God Knows he is an asshole, and that Eve eats the apple!

"Go on take it!"

she heard a voice say from around the tree.

"Go on young lady. Help yourself"

Eve wasn't used to talking trees, and all the animals in the kingdom were always so forth coming  with her. This talking tree intrigued her.

"Go on Eve!"

"How do you know my name?"
She screamed!

Startled she watched as the lizard crawled on his belly toward her, over the roots of the tree. The fruit hung over the two of them. The garden was at peace. Adam was out enjoying himself. The reptile was the only animal Eve was aware of.

"Go on Eve! Eat it, trust me you'll have a blast and you know it!'

Eve did know it. She kinda trusted the snake since the day her and Adam drank  that fermented fruit stuff, well Adam passed out and the snake played a vital role in the way she scratched an ungodly itch.

"Go, on Eve, eat one, you'll feel younger for longer. You'll get to live under the same shade as God, Common, I promise, after you swallow your first bite, you'll blow it"

The snake was acting persuasive, he had those dark penetrating eyes. Eve was hypnotized, she couldn't help but think of the juice of the pomegranate all over her body, as the snake lizard, grew into a massive man and licked the spry off her delicate ivory skin.

"Go ON!"

the snake started to announce as the two were confronted with Adam.

 "Hey, you two ...what's going on? What seems to be important enough to be discussing under the super tree of like stuff and like, knowledge. Common Eve! you know what God says about fantasizing about licking the sprays of the  seeds of his immaculate photosynthetic pet, off a creature that dwells in the darkest caverns the universe has ever known"

Adam reaches out to her, naked, Eve seduces him, then the two end up laying together under the tree. God wasn't paying attention, he was out picking cans around the neighborhood. God recently made a bad investment. Leaving his people kinda unsupervised.

Almost satisfied Adam asks

"EVE go, go on and  get me a mouthful of water"

Eve, standing starts to complained

" I want a few more minutes of snuggling since I did everything Adam, you wanted. God made me that way. It makes me feel cheap when, you take off to play tug the tail with the monkeys right after we finished making love. God also tried to stop referring to it as love since you Adam are really the only one that's suppose to inherently understand the meaning of  love like God himself...only I do to.. I think."