Friday, July 15, 2011
I don't want to be the male angler fish but I have been for a while
All of us dive right in, all the good ones do. Once you're in love with life you live that one way, the right way for ever and always. You can't pull yourself out, we are all just kids swimming, all of us followed someone else in, all the good ones have been lured in and are luring in. There isn't that much good bait out there. It's like Love is Primordial ooze, once it evolves into intelligent logical life it tries to pull people back to being an Amiba. We're all left out alone in the ooze at one point or another and we have to learn to swim by ourselves. Alone. The key is to be honest with yourself, and with the people you love. The fact is when I met you I was that little one in the water too. I told you that I had someone dunking me, drowning me in that ooze, and from the beginning I begged you to understand that I was just learning to tread in that poopy, fishy water. I tried to keep you above the waves on my own lots. You have given me an understanding of patients baby. There were moment where we swam well together. But there was someone there right along side us, and I've been letting her keep me under, I wanted her to come back and pull me out so bad. I was just like you. I let her make me believe that she was really there for me. To keep me a float. But this year I had you keep me up lots, I tried to find ways to work with you to make me stronger too. I've also prevented you from surfacing and I've kept you under. Looking at it, she was down there waiting for me, and I kept myself watching looking you see. Try being unforgiving it's a good way to keep me close enough to wrap my hands around your ankles and pull down. I feel sick tonight, it was scary but I might have begun a behavior that stops me from acting inappropriately. I don't want you to lose yourself in this baby. Most of us are lost souls clinging to each other and most of us are blind in the water and it's a war to stay alive in the real world, don't let me drown you baby. You are a warrior, the answers are most often found when your learning to swim by yourself. I am not better at it then you, I'm still haven't brought my head even close to air. I've been letting myself get pulled under, and I should have known better, that's why I'm telling this to you. Kick away from me baby, I'm a sick thing leaching, bottom feeding along side my predators.