Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Fake Id's at the Druid 80$ a Pop

Saint Patrick's was my most lucrative night last year. I grossed something like 650$. This year was much different, it was a Monday, people work tomorrow. I made a decent wage. I have a couple stories. There was the old dude, real nice. I picked him up at the bus station, and the first thing he told me was that on the bus he had to take a shit. He could feel his crap creeping up on him. When he reached the city station he shot out of the bus as fast as he could. He made it to the bathroom, then he had to get undressed. Well then he took his shit. He said that when he finished he felt satisfied, but as he was pulling up his pants he found, on his special pads a few lumps. Good thing he was wearing the special pad because all he had to do was throw the pad away and bada bing he could put his pant on without feeling insecure. I thought that was a great one. Then there was this big lady coming from downtown to the west end. She was hefty, she was wearing a dress, lots of cleavage and it was a short dress. When she got in the front seat she sat like a man, big legs spread, she smelt so bad. Her insides, it was rough. Then there was the Jehovah's Witness, she was insane, she told me that she was kicked out of her religion. She had had premarital sex with another man of her faith. She confessed for her sin but he did not, she got the boot he stayed. She smelt like she had not showered in a month, but she was nice and she was a believer in the big guy upstairs so she was kind of intriguing, even though she smelled funny and she was a little crazy. Crazy people are either Jesus or the devil. I also picked a 18 year old up in Riverbend he was hitchhiking, I picked him up and drove him to the outlaying suburb of Sherwood Park, a forty dollar trip for free, so Johnny don't forget the Karma Factor. That was it for strange things that happened to your......oh no there was also this women from Doc's a shit hole on Stony Plain Rd. She was only going three blocks. I don't even turn on the meter for trips like that. She gave me five bucks and I gave her my number, she gave me hers and said "If you're ever looking for some crack just call or some crack (snatch) just call" then she told me she wants a kid because her youngest is now 8. I told her to think about that and maybe just remember how much attention a baby needs. We all know that a women that sells her snatch for crack should lay off the baby making. At least that's what I think. How about you? Better yet how's about Saint Pattie? Bada Bing.


kelseXy said...

St Patricks day sucked, I worked until 10:30, and then we only had one Belini before going to sleep. Lame. I hope she likes it!
I am date-less on Saturday while he takes care of his girl and his parents are visiting and I miss my personal cab driver so I will definitely be calling you for a ride! And possibly for some of my ladies. My pants were a smash hit.

kelseXy said...

Haha vicious eh?
Definitely be hearing from me on Saturday. For sure.

kelseXy said...

Yeah I hope you're prepared, I've been sucked into a seriously long weekend

sKILLz said...

Oh man thats fucking sick. I cant deal with people like that. I cant really deal with people in general. I give you mad credit for doing what you do.