The edge of the grass. That is all I can look at.
"What are you doing there" she asked. She must have been 14. Pretty. I'd never seen her before. She smiled at me like she liked me.
I looked up at her. I was sprawled out on the grass, incapacitated. "What do you mean?" I asked. I was mangled, fucked up for the first time in my life. Twenty five minutes earlier she would have found me in Kayn's garage and twenty five minutes before that she would have found me riding my bike to meet a drug dealer behind the school. I'm in junior high.
"What are you doing just lying here on the grass?" she asked again.
I could remember them picking on us, Kayn and I. His older brother had stumbled upon us all mangled. That's the last time I remember having my bike. I got on it right after smoking the joint with the drug dealer. He gave us a nug too. He gave it to Kayne and Kayne gave it to me. "It's your going away gift" he said handing me the little piece of weed wrapped in foil from a cigaret wrapper. I was 13.
It was October 12th. My going away party. I was moving to Europe. My parents had split and I was getting fucked up. It wasn't my fist time smoking weed, but it was my first time getting messed up.
The first time I smoked weed I was with my brother. We had snuck out together while my mom was on the night shift. Chad was with us. Chad was a 16 year old run away homeless couch surfer kid. My mom let him stay with us in the apartment we had been living in since she left my father, Aug 29 1994, my twelfth birthday.
Since then getting messed up was something that I had been aspiring to do,