takes years

Not all cougars are sluts... Some are smart woman who know what they want. The smart ones have usually been through hell and back. The good ones can see through the bull shit. They laugh at it. The smart ones can enjoy but can omit it. That's a relief, not everyone wants to be told what they want.. But those people like to tell people what to do.

Not all dudes are sluts ... Most can't keep up.

There is so much that goes into building a relationship because first you have to find someone that you can love. Love is something that you can't give away after so many tries...

It's like if you've ever thought you loved someone and then broke up with them... then if you ever want to think you're feeling love again you'd have to feel twice the emotions that you did the first time... it's like a drug.

Or maybe not. That sounds like sex. Sex is like a drug.
It can grab you and hold you in  a place you don't want to be. It definitely a heroin, but only if it's good. What happens when sex suck, over and over again?

What if sex somehow becomes a chore... what do we do? As individuals...
I think that sex is a chore for women in their early twenties. They have absolutely no drive or understanding of their own desires...

That's not all true. Some young woman are ready for sex, but lots can't cum.

boys get wakced out... turn into pissed off old dudes..

Turning the pain to gold is key.. Where is the pain coming from. Been depressed for like a year I guess... maybe more. I didn't realize it till lots of the symptoms made themselves presentable. I was reacting to most of the problems inappropriately. It's cause I haven't understood the root of the problem.
I think it's women,... maybe just one woman. I dunno. I'm alone though and it's not that I'm sick of it, but it's something I'm going to learn to accept. Being alone. Reading myself is important. I read myself through the reactions of others and I'm good at that. Least I though I was.
What I'm good at is reading weakness. Not physical or psychological, but I'm good at seeing where others look to find their ques on how to behave.
It's funny because people want different thing through their lives, but they all seem to want similar things to their peers... Peers are where we find our ques. Leaders are just people who require less reinforcement. They don't need people showing them how to get what they want they just take.
 Doing that creates a dilemma..
Most leaders are leading people toward a life of self destruction to please their own agenda and stroke their own egos...
Now I know you're thinking that this is a problem made in this male dominated society... but it's not. I think the true psychopaths are mostly... lonely anxious desperate woman. Not girls. Woman.
A young man that's given an opportunity to develop a relationship with an older woman will find himself having a tremendous amount of sex.
It's not because he wants it. It's because older women demand it. They usually can demand it. I think that woman are the worst Johns on the planet and they corrupt young men.  They do it because they think they have a right to have all their desires full filled for bearing the children. For being nurturing... But they corrupt the boys. 
Men who have the odacidty to belive that an older woman can care for anything outside her own home are wrong...
All they want is cock. But the cougars eventually get gross...because they're all sluts.

collapse state

Looming over me is the transition... the change I want to make. I'm going to make myself a municipal entity. Which is a joke to most people. Edmonton is my home, and it's a place I will always be a part of.
What does being a part of something mean. I think that I can be an influence over the future of my city. This city has a lot going for it. The world looks at us here in Edmonton a lot like the people of this city look at me, they think we're small potatoes. If anything that's been my way in. When people don't give you the recognition you can usually engage individuals in your surroundings more aggressively.
Being a lone wolf or even just a lone anybody you end up being less susceptible to transition. Being set in your ways. Edmonton was set in its way for a long time. It was this piece of ice... but now Edmonton is on twitter.. it's becoming a place where you can communicate your ideas, now hopefully if becomes a place where good leaders will listen and respect the ideas of the people who care about people.

Love Reserved

Putting your arm around someone you love is everything in the world. That's not a given for the whole population. It has nothing to do with where you re from either... It's about how lucky you were when you were born. Love is something that works funny  cause if you don't get it as you're growing up, you won't know what it is when you're older. There's exceptions.
So many people don't know what love is. I bet that's a real first world problem. I bet some fucker has already tweeted that... told the world "now no love is a first world problem," along side being addicted to pornography.
Loving someone tastes good later in life.. You're kids seem like a lot of work till they're wiping your ass. Most kids will never wipe they're parents asses. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I hope my mom keeps her shit together. She'll be fine too, cause she eats right.
She teaches me to eat right. So I eat MC Donald's a lot... I'm giving it up, just in case my mom lives long enough that she's gotta help ...

I am whatever I think I am

I've been working out so much I don't know what to say about it. It's not something I thought I'd be doing so much of. The weird thing about being so active is that I've got this mega apatite.

I can feel my stomach rage now when I'm hungry. It bothers me because I haven't been able to keep up with the intensity of the hunger. I was told that if you're working out looking to grow muscle and you find yourself hungry... You're failing. I fail a lot.

I met with some corporate head today. You know what I found out?? Well I found out that they are mommies!! I like moms... In that way yes and in the other.

The marketing director of this massive firm told me some good news. She schooled me on the context when it comes to photographing our leaders. She could see through my suit. It was harsh, she was smart but she was also a critique. Critiques know how to look over thing to see if they are authentic... the only thing about critiques is that they can't sniff out something they've never smelled before.

I'm not what they think I am...

dadtalk

Looking ahead is not always easy.. it's about talking to yourself. Seeing yourself through the process. I seem to find myself talking a lot about stuff I want to do... But there ain't much doing.

That's new... No it's not it's my dad. He's worthless and he's inside of me. I have to make sure I can shake that fucker out. I wonder what my brother's up to. We have not talked in years... I guess all I can say about him is that I got a feeling he's doing what he wants to.

Looking forward is easy when there is a little boy in the picture. This is not a taxi blog anymore it's dadtalk 101.. Or something, because I can teach people to be a good dad... I bet I'm only mildly good at it.

I've got to do the same stuff I've been doing... except for a different reasons... kind of.  I like to meet people that are new all the time. I know, I bet you think that I keep meeting the same old person, and I do, but sometimes there is that unique thing that pops into my life. I want that. I may have to come to the realization that that popping up part is addictive and may not allow satbility in the long run.

It's not that I think that stability is healthy... it's that I just think that stagnant people live stable lives and die unhappy wishing they had had more sex...

there is so much to look forward to in the new year... I'm going to make a shit ton of movies!!

here we go again

A safe ride through a world filled with sex drugs and rock and roll.
That's for sure, things have changed so much since I started this blog. I've wondered about what this thing is, what this Blog represents to me... and it is what it is... My fares... My experiences.. This is where I have to start over again and never stop.

Beginning to look back at my life over and over again... I've been traveling around the same old streets for the last little while. That's something I've realized.. But I've also settled into a regimented world of a parent.

Sex drugs and rock and roll just don't mix well over time... We corrode in this place. I've seen things come and go now then come back again. I have been the safe ride the sex the drugs and the rock and roll... But now there is peace.

What to do to make that balance.. to write the write pages of stuff for the right reasons.
Filling with the right stuff at the right time... It's not possible to be that perfect. But you have to be pretty far along to be a 'good' parent.

Learning to debate with yourself... learning to shut that fuck trap that is our hole... or whatever you wanna call it. It's there, all of us have it. Some of us can control it... most of us don't have a clue..

I'm not saying I know what the fuck we're in but I know when I'm going in the right direction.. It has been a safe ride. It has been a good ride. And the best things in life actually naturaly bring peace.

Brand me loving.

The labels in society are what let us know we're on the right track. It's funny to think of ourselves as alone with the world... when we're alone with a coke. Or a cigarette... or a nice bra. I've been longing to fall in love... except it leaves me feeling impotent. It's cause the desire to love outweighs everything else. It's ok to think that sex is the way we perpetuate the human experience, but sex is really prolonging the the amount of time we have to label non biodegradable products to be left as the only way aliens will be able to identify with our culture... we re animals no.. just rank with pity for our selves. We're so aware of our own corruption that we just lie to ourselves and watch tv.... How many woman can love one man.... they all love the same guy... the one that got away. I think that men also love the woman that got away... especially if they married a fat bitch... it s not that fat woman aren't beautiful... it's that they just don't move very gracefully... but I guess that's what the shake may be for... god what's life coming to when the only thing there is to write about it the ass of a phat chick... wait till it's labeled COCACOLA!

fail

stay down you hairy smelly, scrotume face you
ah- fuck'en dirty cookoo, FUCK YOU TOO!!
You little birdie! TWO little birdie!
I'm a Little Birdie! I'm what you should be!
Big hearts apply, to my brother, his wife
I pinch it stab it and cut it with your knife 
I have won, A woman's legacy ey!
legacy's fantasy's, little boys cry
My burden is your love, however course
have learned to stand alone content in force
travel and learn your mirror is broken
my grass is greener, that s left unspoken
this was all wrong 

Dick load....

So I got the new suit fitted.... looks great. It's tight, where it counts. Most of the people you have to impress in your life are women. It's not because they have power. It's because the only reason men have power is because woman give it to them.
Looking good isn't really how you impress women. Women are impressed by men that can understand them. Understanding women from a man's perspective can be difficult because men are often limited in their scope of experience pertaining to their more nurturing feminine side.
Men only have the control over the wheel when women give it to them..... You get it by being able to reflect what they want to see... there has to be the basic physical attraction. It's possible to make sure you can connect with a person by establishing yourself as a person that can maintain the standard level of hygiene, build... you know that crap... Women don't like to stray outside their pack... it's tactful and to the benefit of any dude who's able to see a bigger picture...

break up

"No they haven't done the research!" that was all she could think about. There was this hatred. Molly was on the Moon for over three years when things began to shift. Her father was ill. Things were going so good for them when suddenly the cancer came back.
The line of communication was the first thing to get effected.

the evil starts at home

The two of them met by chance. Molly never let anyone on Earth know she was watching them. Ever since the fall of her fathers dynasty his brother Deimos took control over the the prized land. The thing about Deimos ruled with an iron fist. Under his command the Kings men were forced to burn what was left of the natural forest....
The deforestation was to force the world to run out of oxygen... Deimos had allocated space exploration funds. His goal was to control what was left of the earth population by being the soul manufacturer of air. Under his rein they developed a machine that could produce enough air through a mechanical photosynthesis. The technology was already well developed but Deimos forced the Kingdom to build the infrastructure to produce enough breathing air for all the paying customers they got find..

Lunatic on the Moon

They were able to talk because of the sun.
Molly never wanted to have any direct contact with humanity. Humanity's devolution was incredible. Space travel was the first thing to go. The Lunatarian Monarchy was a peaceful dictatorship. The family ruled by King Phobos who held power through the thought of the fear of war. Molly's father used the terror brought from the destruction of the Earth's environment down from the heavens.
After the population explosion of the twenty first century all the resources required to sustain all of humanity were controlled by one nation. The largest island left from what was once North America. Molly's mother's home town was named Edmonton. She was heir to a spectacular fortune. The world's most hospitable land belonged to her. Her marriage to, at the time, a man who was seen as a lunatic changed all of what was left of human civilization. 

Historic Moon rising.

Her heart wasn't just corrupted by the distance between the people she ruled over and herself. What really set her on a path separate form man kind was her desire to control. From here station on the Moon, Molly could see everything, in a way, before it happened.
She was able to witness the beginning of the 4th World War. It was bassed on series of events that may have been prevented had the Mother of an Arabian King spent more time with him. The boy, whose father was murdered by civil assassins, was crowed a few moments too early. His mother was always preparing her speech to him, the one where she tells him the way it really is in life. She was never able to tell him.... everything happened so fast.
The day he attacked the American embassy inside his own country was the day Molly saw that what was going to happen with the world was going to happen sooner or later. The fires began two months after that. Hundreds of thousands of troops where dispatched, American soldiers sent to burn down trees located in an endangered forest. They used chemicals to generate the heat to burn the people too.

MollyMoon Chap1

Her anger caused us so much pain. She could have accepted us for what we were. A lifeless group of people who were never going to change. She broke our hearts when she decided to fall herself instead of standing up for us....
"i missed it to much. The isolation I had from the rest of the people on earth was addictive. Being given the chance to witness our behavior from that distance, form such a vastly new perspective changed me. I never wanted to go back."
It was ten years into the experiment......
Earth had begun to collapse things were beginning to turn for the worst. She was on the moon, her name was Molly. Ten years earlier she was someone else.
"Optimism and foresight" that's what it said about her in the paper. "The princess with brains" that's what they wrote. Not that many of us understood what was happening. But the King reassured us she'd be fine. The moment the future Queen of our planet was sent to space the hearts of most of the caring people of the world broke. We were stranded without out future leader.
The girl who sacrificed herself to watch us...... fall apart and willingly went blind.

how do i make it work again

there s so much I can 't seem to explain anymore....

Setting

The main character, a young and handsome dumbass photographer walks into a bar. He makes his way into a dingy old nightclub....
He moves toward a man sitting in a VIP both... a coveted spot during the clubs hours of operation but looking grimy in the properly lit situation. the man sitting in the booth is well dressed in business attire. People are making noises the back of the establishment getting ready for the long grueling night ahead.
"Sit down" say s the man to the photographer. The young man looks around nervously before finally sitting himself awkwardly adjacent to the man in the suit.
A laptop and a jug of iced water separates the two. there is a long pause as the two look at eachother.

"So you've been with us for a long time now." Again eye contact is made and there's another long pause.
"Yeah, like four years"

forever pissing

I dont know why I told you what to say.!
things were fucked up in the past! I was alone.
Our world's story is told to us today! 
 promised I was thinking about kissing
I knew she was'n trying anything new
Stealing stones with songs for government kings 
You're ready for her to be true to you.
the breath of the angels promises death
His meals.. he had cake and he ate it too!
it ll cum together with lies tha confess
You didn't have're think'n you're a man?
Did , I did heaven forbid I changed it
I grew up angry, happy and in a fit.

la nal

Mr. Burbon why do you lie to me?
I was told you where an honest member.
the door was unlocked and you had the key.
there must be someone who can remember.
You re relentless obsession with words
remember my room and my models....
the talent craves a different nest for birds
my address had found something to fondle
I didn't care about the way she felt
I stood up, she held me and I died
I had to unlock the chastity belt
the stealing was her Idea she tried                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Don t deny a good  lover's hard to find
the unlucky, dishonest fuckers mind 

different kind of lust

Being with you like that rulz my world!
I have fantasies of our wedding day....
my core strengthened tightened then uncurled
dreams grew to gems, vacations, holiday.
you're money ruined it, you're money not time
tic tic tic, fucking you're a bitch suck my....
gimme a kiss, a Corona and lime
 looking up to a juvenile sky
Release... imagine "my fantasy! A lie?
"we re gonna need a truck  to drive her home!"
"Son!"... "we re already home" we live to die.
dad! I didnt know, we leave mom alone?
    Mother says she means more to the world
   without you, without me she s old curdled!

lowering you

her bravery made me feel my fire burn
the heat rising with out making a sound
she was my teacher I stood tight to learn
she was a jealous rage, anger profound
 in the heat i delivered a message
a symbol of sorrow that life s hollow
therapy is an options held savage
"Bring the old coute down early tomorrow"
she stood in front of me lit with passion
vested and invested in the future
loured'er into my house the mansion
was wicked the tactic took to sooth her

she followed me home that night in the cold
we're forgiving ourselves for being sold.

sand

There'll be more of us coming soon right?
Answers aren't some thing we're given.
We hope and apologize, pray and fight.
Wounds that scar that take the pain to heaven
I work out of my office, my heart broke
 stayed out of the rain I can t complain
those others suffocated and choked
some drown others were left stranded as stains
We saw so many people stop corked
family felt better then certainty 
I ruled the world when I was yours
you where my direction and sanity.
    there is more to us together I'm sure
we'll travel the world and dream and tour

That's a lot to ask someone to do for you. That's all I could think about. I could not imagine being able to help someone so much. It's been years since I've laid on eyes on her, but she's coming back into my life.
We were able to travel together. It was always such a pleasure to move toward one another when really we were really moving apart. It was this love hate relationship. Without her I wasn't able to validate myself. She was always there to encourage me when I failed. I fail all the time.

She was on my mind the night before she called. I still loved her. Here mother had died. She needed  a place to stay in town. She needed to be with someone she trusted.

WHy am i depressed

How do I want to do this. I want to be recognized for what I've done. It's hard being from Edmonton because this is a municipality that would rather get up all hung over and work the rigs then stay up all night and paint the world red. We live in a rust bucket. It's the way it is. If there is any talent here it's eaten up and commercialized then assaulted so bad that it stops working. Good art is always under the radar. It must be. There are people out there that advocate for the shittiest things. Those things often appear to matter but honestly they don't. For example one of #yegs most sponsored youth shelters has over 80 employees. They only take care of 27 kids. They have a 5 million dollar budget. wtf . Plus any kid that uses their programs stays on the streets!! So why does everyone fall for their marketing techniques!! Cause no one really gives a flying fuck!

In the eye

They say it's my fault, that I'm to blame. Well who the fuck are they. They're the middle aged school teachers who're dealing with the issue. What issue, the issue of their daughter. Yeah, just like those boys without fathers, those girls can't even breath the word daddy without digging up some baggage.
End result .... well that's easy. It's a prono, it's T and A baby!
So what? I scratch my balls, you wash my hand I wash your hands, you scratch your ass! Whatever...

So it's my dad's birthday. He's old enough to be my dad and I'm well into adult hood.
He was no Paparazzi. But he taught me about being a photographer. "Be critical" he d say.... He was my mom's one and only. I'm sure what they made together before me was pornography. But they were well into their thirties when I was born. I must have been the wake up call for my mother. ..... Just this big loud voice in her head saying "You can't have another kid with this jerk off!!" He ended up being a jerk off. Most of them do. Fathers. Fathers and mothers are not alike. Daughters and sons breeeeeed!!
The future is looking bleak!! It's cause our kids where bleached by parents who listened to Nirvana! the new pop is to pretend that it doesn't matter. The new pop culture is profoundly unjust. Not Nirvana. It's not my fault, it's just another alarm, another look another sun set.

The truth is I am to blame in part, I have my own generation. My own zen space to waste. I was a child and my dad bought me a camera. It was expensive! I took it to Europe. I took it to the Middle East! I took it to Bangkok. Then everything changed and well that camera my dad bought me when obsolete!! It was a birthday gift for my eleventh birthday. They stopped selling the film even... by the time I was 22! Who's fault is that! Technology is an extension of my penis! I can fuck with everyone now!
And I will. Looking back i can see that no one's looking forward. I'm then the reason they're never going to stop complaining!the minute you open your eyes and listen, you see. There's so many people here judging without any reason, well no good reason. But the sunsets tell us something.

the ailien heads!

the coldness of the night has arrived. Judas is a kiss. So I blow kisses just despite. It's cold. And the world has turned its back on us and decided that we're an insect. At first it thought that maybe we could last and then he gave up and decided to chill the fuck out. We're not all we're all cracked up to be. That's the jist of it. We're not all we're cracking ourselves up to be. Our biggest enemies are stunted nations, Humans are machines. We re hard drives..... societies. There in nothing better then looking into our city scape and seeing the buildings representing something bigger. this is an advancement for our civilizations. Technology is developing to create lines of communications with outside worlds .....

guarding the gates

there is this lump in my throat, there is the thing that I keep remembering.  It's these thoughts that keep me holding my guard up but everything keeps getting away. I don't want a relationship with anyone that doesn't matter. But I make people matter in my life, so it sucks when you give into some and give them the trust, and they break that. That trust, that direction you tell people you're going. So many are looking for a direction, they think that direction in life has something to do with the relationships you're in but that is not the case. The only way you know where you're going in life is when you know that you can trust yourself. I know that those fat cat individuals love to run your instinct into the ground, and they're right to do so, especially if they are more successful in life than you are. The successful people got there by getting people to need them. But they only offer guidance that can help them. They don't look past themselves. That makes sense, they stay stronger then most, they're able to create legacy's and often create an appearance of someone or something that actually cared, but that's seldom the case. 

So ill Rob you.

What do I do when I want to speak to someone who's dead. It's easy I just listen to the voice in her head. The people I love and admire are still alive and I love them. I'm lucky to say things that matter to me like that. ....
They think that because you were out all night and drinking that you didn't do any work... But you did right?
Yeah.
What did you do?
I turned a couple of tricks and robbed Joseph.
Why did you Rob Joseph?
Fuck off, don't ask me that shit.
What shit? Why did you fucking rob Joseph.
He was making me hunger..... He kept coming around with this microwave oven and I just wasn't into it.
What do you mean? You didn't like the fact that the fucker was running around packing heat? All bundled up eating his hungry man! Fuck
He had enough, he was working the rigs.... Did you know that his seventeen year old daughter was pregnant.
What?
Yeah, and she had an abortion! Did you know that???
What! Joseph had a daughter?
Yeah, and she's seventeen.
Shut up! why the fuck did you rob him then?
 I offered him my last bowl of clam chowder.  I was like "Joseph! Hey!! Have the rest of my chowder!" And he told me to fuck off and splashed the clam soup right into my face.

So what.

photojounalissssp asshole

The Plan was to see what was happening. We we're on top of the valley and we wanted to see what it looked like to see everyone down below.

We were privileged enough to have been flown to the top of the world. We were at the right place at the right time when we just happened to make it on the flight!

My mother asked me to take some photographs of everything I saw. My father was a murdered photo journalist that was killed in the Kongo. He died a horrifying death. He wasn't the only one, there were others like him, but that's beside the point. The photographs meant a lot to the community.
Most of the people I grew up around were basic, they had never seen anything outside the boundaries they were trained to maintained. I was always able to set myself apart from that.

The Idea was to get as close to the edge as I could, I thought it would be easy. I thought there would be some sort of protection.
When we landed I quickly took off, left the team behind. It was so easy for me to leave them. It's like they wanted me to get lost.
I did, and sure enough, while taking pictures from the top of the world I fell in. I fell back to where I belonged. I remember tumbling into the world and thinking,

I wonder what my photo journalist father would have done?

she's an ass scratch!

Leave him out of this! He's the reason anyone's ever stuck around you. He's the only thing you got and instead of allowing him to flourish you've been letting his life fall apart. It's what you've been doing. Why's that. What's your problem. 
I know what it is. You want him to fit your mold. The world you've built for yourself.  It's difficult. Doing something like that to someone. Once you realize that you've done it it's already too late.
I've been carefully watching what you've been doing. And you're not the only on involved, but it's not good for him.... why wouldn't you want to be there. What's wrong with you.

fat fish

You ever thought'bout being nice to me
I fell asleep dreaming you'd stay not flee
I was skeptical you could love like us'
you're just a siren, just a mount of dust
clever are those who sing to dance and last
your face is my mirror, my escape cast
voyages through a sea of skepticism
your heart's so full of winter sarcasm
you've drown the children in fear of unknown
your forgotten secrets held on the throne

 Be nice to me I'm with your enemy
I don't love him or his sovereignty
I would destroy him to have you with me
I fell asleep dreaming you'd stay not flee
My siren lost at sea, watching it bleed
her ruins are gathered where the birds feed 
 undressed like her mother fat and ugly
apparently a remnant of humanity

proxxy pitch

What the fuck did you say to me asshole?
you think I'm crazy, rough tiered and old...
 that doesn't mater I'm retiring!
I developed this thing, a thing, a thing..
Getting old'n tired gives me wings to fly higher
relentless was this space her face on fire.
She told me about her past, it was white.
Understanding yourself hurts, so don't fight.
Relax unwind'n unravel for her
Then think about yourself ..... but together
fall asleep remembering you can't sleep
 Try harder, with muscles you  flex, set, tweek,
kink in my face is my throat asshole ... THat 

mother fuckers...... boobs are wholesome! non pasteurized

That feeling as you tuck yourself in and you're alone and cold. Thinking about what you did. Most of it was awesome, the important parts fell to pieces. Thinking about the broken things is like crying over spilled milk. Building more and more relationships helps you move along. There are those of us who grow stagnant when it comes to the relationships that we are generally drawn too. People like that are the most important kinds of humans. They are the kinds of people that eventually become the Obama's, the Churchill's, the Castro s, the Stallions and the Hitlers. We admire the wrong kinds of things in the world.... all  of us do. Except some of us understand that and some of us just perpetuate the ignorance and live our life thinking we're perfect.
Humans are flawed as fuck.... Fucking flawed humans are ignorant and fat, God knows we're a rodent ... a pest, fuck he made us in his image. Except the neat thing about God is that he builds relationships over the spilled milk with all the