If I see your drunk ass behind the wheel of any vehicle.
I had to call again last night.
The guy TRIED to run me off the road. Screw you buddy.
The police know who you are now.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
For Skin Care and Treatment
A few days left in this year. A lot left in the next. What is it I want you guys to know before 2007 ends. Well I think its better to smoke crack then to do steroids. Think about it crack ruins ya, buy steroids shrink your balls and most men would rather die then live life without balls. Right? Back me up dudes. I'm just joking, no I'm not, yes I am. Whatever. Just say no.
Tonight was the last night a prominent gay night club was open to the public. The only people out getting loaded were gay and not one of them was an asshole. All my gay fares have been great. No that's a lie I've had some scary gay fares but not tonight. Tonight even the dudes who looked scary screwed up were nice. Thanks gay people, party on and stay safe, or mess yourself up it's your choice.
Do you guys wanna hear what gay guys ask me sometimes?
Once I had a guy ask me if I was cut or uncut? How come I've never heard a women ask that?
I once had a big Gay native man (drunk) ask me "could I just hold your penis" I said "no" but he insisted, I resisted all the way to a dirty porn store on Stony Plain Road where I told him to get out. He paid me then he said "you would have gotten a lot more if you just let me touch it". Man I did not choose my sexual orientation and I'm sure neither did he. Who does choose it? Is it genes, or Jesus. Who Knows? but those gays and lesbians sure did throw a mighty bash tonight. Good for you.
I picked up these two young women from there. One was gay the other bisexual both sweet. On the way to their house I mentioned that I was the youngest Taxi driver in the city. The bisexual one had heard of me before, from one of her friends. Her friend had told her that I was a cute spiky haired guy, and that when I gave her a ride home she asked me to come upstairs, I guess I declined. I don't remember the situation. No sex no drugs, those rules go for me too not just the clients.
Have a gay old time on new years everyone, I'll be working so there is no need to get hammered and drive. Remember to call me, I'll pick you up it's my job, ha ha I know my job is to keep the taxi stories alive, they're always uncut.
Tonight was the last night a prominent gay night club was open to the public. The only people out getting loaded were gay and not one of them was an asshole. All my gay fares have been great. No that's a lie I've had some scary gay fares but not tonight. Tonight even the dudes who looked scary screwed up were nice. Thanks gay people, party on and stay safe, or mess yourself up it's your choice.
Do you guys wanna hear what gay guys ask me sometimes?
Once I had a guy ask me if I was cut or uncut? How come I've never heard a women ask that?
I once had a big Gay native man (drunk) ask me "could I just hold your penis" I said "no" but he insisted, I resisted all the way to a dirty porn store on Stony Plain Road where I told him to get out. He paid me then he said "you would have gotten a lot more if you just let me touch it". Man I did not choose my sexual orientation and I'm sure neither did he. Who does choose it? Is it genes, or Jesus. Who Knows? but those gays and lesbians sure did throw a mighty bash tonight. Good for you.
I picked up these two young women from there. One was gay the other bisexual both sweet. On the way to their house I mentioned that I was the youngest Taxi driver in the city. The bisexual one had heard of me before, from one of her friends. Her friend had told her that I was a cute spiky haired guy, and that when I gave her a ride home she asked me to come upstairs, I guess I declined. I don't remember the situation. No sex no drugs, those rules go for me too not just the clients.
Have a gay old time on new years everyone, I'll be working so there is no need to get hammered and drive. Remember to call me, I'll pick you up it's my job, ha ha I know my job is to keep the taxi stories alive, they're always uncut.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Reporters are so Hot in RealLife
Friday before the big end of the world party, sorry end of the year celebration. You wouldn't know that it was the beginning of the weekend by the amount of cash I made tonight. Minimal trust me, a joke, but that's not the only reason I drive. So tonight I drove a reporter, she asked me not to write about her so I won't, but she better leave me a comment or else. Or else what? or else nothing.
On the road it was cold, in the streets there was snow and people who should have spent the night with their families at home. So what happened? My friend who was hurt a few weeks ago came back to work, after what happened to him, man that dude probably has a massive set of nuts. Read the older blogs if you don't know what I'm talking about.
O.k there is this scummy ass bar around Stony Plain Road, sometimes it stays open late. I get fares out of there all the time, it's great. Tonight though I was called there and this drunk guy ran out and asked me to wait. "No problem" so I'm sitting there waiting one, two, three, five minutes maybe more and the guy comes raging out, he slams the door to the bar. I know right then that this guy is dangerous and no good, but I was parked close to the door so he runs at the car and smashes into it. No damage or nothing but freaky. Then his blond hooker looking slut comes running out behind him screaming "what the hell you so angry at?" then this drunk spaze flings the taxis door open, almost rips it right off its hinges. I put the petal to the metal, I wasn't about to have a psychotic, drunk, hooker licking, ass, sitting next to me in a car. I almost ran over the whore, and I almost took him out with the open door, I am happy I didn't but I'm sure it would have gotten me some good credit with the man upstairs. I am starting to see things in a new light and it's not a nice bright light, it's a scary dark basement kind of light and when I feel it coming I do my best to get the hell out of there, but as we all know sometimes we have to go down to that dark place to see the light on the other side of whatever were going through. After that I just drove to the gas station, there some bum asked me if he could use my phone, he called his crack dealer. I have the number it's 537 I'm kidding that would be wrong you dirty bloggers trying to get that dirty light out of me. Ha! never. So the bum gives me back my phone and this girl walks up to my taxi and gets in, while I'm gassing up. I open the passenger side door and while holding the gas nozzle and still pumping gas I ask "are you o.k?" "yeah I'm just cold" she tells me while counting a lot of cash. I shut the door and finish with the refueling and go and pay. Of course I forgot to buy milk for my kid cause I was in such a hurry to hear what this young women in my taxi had to say about her night. So I get in and ask "so where did you get all that cash?" she says nothing. I tell her "I'm not a cop", and ask her if she works Stony Plain Road. She says "No, I steal cars" she was telling me the truth I asked her not to steal mine, and told her that her ride was free. She threw me five bucks, yeah! I love mmm the truth. Be good y'all I hope I survive the new year. I hope we all do.............................happily and safely. Peace.
On the road it was cold, in the streets there was snow and people who should have spent the night with their families at home. So what happened? My friend who was hurt a few weeks ago came back to work, after what happened to him, man that dude probably has a massive set of nuts. Read the older blogs if you don't know what I'm talking about.
O.k there is this scummy ass bar around Stony Plain Road, sometimes it stays open late. I get fares out of there all the time, it's great. Tonight though I was called there and this drunk guy ran out and asked me to wait. "No problem" so I'm sitting there waiting one, two, three, five minutes maybe more and the guy comes raging out, he slams the door to the bar. I know right then that this guy is dangerous and no good, but I was parked close to the door so he runs at the car and smashes into it. No damage or nothing but freaky. Then his blond hooker looking slut comes running out behind him screaming "what the hell you so angry at?" then this drunk spaze flings the taxis door open, almost rips it right off its hinges. I put the petal to the metal, I wasn't about to have a psychotic, drunk, hooker licking, ass, sitting next to me in a car. I almost ran over the whore, and I almost took him out with the open door, I am happy I didn't but I'm sure it would have gotten me some good credit with the man upstairs. I am starting to see things in a new light and it's not a nice bright light, it's a scary dark basement kind of light and when I feel it coming I do my best to get the hell out of there, but as we all know sometimes we have to go down to that dark place to see the light on the other side of whatever were going through. After that I just drove to the gas station, there some bum asked me if he could use my phone, he called his crack dealer. I have the number it's 537 I'm kidding that would be wrong you dirty bloggers trying to get that dirty light out of me. Ha! never. So the bum gives me back my phone and this girl walks up to my taxi and gets in, while I'm gassing up. I open the passenger side door and while holding the gas nozzle and still pumping gas I ask "are you o.k?" "yeah I'm just cold" she tells me while counting a lot of cash. I shut the door and finish with the refueling and go and pay. Of course I forgot to buy milk for my kid cause I was in such a hurry to hear what this young women in my taxi had to say about her night. So I get in and ask "so where did you get all that cash?" she says nothing. I tell her "I'm not a cop", and ask her if she works Stony Plain Road. She says "No, I steal cars" she was telling me the truth I asked her not to steal mine, and told her that her ride was free. She threw me five bucks, yeah! I love mmm the truth. Be good y'all I hope I survive the new year. I hope we all do.............................happily and safely. Peace.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Morals are for Losers
My morality has changed because of the time I have spent behind the wheel of an Edmonton city hack. I used to think that people that sell themselves in anyway were bad people, but I was wrong. In the world we live in today we are expected to sell our body and soul to get ahead, no to survive. Some people sell their bodies, some push drugs, some people sell their souls to make sure you enjoy your ride home. Whatever it is we do, we waste ourselves trying to do it well. At least we should otherwise we suck at whatever we are doing. A hooker is no good if she actually wanted to suck that Johns dick. A dealer would suck if he actually aimed to be a drug dealer his whole life. A cabbie is no good unless he has a soul to show you the right way. This is how I fell, it's out there. We all know how we feel towards hookers, dealers, thieves and murderers, but we can't judge them, cause we all do what they do to get by, we just can't all agree on that. If we could I would shoot every asshole on the road, and it would be alright. Right? I drove these two gorgeous teens tonight, they were proud to be hookers, and yes they were teens, and proud hookers. How does that work? It doesn't dose it, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. They were one of my best fares in a long time, they gave me beyond a good tip, so because they showed me love I respect them. I wonder if their dad does or their boyfriend, I can't care it would make me even more crazy, and I'm half way to the loony bin already. Good thing there is all those Rabbits and Aussies out there to keep me on track.
Only halfway, no I've been to the crazy house a few times to many. Hahahahahahahaha
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
French Fuck
Where to start, o yeah the asshole. Hahahahahah, no I'm sorry that came out wrong the piece of shit. So I was doing my usual loop around Jasper ave when I got a flag. It was an old man standing by the side of the street. I pulled over. The guy was at least fifty, I though, great this is gonna be a piece of cake. Then the guy opens the back door but he doesn't get in, he just stands there with the door open staring at a guy pucking or coughing up a lung behind some cars. I understood right away "close the door I'm not taking him" I said with some authority, but this old coot said "he's fine, he's fine" in a French accent. I was like "no he isn't close the fucking door before he gets in." The old fuck then pushed the drunkard in the front seat. Fuck was the only thing I could think, I kept it to myself. This guy was in the car. When someone gets in your taxi that you don't want there is three ways you can get him out. The first drive them to their destination, it's also the easiest. Two, you can try to use physical force, this is not so easy and it dangerous. Three, you can call for back up, something I've never done, cause I'm young and dumb. I think I'm invincible, but I know I'm not.
The dude in my car is done, he is so drunk he doesn't know up from down, he can't even pronounce the name of his hotel. Good thing the old fuck who let him in the car mumbled something about 69th street and 118ave. The Inglewood inn, dirt. So I'm making my way there with this low life son of a cunt when he starts demanding me to hook him up with a hit of crack. I have to explain in French that I am his taxi driver and I am not the guy that offers hits of crack. I say "relax man calm down, were almost there." The cock sucker starts to flip out waving his fists at me, I moved out of the way and told the mother fucker to just relax, someone in his grimy hotel will hook him up with drugs, I am just a taxi driver. The fuck face did not understand me, so I told the guy the same thing in French. He relaxes. Then a minute later he's on me again about me giving him a hit of crack. This dude is violent, it's not easy to deal with a psychotic drunk Quebecois that does not understand anything, you can't just kick him out because someone like that well try to hurt you as soon as you tell him to get out. This type of person is usually under the influence of drugs and or alcohol. I just kept driving him even though he was making me fell nervous. I informed dispatch that I had a suspicious mother fucker in my car, I asked them to keep an eye on me. That made me feel safer, but not much, things could go wrong in a couple of seconds, this guy might have a knife. I got him to the Inglewood inn he paid me and then just sat there with this threatening look on his ugly mug, and two clenched fists, waiting to hurt me for no fucking reason other then he's a crazy douche. He eventually got the fuck out, thank God, no violence. I radioed dispatch and told them the story. After that I returned to the club where the old man flagged me down. I waited there knowing the old shit eater would be smoking, he came out. I confronted him, I said " That mother fucker is lucky he is not in jail, next time your crack head friend needs a cab tell him to sober up, don't you dare do what you did to me." Then I returned to my car where there was a couple of good people waiting for me. The old guy ran up to my window to try to talk to me, I told him "fuck off ." He said "my friend is not a crack head." I told him he doesn't know his friend then and drove off with the couple. I felt good about telling that old blow job of a man how I felt.
The whole night was filled with those types of misfortunes it seemed. I was wondering why. When at the end of the night I got a call to a gas station, I was gonna ditch it thinking it was bunk. I went and checked. There was these two Innocent girls there and a guy. As fate would have it I had driven these two girls last week. They were nice and I liked them so things began to look up. The boy was waiting for another taxi even though he knew the two girls. I told all three to jump in. On the way there the two sitting in the back seat got their freak on, innocently, you know like young teenage love type stuff, no fucking no blow jobs just kissing. It was fun because they were people I knew. They were people that appreciated a good taxi driver, they ended my night in a good way. God bless them and all the other good people I hauled around tonight.
Fuck the shit that comes out of Edmonton's asshole. This job is gonna kill me, but I fucking love it.
The dude in my car is done, he is so drunk he doesn't know up from down, he can't even pronounce the name of his hotel. Good thing the old fuck who let him in the car mumbled something about 69th street and 118ave. The Inglewood inn, dirt. So I'm making my way there with this low life son of a cunt when he starts demanding me to hook him up with a hit of crack. I have to explain in French that I am his taxi driver and I am not the guy that offers hits of crack. I say "relax man calm down, were almost there." The cock sucker starts to flip out waving his fists at me, I moved out of the way and told the mother fucker to just relax, someone in his grimy hotel will hook him up with drugs, I am just a taxi driver. The fuck face did not understand me, so I told the guy the same thing in French. He relaxes. Then a minute later he's on me again about me giving him a hit of crack. This dude is violent, it's not easy to deal with a psychotic drunk Quebecois that does not understand anything, you can't just kick him out because someone like that well try to hurt you as soon as you tell him to get out. This type of person is usually under the influence of drugs and or alcohol. I just kept driving him even though he was making me fell nervous. I informed dispatch that I had a suspicious mother fucker in my car, I asked them to keep an eye on me. That made me feel safer, but not much, things could go wrong in a couple of seconds, this guy might have a knife. I got him to the Inglewood inn he paid me and then just sat there with this threatening look on his ugly mug, and two clenched fists, waiting to hurt me for no fucking reason other then he's a crazy douche. He eventually got the fuck out, thank God, no violence. I radioed dispatch and told them the story. After that I returned to the club where the old man flagged me down. I waited there knowing the old shit eater would be smoking, he came out. I confronted him, I said " That mother fucker is lucky he is not in jail, next time your crack head friend needs a cab tell him to sober up, don't you dare do what you did to me." Then I returned to my car where there was a couple of good people waiting for me. The old guy ran up to my window to try to talk to me, I told him "fuck off ." He said "my friend is not a crack head." I told him he doesn't know his friend then and drove off with the couple. I felt good about telling that old blow job of a man how I felt.
The whole night was filled with those types of misfortunes it seemed. I was wondering why. When at the end of the night I got a call to a gas station, I was gonna ditch it thinking it was bunk. I went and checked. There was these two Innocent girls there and a guy. As fate would have it I had driven these two girls last week. They were nice and I liked them so things began to look up. The boy was waiting for another taxi even though he knew the two girls. I told all three to jump in. On the way there the two sitting in the back seat got their freak on, innocently, you know like young teenage love type stuff, no fucking no blow jobs just kissing. It was fun because they were people I knew. They were people that appreciated a good taxi driver, they ended my night in a good way. God bless them and all the other good people I hauled around tonight.
Fuck the shit that comes out of Edmonton's asshole. This job is gonna kill me, but I fucking love it.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Smile you got a Photo Radar Ticket
I could write about the schizophrenic lesbian who was on amphetamines, or the crazy autistic man I got stuck in traffic with, or the sweet young lady that had thwarted a bunch of crazy armed lunatics from doing a home invasion on her house while her kids were in the basement but I won't. I am going to tell you people what I hate as a driver in a city. I hate photo radar. Our cops sit and jack off while some seamen splatter of a human being sits in a van and takes pictures of speeding cars. I would rather get pulled over. What are the chances a cop would pull me over for doing 10km over the limit on an empty road. I hate photo radar. How about people who have lots of money does a photo radar ticket effect them, no. They just laugh at all the people who are actually trying to get by. Fuck photo radar. Other then that it was a great night. Almost death to all photo radar operators, almost, like maybe a swift kick in the .............................
O.k don't hurt them, but I don't like them even if they are just doing their jobs, hiding and waiting to get you. Hahahahahahahahahahah evil bastards.
O.k don't hurt them, but I don't like them even if they are just doing their jobs, hiding and waiting to get you. Hahahahahahahahahahah evil bastards.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Cocaine in Edmonton is alway's cut Fuck we're nowhere near............
What a great beginning to my working week. I had a great night, financially at least. There wasn't much for stories though. I did deliver not one, not two, but three stool samples this morning, not bad for a twenty five year old hot sh0t.
Earlier on in the night I had my only good fare, three club people, they went to West Ed. The mall is a shitty place to party but fuck me who am I to judge the inside of the clubs. On the way there the three seemed so perfect polite, nice, mmmmm innocent . I liked them and I think they liked me so I gave all three of them my telephone number. Later on in the night I got the call they all needed a ride home, I told them that I won't make it its to far away, they said that's fine could I be there at a quarter past two. A time call, something that I just don't like to do but I liked these kids so I said I'll be there. They were punctual as hell. When they got in I didn't smell the typical alcohol smell, but they had this different attitude about them, not so innocent. I'll let you readers guess what they were on. That's right guys and gals the same old shit every other young hipsters is on. That's O.k I still thought they were sweet, even their nineteen year old boyfriend was cool, I just don't understand why everyone is on drugs. No one smokes weed anymore, no way that's for chumps I guess. After that I was driving these young university scenesters, they were way to innocent, boys too, I think they came from some real good homes cause I don't think that they even used bad language. So while driving them I saw this young girl get kicked to the ground by this asshole of a guy, as he crossed the street in front of us we all told him he was an asshole, I even think that we would of gotten out to protect this womans honor if it wasn't for the fact that the bitch got up and hobbled hurt to his side like he was her knight in shinning armor. That made me sick, you would think that abuse like that would change a persons mind but no the bitch is probably sucking blow off the guys dick as we speak. What do you do? I also drove a famous drummer, I don't think he was what he said he was but another musician did say he was as good as gravy, I know that did not make much sense but there was nothing really good to write about, other then that girl landing on her face. stay safe and remember if he puts you in a jar it 'll make me happy.
Earlier on in the night I had my only good fare, three club people, they went to West Ed. The mall is a shitty place to party but fuck me who am I to judge the inside of the clubs. On the way there the three seemed so perfect polite, nice, mmmmm innocent . I liked them and I think they liked me so I gave all three of them my telephone number. Later on in the night I got the call they all needed a ride home, I told them that I won't make it its to far away, they said that's fine could I be there at a quarter past two. A time call, something that I just don't like to do but I liked these kids so I said I'll be there. They were punctual as hell. When they got in I didn't smell the typical alcohol smell, but they had this different attitude about them, not so innocent. I'll let you readers guess what they were on. That's right guys and gals the same old shit every other young hipsters is on. That's O.k I still thought they were sweet, even their nineteen year old boyfriend was cool, I just don't understand why everyone is on drugs. No one smokes weed anymore, no way that's for chumps I guess. After that I was driving these young university scenesters, they were way to innocent, boys too, I think they came from some real good homes cause I don't think that they even used bad language. So while driving them I saw this young girl get kicked to the ground by this asshole of a guy, as he crossed the street in front of us we all told him he was an asshole, I even think that we would of gotten out to protect this womans honor if it wasn't for the fact that the bitch got up and hobbled hurt to his side like he was her knight in shinning armor. That made me sick, you would think that abuse like that would change a persons mind but no the bitch is probably sucking blow off the guys dick as we speak. What do you do? I also drove a famous drummer, I don't think he was what he said he was but another musician did say he was as good as gravy, I know that did not make much sense but there was nothing really good to write about, other then that girl landing on her face. stay safe and remember if he puts you in a jar it 'll make me happy.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
who Cares?
got DRUNK TONIGHT , in laws are in town to help with the baby, I Love them, Took a taXi home driver was no good, I am A magnificent taxi driver yeah . what a day off .I am on †he radio
.
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Monday, December 17, 2007
Who is the Man?
I called in to a local radio station and left a recording about how there is no check stops this season and they have been airing it. Yeah! I am the man.
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