Thursday, January 5, 2012

I just took a shit and here's you're money want the cup cake mister?"

He opened the window the stench was overwhelming. "Why" He asked without breathing, the fat passenger just sat there staring ahead. "It smells like eggs" the man said, his grotesquely obese hands folded gently in his lap. "My toe hurts" the smell of his breath preceded the stench of his flatulence. The taxi driver just had to keep breathing. It was minus thirty-six degrees Celsius outside, that didn't include the wind chill. "It's been a fucking cold winter eh?" the fat mans mouth speaking scared him. The driver opened the window just a crack. The smell was so awful. "Do you have to keep farting?" it was noxious, the passenger just smiled. Then he bounced a bit. His weight caused the taxi, that was driving up 106th ave, to bounce. It looked like there were hydraulics being used. A police cruiser watched as the taxi rolled by and sprang up almost a foot. "Fuck man!" the driver yelled. "Dude what the fuck you doing?" he looked back to see if the cops were on his ass. They weren't. "They never help when you need them." He envisioned them watching the fat man bounce up and down in the cab and laugh. Their red faces happy, "to have a normal job". The taxi business was getting dangerous. No one had money... except the government workers. They all drove cars too. "I've never driven a government worker" his voice falling on def ears, the fat man was concentrating on fitting his hand into his pocket. "What you looking for?" the question sounded awkward the moment the fat man opened his mouth to answer. "I cup cake!" he said, bucking himself a bit to have more leverage to jam his hand into the tight pocket. "You have a fucking cup cake in there?" his face we turning red, he was becoming completely infuriated. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend all this was just a dream. So he did, the stress had overwhelmed him. The obese man stared ahead. "Open you 're eye's mister." he screamed. The driver listened just in time to avoid hitting a parked car. "That was close!" the stench again ejected into the air. "I can't fucking breath, why do you stink so bad" the fat man turned to him and said "I work for the government, and

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Flatulance. Thank you for your contribution to literary greatness!

bumatom said...

I think. if this who I think it is.. you misspelled something for the first time!

bumatom said...

is

Anonymous said...

Howe darre yuo sey thatt i kannt spill!!

Anonymous said...

(good thing i have other talents)

Trojan said...

The government, so true... its nice to see someone like yourself write(type) from a grim perspective of life. I was thinking of getting into the whole taxi thing... i have a thing about getting mugged though... wont chance it. love reading you stuff guy...