Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Taxi Talkers are not Gay, I mean they are not all fags, there is some though. Thats ok

there is no way I can go out and blog with others, if anyone came back here they would laugh at me!!! What should I do to this bastard!
All is well....

My Sun has that...

sickness that left me dehydrated and vomiting, delusional with diarrhea. I'm scared, but he seems fine.
Movie and a bucket. No food, just liquids, his mom doesn't care! strange world.

SEX on the internet

I stopped officially blogging a long time ago, this is just a diary, so back off you asshole, or bring it on, don't just be a pansy ass Jerk off of a troll on the internet. Jesus I bet you're one of ......

Canada Post, Canada Post, is dumb and Canadian, Fuck this Nation of junk!

Canada Post is a scam! An awful scam!
I fucking hate bureaucracy, it is the proof that our nation is worthless.
i am ashamed to be a part of this society, and I feel that bringing a child into this world is wrong.
I must teach him to be a soldier and destroy the common belief of every simpleton around him.
Too Bad he just sent Mr.Clause a letter!
and the dude doesn't exist
fuck what a scam!

We don't have a couch!

Talked to the prof to make sure i'll survive. I might just fall of the deep end though, Who cares....I do. I don't want to fail a God Damn stats class because of bullshit. Fuck. I understood the massive computational question but the fucking multiple choice was hard as fuck. It destroyed me. Not just me, by the end of the class everyone but the dumb ass and my tutor were still sitting trying to calculate the answers. I gave up in the last 5 min. Fuck that's an hour and half of focusing. Been doing lots of stuff that forces me to be grounded for longer then a  blog post. Who the fuck wants to be grounded, I'm wondering if i'm acting manic. If I am I have been for a long time. I might be on that end of the spectrum. God the last thing I would ever want is medicine to make me like the rest of them. They are all the same, they are all worthless, even if they can pass the course and I fail it. The only thing that would get me through failing stats class is the light, who was such a darling little Cheerio this morning, I was dead. Walking around neurotic... well not really, I knew I was as ready as I would ever be. the test was a fat bitch, hard!!! That's ok it's over now i can't do anything about it except talk to good old blogger about it. I am such a case of ADHD, I wish I could pound back kilos of amphetamines like in the past sometimes, but then I remember that I would end up alone and in the dark. But just because I don't take speed doesn't mean that I still won't end up in the dark...alone. I'm not gonna ever let that happen, there is only one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning and it is not that stats class. Fuck failure is not an option so it won't happen. What a bitch of a classssssss. FUCK! I love the prof he is the same guy that taught me sociology, this little dude from India. I don't actually learn anything from him but I think that the man is so cool, I can over look the fact that I might have to take his class again. I would not blame him, even though it is his fault, I'll take responsibility and say to myself "you're a fucking adult idiot".....But I'm not I can understand the topics, I just never focused on the course........I focused on everything But.................that's the way the cookie crumbles though....it's ok cause I also went shopping so me and the man can snack on something good tonight as we snuggle ourselves to sleeeeeeeep. Fuck I'm so tiered!

I'm a milionair, I'm sure I'm missing something, but it's worth it!

Ever see a Honey Nut Cheerio put his own pants on!
There is no pain in it! It's Great!
Hey figure your shit our already, there ain't nothing there that's real. Mirages area a  dime a dozen! But it hurts when you're thirsty, I know I'm still longing to quench this...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Everyone remember the smurfs? La la lalalala la la lalalalal.
Fuck!

you don't gotta be so alone!

....................................I rock rolling shit< >???ROLLING SHIT. I know that by the time I get a new ride Ill be outtta hhhhhhhere!

I've been keeping this place awfully quiet. It's for those around me who know about it all. It just so happens that everyone has access to it. That's one of the ways that someone on the other side of country can read it. There is really very few people interested in what I have to say, but there is a few interested in what is happening to me. There is the old school villains, the ex, the x ex, and ......mmmmm my mom. Fuck what an audience. Mom I wish I could write more in about you, some crazy drama. Guess you're just gonna have to come down and shoot the shit again this Christmas. The house is still such a disaster, but the dishes are usually clean and so is the bathroom. Fucking laundry, and the sheets, God Damn it, I can't seem to keep up, it's the bastard machines upstairs, I would love to have a way to wash my cloths in my apartment.  God I want to move around a bit. I'm still angry, fucking rigid. Awwful. I'm someone I should blame for that. The last two years was a strange dream. It took a while to wake form it. I needed a jolt for sure. I'm official kinda handicapped. "Thanks" Well, I have a few concepts to move on, creatively. I have to move on them and this is where I am going to find myself motivating myself to preform at a higher level. It's because I don't have to moderate this medium like the other one, but the best products, or ideas that I spawn up here will float over, taxi talk is still so mine. Ahh fuck I love it. I wounder if ill stop writing it if I fail stats. I wounder if there is a way to predict that. hahaha Fuck this shit. I totally just sit here and do this while the Light decides to fall asleep. I sit in the hallway of my little house, one that I'll never really leave because It already has so many memories. Good and Bad ones. The Hallway is a pleasant place. My life is a dream, a fucking great dream.   

i have lots...

We are eachother audiences, and we talk to things funny!!! But we can both hear those things, I guess thats why!

So you're out of it, i can tell. You have stepped into a whole new territory. One I have very little understanding of. You know me, I guess you can pretend i'm there, you'll know what I would say, just like you know what he would say, xcept I ain't dead yet. He took his jacket back, remember! You're alright! I know you are, you do have to take care of someone so remember to keep that head on straight. No you are not alone, your inbox is full....I hope that it's full of fresh stuff too. Sorry, I'm picking but only because, you put yourself here. You have no Idea how I feel about you anymore, and you're gonna be fine. Fuck I wish i Slapped you around or something, or showed you pictures of anal pirates. Remember! I believe in things to, and that post about the drownings was written by fate, not me. Crazy? Yes! I bet you he loved you and you threw a 26 year old in his face. He forgave you cause I'm sure he took advantage of more women then you could count. You included. He loved, cause you loved it, being used. You stuck around him in the worst circumstances, you taught him about friendship. Jesus knows lady...You're fine, just look after you know who, stop being so selfish and go to work.

Crazy is Crazy and Crazy is good!

What a half lazy bitch, good thing I have finals to keep me awake!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A skizzy slut!



Whos Ghost is it anyway?

Who dwells in that old house, the place that fell to such a degree that the sunlight now hits the cellar floor? Who it is the narrator of this Robert Frost piece. Is the poem being told to use coming from, the perspective of a child who frequents the broken down home of a dead barren couple? Could it possibly be the child of the buried two? An unborn spirit who knows nothing of them except that they left him or her in the cellar.  Is the character who's roaming the property an animal that feasts on sweet, sweet raspberries.  The couple is also obviously six feet under, but the being that haunts the remnants of their humble abode and often resides in their cellar, might be their love existing with mother nature. Who roams those old parts, the house, the road, who is the narrator dwelling next to where the purple steamed berries grow.

A child scurrying through the trees in his big natural back yard could be the one behind the poem. In general the piece is written in a fairly childish voice. In the poem there is six stanzas each containing five lines. By the end of the third stanza we find ourselves in the dark.  In the fourth stanza it feels like we are getting an explanation of what it is like to be stuck out in the forest after dark.  A whippoorwill, not really a frightening bird, is written out like the narrators confrontation with the bird is a terrifying experience. The type of experience a young boy might find himself in if he decided to dwell in a sunlit cellar in the middle of the forest and eat wild berries just a little to long. After the sun falls behind the horizon the child is stuck out in wild. In the fifth and sixth stanzas a more comforting situation is presented to us. The child finds refuge under the light of the stars between the gravestones of the dead couple who lived there. Unfortunately, the boy wouldn't be able to present us with the information found in the beginning of the sixth stanza. "the two are tireless folk, but slow and sad," (Frost,19). The Narrator could possibly be a child lost in the woods that finds comfort with the dead, but he would not have the understanding to be able to present us with the type of people the couple actually were.

The title of the poem is “Ghost House”, and Frost was known to  sound pleasant, he is also known to have a darker side. “Ghost House” seems to end on a good note, the narrator ends the sixth stanza, with this the last line in the poem "As sweet companions as might be had." (Frost 10) A pleasant ending to a poem that is generally dark and scary.  Well Frost is know to throw the audience off with his last lines, it's what makes "all the difference"(Frost 136) in his work. The narration could be through the voice of the couples unborn child, a miscarriage possibly! A tragic incident that was hidden in the cellar, for eternity. The couples secret, and downfall.  The reason for the explanation in the beginning of stanza six "they are tireless folk, but slow and sad, though two, close-keeping, are lass and lad,--with non among them that ever sings,"(Frost 19), is to define that the two, never had a child, but yearned for one, possibly one that was a still born, and buried in the cellar. Unfortunately the ghost of the couples still born child would not be able to undergo the trauma that the narrator goes through in the forth stanza. A ghost would not be able to present us with a fear that evokes so much drama because the ghost of an unborn child would feel no fear, never really ever being exposed to life. This was not one of Frost dark intentions.

An animal, running through the trees of the woods, all of a sudden runs into a busted down fence, makes his way through some opening, and enters the Ghost house's vicinity, the animals smells the raspberries. He makes his way to where the house stood; he jumps to the cellar floor. Now vocabulary plays a role in accepting this possible solution. A furry little squirrel doesn't speak. Animals can however be observers that Frost possibly translated for. Animals would naturally be dwelling in a busted down house, watching fences die, walls come down, lawns grow into forest.  The kicker unfortunately for the narrator being some wild animal is that the animal would not  "dwell with a strangely aching heart" (Frost 18). If animals could speak I think that this could be from the viewpoint of one of the worlds furry, little friends, except for the emotional attachment that the narrator seems to build over the house and the couple. A wild animal would not be associating those types of feeling and emotions that we tie to the subjects at hand.

Something settled on that small piece of land within that forest wall, a couple, "lass and lad,"(Frost 19). Lovers, living alone, for one another in life together. The foundation, in which they existed, was together in love on the earth. The two had no children, "With none among them that ever sings," (Frost 19) but they kept their home, they created a place purely to nurture their own souls. Love dwells in that foundation, and Frost sheds light on the nature of true love and its everlasting effects. Though the lives of the two are over, the growth of their existence is still evident. The terrors of the real world, the night, still remain, yet there is comfort in knowing that their life is a mark on a stone marred in moss, remembered by mother nature. When that something settled on that small plot, it connected its self within its forest surroundings, and together the land and the couple obtain harmony.

Who dwells on that cellar floor, well it's everything that is supposed to be in nature. What Frost does in “Ghost House” is define the relationship that humans have with nature.  Literally form start to finish, by exposing us to the end. Ghost house is an accurate portrayal of the how we live in nature, through love we humans live on this planet. The couple is defined as sad, yet their love and Mother Nature calls them "as sweet companions as might be had" (Frost 19). It is safe to say that the voice we hear when taking in Robert Frost's “Ghost House” is the voice of Love, the voice of Mother Nature.


Works Cited:

Frost,Robert. “Ghost House”. Frost Poems.
Alfred, A Knopf, and John Hollander, Toronto: Random House
Everman’s Library, 1997

Why do I have to!! we aren't there yet!

I think that it sucks that he left you, hey beautiful I'll befriend you but only cause I think I love you. Now to the dorks who think that they can control me.....I don't let anyone step on my shoes and get away with it.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

So I started using my left hand.

It's because I was listening to poetry. ANd I cried and stuff, I found a creative solution to being stupid, Thanks almighty....Hope I pass the stats class, my tutor dumped me. SHe was so Good.

It's not a shithole! There is more to it than that!

GOd gives us real distractions, i guess he gives us ones we need to really understand the real truth

I am still pristine,  I glitter in the sun,
now I'm off to coach Tim Bit Hockey!

Jesus went to Church.

Making up for lost time these days, went to the Y after hours last night, the last time I went there I was paid 100$ to party. I did not do as well, but I got paid to shoot the party and it was the Y. hard shoot, people weren't fucked up yet I guess, the place opened at 1:30am. I got home today at 3:30am, holy shit. Finished work, I bet there was some places that hit the fan out there, the football games are coming to town, I don't really care. I have to shoot a choir, a big one. I prepped the coordinators and told them that if they wanted a memorable moment they will have everyone in their attire on time and in place to be shot during rehearsal. Church, in Church a concert. Concerts rock in Church.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Over populated lawns, in and around NeWYORK, ash boy.

I took the remains of my machine gun medallion to the end of the war field. I won some prestigious award but it meant next to nothing after the death of my beloved. I was so drowned in battle that I never realized that my source of soul was dieing for love. She couldn't wait for the war to end, she jumped into his bed. the woman hurt herself to remain senseless to forget about the depth of our absence. We were fighting the war, trying to survive. She was alone and hopeless biting her nails with lies. Fascinating, the worlds look when my reasons for existence fall wrong. The sun still returns though, always visibly rising, exposing the possibility of my reassurance, without lies. After the war they passed the bill, an opportunity to go to school, a picture perfect place to re inherit the grace of my past without looking back, I have found a reason to return thought, I'll come back when I'm ready.



Did he go...did he....Yes they shot him three times!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Meat mustache, cactus, house today!

My day's are getting so fucking busy and I procrastinate so much. There is a serious problem with me. I Love it. I have so much work to do and all I can seem to do is sleep. Well it's my own doing 100%, I need to eat more.......in general and I need to get so more physical activity....don't we all. I enjoyed volley ball this semester even though it did not involve very much physicalness, it was more of an upper body thing. A weight transfer thing. Weird, I'm getting older and it took a good month of practice to get good at it. I should start doing more. I guess that would involve going out into the world and finding a means to meet the end. I need to get physical. I want to. I can feel myself growing older at this point. No I'm not saying Im some sort of old man. But I am old enough to know what it feels like to take a month to figure out how to run, jump, and accurately smash the fucking BALL, ahhhhhh , so much is going on and I'm ...

Bheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck off and smoke a reffer Joker...

The F test.... effect of the independent variable....The F the F the F Test.....what's your population asshole? Where the Hell do you belong.......in the overall group of sheeeeeeeep!
State hypotheses and tell me how many fucking tails it has.......1-2. Regression is always a 2 tails test and so is the Fucking F test......Ok so what's the total sum of squares?




Ok variance and deviation is always fucking positive.....you fucking F test!
DOn't worry he talks shit behind your back, we all do!

Breakin..............$$$$

Shit there has been some tampering with some of my federally owned stuff, it's really unfortunate that even though I live in Riverbend bad things happen. Not the worst but still, it sucks to be ripped off, ha...I'm getting used to it. It always comes back ten fold.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm a saxophone blow me! I hold my heart back...Back boy!

OH no here she comes....ahh. The two boys stumble out of the darkness of the bush and find themselves in a well lite area in the park. The River Valley ran for decades. It was one of the biggest of it's kind in the world. It was where she lived. The two boys found themselves in the situation because one of them decided to stay and have another drink with her. We knew what happened after it got dark, but one of us wanted to stick around and make sure what we heard about was true. We crept deeper and deeper into the valley, until we ran into her. She was everything we had dreamed of. She glimmered in the setting sun. We stayed and watched her.....stared. Yet as the sun kept falling her hair it disappeared, she became a monster, and swallowed those boys with fear.
Her love for him was tainted, the first thing she noticed about him was his glasses, holding the eyes back form coming at her. She jumped, in the front seat "I love driving in the front seat!" she snapped.  He told her  "put on your seat-belt please we're gonna go on a crazy ride!"

God I can burn...burn the mother .........burn.

 Burn







Face

street walker
eye

off limits


Cure 

speeding 

vomit  
flip 








Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Go saskatchewan!!! who the fuck are they playing???

Now things are really moving when it comes to school and work. Everything seems to be smashing together, all at once. It ain't good... it's great! I'm usually running a little behind at this point. today I walked into gym class, and the teacher was pulling names out of a hat. He pulled my name, my group was first up to present. One of my little school girlfriends passed me a sheet of paper and we started teaching a drill I had never seen before. We did good though, and I participated. We passed. I also have a speech tomorrow, twelve minutes long, except I haven't even figured out what I'm gonna talk about yet. Jesus knows I can talk. But about what? a busted ticker! Fuck that, I'd get kicked off stage for swearing. no I think I'll do it about vigilantism, I'm gonna convince the kids to start fighting back against the man.

When you are so young you still live in the past!

Those are the types of people you try not to step all over, they might not forget for a while!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Crocodials been around a long fucking time!

Pauline was my type Right?

Exposing myself to the decadence was a necessary evil. There are careless people out there, and they usually have money. Don't you wounder what it would be like to have access to whatever you want. I don't mean be all you can be but get everything you can get your hands on. We all want to know what it is like to sleep in the penthouse, to ride in the big car, to drink from the golden fountain. Those are things that everyone should feel, I think. It's too bad that by feeling them in the wrong context changes occur inside of you. I have been changed in recent years, I have been influenced in strange ways. Not good either, I sold myself short for love though, not just anything. I loved someone who gave me more then I should have ever taken, I did love though. What a deal, a piece of the soul, to change myself for someone who tried to buy my attention, when I loved her for her soul. I really did, no it was not her body, which was mine, her car or her house, I loved her for her. Because of the way she loved. I changed myself to accommodate her, this was the bad thing, but it was the proof of my love. I let her influence my drive, she had two sides. I loved them both. Unfortunately she only loved the one, and I think that she has embraced that sad side of herself.
You gotta swing your hips now!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hate is a sickness!

I'm not a morning person. I was always a night owl. When something goes wrong in the morning I am rarely capable of dealing with it. This sickness has surrounded me in so many ways. It's taught me a lot about health in general. Like if you're not healthy all the opportunity in the world walks right by you. That goes for mental soundness too. Fuck imagine having a really active thyroid, or schizophrenia. Fuck that would suck! Most of us are sick because we inflict it on ourselves. We are all self destructive. Why? Pleasure is pain. I guess in the most part, self destruction is just shitty attempts at self medicating. I bet this is true for all. Those shitty attempts become daily habits and voilĂ , your stuck with a kokanee in your hand 15 of the 24hr of the day. I can't imagine what it would be like to drink a case of beer everyday and then wake up to be at work for 7am. I need to find a way to maintain a healthy diet without breaking the bank. Being sick sucks! When I drove the taxi I'm pretty sure I was immune to everything. That job was a gateway to God you know. I swear on my life. Well I think that the job also introduced me to my blog, I guess life is just a gateway to itself...Fuck Im Hungry!

I might have to take that last one back!

Seems that I am human, and there is hope!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Fly off the deep end, and marry a rich girl

imagine being one of the families who paid an outrageous amount for their home at the peak of the boom and then the crash came. Imagine being stuck in a home that you paid double its worth for! Shit that would suck. Banks would love you. Imagine making a decision to buy a house when homes were worth three times more then their actual value. I would never pay more then it's worth. Remember the Boom guys. It happened right before the rescission. I wounder if there is still a recession, school seems to delete the though of the outside world. Which is good because I can peruse my goals. My goal in real life is to pay off my modest home and make my way back to being global, except I have this little Gigolo that I'm gonna bring with me. That's my goal to travel the world with a little gigolo. Teach him the do's and don't of "The World." Do... have fun with the ladies, but he'll know that he's a Gigolo. Don't... mess with Gangsters in Thailand. You know that Kind of thing. But Imagine owning 250,000$ on a house that's worth 50,000$, holy shit! Do... be careful during booms, don't ..



to those who can't feel...the roses, and will never be strong.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I was raised in the mid west, I went to Harvard. I love NewYork and I have a moral character. I am not a neutral character. I hate ......white supremacists and anti acid chalk tablets.
So imagine coming back to class with a paper written by a genuine genius.

at the tone eat shit.....Beep..

Rejection, ejection, whatever, it's an automated system, they respond to everyone like that, everyone does. Can't seem to sleep today because I'm so fucking sick, I have a presentation today and I was imagining barfing all over the stage. That would be really cool, I thought. So work is around I'm starting to have the Sunday shoots down to an art, not that it's art yet, I've recently started dabbling with some tools I've never used before it's changing thing's. Actually it's commercializing them.Making them legitimate, they don't respond to sales tactics like they do to artsy approaches, not that anyone reading really gives a shit, I've been all abstract lately. That's not a bad thing either, this is not somewhere I have to come to make sense of it all. We all know that the world is a chaotic pile of festering ....... rose peddles. God how I love rose peddles, and poodles. Nothing like a tea cup poodle menstruating on your bed eh . Eh! SO I hear it's cold outside, well I'll be there in a few hours. Haven't been reading my English assignments, and I should because one of them is about ............I'm still delusional, from this sickness, too bad I have to present or I'll fail, the teacher wants me to do the drama departments head-shots, and the media director needs me to shoot the board of regents, they are coming from all over the country. I think I can do it alone now but I'll still have my assistant come down. Just in case I need the creative edge, you know that cuts through the automated system. I know it's hard to understand when your an answering machine, but try to be something .........that isn't like everyone else.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fall into it and you'll be fine! It's the other side of the Sun!

Ever think about those things people hide from you. Even the people that you don't know. Everyone has the things they do in their shadows. There is that two sided thing about being human. Well most people! I try to be transparent, but why? It's better to be .......? Mel Gibson! Drunk and hating on everyone. But he has been around so don't hate on the guy to much. Yeah Booze gives transparency, alcohol really lets the honest to God person shine through. I don't drink. I think I should sometime, when I'm alone. Seems that any writer that was classified as a good writer liked to chill himself at the bottom of glass. I get beat up when I get drunk. No joke almost every time I pull a couple back someone throws me around. Seems I don't fight back to hard. I hate physical violence, and I miss the taxi. I'm so random and hungry. Hence the immense transparency, it's an impulsion. Because my shadow is just my reflection. ANd that's only scary to the people who are invisible.

O.k ok

I am rehabilitated
I adore fat people!

Im in a rehabilitation program!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I have a gift form GOd!

Oh my God I have never been so sick in my life! Sure I've projectile vomited across a room, but the nurse what squeezing in a gallon of charcoal solution. This was different, I've had food poisoning once, diarrhea, vomiting. Thought it might be food poisoning but the boy ate the same batch of tacos as I did he was fine. It hit me around 4am this morning, I was asleep when all of a sudden I was on my knees prying to the porcelain throne, for several hours this continued. I remember thinking that I was still going to go to school, I had another speech that I have been practicing. Guess not, but that wasn't the worst part, the worst part was that I had my four year old with me, and after 6 hr of vomiting I became kinda .....done. I couldn't stand, cold sweats, head ache, and there was not chance I was even able to keep an ounce of water in my gut. Before the man woke up I called his mom, I told her I could handle it, looking back now I realize that I was delusional. Then I called my mom, I was all fucked up, I needed some instruction on how I was going to survive one of the sickest days of my life while taking care of a tiny little dude. Oh did I mention that it was also the first day of winter in this God forsaken city. When he got up I waddled into the kitchen, my head throbbing, at of nowhere I threw up several times into the sink and made the boy toast. He enjoyed his morning meal with juice. I somehow made it to lunch, he sat next to me the whole time watching his movies, we got a new one about aliens. I was so sick and shaking, at lunch I made him tomato soup and I drank some beef broth from a can, it was the only thing I knew I could stomach. The day went on and after watching about a million movies together the man is in bed, and I'm able to look at the screen, sitting outside his bedroom in the hallway making him feel better, because without him I would have died today. But judging by the sounds my innards are making right now there is still a chance of ...................

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

There are things I can't forget about!

Ever hear me criticize fat people. I hate them, they are all fat and stuff!

I can't let go of it!

Monday, November 15, 2010

God help me I'm blind

God help! Help me. Please Jesus help me! I've been blinded! Blinded by ass!!!





I'm afraid I'll never be the same.

Turn your back on that! and look at the big questions!

TOgether we stood in relation
facing each other, revealing our lives, we prayed!
We lost our connections,
our endless lust profound, corrupt and unsound.

Traveling the horizon
the car breaks down, Collapse!
a gasoline leak, a solution absorbed!
a reflection of power... outsourced

The prayer is uncertain,
the truth was aware,
the limits are within reason
but the lust sucks at us in seasons

We can not be in detention
prying and singing out devotion
we can only inherit
the reasoning of our relations!

Fucking a fare!

In your house was I in? I think I know it, I think.
You're not from there though!
You did not know me then, you never saw me there!
I watched the windows flare with light then disappear!

My little car, stops there, it is sincere
a taxi, a tip..my life...your fear.
Between my lips, the skin, cheer!
I see a flower falling still!

I honk my horn!
Why is it the man is in this funny position!
A relationship with myself, sounds slight!
the all-oneness is great, it's my fate, what a fate! My mate!

The house is lovely, light and awful!
I promised my Sunset sweet!
To wish the world to us
to become a world of us!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Treading Water.

I talked to Tony today, it was nice. He was waiting for a flag on Whyte and Gateway. Just sitting there. He's been in the same cab since the attack, he say's the weekends are getting good. Recessions suck, but if the cabbies are starting to break even then maybe things are looking up in the world. That wasn't what we talked about. I talked about myself. I want to ask Tony to let me take his photo. I can see him in it now. He is in the taxi and I am looking in. I told him about the medical and the expense of it, he too did not know about the increase of price. "It's to make money!" He said. It's so fucking true. "Weekends are looking good" he said. I miss the taxi and the knowledge it fed me day in and day out. the stories that could be told with such transparency that everyone could indulge in a witnesses rendition of someone getting his dick sucked in the back seat, or a picture perfect paragraph that defined what it felt like to watch a man drive himself to the hospital with a slashed throat. With the 15 year old assailant still in the back seat. I talked to Tony today and I miss driving the taxi, and I think about keeping my license. Things are no longer able to be as transparent as I want them to be. I can't seem to find myself in the position of a fly on the wall anymore. I miss that, because I would always buzz into the conversation and put in my own two cents. A portrait of Tony would mean a lot to me. It is a goal that I have set for myself, for a long time I've wanted to do it, but whenever the possibility arises I chicken out and talk about myself. FUck, I miss driving the taxi, the open road and the late night. The late late night. Fuck I'm beginning to feel like the 9 to fiver, I'm not though, but I get sleepy late at night, and I like to got to bed early sometimes now........haha yeah right, The weekends are getting good and life is getting better and better, and yeah I'll miss the taxi, but that's a good part of life. I can see him in that picture, I can see right through, and one day I'll give it plain and simply to you!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Cause I have a set of booster cables for a truck!

Taking care of business and working over time. the Fights were a success, the haters were trampled, but yet the fight continues, the dance between my black and white, blue and red, green and ..... i don't know is still vibrant in my eye's. I didn't go to work after the fights. No I was hanging with the official sponsor so I got to be help in high regard at all the after party's. Got to hang with fighters, the dude from North Carolina winked at me during his fight. He was strangling his competition, smashing his head in when he took a moment of of his busy schedule and gave me a little smile and wink. Ahhh those fucking massive bastards. There was this after party in the North side, it called to me. I usually don't go to clubs to party but I've been feeling a little out of place wherever I go so I went to the North side. Fuck what a sketchy place Edmontons north side is. At least they let people do drugs in the bars. Right! Whatever. So, the fighter that smiled at m, he was at the after party looking just as out of place as I was, except neither of us cared. He won, and I shot it. We were both were we wanted to be, no not out of place, but were we wanted to be in life. I know I'm gonna find things uncomfortable but that's ok, I am not one of those others, sure I yurn for that stuff but I'm not one of them. I'm happy bout that. And that is pivotal, that fighter smiled at me while some guy was legally trying to bust his head in. Wow what a night, well it was all worth it, there were lots of distractions from the every day, and i didn't take them, I'm gonna deal with the everyday with the biggest fucking smile you've ever seen, and I won't lower myself to the sheep standard. I'm gonna truck along!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I can't believe there is a wart on my soul!

Bombs away...

SO today is another monster, I am hoping this is going to be the day I have a really good time, I wanna laugh, I wanna play,I wanna work hard. There is many events happening this weekend. I'm officially a photographer for a big sponsorship. If I can get some cool pics of the fight I'll do well. There is also the boys acac national soccer game, then our girls, who won nationals last year. Then there is me going to shoot it all. Weigh ins are today at west ed. I've already shot at west ed. Killer. I have the telephoto, there is also this wide angle in the bag.....ha haha. It'll probably be used for some of the fights, I rented another speedy zoomer too. I'll be fine. But wait you guys this is just the start of the corporate sponsorships, there is going to be more and more, and no this is not to sell my soul, this is to send my Sun to a private school, so I don't feel like a white trash chump. Fuck we all know that I've had enough exposure to good old white trash and I emphasis the words old white trash... There is opportunity out there, and it is hard to find, or you have to undertake hours of painful something to get it. But that's life, I worked hard to get what I have, especially things like the wide lenses and the lap top computers, I want out, I'll do whatever it takes. Except kill anyone's dream, well unless their dreams involve my destruction, then fuck them, I'm on top of it. I'm going to make it.Ok. here we go....

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The days are getting shorter, the nights are growing longer. Sometimes I miss driving the cab, the nights the sunsets and rises. The streets the road the people. I renewed my license a couple of months ago and I was told i needed a medical to have the class4 stamped on my piece of ID. The medical is pretty expensive these days. Funny how 5 years ago when I first got the license my doctor just gave me the medical for free. Not no more, I decided I didn't want it, I don't think I'm going to be a professional driver right now, well till I have officially given up on what really matters to my soul. Speaking of souls, while I was at the ............

Friday, November 5, 2010

You can harvest it! But if you don't .........

So I picked a rotten apple and ate it!
I chose it, it was mine to eat!
I could not see that it was that tree, I could not see
her tree deceived me!
She asked me to taste it, I embarrassed it, I felt it.
I ate it and I fell for it, it's the state of it.
What's in for me, she still stands there picking at his tree.
The apple he has presented is still hanging waiting for me,
forsaken me.
I laid wide eyed the other night, remembering the snake-like awakening
you raised in me. Why wasn't there any forgiveness, because you
ran form yourself, in fear of the creature you honor.
So now you scrape your belly, along the new wall,
rereading media that excepts you in your nasty fall.
You were alone together, you are alone forever.


...........

Wednesday, November 3, 2010