Monday, October 3, 2011

God Of phuauk!

I had this idea that my dreams could come true.  That I could bring my will into material existence. That I could have the vision of the world I hold in my mind come into my life on the outside, into existence in this reality. The first thing I did while in pursuit of my dreams was get a girl pregnant. That grounded me, told me that my dreams weren't going to be achieved without consequence. The consequences of fulfilling what my mind desired were important steps toward understanding what it was I myself desired to accomplish during my existence in my body.
At that point I understood that I wanted to be a good father, that understanding overcame my desire to worship the God of Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll. I started making choices that would ensure my dreams of being a good father came true. I did everything in my power to create an environment that would welcome my son into this world in a positive way.  My dreams didn't have anything to do with the regular 9-5 job though. To have my environment running the way I wanted it to, I needed to make sure I felt good and positive about myself. I wanted my son to know that I was happy doing what I was doing. I didn't want my boy watching his father going out into the world doing dead end things he hated. So I went back to where I loved to be, I went back into the church of Sex Drugs and Sin and started pushing hack.  I was amazed at how I felt right on track driving people who were under the influence of sin and sex, drugs and alcohol home. The success I felt after every night I came back to my family happy to have done a job I loved made me feel like a King. That feeling also made me want to share my success with others.
I was working full time, but it never felt like it. It felt like I was making money doing what I loved. Sharing and communicating my dreams with people who paid me. I needed more, I needed  people to know how I felt, so I started to go online and write about my nights behind the wheel of an Edmonton taxi. The blog was such a success for me, in gratifying my minds existence. After I started writing it I no longer went to work for money, but to find content for my next great story. I published one every night for the next two years.
Going to work to write a blog that no one paid to see paid off. I learned how to make something from nothing, I learned that money is a by product of dreams, I learned that I was here to tell stories and live life to the fullest. Then the recession hit and I found that the circumstances around my success where forcing me to change, and I did. I needed to stay happy to be the best father I could be. So I went back to school.  I also used my student loans to buy a camera, I took a material risk, it was like having the baby, it paid off. The consequences of choosing to follow your dreams, to claim that you can be whatever you want to be are rough, but they also ground you, and inform you that there is hope, and that it's hard. But if you think about it, if you know it's hard, then you'll know that those seemingly scary obstacles along the way are actually road signs that tell you where to turn next.
Now I'm going to school, I used my time at school to learn to take photographs. I did it by catering to the institution itself. I came to Concordia because I felt I could talk about subjects outside of this reality. I felt I could talk about my dreams and where they come from. This has been making me happy. Happy because with every decision I make to move toward my goals I bring them closer to materializing. I know that it's not necessarily ever going to be exactly what I envisioned but that's because those dreams keep getting bigger and better, and I know all I have to do is pursue my ideas and that's how I'll bring my dreams into light.


Jessica Barratt said...

It is so inspiring that you are doing exactly what you love, no matter what life seems to throw at you! Good Job, and keep up the great writing!

Prof Beach said...

What makes you think the success of this endeavor was anything more than luck? Many have tried to enter into fulfilling jobs only to find them bereft of value and creativity. Many try to be good fathers, but have neither the social skills or emotional strength to flourish. Why do you think you succeeded where most have failed? How do you respond to those who look at your life (unmarried, part-time father, driving taxi and taking candid photos of college girls) and consider it a failure?