First time I got high in junior high!

The edge of the grass. That is all I can look at.

"What are you doing there" she asked. She must have been 14. Pretty. I'd never seen her before. She smiled at me like she liked me.

I looked up at her. I was sprawled out on the grass, incapacitated. "What do you mean?" I asked. I was mangled, fucked up for the first time in my life. Twenty five minutes earlier she would have found me in Kayn's garage and twenty five minutes before that she would have found me riding my bike to meet a drug dealer behind the school. I'm in junior high.

"What are you doing just lying here on the grass?" she asked again.

I could remember them picking on us, Kayn and I. His older brother had stumbled upon us all mangled. That's the last time I remember having my bike. I got on it right after smoking the joint with the drug dealer. He gave us a nug too. He gave it to Kayne and Kayne gave it to me. "It's your going away gift" he said handing me the little piece of weed wrapped in foil from a cigaret wrapper. I was 13.

It was October 12th. My going away party. I was moving to Europe. My parents had split and I was getting fucked up. It wasn't my fist time smoking weed, but it was my first time getting messed up.

The first time I smoked weed I was with my brother. We had snuck out together while my mom was on the night shift. Chad was with us. Chad was a 16 year old run away homeless couch surfer kid. My mom let him stay with us in the apartment we had been living in since she left my father, Aug 29 1994, my twelfth birthday.

Since then getting messed up was something that I had been aspiring to do,

Cheers

The search for happiness continues.
I fell on my neck going up an escalator and it hurt like a mother fucker, but I'm 100% sure that I am lucky to be alive.
Fuck me. Falling on your face is a thing. Helps you re evaluate what's really going on.

You gotta know what's happening around you that's for sure. So when the moment comes and you want to be surrounded by what's important to you, you are.

It's been a crazy few years since I've been writing, but I'm getting back into it. The fall in Monaco has made it clear to the that I need to find more of what I want to surround me.

Don't get me wrong I love being here in they amazing city. .... But it's fake. It's like everywhere else.
I want to be where it's real. Unfortunately for me that happens to be in Canada. In Edmonton Alberta, where the red neck rule.

I guess I'm ok with red Necks since I don't mind taunting them. They can hear me.

Things are moving along in life. That means life if moving. That means people have died.

There is so much for me to talk about here. In my fares.
My affairs, my dreams are coming true.

Come on let's go.

The Wolf of Wall Street will consider me as a guest on his show if I get 500 likes.

Have you ever heard of the Wolf Of Wall street. Click here to help me 
He was a stock trader that went rogue and started to sell penny stocks. It made him a millionaire!

Well he reacted to one of my comments on Instagram the other day and said that if I can 500 like he would consider getting me on his podcast.

Now the cool thing about this fellow is that he was also convicted of a bunch of crimes.

Yeah. the dude made hundreds of millions of dollars and broke every rule in the book along the way.

Leonardo DiCaprio played him in the movie it was amazing, a film I adored

Well since he replied to my comment I decided to really try and get the 500 likes.

               go like my comment on his post! 

The wold worlds and I know it I want your help guys click here to get to the link on instagram and find my post and Like it! Ill share this with people until I get 500! Please help an author out! 

LInk 

back on my apple

Imagine being in a country like Monaco! Having the time of your life then ,,,, falling face first on a escalator.
OMG what a joke.. Hahaha
or is it?
I actually fell on my Adams able and it hurts.. I seem to be ok. I can breath and swallow but my neck is sore.

Of course the one time I fall and hurt myself I don't have health insurance. WTF.

The most important things to me in my life are my son, my mom and my girl friend. So important to me to get to spend more time with Ninja

He's so amazing and growing up so fast. I know that all he wants to do is ditch me. Not actually I hope tho. Fingers crossed, he's a teen now.

What am I suppose to do... smashed my throat.. no insurance and it's all on me. My own fault.
I went to bed last night thinking..

"If I die, I lived a good life. Ive woken a few hours later with a very tender Adams apple. WTF

Holy shit did I ever miss writing the blog.

I think I'll write a few more post and see how this blogging thing goes now that I'm back on taxi truth.

Picard is Bald like me

Where in the world have I been. It's like i haven't been able to see myself for the Boss that I am.

The world has a way of filtering things so that "life" doesn't feel real. Some people think this is only a simulation. Like the images we see on the internet.

I have been a huge advocate for this. Now that we are in a space in time where tech has caught up to what I'm thinking I realize that I get to draw myself into reality from spaces like this blog.

This has been a staple in who I have become, if it were not for what I created here I would have never understood what it going on out there.

Here I am beginning to map out who I want to be in the future.

First thing is that power won't have to be something that I hold on to through force. I have already nurtured enough people out there to have a space that I can work with that does not involve anything confrontational. I am going to be well informed about the things going on around me.

The Internet is no longer a source of information like it used to be. Now it's a way of controling the youth.

I can see myself succeeding at developing an entourage out engaged young people who will be in a position to change the course of mankind.

My ego is weightless

"ooooh! My GOOOOOOD!"

It feels good to be free. It's easily been years. I'm learning to cope with the anxiety of being a Man.

Not that it matters tho. There is still so many things to get done. Whether I'm moving forward or just sitting back. I'm going to have energy pulling me up.

Life isn't that hard, wanting to stick around is simple too. As long, of course as you don't try to be free.

The blog is so much better than the Vlog. Everyone is watching Vlogs, blogs that suck. Here there's only ... who the fuck is there.

People, bots, women?

It's bots and spammers and me.

I am this place and this is my space, and wow I'm good at this place.

I've been anxious so often. And I have been able to translate anxiety at times in a good way, and some time the anxiety gets the better of me.

I miss being free to just do what I did when I was writing the taxi blog. Just dumping everything out every night.

It did it for me.

Vlogs don'd do that.



So I'm back... no biggie I guess. But I'm sure if I ever do get a reader they'll be happy to know that I'm here.


Comment people, especially if you've gotten this far.


As for the day, the truth, the reason I'm here. To write out my life.

Outside of the fact that I needed to spend over 600$ on a new alternator,  it was pretty good.

I've been anxious at work. You see, I actually seem to have a funny feeling about working where I do. I love the job, but I'm just not sure about what it is that I do at the store that I'm at.

I make videos that sell stuff, and I'm the best at it. And by "the best" I mean "THE BEST". Why am I the best? Well it's a series of things.
First of I'm a pleaser, I love to please people. Second I'm efficient, I just get every job done. Third, I feel connected to the work I do. Even if it's bad, it's mine and I am attached to it.

Some of the work lately, doesn't' reflect my best qualities. That doesn't mean the work isn't the best, it just means that, it's no longer pushing my limits. So that's why I'm back here.


To push back at something, to make myself stronger. To build something new, even if it's out of the old.

This is still the richest province in Canada and we are still in the capital city.

The city belongs to me and I'm proud of it.

Thanks for being here blog, you are 1 in 6 billion and there'll never be anything close to you.

Can't stay up late enough yet

As I was driving home last night from my night job i was so impressed by the lack of traffic that I actually took a breath and smiled.

I'm a road rage fanatic! And unfortunately, my little boy rarely gets to see coming home from work, he''s often forced to witness, the monster, while I'm driving him to school in the mornings.

Poor guy doesn't get the fact that I love driving. 

Not the worst

Just when you think you know everything....  you realize that you know nothing. The worst part is that you have to find out how small you really are if you actually want to get anywhere. This is awful. Not knowing who or what I am over and over again is driving me crazy.

I do know that there is people out there that are aware of different things then I am,

I kind of realized that the way Im living is really different then other people. Because of that I don't really fit in well.

And not just in the good ways. I'm starting to segregate myself and it's not in the right way. It's in the I'm an idiot kind of way.
It's rough... being an idiot. Or at least finding out that you are one. It's the worst.

heater noises

Back at it. and that's that.

Need to write it out I guess, i've done it once I can do it again.

What really sparked this post was a desire to tell you that, " Hey maybe we shouldn't have met. That maybe the thing that I've been defending is the reason things never went well for me."

Like what's my past about anyway. Is it meant to be?
Am I doing what's meant for me.

Probably not. I want so much more. I can see the whole world and it leads me back to the past. To my youth, my desires.

I can deal with today, I can say that I'll have more of exactly what I want. I can tell that little pissed off kid from high school that life is better then you can imagine.

Can I get him to listen? Well that's the art. That's what I've been destined to do. Find myself over and over,  I'm so full of shit.

It's not forever, and it's over all the time, before it starts.

Brothering me

Neurotic wasted energy, gallops around me while I think of you. this is my past. this is my past.

Wasted energy isn't always bad, I mean if it's bad energy that's getting wasted then it's good. We need to burn that shit out.

I saw this guy that I knew in university. I didn't think he recognized me, I'm wearing clothes that are much more fashionable now days, I noticed he looked great, he was fashionable since I met him.

It's good to change, to start new things and forget about the past. Like lovers you abandoned that didn't abandon you, till you just thought about them and you realize that actually yes, they've let you go too.

Time is the key, the teller of it, the ticker of the truth. It's relentless and it drives us toward what we're meant for.

The faster if goes the faster we miss out on many things we thought we were going to be focused on.

My family, has changed, grown and gotten smaller. My family is really what I make of it. It's not like there is a lot of us being born.

Wasted energy is fine if we waste it on what it needs to be wasted on, cause it's all wasted anyway. and recycled, over and over again

You think that sometime in the near future it'll cycle into me...

Run me through.