Sunday, February 17, 2008

Vagina

Nice title, I hope those girls read this post cause I named it after their suggestion. (I'll do anything for a reader) Tonight was so crazy. It started up with this old lady, she gets in and says "it's my birthday." Me being the kind gentleman I am said "oh, you don't look a day over twenty five" she believed me, man I must be a good actor. It was really her forty third birthday. So she wanted to go to the Mayfield Inn on the other side of town, great fare, I'm good I got her there for twenty five bucks. On the way we got to talking. She told me that she has a good man that doesn't abuse her and a sixteen year old son that she smokes weed with. It was a good chat. I'm really pretty good at getting my clients to open up to me. So she gets there for cheap and of course she needs my number cause there is no other cad drivers as good as me in the city, I give up the digits. Well about half and hour later this womens calls me back panting and says "please come pick me up" I tell her "I'm close about five minutes away, are you o.k?" She says "I'm fine I was just running." I make my way over to the hotel, there is a bar inside and I thought that's where she was having her birthday shindig. I was wrong. So I get to the women and she is still panting, I'm wondering what's going on. She gets in and tells me "move take me back home." I said "that's strange I thought you're having a party. Why are you leaving so soon?" This is what she told me "Well I needed some extra cash and I use lava life an online dating service. My ad says I'm looking for generous guys. Wink wink." I started to get the drift but she kept talking "well I met this guy online and he said he was looking for a good time, he had lots of cash and his wife was left behind in New Brunswick. I met him and what a creeper. He was bald and ugly, he told me that he was attractive. So we made our way up to the bedroom and we started the date, he had such a tiny dink, well before I went down on him I asked him if he could get me a pop, while he was out I took two hundred bucks and ran." That's when I got the call. So I asked her if she ripped him off. She said "no I don't think he wanted to slip me the sausage, I just won't be there when he comes back thats all." I was starting to realize I had a bad lady on my hands. I asked what she needed the money for. She told me " me and my man (who according to her has a huge cock) are going to smoke meth and fuck like rabbits." Then I asked her "why doesn't your man, if he's so good, find a way to hook up the drugs, at least on your birthday?" All she could talk about was that he was a good man. Yeah right. That was an interesting start to a screwy night. Next was the asshole crack head. I picked him up on 82nd ave east of 83rd street. He took so long I should have ditched him but I'm a decent cabbie, I pick up people who call. He gets in, his face is black and blue. He tells me to go to Jet night club on 34th ave. I start driving, the dude was so messed up he was having trouble doing up his laces. I asked him what happened to his face. He said " last night I was trying to get a room at the Trailway motel and the bitch who runs it said no cause the last time I was there I caused some trouble, I told her that I got the money but she still said no. Well there was this kid hagging around there and he kept lipping me off so I put him in head lock and knocked him around a bit. Then the bitches son comes around and kicks me out, and as soon as I step out the kid and four of his friends bear mace me. I was stunned, and then they beat me with a shovel, that's where I got the shiner." Then the guy start digging around in his pockets and freaking out about how he lost his shit (crack) but then he found it and proceeded to fill his little pipe. He almost started smoking it before I asked him to stop. He said "it's pure you won't even smell it" I said "no." He told me to pull over, so I did, then he stepped out with one foot and took a huge crack blast. He felt better after that. He started telling me how big time he is and how if you don't go big you go home. Homes not that bad of a place I thought. So while he was all hopped up he started talking about all the things he steals and stole. "Once there was this Winnebago outside of the Value Village, a thirty footer, I stole it and made it one of the best cracker houses on the block, filled with drugs and whores" he said. This guy was starting to get a little psychotic, drugs do that, I dealt with him by not bitching about the fact that he skinged out on the fare by five bucks. At least he was out of my life. He did have five hundred buck worth of crack on him he told me and he was gonna finish it at the club. There was also this cougar, she was hot in her own way, man was she ever wasted, on the way to the after hours club she rolled down the window and just yelled at everyone, crazy for an older women, then at a red light she got the attention of the guy sitting in the truck next to us by rubbing her nipples through her shirt , the dude would not stop following us but they got to the Y after hours club safe and sound. Then there was the strippers, two strung out junkies. They wanted to go to Castle Downs Road and 100st and back (drug run) we waited at the 711 there for twenty minutes, them a guy in a Toyota FJ Cruiser came, took one of the chicks and left, he was paranoid. It took him forever, and while I was waiting with the one stripper I got a call saying my day driver was waiting for me. It was past 5am shit. When the girl called back I had to go and pick her up behind a church cause the slezzball coke pusher was scared to come back to the 711 on 100st so I went. On the way back I was moving fast, I just wanted to get the car back, I'm pretty sure the strippers did a bump while I was speeding them home because they gave me an outrageous tip. I got the car back, and the day driver was talking to another cabbie, he did not notice me return so I just got in my car and left. The night was long I just wanted to go home.

5 comments:

bRaT said...

they should create a tour based on what you do everyday... people with lots of money would pay serious money to have a life... :)

kelseXy said...

Man I thought my customers were weird but shit. Your job is intense. I think you should give me your number and take me to New City tonight. I promise big cash.

noelia ~ said...

oookkkkk.. that woman in the 1st part was seriously weird.. god knows she gets into some kind of trouble and you're turned into some accomplice or something, that would be bad haha

Anonymous said...

the individuals you encountered this evening have one thing in common.

they are not true to themselves.
they lie and deceive to receive what they want.

everyday i find at least example of how the truth can set you free...
or running scared and becoming numb.

nevermind, i'm gonna start ranting.

m.

Jess said...

HEY!!!
I was one of the vagina girls! haha i finally found your blog that you were talking about. You got some crazy shit on here dude.

Anyways, we'll call you sometime again and we'll all catch up.

Talk to ya soon
-Jess