These day's I make my own hope. I cling to my idea of freedom and happiness. I hope that the path I've chosen is the correct one because I have devoted myself to it. I focus my life on my own hope. The hope that I know in my heart is mine and mine alone. Others try to give me hope but that's just not the way for me to actually achieve whatever I'm hoping for. God gives me hope, but God is a part of me. Gods will for me is mine and that gives me hope that I'm on the right path. In 2005 after the drugs lead me to the psych ward I was given a little book of hope. The women that gave it to me was a person who had a few years on me. She was a sever case of borderline personality. She was often found wondering the streets looking to get high. Looking back I'm sure she was a prostitute. She was in the psych ward. I remember telling her my drug of choice (Dexedrine) a potent pharmaceutical stimulant. She knew the drug. She talked about how she used to use it with her boyfriend. She told me that he has a big prescription too. Well anyway one afternoon while I was doing my craft assignment she came up to me and handed me a book "A little book of hope". I talked a lot about about God and Jesus when I was high. She must have sensed that, because the book is about become a Christian. I read that tiny little book and the last thing it did was give me hope. I wasn't allowed out side, Hope was the last thing that I possessed. I was truly dead at that point in my life. The doctors threw me out of the hospital when their treatment was found to be futile for me. I just was not willing to trade one powerful prescription drug (that I loved) for another one. The new drugs they insisted I take where mood stabilizers. Tegratol, Lithium, that kind of stuff. The type of drug that makes you settle for hope you don't even really like. The type of drug that makes you sit down and eat. The type of drug, that to me, killed my hopes and dreams. They kicked me out and diagnosed me as anti social. Funny, I got thrown in the dungeon for being in a severe drug induced psychosis and within a week everything was different.
How do I get my hope, where can I find it. I find hope in every step I take in my direction. When I see my Sun is living, and growing happily I know my hope is taking me in the right direction. The other day I was putting my Sun to bed with me and he found this little book it was called "A little book of Hope.' We read it together as his bed time story.
Friday, October 23, 2009
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6 comments:
Nothing like seeing the random scattered pieces coming together.
Sometimes it takes us a while to be ready for hope.
Hope is always in my life... ~snicker snicker~
Oddly, I think my mother named me appropriately, though. Hope is a good thing to have. It lets our hearts open those doors that our minds have closed.
Hope Walls
i have a new photo site
www.itsyourphoto.com
Before I was a night driver I got seasonal depression. It's pretty common, lack of day. And summer had it's problems too, lack of darkness at night, I like being able to look up at the stars. Now, fall and winter mean money, so I look forward to it.
Free advice, worth what you pay for it: Keep your relationship with the almighty a personal thing. There are an endless number of people out there waiting to take advantage of someone in the name of what ever they call the almighty.
I was doing some yard work the other day and this slick new SUV pulled down the drive, up to the house. A guy in a brand new $1000 suit got out, carrying a little leather bag and a bible, his wife with him. He had his pitch all worked out. He allows people to get a word in edgewise but he doesn't hear it, it's just a pause in his presentation. His wife is there to look on in awe, she never said a word.
He wanted to talk about the economy and the almighty in the same context. Obviously his pitch is that he prayed for a Caddy and got one, follow him and he'll lead you to a caddy and the almighty too. Of course he expects a very RICH donation. Bad people. I told him to move it on down the road.
Don't get taken advantage of. Religion has been there for thousands of years to comfort you. Pitchmen expecting a donation have been there for thousands of years too, if all they did was take money I could almost tolerate them. Only many of them don't only take money, they want to place themselves between your comfort and your so you need to pay them.
hey dude.
you wont remember this but you picked me up from an irish pub on white ave one night and my supposed date had her ex boyrfriend there and you gave a sympathetic ear, aswell as your blog address.
oh im australian and by the name of liam if that helps, i believe you dropped me off at rosdale house.
just curious haha
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Sorry for offtopic
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