want stand up and really design cars that don't run on gas but go six times as fast, You know! I want a car that uses diarrhea as a fuel. To re fuel I'd just have to sit outside a Mc Donald's.
Steven fell in a ditch, it's fucking hard times~

One part fiction~

Back on the wagon again. Ever notice that when you're working with people that are young they think they know everything! You know who really knows everything? Me! That's right I'm a mother fucking genius! God only knows for how many reasons.
There is so much shit happening!




Shooting the homeless kids stories is gonna change my life. In a good way! It's the way we're assimilated to function in this world that sucks. Focusing on just scraping by! It's something I've always been told I should be able to manage. The bare minimum. That's something the system has seemed to grind into my mind. Fuck the system is a grind. Everything... well not everything, but lots of behaviors and dysfunctions are created by the crazy way our world runs its business! These kids are experiencing the same problem every big organization creates. Cracks in our culture! They're just falling in between the mind altering earthquakes the corporate world makes. You can't get a job at Wallmart without a bank account, you can't get a bank account without an ID, can't get an ID unless your Transit offensives are all cleared up! Can't do that without a JOB! Plus drugs! and sex! and BOOOOOOZE and heat! Fuck! Living on the streets has its highs and lows!
The stories so far have baffled me! And I don't want to forget them! Id's and our communities! the police don't like these kids either. I can talk to them! What's gonna happen? Our city is growing so structured! So corporate! It's like it's being sanitized! Destroying anybody that might not believe in "THE ASSEMBLY LINE" culture. I want out! The world can't use Canada as a Wallmart, or any of the kids in our communities! The job is clear, to give them the insight to look into their own hearts to find their self worth. Our people can't just be worthless whores on a market, being sold to the rest of the bullies on the planet! Let's do something!

Just be who you are!

There are those moments in the game of life when you want to just lay back and get off the board! I have a feeling most of the world does it! Why not? Right? it's a God given right! I think we're all the same, but I don't think we all lay back and give up for the same reasons! Some people lay back and relax to watch the scenery. Some people lay back and hold on for dear life! And then there is the people in between! Some people don't give up! Others drop the ball! Today I reunited with the homeless fellow I've worked so hard at creating a relationship with. At nineteen he's in full swing toward creating a documentary with me! I'm meeting with him in the late morning and we're shooting tomorrow. Officially I'm doing this without the consent of the city! because I'm not officially a volunteer till my criminal record check get s back clean! That's cool! They need to know my background! No problem!
There is going to be so much work going on! the Fringe is starting! I'm taking photographs all the time now! Making videos! It's amazing! Things are great! Except, I have to go back to school which isn't so bad! I have a showing there in the Caf! Curated and everything! I betcha I misspelled something in my bio! that's totally my style!
No School s great, I've learned so much! One of the reasons I've developed such a sense of self in the last year was my schools academic vice president! He did so much for me. I was able to connect with him on a whole new level! He gave me a lot of confidence! Lead me to believe in myself! Everything.... well many thing s i aspired to do we achieved and he was right there to honor me. Many members of the institutions I've been a part of throughout my life have seen me as an invader, a parasite or something! Teachers have been failing me since day one! I shouldn't pass school but I have been as of late. And it was my schools VPA that instilled a stronger scenes of confidence in me! I know from the moment I read his blog we'd end up connected! Well he's not coming back next year! It's a downer! cause I remember the day we first met! We were sitting in the board room and I was as always .... on fire, overtly and immensely passionate. I asked him "should I try to change? should I settle down a bit?" you know what he told me?

school tomorrow

Tradition is to settle down and forgive! people don't do that. Not sure if it's always been like this or if people aren't all the same. It'd be nice if this world was a lesson and we got to go somewhere after we die. But I think it's a place where we come to see death, stare it right in the face. Looking at it, should be easy, right? No it shouldn't. It should be fun though. Life has been moving so much more efficiently in my adult hood. You can see what's happening and try to position yourself where you need to be. The thing about our current situation is that our world has institutionalized, it's not natural. Our system is all stiff.
It's like imagine seeing a bear and staring it right in the face..... forever.
Oh check this out, I just killed a mosquito that I swear to God, just faked it's own death and came back!
I've spent so much time chasing something specific and it's becoming very sharp! So sharp it can cut me! The risks are never ending. You're always struggling, that's how you know you're going in the right direction! It's a tradition....

hold up what he can handle.

I didn't want to do anything today except find that homeless kid! I've been looking for him since we made the clip staring him. He sleeps in the valley and he has no phone. Everyday I ride down to where I met him and see if we might be able to talk about what we made. He had a clear understanding of the potential of all of this and I don't want to just give up on him. I can't. There is no one else there that knows what it is like him. I know, I've been talking to them all trying to get them to tell him I'm on the lookout. He's gonna be the director!
Non of them will want to talk to me like they talked to me! They're open, but I know the most honest way to reflect the situation will come from the mind of a nineteen year old kid who sleeps in the Riverbend River valley!
I was out skating around Starthcona, around the gazebo where I spent my adolescent days! Except today I was skating with my son, looking for a homeless kid. Things are already looking so much different for my son then they looked for me. I can't say I can see the future, but I can say that I skate behind my six year old while he's riding his bike. I'll be there for him when he falls and I'll teach him to

My community is so stuburn and weak, they look like whales!

I don't feel like a teenager anymore! I'm on a much higher plane of existence! I honestly feel that it's my job to develop this community I live in. The people around me are caught up in something I don't understand! I mean it's something I used to know but now most peoples lifestyles are just something I don't believe in. Most people say things like you gotta work to eat! I don't think so! I think you need to eat to eat! Everyone is stuck on cash! It's like how many people want to do something for the money! Not for the love of doing it! I want everyone in my life there cause they want to be there. I don't want anyone around me because they've been forced to stand at my side!
I have made several really good connection with a bunch of you adults! Kids just barely out of their teens! They're important people, they just don't know why yet, neither do I, but I know they're on their way! I'm not going to stop them.
What set s the unique people apart is their attitude! It's not that they're smarter of better looking, they're just more focused on moving forward rather then settling with the shitty answers.
When you're moving toward achieving your goals in life everyone except maybe you're mother is going to tell you, "there's no money in it, get a real job!" and we all know they're probably right! But some of us go against that grain and pursue the impossible. There isn't very many people that know of others who've achieved their goals so there is no blue print that we can follow to get the thing done. The only way we can actually get to where we're going is to follow our gut! I'm not a teenager anymore because I don't let real life stop me from making my own reality! This world, the country, this province is mine! I rule my city, and I've been in control here for a long time! I'm just letting people know now! but not that I'm the boss! (They don't need to know that) but that they are in one of the most potential filled areas on the planet Really the goal is to have everyone around you succeed! I want to have my municipality be the best neighborhood on the planet to be from!

We're really upsidedown and backward!

The world assumes you don't want to know what the fuck it is you are doing. I've been working at being good at stuff! I had been driving a taxi for two years when I first started taxi talk! That was one of the reasons it was such an accurate portrayal of the life. The Life ... the fucking life. Life fucking rules. I was out tonight and there were these kids, like six of them just toast and looking for a fight! I could sense the way they felt. I was talking to a big black dude eating a donair. He was cool, I mean he wasn't an idiot. I'm usually able to distinguish that by the fact that they can talk to me for over three minutes. I've become a regular commercial, if the person isn't turned on right away, I ditch em! It's all I can do!
The movie I made last night worked, the heads understood what it is I do! I got better at it! By realizing some of the stuff I need to do to get better! I'm going to be a teacher, it's exciting and new and no one is going to teach me how to do it except for the students and this blog. We made that clip, the institution realized that the kid had his own idea; now the reason it was such a success was they felt that what we created didn't reflect what they were trying to do accurately. He also was given something to analyze! Himself! He saw flaws in his message and just watching the clip sculpted his vision! The cameras are going to help people see themselves. There is nothing like your own reflection in the mirror to tell what you really look like!

a FUCKING (SEX) BLOG

I made the movie! Now I have to write it all out! I have to let you in on my not so secret perfect life! Yeah! I'm so happy to be so alone! I went on a date today! It was an unexpected encounter. I was hanging with the homeless kids, who're so cool! When this beautiful girl walked by! She had been one of my models many a time in the clubs! I dared her to "Friend" me on Facebook! She did, we talked, texted! and today as I was finishing my documentary she showed up! "I'm actually a journalist" she told me shy and straight faced. I took the homeless boy out for coffee and he helped me make a four minute long documentary! She got dinner, then she ditched me! I'm getting old and boring! Making movies doesn't have the luster that once came with it! I can always fall back on my guitar skills to survive though! The Homeless kid in the video has a plan and it's bang on. We're going to change the world! I should have bought him lunch!
I spent the whole night editing. There is so much extra footage, we're going to make several additional clips! All for the homeless and all for free, it's really to bad the mayor doesn't think much of me! You know what's funny? The president of Concordia, that's my school! Blocked me on Twitter! Can't talk shit about it anywhere! Thank God I figured out how to use my blog again! The world is finally becoming clear to me! I love it here! This place is so dear and there is so much to feel good about. The Kid, the one living in the Riverbend River Valley! He's so optimistic! But he's not a hot chick! He's better!
I'm breathing, thinking bout so many little individual things all the time. There is some scary shit to think about! They're the things that make you think about finding somewhere to cling to! Somewhere to call home! Being homeless is about not having a place to settle your identity, not having a place where you can reflect, dream! I haven't been able to see myself in the mirror in years! I know I'm getting older but I'm not the only one out there who can't even see that. Most of us are in the same world! Except most of us don't write

Wait to see where I come from!

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it! It was so valuable to me, to talk to those kids as honestly as possible. I can imagine having a car or a van, an economical vehicle. I can imagine the time I was their age and more fucked up then they were. They seem normal to me now. Like they don't stink or nothing! Some of them were goofs! but that was probably because I was a goof to them. I guess some of them had probably hurt people. I remember being sixteen and seeing the violence. But fuck I remember being twelve and seeing the same thing. I don't connect with the violent.
Walking up Whyte ave one night I remember I was drunk. I was twenty one! Before the drug addiction but it was definitely well on its way. We were walking up Whyte ave and there were these girls, one of them was hot, she started talking to my roommate, there was a bunch of us. We were on a excursion back home to keep getting fucked up! There was like five or six of us and these girls started chatting us up. It was a typical engagement, on like 101 st and Whyte! I remember that all of a sudden this kid popped out of nowhere! "Bang" he slammed his fat face right into our conversation. He was drunk too! He was aggressive and the funny thing was my reaction was to move along, and someone else reacted differently, someone that I was with, their reaction to the mans aggression was to punch him. I saw it, but it didn't register!I was too drunk. It had happened behind me! I didn't care, it wasn't any of my business! So I though.
"What'd you do to my brother!" his sister! I guess! came flying up to me and my roommate screaming, "what'd you do?" she kept repeating loudly, "He won't get up!" I can almost remember looking over at my roommate then back at the girl, her drunken eyes full of tears and fear because of what had just happened to her brother.
I ran! We all just ran! We weren't far from our apartment! I wasn't scared at all! I just remember knowing that I had to get out of there!
When we got inside we kept getting fucked up.
Today I met a kid that lives in Riverbend..... in the valley.... in a tent! He's a documentary film maker! Awesome, he's huge! Real nice too! So I asked him what he's done!
"....Well I do things like let the Mormons indoctrinate me and document it!" I thought that was cool. He said a few other outlandish things he had decided to experiment with! The whole time I was talking to him there was a bunch of kids listening.
WHere's your camera? I asked him, can i see the footage? He laughed. this huge fucking nineteen year old native kid laughing. "I sold it!" he said, and then I laughed. He had mentioned that he was a user earlier so I asked him if the cash went to drugs. He kept laughing, the sweetest laugh! "I don't need that much money for the drugs I do!" Everyone one else in the room understood him except for me. "I drink cough syrup!" that deep voice straining a bit as he said it! "Plain Jain over the counter Robitussin!" he was lifting his feet up onto the table! folding his hands over his stomach. You're a big dude I said, looking him over. We both just stared at each other. Then I blurted out "so you fucking sold your camera, and all you're infiltration video on the hard drive for a bottle of Robitussin?" I was smiling. So was he. He was cool! Sharp! "No" he answered bringing his eye's to mine. "I needed to buy a bus pass to get to my tent in Riverbed!" His story amazed me and I promised him I was gonna get my gear together and we were going to make a movie!