Sunday, December 2, 2007

In The Palm of Your Hands

What a cold night it was in the bitter sweet city of Edmonton. There is little to talk about what happened in the cab tonight so I am going to resort to writing about other people stories. These people shared their stories with me and I thank them, they know who they are.
First there was this nice little lady named Briana, she is a bartender. She works in a bar on Stony Plain road so you know its a dirty story. She told me that there is this weirdo who hangs around the bar, well the other night he was looking for some attention. He went outside and jerked off behind a van. That's pretty strange but he used his phone to video tape it and then ran around showing to all the waitresses. Gross. The worst part is (other then the whole thing) I bet you I've driven him. Aaaaaa.
Then there was Lanky and Danko, these two are a couple of buddy's I picked up on white ave. They were cool, so I started sharing some Taxi cab events with them. I told them about the whore who sucked some dudes dick in the back seat. Its a rough story. Then they told me their taxi sex secrets. Danko was in the back of a Yellow Taxi, when the girl he was with said she could not go over to his house. Well, Danko couldn't go home without a happy ending, so he asked her to jerk him off in the cab. The Chicky had no problems giving him a hand job in the back seat of some cab, but she was left with a hand full of cum. He told me that she held it in the palm of her hand the whole way home. Good Girl. O but Lankys story was dirtier, He got a blow job in the back of a Capital taxi, the girl got the kid off, but she didn't swallow, o no, Lankys cum is probably on the back of your pants, well, that is if you ever took any taxi. After the girl got out lanky stayed in the car, the cab driver who according to lanky was an out of towner applauded our young hero. Some Taxi drivers enjoy a live sex show. I don't think that their customers enjoy rubbing their asses on a seat covered in seamen though. So next time you take taxi ask the driver if the seats are clean, or better yet take a bus. I'm kidding These are other kids horror stories bare with me. They had others and most people do.
Tonight there was one weird guy in the back of my cab, he was with this bad ass little lady who just could not get over the fact that the man in the back seat was Jesus, yes ladies and gentle men I drove Jesus tonight, he was from Rio In Brazil, and yes he was amazing. The only problem with Jesus was that the girl that loved him so much she paid me to drive him home instead of letting him stay the night, that's why Jesus was a virgin until he died.
I also drove a women who said she did not believe in God, I asked why. She told me her friend was murdered. The murderer was the victims family member, my fare could not understand how God could let something like that happen, who knows if God is real, but if he or she or whatever it is real it just doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. Especially humanity, at least on earth. But maybe one day whatever it is will. All you can really do is wait and see.


ashley said...

you should have told the women that didn't believe in God that she was mistaken and you met Jesus earlier that night. i was there. true story. :)

Lana said...

I am the woman who doesn't believe in God. I'm 26 years old and I have already been to a friend's funeral. How fucked up is that?

Ashley said...

likewise...i went to a friend's funeral at the ripe old age of 15. i was kidding about him ACTUALLY being Jesus...obviously. but, accidents happen, people die, life goes on. there's good and there's bad...balance? anywho i'm not saying there is a God or there is not. it's been debated forever and ever and ever, and, in and attempt to avoid spreading my own stupidity, i'm not going to be the one to try to convince the world either way.
cheers :)

Anonymous said...


this man is a disgusting pervert