Friday, February 1, 2008

Bob Layton would Like this One

Sweet Thursday what can I say? This week was one of the coldest weeks of my life something like six consecutive days of below -30 celsius, that does not include wind chill, wind chill is the killer. Tonight was better, it snowed which means warmer weather. I drove lots of decent normal human beings but I won't focus on them, there were plenty of the other kind. First I want you guys to know about the West Edmonton Motor Inn (sounds good already I know) o.k so I get there and the night clerk can see me from his little window at the entrance, he waves me in and directs me to where room two hundred something is. He must be the one who called these three men a taxi. All three of the gentlemen are Native Canadians, or New Nation people, all three just got into my cab after banging a whore. "Did she wear you out?" the oldest one in the front seat next to me asked the two young ones in the back. They all laughed. "Was it a good night?" I asked. The old guy up front looks at me and says "I spent eighteen thousand dollars over the past week and I have no regrets". I bet you when he wakes up tomorrow in his scuzzy motel he'll wounder why he needed so much crack in his system, and then he'll realize that it's the only way he can go on living without feeling all that regret for spending thousands of dollars on whores, gambling and of course that crack. They were all laughing because one of the younger guys got the hooker to fuck him a second time for free. They said things like "Joey was good, good enough for a freebie" and they would all cheer. Joey probably has AIDS yaaaaa. These men sounded like they do this kind of thing whenever they have their hands in someone else's purse or wallet. They liked me, I let them smoke. They paid me what they owed at the end of the trip, it was somewhat of an eye opener.
After I dropped the Johns off I got a call for a women, Lilly or something like that. When I found her address I waited, she eventually came, when she got in she had the address written on a little scrap piece of paper. How often do you get in a cab and have no idea where you're going at four in the morning? So she gives me the address, just off of Stony Plain Road. I can tell she is a veteran street/escort hooker, I don't bother to ask what she does. Even though that's something I usually ask, makes for an interesting ride, the stories they tell. So I didn't ask her she knew I knew. So we drive to the address and when we get there the fare comes to something like six bucks, she pays me in loonies, I don't really care because some dude is approaching the Taxi. I take the money and the women gets out to greet her new love. I watch the meeting, it's funny because it's so cold here in Edmonton that the prostitute starts running for the door to the apartment building but the John says "no not there" and proceeds to direct the women into a car covered in snow. It's so cold here that the cars can't start unless the block heater is plugged into and electrical outlet, this car is dead, but private. The two disappear to molest each other in a small frozen car at four in the morning. That's Funny. I drove another hooker right after that, she hadn't left her house at all this week due to the cold, so tonight she had to work to get her fix, I figured because I dropped her off at a drug dealers pad, I've never seen a Hooker run so fast.
Last but not least, I stopped at and A&W at 4:30 am to get myself two mama burgers for four bucks (Don't judge me , I was dizzy hungry) I could only eat half of one, we all know why. So I finish my burger and start driving up Stony Plain when I see this young girl look at me like she needed a taxi, I missed her but I pulled around back to see if I could help her, "do you need a taxi?" I ask. "no, I'm working, wanna do some business" she responds. This girl was to young and to beautiful to be working the street corner . It was 165 street and Stony Plain Road, not a street frequented by hookers, usually. I said "no I can't sorry" I don't know why I apologized, but I just kept driving, thinking about how that girl did not belong there. Then I remembered my burger, the extra one, I though she might want it, if she' s hungry so I pull back around. Of course there is a big snow removal vehicle , the city pays millions of dollars to remove the snow and the damn snow removal guy was picking up the hooker along his route. Imagine that all you Edmontonians, I saw the guy who drives the truck full of snow pick up a hooker. I couldn't see the plate number cause as soon as he got her in he took off and all the snow in the back of the truck kept blowing at me making him invisible. Man thats insane.


REFLEX said...

Best story yet...... snowman picked up a hooker.

Anonymous said...

It's too bad, you didn't get his licence plate, I could only imagine how much shit he get in when his boss found out. lol
Oh well maybe next time.
It's Brad, here's the link to my blog.
I got yours posted on my site, so whoever checks my page will see your link.
PS: I want my touque back lol

Anonymous said...

You have ONE SCARY job..please go back to school or get a nice safe job as a security guard or librarian, before you wind up w/ a toe tag!!