There was no need for me to apologize and I knew that. They were all out to get me right from the start. I was ready. They thought I 'd lose. No Joke. But who cares what I thought. They were caught stuck and waiting for a solution.
"Johny, I always knew that you had nothing to do with that fire." Jeff would say. I saw him saying it. He was always the first to apologize. He always was the last to jump fence.
"Don't worry bout it Jeff! It's all the brains we get, they got nothing on our heart." he could see by the scars left behind by the fire that I wasn't kidding. "You 're looking good man!" His voice represented everyone's voice, including hers. She was in the room, kinda. Listening, looking back, so angry.
"I was only sixteen!" I could hear her speak.
"You could of been sixty for all I give a shit!" I could see her now. She was hurt. They all knew what we did. "No need to apologize" my voice broke as I stepped toward the front of the door that lead to the office, the doors that broke down our wall half a world away. "We're almost there" I told them. There were all there listening. I said to her, "I love you baby!" she was so broken. She ran upstairs. I wanted to follow but she was on the other side of herself.
"The Doctors said you should keep still Johny." Jeff was right, but I didn't care.
"I wanna go upstairs!" It was funny, I wasn't fit to walk and I was chasing a bitch that burnt me, to the upstairs of my place to tell her.... That I love her. "So she was only sixteen, but that was six years ago." Everyone heard me. Not one of them understood me. It was joke. Life wasn't really.
I remember running upstairs, but it was very slowly, not because I wasn't able to move but because I was all fucked up on some pharmaceutical shit. It was great, I remember running past the mirror and seeing my face, I was so high, I was burnt so bad. I didn't... I wasn't here to apologize I wanted her to look at me, to acknowledge me. When I got upstairs I found her, she was drunk.
"Where did you get the alcohol?" I sounded bleak I was angry and out of breath, "Where?" I demanded, I could feel the pain in my legs returning.
She was at the top of the staircase, her hair was flowing like it did. She was wet, she'd had just showered before I showed up. "Baby" I said it with my eyes. She calmed down with me. "I love you!" she was afraid.
"I didn't think you were coming back!" the sound of her voice created function for me.
"I missed you" I gurgled. I was hurting.
I thought you were dead" her voice was chilled.
"You're high!" I noticed too, I wasn't sure on what. "On something new" I was right, she smiled. She had decided to hurt me worse and go on into the abyss that swallowed me whole and spit out a figure, a wasted sap, a weakling. "What do you want from me?" My questions aggravated her, she was sick. "What do you want?" I wanted to know why.
"shut up!" she screamed, everyone from down stairs was listening, it was great, it was thrilling, but I felt off, I was hurt I wanted to be at home, I wanted to relax and sober up. "We want you to stand up for us, so this doesn't happen again." I thought that was funny.
"You've been snorting Oxies!" It made me laugh, to think about her falling asleep. I looked at her arm, and laughed. Everyone from downstairs was listening. She looked so right there, here hair, her sitting there on the step sloping into herself. Holding a forty."You shouldn't fuck with that shit" then I looked at her and whispered.