I do have a hero. Growing up in suburban St.Albert was a great time in my life. I had it all, a big house, my family, friends and all the amenities that are part of a normal North American upbringing. Unfortunately on my 12Th birthday I was smacked in the face with reality. My mother left my father. She took me and my older brother out of our home and moved us out to the low income neighbourhood in St. Albert. We lived in a massive apartment complex. Not what I was used too. It happened on my birthday so the separation had a tremendous impact on my view of life and how thing seem to work out. I remember listening to the bare naked ladies as a child growing up in the house my father built. I remember singing songs like "If I had a million dollars" and thinking what I would do with that million bucks.
After the separation my life changed and life wasn't filled with the same happiness it was before. I got jaded and I remember looking for answers. This was about a year after Kurt Cobain killed himself. His music was still very much a part of main stream society. Before moving to the massive housing complex I was never exposed to cable TV, but after the separation Much music became a part of my existence. I lived for it. It was the 90's. Cobain was dead but his influence seemed to have stayed. The man was my hero and he blew his head off before I even knew who he was.
Curt Cobain was an addict. He shot heroin and did drugs. Unfortunately being so heavily influenced by him I desensitized myself to those types of things. I moved in the direction of substance abuse. On my 22ND birthday I decided to actually move forward and try to do what I wanted. I totally started to indulge in indulgences I wanted to. Just like i decided to love Nirvana when I was twelve. I was devoted to living my life like a punk start who just doesn't care, because that's what I actually wanted.
I found myself on prescription drugs locked up in a psych ward in Calgary a year later. I had dropped out of university of Wisconsin Green Bay and traveled to Florida and then all the way up to Banff where my car broke down. I tried to get my prescription refilled but the doctor had told me I was psychotic and needed help. I was trapped in a hospital against my will and still I was a devout Cobainist. I remember when I got out of the hospital what I wanted. The doctors took my drugs away and really forced me to look for different way to satisfy my needs. My girlfriend was with me at the time of release. She got pregnant.
Since then I realized what a coward Kurt Cobain was. He had a child, and for whatever reason he committed himself to an escape lifestyle, which is OK but he had a daughter and he abounded her. Even though I idolized the king of grunge I just could not abandon my child. I wasn't ready for what was coming but almost t immediately changed who I was. My child was a way out of the broken home. The best thing I learned from Kurt Cobain was to follow my heart to the death if I have to. Now I know my heart lies with my child. He is my new hero. Now my favorite part about growing up addicted to Nirvana is that I can rip a solid punk riff on my guitar.