Friday, January 24, 2014

And I did..

Dance floors are usually made of hard wood and good ones are luxurious and clean. My parents owned a dance floor and I can distinctly remember what happened when my father was installing the remnants of the studio dance floor into our living room. Cause the house was going hard wood style.

He wanted me to help him, but I was for sure too young. It was just me and him. I know I hated helping him because I could never do anything right. He was installing hard wood.. It's a process, he gave me a hammer.. It wasn't what I had wanted, I must have been eleven at the time dancing on the concert part of the floor. When I hit in the face with it.

I think I knocked him out. He got hurt, I knocked him in the head with a hammer. It was bleeding and everything. I'm not sure if it served him right, but it was bound to happen.
I remember him sitting on the step next to this pile of hard wood. He was looking at me, his eyes looked desperate. He wanted me to drive with him to the hospital. I was like "fuck that" but he made me anyway. We drove together. It was a unique bonding moment.
He was fine, the doctors put a stitch in it or something. The hospital is where I got my fill of children's literature.

He wanted me to help him and I hit him in the head with a hammer. That's what I did to my dad, he finished the floor alone. I can't recall ever going back to that. But I can remember a birthday party that I had once.
I really had to go to the bathroom....

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Who's a freak...

There were those moments when I was a kid that I can still remember.
Having just got back from Europe to my mansion in saint Albert I can recall making thousands of phone calls... Well it felt like thousands. And since I was a kid during the time before caller ID I don't think my best friend and neighbor ever realized it.
The incessant  calling occurred while I waited for him to come back from his vacation. Everyone one in the crescent was on vacation, I just happened to have arrived a week earlier then the rest.
That was my luck. And I was the one phoning an empty house. I had more than one neighboring friend, but this guy was the coolest.
Funny how that works, he was two years younger than most of us but he was the coolest. He had the right stuff. His place was where the party was at. His house had the perfect parents, the sweetest sister and the hottest mom.
There were four of us in the crescent that hung out and it was cool. We were a solid group. Every one of us had a pretty solid life. Mine was the only immigrant family. We were never so solid as a family group. It's a shaky topic I guess.. Well that's what I thought.
Ends up... a few years down the line one of the kids in the hood got a brain tumor and died..
He was the type of fellow that always tried to connect with me. He had the perfect family.  I never could hold that communication shit together, while I was out in the world he used to send me letters that I never returned. I was a dink. I still am. Once a dink always a dink. I've realized that.
I've always wanted that lifestyle. To be that person whose house makes them the go to guy on the block. But that wasn't real either. That kid became an accountant. The third some sort of rig pig..
I'm not envious, they followed their fathers. I haven't done that in anyway outside of the fact that in the eyes of most people I'm pretty much a loser. I didn't get a brain tumor though. But my dad's a dink.
I had a kid... and now I guess I have a chance at giving him a perfect lil pad to brew his social life in. It's my job to do that.. I want a hot wife though,
Guess I'll have to get a couch.

So we eat ourselves

It's tough looking back and finding out why things weren't better for us as Bos'. We were a tough breed of folk but we're cannonballs. There were those moments when we stood up as a family and went to the movies.. that happened once. It was Jurassic Park, there was the water park too... once for sure.
It's easier in a smaller pack to remain stable. Not offend anyone enough to cause a problem. Everyone in my family was sensitive, we're a strange bunch of social animals. It was nice when we could all sit down and talk about how much we were collectively hating on a specific parent.. It was usually my dad who we blamed for everything. He loved playing the victim. He still does.
My father is the prime example of what not to become in life. He knows nothing about what matters in his life because he doesn't know what maters.
Love is all that matters and if a member of the family doesn't understand that blood is what keeps a breed around for generations there is a serious problem.
Immigration is something that's gotta be done in numbers.The families that are going to succeed are going to be able to nurture themselves. They're going to be about quantity over quality...
Everyone will do everything to live in the north American part of the world. We're in control of a bunch of resources. They fuel the economy and create sub divisions of class's of people...
I'm not going to be king. No one who needs to work the night shift will ever be king.
My family must inherently see that...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

harder on them

There was that time I told the story of my falling to the world. There was this time where I was with my  family in Europe. We were so young, I was like nine and my cousin was thirteen. We were trapped in Germany at my Nazi cousins place. MyNazi  cousin was closer to my mothers age. She had a daughter that was my age. We hung out. My cousins daughter was going to school at the time because the Germans did not have a routine schedule like Canadians institutions or the rest of Europe.

We had to stay in Europe because my cousin didn't want to drive us to Poland. Poland was where it was at. There you could play with fire crackers and get drunk before you finished the fifth grade. I felt trapped in Germany, every thing there was so pretentious.
There was this time I was playing soccer with a bunch of the locals and I scored on my self. I was lucky that I wasn't crucified on the swing set over in the neighbouring park. I also played soccer with one of my cousin's neighbours, he was this kid that came to visit his grandmother… She was this crazy grandmother lady that'd feed us sandwiches and tea before we were off to kick ass..

The old woman was married to this man, a man my cousin's daughter accused of touching her. I played soccer with the old man's grand son, and he was always able to kick my ass..

Falling to this world's gotta be a common theme. We're probably all victims of one mans gamble or the next. Women can be treated like men too… Life's

Monday, January 20, 2014

Or I guess I do.

"There needs to be a way we can settle this." His voice echoed, he always sounded like that, the other one's voice was always small and rusty. "Yeah, I know what we should do to figure out that they're all just a fallen breed" they both turn and look at me. "I think I know what you're saying!" he says, again voice booming, the little demon playing cards with him smiles.

The demon takes the deck and offers out a hand, I don't want it. I know what drawing a card will entail. I'm at their mercy, they get to gamble it all away. When I pull the card I'm not surprised to see what I got….
Bos… fuck the worst hand in the world… Fucking world..

I feel my self fall immediately it was awful and cold, I can remember screaming, and according to my mother that continued for a long time. I wet the bed too. ..
My first memory was that of my brother and I, we were fighting at our home. I must have been two or so years old. We were fighting over a gun. My mother scolded my brother for trying to take it away from me. I got to keep the gun, my brother hated me for it. I just smiled and waved..

Falling to the world to become a Bos was not my original objective when it came to existence. I'm a pawn in a game of cards. This is one of the most difficult roles I've ever been given because I don't generate the outcome based on my one view or through my own behaviours, they're just using me to watch what these folk down here are about to play out. I just happen to have the right perspective.

Seeing myself as a fallen creature is enough for God to know that the devil's going to have a hell of a time disguising himself or herself without me recognizing her…
I love her and she knows it, I'll find my gun, cause I'm growing up in this place, soon enough I'll die and be back at that card game.. or maybe not. I don't know...

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

To stutter ... shutter.

I don't want to let her down... She's so important to me. I haven't felt this way for so long. I can't let this go. I've been waiting for her since I was a little boy.

"she loves me" is all I can say. She makes me sick though and hungry. She makes me suffer. I can't let her go.

These are the words of a weak individual who is going to grind his way into the pavement.

"You have to let her go, or you'll end up alone. You'll end up dreaming of her and she'll already have done this to dozens." His voice is inside my head. I'm just a little boy listening to what is on the inside. It's my father, it's my family. We had one and I believed in it. Why? Because I am weak and I need their support. I never knew they were what was going to tear me apart.

Blog more they say.. What the fuck am i gonna blog about. Making something out of nothing. Turning a leader into a God. Now that's for Nazis. I'm not into that shit, but I got to eat.

You have to let her go... "I don't want to!" Why? What's the point of letting go of one of the only thing that makes this place a Kingdom for you. I'm a fucking lunatic. And this reality is for me to control. I get what I want because that's what I've given myself to have.

Lovers are a dime a dozen... sex and that shit is easy. But love is a pricy experience. It eats at our soul and makes us vulnerable.

so be religious and eat shit.

Friday, January 3, 2014

It should have fallen apart a long time ago... but this ain't soap it don't run out...

Good, bad, right, wrong, up, down, there is no such thing in the long run... It's all the same right?

People tend to think that the world is going to break, I wish I could hang out with an astronaut.

Imagine seeing the world spin under you the way they get to... Everything we'll ever be, trapped, on a ball. It looks so ugly these days. I'm guessing that you can see it degrading from up there, it's running out.

I think mother nature chooses to see what play's out on here surface. I think she likes to push things to the edge as she reaches a certain point in her life.
She may even have a little bit of materialistic qualities in her...
She's enjoying letting us become real gross creatures I bet. She's older and I think we're really giving it to her.
Strange way to see it I guess. The astronaut probably see's it as a ball. A mass of partials that you can understand. He predicts "good things" when he say's things to the news anchors but he can really see what's happening on the planet. He can recognize the pointlessness of it all. I bet he appreciates that it can even hold itself together the way it does...  
Bet'chya  he doesn't talk about the crack you can see... just to protect us..

Thursday, January 2, 2014

my mag

So it' s hot and it's cold. The weather is really fucking with us... I wonder if that'll get any Albertan to stop and think about what they should do to distribute all that crude crap they love to make.

When you meet with people who have jobs, they don't do what they feel is right, they do what they are told. Girls especially.

I think they can do that because God is a girl. She's hot and she's cold. She likes to fuck with us. I wonder if the girls will ever stop to think about why they let their superiors walk all over them.

When you meet a superior there is two things you can do. You can be a subservient and do what you're told or you can tell the boss how to do things better.

If you do the latter and your suggestion is right... You're the boss. Now this presents many dilemmas. usually if you live in a Capitalistic society your idea will be ripped away from you and misinterpreted. Then it will be executed wrong and cause more problems for the world... But the boss who stole the idea will probably end up on top.

But remember anything that you do that makes the boss more powerful makes you the boss. The inportant thing to remember here is that people who have power are not able to behave like average humans call normal.

When you're in a position of power the best thing for you to do is avoid letting anyone know what you're up to.

So they never know where you're at. You have to sell yourself to people if you want power. That doesn't mean you lose yourself it means you tell people what they want to hear. You have to do it over and over again... Eventually a whole country can look at you and think that you belong to them personally, when in fact all you ever did was visit their city and go on TV.   


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Im the only one with a gun.

There have been changes .. I was outside a club tonight. I had this 2,000$ outfit on. I m stunning. But I'm skinny and tiered looking too.. Not bad for hipsters, they like me. I walk by these police officers. Not typical police, but the SWAT unite.

I had just watched them do their surveillance on a bar. I do my own surveillance.. I watch the room in my own way. I know what goes on.

They don't! I didn't either... not tonight. I'm Fucking sick. I've been sick forever. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and die, except when I do that I seem to just wake up in cold sweats.

Everything is sore today for me... I'm run the hell down. But I'm doing my thing, when I hear this cop tell his colleagues "I think there'll be a shooting at the Marquee." I over heard him right. It kind of pissed me off. So I went back and said "I heard what you were saying there" handing him my card "I shoot all these clubs... You should call me?" He looked at me and asked "What'd I say" I kind of looked at him funny. He wanted to know what I heard him say. I'm kind of in a comatose tonight. All I had to say was "it was something about the Marquee."

I wonder if he'll at least check out my site. Tactical unites, they should not be bullies. But there is a certain level of danger at the clubs. Gun violence is kind of rampant.. but ahh... I ve never seen it.