takes years

Not all cougars are sluts... Some are smart woman who know what they want. The smart ones have usually been through hell and back. The good ones can see through the bull shit. They laugh at it. The smart ones can enjoy but can omit it. That's a relief, not everyone wants to be told what they want.. But those people like to tell people what to do.

Not all dudes are sluts ... Most can't keep up.

There is so much that goes into building a relationship because first you have to find someone that you can love. Love is something that you can't give away after so many tries...

It's like if you've ever thought you loved someone and then broke up with them... then if you ever want to think you're feeling love again you'd have to feel twice the emotions that you did the first time... it's like a drug.

Or maybe not. That sounds like sex. Sex is like a drug.
It can grab you and hold you in  a place you don't want to be. It definitely a heroin, but only if it's good. What happens when sex suck, over and over again?

What if sex somehow becomes a chore... what do we do? As individuals...
I think that sex is a chore for women in their early twenties. They have absolutely no drive or understanding of their own desires...

That's not all true. Some young woman are ready for sex, but lots can't cum.

boys get wakced out... turn into pissed off old dudes..

Turning the pain to gold is key.. Where is the pain coming from. Been depressed for like a year I guess... maybe more. I didn't realize it till lots of the symptoms made themselves presentable. I was reacting to most of the problems inappropriately. It's cause I haven't understood the root of the problem.
I think it's women,... maybe just one woman. I dunno. I'm alone though and it's not that I'm sick of it, but it's something I'm going to learn to accept. Being alone. Reading myself is important. I read myself through the reactions of others and I'm good at that. Least I though I was.
What I'm good at is reading weakness. Not physical or psychological, but I'm good at seeing where others look to find their ques on how to behave.
It's funny because people want different thing through their lives, but they all seem to want similar things to their peers... Peers are where we find our ques. Leaders are just people who require less reinforcement. They don't need people showing them how to get what they want they just take.
 Doing that creates a dilemma..
Most leaders are leading people toward a life of self destruction to please their own agenda and stroke their own egos...
Now I know you're thinking that this is a problem made in this male dominated society... but it's not. I think the true psychopaths are mostly... lonely anxious desperate woman. Not girls. Woman.
A young man that's given an opportunity to develop a relationship with an older woman will find himself having a tremendous amount of sex.
It's not because he wants it. It's because older women demand it. They usually can demand it. I think that woman are the worst Johns on the planet and they corrupt young men.  They do it because they think they have a right to have all their desires full filled for bearing the children. For being nurturing... But they corrupt the boys. 
Men who have the odacidty to belive that an older woman can care for anything outside her own home are wrong...
All they want is cock. But the cougars eventually get gross...because they're all sluts.

collapse state

Looming over me is the transition... the change I want to make. I'm going to make myself a municipal entity. Which is a joke to most people. Edmonton is my home, and it's a place I will always be a part of.
What does being a part of something mean. I think that I can be an influence over the future of my city. This city has a lot going for it. The world looks at us here in Edmonton a lot like the people of this city look at me, they think we're small potatoes. If anything that's been my way in. When people don't give you the recognition you can usually engage individuals in your surroundings more aggressively.
Being a lone wolf or even just a lone anybody you end up being less susceptible to transition. Being set in your ways. Edmonton was set in its way for a long time. It was this piece of ice... but now Edmonton is on twitter.. it's becoming a place where you can communicate your ideas, now hopefully if becomes a place where good leaders will listen and respect the ideas of the people who care about people.

Love Reserved

Putting your arm around someone you love is everything in the world. That's not a given for the whole population. It has nothing to do with where you re from either... It's about how lucky you were when you were born. Love is something that works funny  cause if you don't get it as you're growing up, you won't know what it is when you're older. There's exceptions.
So many people don't know what love is. I bet that's a real first world problem. I bet some fucker has already tweeted that... told the world "now no love is a first world problem," along side being addicted to pornography.
Loving someone tastes good later in life.. You're kids seem like a lot of work till they're wiping your ass. Most kids will never wipe they're parents asses. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I hope my mom keeps her shit together. She'll be fine too, cause she eats right.
She teaches me to eat right. So I eat MC Donald's a lot... I'm giving it up, just in case my mom lives long enough that she's gotta help ...

I am whatever I think I am

I've been working out so much I don't know what to say about it. It's not something I thought I'd be doing so much of. The weird thing about being so active is that I've got this mega apatite.

I can feel my stomach rage now when I'm hungry. It bothers me because I haven't been able to keep up with the intensity of the hunger. I was told that if you're working out looking to grow muscle and you find yourself hungry... You're failing. I fail a lot.

I met with some corporate head today. You know what I found out?? Well I found out that they are mommies!! I like moms... In that way yes and in the other.

The marketing director of this massive firm told me some good news. She schooled me on the context when it comes to photographing our leaders. She could see through my suit. It was harsh, she was smart but she was also a critique. Critiques know how to look over thing to see if they are authentic... the only thing about critiques is that they can't sniff out something they've never smelled before.

I'm not what they think I am...

dadtalk

Looking ahead is not always easy.. it's about talking to yourself. Seeing yourself through the process. I seem to find myself talking a lot about stuff I want to do... But there ain't much doing.

That's new... No it's not it's my dad. He's worthless and he's inside of me. I have to make sure I can shake that fucker out. I wonder what my brother's up to. We have not talked in years... I guess all I can say about him is that I got a feeling he's doing what he wants to.

Looking forward is easy when there is a little boy in the picture. This is not a taxi blog anymore it's dadtalk 101.. Or something, because I can teach people to be a good dad... I bet I'm only mildly good at it.

I've got to do the same stuff I've been doing... except for a different reasons... kind of.  I like to meet people that are new all the time. I know, I bet you think that I keep meeting the same old person, and I do, but sometimes there is that unique thing that pops into my life. I want that. I may have to come to the realization that that popping up part is addictive and may not allow satbility in the long run.

It's not that I think that stability is healthy... it's that I just think that stagnant people live stable lives and die unhappy wishing they had had more sex...

there is so much to look forward to in the new year... I'm going to make a shit ton of movies!!

here we go again

A safe ride through a world filled with sex drugs and rock and roll.
That's for sure, things have changed so much since I started this blog. I've wondered about what this thing is, what this Blog represents to me... and it is what it is... My fares... My experiences.. This is where I have to start over again and never stop.

Beginning to look back at my life over and over again... I've been traveling around the same old streets for the last little while. That's something I've realized.. But I've also settled into a regimented world of a parent.

Sex drugs and rock and roll just don't mix well over time... We corrode in this place. I've seen things come and go now then come back again. I have been the safe ride the sex the drugs and the rock and roll... But now there is peace.

What to do to make that balance.. to write the write pages of stuff for the right reasons.
Filling with the right stuff at the right time... It's not possible to be that perfect. But you have to be pretty far along to be a 'good' parent.

Learning to debate with yourself... learning to shut that fuck trap that is our hole... or whatever you wanna call it. It's there, all of us have it. Some of us can control it... most of us don't have a clue..

I'm not saying I know what the fuck we're in but I know when I'm going in the right direction.. It has been a safe ride. It has been a good ride. And the best things in life actually naturaly bring peace.