Thursday, January 6, 2011

but trust me that makes me an idiot!

Listening to the deafening cough of fear I size  myself up for what's to come. At least I have a head on my shoulders kinda! To all those who can bear with it, Good for you, for those of you who are holding on great. I have found some success in my life that should grant me some sort of insurance that I will survive, I know I will, but I don't feel as secure about things since my life was tossed down a portapoty...(presumably!) I am totally moving forward but I seem to have hit a speed bump. and it isn't the typical metaphoric bump in the road, this was a disaster that has seriously damaged my inter workings. Mostly because of the way I treated myself. I really have found that I don't give myself the time of day. I hate studying so engineering or medicine have always been out of the question.
I recently was reminded of a series of images I used to dream about when I was a little boy. I lived in this massive house and there was this window I always wanted to smash right above the entrance. Crazy place, weird, the sadness I had as a child.
Give myself the time of day eh? I have never gone after it, I've always just settle for what made it's way into the front seat. I mean, I would never have been stupid, I've never been rejected really, I'm a pansy when it comes to this stuff.
In the long run all I want is some warm skin next to me...

No comments: